"I thought nothing could be as bad as red hair. It turns out green is ten times worse."
Anne and her friends acting out "The Lady of Shallot." It all goes well until the boat sinks...
In the miniseries Anne is clinging to a bridge piling when she notices Gilbert approaching in a rowboat. She makes the best expressions to indicate her exasperation and annoyance, then tries to compose herself so she can speak to Gilbert as cooly as though they were passing on the street. Sometimes it just isn't possible to "rise to the occasion", Anne!
Gilbert: Anne Shirley, what in the heck are you doing?
Anne accidentally getting Diana drunk. Though the consequences aren't funny, the event itself is. What she thought was raspberry cordial turned out to be currant wine, and Diana drank three tumblerfuls of it. Note that homemade wine back then was much more potent than we would assume today, as they had no way of regulating the alcohol content...
Anne makes a cake for a guest, but accidentally uses muscle linement instead of vanilla extract. Anne had a cold and couldn't smell the difference.
Anne's first attempt at praying. And remember that the book was published in 1908, when this kind of humor about religion was a lot more shocking.
Anne's Backhanded Apology to Mrs. Lynde, making sure to slip in that all the insults she's apologizing for were true, but she still shouldn't have said them.
The fact that Mrs. Lynde doesn't notice this...but Marilla does. She also realizes Anne's enjoying it, and yet figures she can hardly scold her for apologizing "too well".
Anne of Avonlea
Mr. Harrison, Anne's irascible new neighbour, tells her to stop letting her cow get into his garden. Shortly afterwards, Anne sees a cow that looks just like hers in his field, thinks her cow has escaped again, and goes to chase it. By the time she catches the cow, she's so thoroughly out of sorts that she promptly takes the opportunity to sell it to Mr. Shearer on the spot. Only afterward does she discover that her cow is right where it was supposed to be - the cow she sold was actually Mr. Harrison's own cow. Fortunately, Harrison takes this all with reasonably good grace when Anne goes to explain and apologize.
The film version changes this to Mrs. Lynde's cow. The scene in which Anne tries to chase it out of a muddy field is absolutely hilarious, complete with Anne covered top to toe in black mud.
Anne, Marilla and Diana all put a spoonful of sugar in the pot of peas because each was afraid the others would forget about it. They only discover the truth when Anne tastes the peas. The narration goes on to note (paraphrased), "There were no peas at dinner that day."
Anne's comment to Marilla that, "If you went to your own room at midnight, locked the door, pulled down the blind, and sneezed, Mrs. Lynde would ask you the next day how your cold was!"
Young Davy isn't particularly excited about going to the Fluffy Cloud Heaven that is preached at church, being a scamp and full of energy. However, one week after his catechism lesson...
Davy: There'll be plenty of jam in heaven, that's one comfort.
Anne: Perhaps there will...if we want it. But what makes you think so?
Davy: Why, it's in the catechism.
Anne: Oh, no, there is nothing like THAT in the catechism, Davy.
Davy: But I tell you there is. It was in that question Marilla taught me last Sunday. "Why should we love God?" It says, "Because He makes preserves, and redeems us." Preserves is just a holy way of saying jam.
The girls of Patty's Place trying to humanely chloroform a stray cat, by sealing it in a wooden box... which they totally forget to check for knotholes.
"Why in the world don't you come?" demanded Stella, appearing in the doorway. "We've got the grave all ready. What, 'silent still and silent all?' she quoted teasingly.
"'Oh no, the voices of the dead/Sound like the distant torrent's fall,'" promptly counter-quoted Anne, pointing solemnly to the box. (FYI, they're quoting "The Isles of Greece" by Lord Byron)
Davy's letter to Anne. All of it. It's actually possible to pick out someone who's recently read the book by their laughing at the phrase 'Why, Anne? I want to know.'
Anne of Windy Poplars / Willows
The narration removes whole pages of Anne's letters to Gilbert when she starts waxing romantic about their future together.
Anne's love-to-hate relationship with pumpkin preserves. When she's first invited out to dinner by a local family, they serve pumpkin preserves, and Anne, who's never had it before, finds it delicious and raves about it to her hosts. However, as she's invited to dinner by all the prominent local families in turn, every single one of them serves pumpkin preserves, because they've been told that Anne loves it. Anne quickly becomes very, very tired of the dish, but etiquette demands she eat it every time. It gets to the point where she's especially looking forward to dining with one family because she knows they hate pumpkin in all it's forms. When she gets there? They've asked the neighbors to provide some pumpkin preserves, especially for Anne, including a large jar to take home. Later that night, she enlists the housekeeper Rebecca Dew to help her bury the jar in the garden by moonlight. When she details this to Gilbert in a letter, she opens with 'Please, Gilbert, let us never, ever have pumpkin preserves in our House of Dreams!'
Faith goes Norman Douglas', an atheist who hasn't been to church in ten years, house to demand that he join the church so that her father's salary can get paid (they had just lost an important sponser). He turns her away and accuses her of being "put up" to it. Faith leaves the house crying... until she realises that she's very angry. The resulting speech is both a CMOA and a CMOF, and actually convinced Norman to begin sponsoring the church again! (He himself finds it Actually Pretty Funny.
"I have come back to tell you exactly what I think of you," said Faith in clear, ringing tones, "I am not afraid of you. You are a rude, unjust, tyrannical, disagreeable old man. Susan says you are sure to go to hell, and I was sorry for you, but I am not now. Your wife never got a hat for ten years - no wonder she died. I am going to make faces at you whenever I see you after this. Every time I am behind you you will know what is happening. Father has a picture of the devil in a book in his study, and I mean to go home and write your name under it. You are an old vampire and I hope you'll have the Scotch fiddle!"
Anne of Ingleside
Anne returns to Ingleside after a trip and Susan fills her in on the happenings at Ingleside. When Anne asks why the two ceramic dogs that decorate the fireplace (Gog and Magog) are gone, Susan informs her she removed them after Walter told an important guest that their names were "God" and "My God."
Rilla of Ingleside
Miranda and Joe's wedding. Miranda's father, Mr. Pryor AKA Whiskers-On-The-Moon, doesn't want Miranda to marry Joe because Joe's a soldier and Whiskers is a pacifist, so Rilla organises their wedding at Ingleside. The wedding is eventful; during the ceremony Miranda's dog has a fit, and at the reception Joe's mother sits on a pie!
During the preparations for the wedding, Rilla asks Susan to make a wedding cake... before telling her about the wedding.
"A wedding-cake!" Susan stared. Rilla had, without any warning, brought her a war-baby once upon a time. Was she now, with equal suddenness, going to produce a husband?
Whiskers-On-The-Moon gives an anti-war prayer at a prayer meeting organised to pray for the soldiers. Norman Douglas objects: he gets up and shakes Whiskers-On-The-Moon.
"You blatant beast!"shake"You malignant carrion"shake"You pig-headed varmint!"shake"you putrid pup"shake"you pestilential parasite"shake"youHunnish scum"shake"you indecent reptileyouyou" Norman choked for a moment. Everybody believed that the next thing he would say, church or no church, would be something that would have to be spelt with asterisks; but at that moment Norman encountered his wife's eye and he fell back with a thud on Holy Writ. "You whited sepulchre!" he bellowed, with a final shake, and cast Whiskers-on-the-moon from him with a vigour which impelled that unhappy pacifist to the very verge of the choir entrance door.
Gilbert's reaction to this.
"...Norman's performance was utterly improper and scandalous and outrageous; but, by George,"the doctor threw back his head and chuckled, "by George, Anne-girl, it was satisfying."