- Sage faking a chest spasm after seeing the Gundam 0083 opening, due to an overdose of The '80s.
- He then goes on to say that he could either start off the Anime Abandon series by giving his history on the shows he used to watch growing up, or react with utter shock to whatever OVA he's reviewing that week...which he does immediately after looking at the Psychic Wars DVD case."What the hell am I holding?!"
- Sage's confusion at how the old woman is paying for surgery."For some reason, a movie about a doctor slaying big blue demons with a four foot sword doesn't bother me, but an HMO covered surgery? I call bullshit."
- The plot is completely nonsensical due to poor editing, so Sage invents his own.
- Sage talks about how Psychic Wars was simply a product of its time and that otaku should've been grateful for what they could find at the time. Then he discovers that Psychic Wars was released in 2002. Cue a listing of all of the anime licensed in 2002 that Sage thinks are way better than Psychic Wars: Berserk, Excel Saga, FLCL, Metropolis, and... La Blue Girl Returns. (Yes, he thinks a hentai is way better than Psychic Wars).note
- The introduction of Suave, complete with the perverted grin.
- Suave treating Golden Boy as the perfect guide to picking up women, regardless of how silly, insane or self-destructive his actions are.
- Sage's attempt at explaining why dub companies made British voice actors cover up their accents.In case of tea time, break glass.
- Sage becoming increasingly frustrated with the villain's Rasputinian Death.Sage: "And thus Yoshiyuki vanquished the evil woman and saved the—"Ines Clone: "Yo-shi-yu-ki...Stop this...please...you love me..."(Yoshiyuki kills the clone again)Sage: "Okay, she needed a good kicking before she went down, but with that done, the day is finally—"(Yoshiyuki screams in anguish)Sage: "FUCKING HELL!"
- The captain's obsession with coffee.
- "Did she just sigh with her eyes?"
- The awkward laugh scene at the beginning, supplemented by the awkward laugh scene from Final Fantasy X.
- Having the uncle being renamed to Otacon (with Liquid Snake as his voice actor, no less).
- Doing the second half of the review drunk on Scotch.
- "Sometimes, you watch a movie to get emotionally invested, and sometimes you watch a movie to see a snake coming out of a woman's pussy."
- After watching one of the characters drink the blood out of another man's dismembered arm, Sage gets a sudden hankering for Hawaiian Punch.
- Sage comments on the scene where Kagero is reporting to her master, who gives her orders while having obnoxiously loud sex with a random woman."I've never seen someone gives so little a fuck... while giving a fuck! We could all learn something from him."
"Oh, hey mom."
- Immediately followed by an animated sequence with a CEO conducting a business deal while banging his secretary. And then he gets another call on the line...
- Sage essentially declares himself a vampire-hating hipster, because he hated them before it was cool.
"Anything that can get the fans' panties in a wad is A-OK with me!"
- His hatred of vampires is also the reason he sort-of likes Vampire Wars.
- Upon hearing a woman with a "French" accent, Sage ponders how Benzaie would react if he heard it - Smash Cut to Benzaie sitting down in a Shower of Angst.
- Bennett can't stop laughing at the main character's name: Mr. Kuki (pronounced like "cookie"). But then he chooses to call himself by the codename "Bat," thus earning himself the moniker "Cookie Bat" for the rest of the episode.
- Renaming Sleepy as "Brick Shithouse".
- LordKat is asked to demonstrate to Eddie what a Brooklyn accent is supposed to sound like:Sage: "That's now how you do a Brooklyn accent. LordKat, lay down some knowledge on this punk!"LordKat: "Get someone else to do your Brooklyn accent. I got bagels to eat."
- Sage's initial reaction to Sleepy's grenade jockstrap.
- His comments about the police chief's very creepy face. What follows is a disturbing visualization accompanied by creepy music.Sage: Fuck, this guy's face will probably hover over you as you lay in your deathbed, openly mocking you with its mere presence. Potato bugs will probably crawl out of his eyes, he'll start chanting an alien language that sounds like it's been auto-tuned, and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln will pop out of his nose to say some catty, back-handed compliment about your wardrobe. THIS IS WHAT YOU'LL SEE BEFORE YOU DIE PEOPLE!◊
- Sage's shocked reactions to the inexplicable insanity of the characters, including the main character's jock strap made of grenades.
- When Eddie saves his love interest from an exploding car, she immediately starts making out with him. This leads to Gabe (in his first on-screen appearance) and three others holding up score cards reading "SLUT". Gabe's says "WHORE" at first, but he sheepishly turns his around to read "SLUT" after the other judges glare disapprovingly.
- After the show ends on a very depressing note:
Urotsukidoji (Legend of the Overfiend)
- Renaming the characters Pounder McPeen, Suzie Creamcheese and Catface Meowmers.
- Bennett having a discussion with KaiserNeko of Team Four Star (his censor for nudity). Kaiser (in Gratuitous Japanese) admits he shall work hard at censoring For Great Justice, and then he flies off in a rainbow.
- Since Sage is unable to show the more explicit scenes, he has to resort to audio descriptions, including one scene with the girl he dubs Suzie Creamcheese being raped to the sound of a Street Fighter II arcade cabinet.
- His description of another scene later in the movie:Sage: "...of course, [the main character] isn't really dead. He transforms into the Overfiend and fucks a read-headed nurse and ejaculates purple goo so hard it causes her chest to burst open. (Beat) Nah, I'm just kidding...the nurse was actually blonde." ("Blondes in Peril" counter from the Mad Bull 34 review reappears)
- His description of another scene later in the movie:
- Just as the villains are revealed to be the Americans, Bennett shouts out "The Jews!", who were the villains in the original Japanese version. After explaining it, for the rest of the review, he keeps mumbling the word whenever describing the plot, which eventually gets really ridiculous.
- Another funny bit is his mockery of the main "heroine", who he calls Bitch Tits: "Dammit!! I wanted to be the one who murders them... arrest them!"
- "...I'm not all that bothered by all the mispronunciations (of characters' names), but I know that there's at least one weeaboo out there that's having the mother of all tantrums right now...and it warms the cockles of my heart."
- After Shiranosuke defeats a gang of bandits, one of Princess Mayu's kidnappers issues an ultimatum:Messenger: The message said the princess will be returned in exchange for The Ginrayu Sword. One man is to take this sword to them tomorrow night. If the man is not met, the princess will be raped and then killed. And her body left for dogs to pick over.Sage: Then they'll kill the dogs, prepare them in the soup, and trick her parents into eating said soup. Then they'll summon the damned spirit of their daughter to tell them that they have, essentially, eaten her. [Beat] I think they mean business.
- The fact that this anime got Bennett to Rage Quit after it does the cliche Bennett said wouldn't happen (Shiranosuke must die because the princess fell for him).
Love Hina Christmas Special
- Sage balks at the use of an Inception reference, worrying that it will date the review.
- The commentaries for Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned and Diatron-5 are pure gold, done as a double act so that Spoony and Linkara can provide their thoughts on the crossover they weren't in. The crowner is the mental image of Edward Cullen in a Dracula cape.Sage: Hi, Bennett the Sage here with my two very, very close friends, Lewis Lovhaug, Linkara...Sage: *sigh* And I'm also here with the one, the only, the Spoony One, Noah Antwiler. How you doin' , Spoony?Sage: *sigh* Goddammit.
- Dracula's first victim is noticed by a hobo who reminds Sage of Inspector Gadget."Don't worry, Chief...I'm always *hic* on duty."
- Halfway through, Linkara threatens to stop doing the review until Sage fulfills his promise to allow Phelous to make a cameo. Sage eventually agrees, but with a catch:Sage: Hey, Phelous!Phelous: Yeah?Sage: You smell like a baby's coffin, you dickless fuck!Sage: He's weird.Linkara: I like him.
- The opening, where Spoony is running away from Sage and tries to call for help:Spoony: Hello, 911? There's a maniac outside my room! He's trying to make me watch a shitty Korean knockoff anime! (pause) Stop laughing!
- Most of the descriptions about the weird sound effects and dub lines are on-the-nose, especially this line:Sage: "...why does the... "king" sound like a drunk Mexican laborer going through puberty?"
- Spoony's reaction when he finds out the intro to Diatron-5 was used as the basis for the intro to Space Thunder Kids.
- When Sage and Spoony see the Professor riding around in his ridiculous-looking personal transport, Dr. Insano sticks up for him, and then brags to them about how his jet-powered Segway gets him all the ladies.
- "When the robot does battle with the robot in the robot..."
- Dr. Bear(rrrrrrr)'s ID badge.
- Bennett explaining the breakneck-paced finale of Kite in under a minute, complete with three drawn-out deep breaths and the William Tell Overture playing in the background.
- Also, censoring the more risque scenes with KaiserNeko's face.
- Sage making a joke about a certain San Francisco Giants pitcher during the scene where the Peach Twisters' ace pitcher is beaten to death by Momoi, then getting annoyed when he gets no laughs out of it.Momoi: (while beating the Twisters' pitcher to death) CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED $5 MILLION OF MY HARD EARNED MONEY ON A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU!Sage: Tack on another $119 million and change the guy's name to Barry Zito and you'll have every Giants fans' dream come true. (beat) My baseball humor is WASTED ON YOU PEOPLE!
- A pointless cameo by a character from Kite is shortly thereafter followed by a pointless cameo from LittleKuriboh (of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series fame).
- Sage has to talk himself out of getting a boner at the most inappropriate of times, such as when the main character is almost killed by a spider-woman's Murderous Thighs and Vagina Dentata, and later by the wrinkly Dirty Old Man getting a soap bath from a prostitute.
- Sage is surprised (and disgusted) that the main character is so perverted that he'd hump a hole through a Colonel Sanders statue.
- Junk Boy sounds more like an anime right up Suave's alley...until Sage remembers that he beat the crap out of Suave and left him for dead in the bathtub. At the end of the review, he gets out of the tub to exact his revenge on Sage.
- This exchange, after Sage's review devolved into a Clip Show because this anime Broke the Rating Scale:Rob Walker: You can't just show clips! What did we hire you for anyway?Sage: Sex appeal?
- And after Sage shows Rob the insanity going on the screen, Rob joins in to watch with his own bucket of popcorn.
- Sage's Marlon Brando impression, as a dig at one of the voice actors in the first English dub.
- Also his reaction to a particularly nonsensical line:
- Despite all the things that had to be cut and changed, one important element of the original story still comes shining through; the mind fuckery. "That shit be pristine."
- He takes the revelation that pretty much everyone is a horndog pretty well. That is to say he wonders "WHAT. THE. FUCK?"
- When Yohko's mother asks about her sex life, Bennett tries and fails to not show the clip from The Room.
- Sage is willing to accept that Yohko's family is loaded enough to buy her a number of game consoles despite neither her mother or her grandmother holding a job, but refuses to accept that she would ever own a Turbo Duo.
- *BANG!* "I'll be fucked sideways before I make a Doctor Who reference."
- His reaction to Tokima acting like a competent villain is..... surprised joy. It doesn't last though.
- His entire Valley Girl spiel until he slaps himself out of it.
- Speaking of Valley Girls, when he realized Yohko had the mannerisms of one, cue the montage of scenes from the anime with Frank Zappa in the background.
- Sage realizes the parallels between Vampire Hunter D and Castlevania, and sets a fight scene to the appropriate music.
- The title character has a face on his hand, which is never explained by the movie:
- The appearance of the demon Mephisto prompts a cry of "BETRAYAL!" from Linkara, leading to this exchange:Linkara: You know what they say about comic book geeks and letting things go...Sage: They don't?Linkara: WE DON'T!Linkara: Well, I can see that. I mean, the man can only write so many classics before he taps out.Sage: Did I say Alan Moore? I meant Neil Gaiman.Linkara: What? Where is that slime-ball? I'm gonna rip him to shreds...(*unintelligible grumbling*)
- "Boy, I always told you I exploded right in front of you while I was naked, but you never listen to me, do ya? Where'd I go wrong with you, Bubala?"
- His reaction to the "sword hidden in woman" metaphors. Specifically his horror. Cue screaming Sage.
- Mocking the ending with fart noises and, earlier, lamenting that he already used his Tenchi joke in the Demon City Shinjuku review.
- His spoof commercial ad for Sizzler.
- "Oh-man, he, Shatnered-that-line, bad!"
- "Duh, wait a minute, I though I was trying to save her from you!"
- The montage of Masami Obari artwork near the beginning.Subtle...Nuanced...Sophisticated...Refined...Tig ol' bitties...
- Sage keeps trying to stay hetero after seeing one of the villains' extremely camp appearance. After trying to get away from doing it, he begins making catty comments about the female minion's outfit and freaks out before going to commercial.Hauer: Fight fair and square. Don't kick them when they're down. Heh, that's your way, isn't it? Well, I'm different. I use any means possible.Sage: (In the campiest voice ever) Mmm, yes. Rabbit punching, horse-collar suplexes, reach-arounds. Anything.Sage: Would you get a load of this guy? Fucking John Waters would tell this guy to turn down the camp. I haven't seen a more effeminate bad guy since Kuja. Painted nails, lipstick, feather headdress, exposed midriff. (Suddenly starts coughing, and reveals that he's coughed up blood on a tissue.)
- That last one is made even more funnier when you realizes the blood was purple and sparkly.
- The Stinger, showing a "failed" take with the campy voice and acting gone a little too far. In his own words:"Went to Nigel Thornberry there for a moment."
- Sage noticing how Billy Kane's accent has gone from British to Australian. Sage then breaks into what can be called Gratuitous Australian.
- He points out that no one would even hear about this game because of how expensive the system, the Neo Geo, was.Sage: What's that? You never heard of Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer, the video game? Well, maybe that's because it only came out here in the U.S. on the Neo Geo system. And if you knew anybody who was rich enough to afford one of those, they were probably too busy burning $20 bills in front of the homeless to be bothered to play it.
- His description of the anime itself is fantastic:
- He also reads a class attendance mocking the ridiculous names of the characters.
- Don't forget The Stinger where he reads off a familiar name while still doing the mock roll call.
- He describes Ozaki/Ohga, the Big Bad, as Sephiroth with the voice of one of the Mooninites.
- Upon seeing Karin Son's ridiculous combat outfit, he decides to stop calling her "Miss Sunshine" and changes her nickname to "Taint Misbehavin'".
- In the opening bit of Part II, Bennett reads a comment he found on IMDB saying how underrated this and Fatal Fury were and should be watched by first-timers of Anime and not something like AKIRA, all while talking in a complete douchey hipster voice.
- "Goddamnit, do we need a leash for your tits? The way they've been bouncing around, it looks like you're trying to smuggle squirrels."
- His commentary on the blatant fanservice in Obari's works.Sage: Obari, if you just wanted to make a hentai, make a hentai!(cut to boxart of Angel Blade Punish)Sage: ...Oh... you did.
- His rebuttal to one of the characters saying that all females who are beautiful should be dumb consists of two words: "Danica McKellar", which results in Bennett saying what he'd love to do to her and his offer to her, in case she just happens to be watching the video.
- Sage gives Shaia (the blue-haired woman from earlier in the movie) the nickname "Panty Hamster" after witnessing a scene where after attempting to break down a door, she falls flat on her behind with her legs spread and her crotch in full view of the audience.
- "And if I were any closer to the microphone, I'd be deep-throating it..."
- Sage believes that Sho Aikawa (one of the writers) had a "raging hate-boner for humanity" that bled through a lot of his earlier works, and he thanks the anonymous soul who gave him the blowjob that calmed him down, causing his later material to become more optimistic. The video then cuts to a "phantom beej memorial" in honor of whoever did.
- Sage wonders whether or not the dead person with a shotgun was a hobo.
- In the third part of the video, Sage begins to catch on that Genocyber had become overly serious as it went on to prevent him from giving the characters his usual silly nicknames, so he makes up even more embarrassing ones for any new characters he sees, including an absurdly Overly Long Name for the two main characters.
- Said name happens to be Mr. and Mrs. Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingel-dangel-dongel-dungel-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumbelmeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbeleisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürburger-bratwurstl-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopf of Ulm. He immediately adds that the show does not deserve that Monty Python reference.
- Sage points out that the scene of a character mourning the death of another is ruined by the fact that the one who's mourning is doing so...on the toilet. He then proceeds to play the scene while adding pooping sound effects to it.
Rumy: Well, there was this thing, and it felt like it was trying to tempt me.Rabby: Me, too!Patty: The same with me.Rumy: Hmm. Even though it looked different, it felt good just to be near it.Rabby: Yeah, I know. But it made me feel something so sad in my heart.Patty: And scared and happy at the same time.Suave (over speaker): It's called a penis, ladies. And it's the key to fill that void you've been having all these years.Sage: Thank you for that, Suave. You can go now...
- In another scene, some of the cast have a weird dream where naked glowing men try to tempt them. Upon waking up, they all discuss it in a very pleasurable tone, leading to this scene:
- Sage making a phone call to Doug Walker to vent over Doug not having considered the OVA to be far worse than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog and the way it ends after Sage insults Doug:Sage (flatly): Doug... suck my dick. Suck my dick until your jaw loses feeling. Suck my dick until everything you taste from now on tastes like sweaty man-meat. (voice rises with growing anger) Suck my dick like it's your first night in Hollywood. Suck my dick like you were trying to win a prize on a Japanese game show! Suck my dick like my cum cured baldness! Suck my dick until you are less man (now screaming angrily) and more cock-warmer!!!Sage: (Screams into the air) AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
- Not being a Sonic fan himself, Sage consults one to get their opinion on it. He gets in touch with Marc the Engineer, who claims that the OVA "never happened", even going so far as to acknowledge the existence of other lesser Sonic products over it (Sonic Underground, Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), Sonic Heroes, Shadow the Hedgehog, etc.).
- While reviewing the OVA, Sage tries getting himself plastered as he drinks while enduring the pain of seeing the OVA. To his dismay, he drinks through his entire load of bourbon, fails to get hammered and finds that he has wet himself unknowingly while raging over what he has to watch.
- The completely blank look on Sage's face when he hears Sonic and Tails talk for the first time. It's as if there's a giant WHAT marquee floating above his head.
- When showing the infamous ending of the TV series, he puts in another infamous "Congratulations" ending.
- At the beginning of his review he is already at a loss for words, only saying "Evangelion". Cue a quick montage of batshit insane scenes from the show and movie while "Ode to Joy" is playing.Sage: Fuuuuucckkkk....
- He sums up Touji's long list of bitching about Asuka."So basically, a cunt."
- "Ladies and gentlemen...meet the final boss of anime."
- "This is The End of Evangelion." (a collector's edition of Evangelion 2.22 is shown) "And oh, how I wish that title was literal."
- Sage making fun of Hyuga and Maya's panicked Techno Babble when the NERV security system gets hacked:Sage: "Oh no! They got everything! Our subnet mask...our MAC address...the bastards even got our token ring... Why didn't we reinforce our data packets?!"
- To prove that classical music makes anything more sophisticated, Sage plays Bach's "Air on the G-string" (the song used during Asuka's final battle against the mass-produced EVA units) to the "dildo bazooka" scene from Jackass 3D.
- Sage and Oancitizen argue over the film's use of Faux Symbolism, only for the two of them to agree with each other, followed by about a minute of awkward silence before Sage plays Oancitizen off with a hastily thrown-together techno music clip (with Kyle's head overlaid on Ronald McDonald's body).Oancitizen: Is this 2005, Sage?Sage: I was desperate!
- When Fuyutsuki says the fate of the world is in the hands of Shinji, Sage starts singing "We're fucked" to the tune of Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik".
- His list of over 2000 unanswered questions from the movie... and he adds another one towards the end.*
- The No Shit! counter. And how Bennett goes into Sarcasm Failure when Doctor Kasuminome says "Baoh has a laser cannon!"
- It descends so much into Captain Obvious territory, Bennett describes it as "the first anime made for the blind."
- Sophine and Kasuminome decide to break Sumire with "cacophonic torture", and starts blasting Jason Derulo's "Fight For You":Sage: Gandhi, you diabolical fiend! Have you no mercy?!"
- In the scene where Doctor Kasuminome shows the shareholders a presentation with a dog that also possesses a Baoh parasite:Shareholder: Is that dog also Baoh?
- Sage wastes no time in playing a Christopher Walken voice clip (specifically, one from True Romance) when a character named Walken arrives to attack Baoh.
- Later, following the scene where Baoh attacks Dordo with needles from his hair (dubbed the "Baoh Shooting Bees Stinger Phenomenon"):Sage: (deadpan) Well, that was sure lame...[Caption: Sage's Super Secret Awesome Internet Reviewer Snide Remarking Special Wave]
- Bennett making fun of the drunk pilot for sounding like Eeyore:Sage: Oh no...I just made myself saaaaaadddd...
- MarzGurl's Cameo:Sage: Does anybody remember the blue-haired MarzGurl? She was nice. Certainly less anger-rapey.
- Bennett decides to change his cutoff date from 2002 to 2003 due to a year going by. So what is the first anime from 2003 he'll have to review for the next episode? Love Hina Again, making him foam at the mouth and skitz out in horror.
- Apparently, Sage can sense incest... which is why he stays out of Alabama.
- Also, what he would do with a galaxy-destroying cannon.Sage: Count your lucky stars that I don't have a galaxy-destroying cannon, (cut to a recording studio) because if I did, you wouldn't be watching me on the internet. You would be watching me on the jumbo-tron (cut to a sports stadium) of the Super Dome proclaiming me King Shit of Dick Mountain. Why would you fuck with someone that could destroy the galaxy!?
Love Hina Again
- "Gone Feral! BBS"
- What sells this is that all you see in the intro before the intro is Sage's empty chair with a sign which says the above for a while before Suave's smug smiling face pops up in frame.
- When Suave reveals he'll be covering for Sage for the review, he reveals that Sage had chucked the DVD out his car window at him in a rage saying, "Review this pile of shit, you pile of shit".
- When he first sees Keitaro, he tries to convince himself that there is obviously some sort of reverse-psychology at work, or perhaps he's the kind of guy who gets off on getting beaten by women. Cue Keitaro doing something stupid again.
- "It takes a lot for me to consider a woman unfuckable. But Naru Narusegawa, you have made the list".
- Before the commercials break, when Suave is completely done with the anime, he decides to leave. However, once back from the commercials, he straightly tells the viewer that the door is locked.
- Realizing how bad the anime is, Suave whips out a giant remote control to fast forward through Love Hina Again. However, the fast forwarding stops and the remote dies on Suave. He chucks it out a window and knocks out Gabe, who was ordered by Sage via cell phone to keep Suave locked in the house to see the anime.
- At the same time this is going on, Sage is trying to call out for the knocked out Gabe before being attacked by an elk he thought he killed off while acting feral.
- Suave outright calling Naru a cunt.
- Pretty much every time Suave calls Naru "The Intolerable Bitch." It's like a drinking game.
- The mocking of the Department of Redundancy Department and Viewers Are Morons throughout the special.Suave: *banging on the floor* You hear me, Hitchcock, you hack? Maybe if you treated your audience like idiots, maybe you would have won an Oscar. Instead of where you are now: Dead.
- Describing the scene where Naru has to climb the Abandoned Annex whilst being attacked by the other girls in order to accept Keitaro's impending proposal:
- And after she realizes she needs to stop running away, Suave tries using Reverse Psychology on her:Suave: "No...run away. Don't get hit by a missile blast... (leans into TV, speaking more slowly) Please...don't get hit by a missile blast..."
- And after she realizes she needs to stop running away, Suave tries using Reverse Psychology on her:
- After failing to get Bryan Cranston as a guest for the episode due to him doing a voice for the anime, Sage looks over a list of other voice actors, he then sees that Rob Paulsen on the list, giving it some thought. Cut to Rob Paulsen himself choking out Bennett, screaming that he enjoyed Evangelion and wants Bennett to say it while choking him.Sage: Ehh... Probably not.
- Having exhausted all of his options, Sage finally contacts Bill Rogers, who spends the next few minutes Brooklyn Raging at him and explaining why he thinks Macross Plus is the greatest OVA ever made. At one point, Rogers walks over to his sound engineer and kicks him out so that he can take over.Sound Engineer: Who are you? What the hell are you doing in my studio?Bill: Ask your wife.
- Sage having an orgasm anytime he tries to invoke the name of Shinichiro Watanabe (who directed this OVA).
- Despite Yoko Kanno's usual stellar sound work, some cheesy '80s-style pop music made it onto the soundtrack, with one song sounding suspiciously like Roxette's "She's Got the Look":
- Bill Rogers comes back and brings Shinichiro Watanabe with him to do a Jay and Silent Bob routine. Then Lisa Ortiz shows up and chases them both out of the park.
- Sage reading magazines throughout the review to relieve his boredom of seeing the film.
- Sage using a meter to keep track of the number of times the movie rips off Star Trek.
- To show how horrible the abrupt hair metal music used in Odin is with the movie's mood, Sage plays a metal music song to accompany a scene from Star Trek (2009).
- Sage thinking one of the characters has a psychic grandma in response to a sloppy narrative moment where the mentioned character in the spaceship acknowledges an old lady wishing him luck internally, while she is outside the spaceship as it is about to depart.
- Made funnier when Sage parodies the moment by having the old lady hassle the crew member telepathically."Grandma": And you should be sure to lock the door if you decide to spank it to that filthy Venusian porn.
"Crewman: How did you know?!
- Made funnier when Sage parodies the moment by having the old lady hassle the crew member telepathically.
- Renaming the humans' ship the S.S. Fuck You, Science.
- Riffing on a rare moment when Odin actually gets exciting:Sage: Odin, if you were more this instead of 'bore-me-to-sleep trudge', then I wouldn't have to have this National Geographic here, getting...oddly turned on by native tits. <beat> Probably should've kept that to myself.
- Made even better by his eyes poking out over the top◊.
- Sage's reaction to the theme song, which is awesome yet cheesy.Sage: It sounds like a dance-club remix of Crossfire - only better! With only two lines of lyrics to work with, we know what the show is about, what the tone of the show is, and what we're gonna hear inside our heads until our last bitter day on Earth. What Ducktales is to the Disney kids, Tank Police is to 30-something Otakus.
- Sage states that he doesn't find cat girls sexy because every time he sees one, he just imagines a regular cat coughing up a hairball. That is, until he sees Anna and Uni doing a sexy strip tease, only to have it ruined by said hairball imagination.Sage: Oh god dammit, brain! What are you trying to do, give my dick whiplash?Commercial announcer: This moment brought to you by Brain Bleach! A brain scrub a day keeps the boner-killing thoughts at bay. Like the time you accidentally saw your grandmother climb into the bathr-*starts hacking and coughing* Byyyy Bennett!
- GIANT INFLATABLE DONGS!!!
- The montage of tanks causing destruction to the tune of Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture".
- This is an anime Sage has come to absolutely loathe just as much (if not even more than) Love Hina, and starts off with him losing his mind right out of the starting gate. About halfway through, Sage is consumed by absolute joy that one of the main characters horribly burns to death in a plane crash. He does NOT take it well when he discovers she survives.
- Hell, halfway through the review before the commercial break, after seeing the female lead break up with the male lead to keep her "Virgin powers", he outright screams in anger one word in a style that'd make Kirk proud. That word?: "CUNT!"
- The DVD packaging assures Sage that Virgin Fleet is PlayStation 2 compatible, so he tosses his PlayStation 3 through his window, and it hits Gabe square on the noggin as he's resting on a park bench.
- He's understandably frustrated by the "Virgin Energy" plot-point, but he's left dumbfounded when the main character says "No one believes in Virgin Energy anymore, it's just an old myth!"Sage: So, despite the fact that there is video documented evidence of Virgin Energy being used to thwart the Russian advance, the fact that there is an entire school dedicated to teaching young girls how to use Virgin Energy, and the fact that you yourself can USE Virgin Energy... it's just an old wives' tale!
- This is so bad that he (almost) apologizes to Neon Genesis Evangelion because of it.
- He criticizes the show for its unflattering portrayal of both genders as power-hungry and self-centered idiots, using the word "marianismo"def. in reference to the females other than the protagonist Shiokaze. It wasn't one of his obscure "words-of the day" that day, either: "pusillanimous" was.def. Which he proceeds to use incorrectly in a sentence after the very next scene:Sage: (confused) Oh, yeah...that asshole is definitely full of...pusillanimity...
- The incredibly forced happy ending so enrages Bennett that he duct-tapes the Virgin Fleet DVD to a brick and throws it into the ocean. The Stinger reveals that someone else has retrieved it, however...
- Sage constantly pokes fun at the two main characters being voiced by Kiefer Sutherland and Elizabeth Berkley, particularly the latter for her flat, almost monotone delivery.
- His incredulity about the weirdly anti-feminist message of Armitage III, which seems to imply that World War III happens because of feminism.
- Sage's box of unused Kiefer Sutherland jokes, making him wish he had a box of jokes for Donald Sutherland.
- Sage notices an incredibly confusing scene has somehow failed to actually confuse him. He briefly wonders if the exposure to anime insanity has left him jaded. Then he flashes to the scene of Shithouse pulling down his pants to show the grenades tied to his pubic hair. When the video cuts back to Sage he's.... dressed in a way that has to be seen to believed.
- "Bring on the titties!"
- Heck, the title card it self is hilarious. The logo itself got a nosebleed from just looking at Cutey Honey!
- Sage is able to identify all of the actors in the OVA who had also appeared in Excel Saga. His reward: the "ADV Fanboy Award", which comes with "a lifetime of self-doubt and bad decisions."
- When talking about the Lord of Darkness' lead henchwoman...Sage: "Starry-nippled lackey." Huh. File that under words I never thought I'd say.
- On Cutey Honey's Transformation Sequence:
- When pointing out that the series was cut short, he mentions that one of his two favorite episodes involves...
- On the Big Bad: "When a guy looks like Grand Moff Tarkin and he has a working scale model of his city right in front of him so that he can leer over it, I think it's safe to assume he's evil."
- "Yes...a utopian society that I will rule with an iron fist...I mean, an open hand...filled with sugar cookies..."
- "So, apparently Tarkin bought himself a football team. Whether or not that came with a new car and caviar, I don't know."
- The '90s Kid cameo. "What does 'sar-casm' mean"?
- On a crab monster eating a fairy head first: "Goddammit, Giant Enemy Crab! Can't we have nice things?"
- Upon Ryo's introduction:Akira: Oh, of course! It's my old friend Ryo!(Bennett cracks up from this exchange, his laughter obscuring the rest of the dialogue in the scene)Bennett: Whhhaattt?! Wait! This isn't a creepy stalker, it's just my old friend, Ryo! Who is... creepily stalking me! And then tells me I have to follow him to his car, and when my kinda-sorta girlfriend tries to keep me from doing this, my creepy friend threatens her with a knife! Ha ha! Classic Ryo!
- Bennett notes that Akira essentially gets his powers from a sweet rave party.
- The reaction to finding out that the demons are attacking because of global warming.Bennett: Why didn't Al Gore warn us about this?!(cut to a scene from An Inconvenient Truth)
- After the movie takes a twenty-minute long diversion from the plot to explain the main character's nonsensical backstory, Sage decides it would also be appropriate for him to go an a twenty-minute long rant about the logical inconsistencies of Iron Man 3.
- The main character regains his humanity thanks to the efforts of a wheelchair-bound boy with a computer in his brain. Said boy makes a seemingly unimportant remark about how the wind is almost like something sent by higher beings that watched over humanity. Unfortunately, this winds up being some heavy-handed Foreshadowing.Sage: "You don't know how right you are...and how angry that makes me."
- The blatant stupidity of Albee, when she tries to argue that the main protagonist ought to respect the practices and beliefs of the people of San Francisco. Under normal circumstances, this might be fine. However, all of the people in San Francisco have been reduced to a nearly feral state and are trying to capture a woman for human sacrifice to a giant hi-tech backhoe.
- When they get to the shoehorned love scene at the end, Bennett asks how the main character knows about sex. Cut to an earlier scene where the main character says the wheelchair-bound boy "taught [him] how to have fun." Cue Suave's music.
- When Albee explains that her race caused the amnesia because they thought it would do humans good, Sage shows all the chaos that resulted and adds the caption "Remember: For your own good."
- "We start off on a beautiful day in scenic Not-New York, with our hero Not-Ryu chasing after Not-Lloyd when he's interrupted by Non-Ken Masters...and here I am Not-Giving-A-Shit."
- Sage breaking down the physics-defying scene where Ryo falls from the side of a building, and Robert jump-kicks out of his car to save him:Sage: "And that's why this scene makes no sense...along with everything else!"
- The return of the "Spot the Engrish" gag from the Fatal Fury review, wherein Sage learns that Ryo is a master of "carate".
- After the commercial break, we see Bennett trying to get out of his room, but the door is locked.
- When Sage learns that Ryo and Robert are being pursued by a man named Mr. Big, a clip from the series finale of Sex and the City starts to play, but Sage notices and quickly stops it, while warning the audience that he would have used clips from Rocky and Bullwinkle if he had them.note
- Sage inserting music from the mall chase scene in The Blues Brothers in this movie's scene where the police cars crash while trying to avoid an avalanche.
- Sage wonders why anyone would choose to make an anime about SiN instead of Half-Life, even though one of the few things SiN had going for it by comparison was a Non-Nude Bathing scene.Sage: (watching a woman wash herself down in a hot tub) "Oh yeah, girl...you rub those blocky pixels that roughly approximate boobs. You rub them good... You look like a model from the original Sims if I peed on it."
- He is also not pleased about the movie invoking Rule 63 and killing off a necessary character. When he comes across some obligatory fan service featuring said character, he says "Raise your hand if you were not surprised."
- Saying that [adult swim] made him what he is today, followed by clips of previous episodes of Anime Abandon with varying amounts of Sanity Slippage.
- His warning at the start:Internet Strongly Cautioned—the following review is intended for mature audiences that can take a joke. This review may contain some material that is not suitable for children, bronies, or Tumblr users and may contain intense violence, sexual situations, coarse language and Nazi jokes.
- Sage admits that he once tried to convince himself that Pilot Candidate had to be good because it was on late at night, and then spends the next minute hurling a volley of insults at it, ending by saying that being shot in the head by Adolf Hitler would be preferable to watching another minute of Pilot Candidate again.
- Sage telling Tumblr users that it's okay to "blame the Victim", since they're the main villains of the show.
- Reciting all of Pilot Candidate's plot holes in one breath to the tune of Motörhead's "Ace of Spades".
- Demonstrating how simple it would be to fill in the Plot Hole about Kizna being the only Cat Girl on the protagonists' team. His objection isn't that she has cat ears or that it never gets explained, but that no one whatsoever reacts to them.Sage!Zero: "What's up with your cat ears?"Sage!Kizna: "I don't want to talk about it."Sage!Zero: "Okay."
- Saying the insects in Blue Gender are called Blue "because fuck you."
- Wondering how anyone can get anything done while having so much sex.
- The bit where he mentions the Vagina Dentata mouths on the Blue, but then says that he may be seeing something that's not there, since to him everything looks like a vagina, including rolls, a sliced-open melon, and a cuttlefish.
- Yet another silly content warning at the start:"Parents strongly cautioned: the following contains scenes of Bennett thrusting in a suggestive manner. Wait...that was the last episode, wasn't it? Shit."
- Mentioning that since Toonami and [adult swim] had shows switch places, that means there will be a Toonami month: "Now that you've stopped squeeing, can we move on?"
- Saying "I need a moment" and feigning a headache when he sees where all the money that would've gone into a third season of Big O went to: Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!.
- Cain the Longshot unveils his one hundred and fifty meter long sniper rifle. The Sage says it all.
- Imitating the point-blank range shooting distance that Knives and Vash had in their final fight. "(panting) Would you just shoot me already?"
- The video starts with a disclaimer that there is no footage of Outlaw Star in the review and that you should get mental help if you see any... followed immediately by a split-second clip from the series to fuck with your head.
E.Y.E.S of Mars
- At the beginning of the review, Bennett keeps saying that he feels like he's seen this anime somewhere before, in spite of it being so forgetful. Come after the review's over, it hits him. Hard.
- The jokes at the expense of the main character's name, Dew/Du.
- When The Nostalgia Critic references screamer videos, it's pretty obvious what's going to happen, but what makes it hilarious is that the screamer is supplied by Film Brain jumping up from under the camera.
- When Sage compliments the Critic about being faster on the uptake than usual, the Critic genuinely thanks him for it. A full twenty seconds of silent smiling go by before he realizes he'd been insulted.
- In the beginning, when the Critic is running, he comes across Brentalfloss, and he asks him, "Aren't you dead?" To which Brentalfloss simply shakes his head.
- The Critic and Bennett's reactions to Evil John Kerry and his scenery-chewing performance.Critic: (Wistfully) He's like a perfect blend between Christopher Walken and Rod Steiger.
- The look on The Critic's face when he sees Jimmie Walker's character morph into something that would put Jar Jar Binks to shame.
- After being shooed, Kyle Hebert comes back at the end to do his "Next time on Dragonball Z" schtick. Bennett yells at him.
- Whenever Critic gets stunned silent by something in the movie, the only way Sage gets him back up is to do the Red Robin jingle.
- Critic's face when he sees the infamous "M.C. Striker Raps at Guyver" scene. Sage very wisely prepped a camera to get a picture of it.
- Mark the Engineer forcing Sage to review Twilight of the Cockroaches or review Violence Jack. Then comes a shot of MarzGurl mentally broken from having seen Violence Jack.
- Sage parodying The Critic in review format throughout his entire review of the movie, while putting up with Mark the Engineer's efforts to force Sage into applying dumbed-down humor into his review.Critic!Sage: Didn't you go to college, The Duke?Duke!Mark: I have people to do that for me.
- Alucard's cameo via Bennett's re-enactment of the phone gag.
- Sage lampshading the slow pace of the film:
- "It is indeed a most stirring scene. And certainly one that deserves more respect than having SOMEONE eat a stromboli through it!"[Cut to The Duke with his mouth full] [beat] "What?"
- When Critic!Sage makes a joke about Rush Limbaugh, The Duke complains that now he has to listen to "Uncle Rushie" bitch him out at their next meeting at a cat convention, of all places.
- Bennett's hammy performance of King Lear.
- Followed by Oancitizen giving his criticism of Bennett's performance.
- "I'm crushing your head!"
- Spoony's Dungeoneering For Assholes. Advertised by the great ham that is AntFish.Bennett: Why does my show go where I can't follow?
- Also Freeze-Frame Bonus when trying to read the chapters, including the last one being titled "Why do you pause this?".
- Sage has some utter glee at watching Kenshiro and Rei do what they do best: making bad guys turn to chunky salsa.Sage: "It's like Robert Rodriguez directed an '80s anime."
- What's his reasoning for why Raoh is the biggest badass in the movie? He's on a horse.
- His reaction to one character's face getting ripped off by a kiss from a large BDSM woman in clown makeup.Bennett: *Look of horror on his face* John Woo's rough draft of Face/Off was really weird.
- Censor Kaiser exploding as a result of an accidental Logic Bomb, only to be reborn as a much higher quality version of himself, having essentially attained enlightenment.Bennett: So does that mean I can show the nipple pastie?Censor Kaiser: No.
- Bennett's confusion when the hero of the show—an ultra-violent post-apocalyptic anime—attempts to deal with a villain through non-violent methods. Subverted a moment later when it doesn't work, and he has to murder the villain anyway.
- "Watching (Apocalypse Zero) basically boils down to this: boring... boring... don't care...don't care—oh my GOD I LIVE IN MY OWN EYES!" And then his eyes turn into mouths that recite the chant to summon Cthulhu.
- One monster Bennett describes as "a BDSM hipster smurf." Comes, of course, with a "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer.
- With an extendable microphone penis, no less!
- Another monster uses an attack she lovingly calls the "Double Big-Tit Bomb", causing Bennett to think back to other ridiculous-sounding special attack names from Baoh and Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer.
Top 20 Greatest Giant Robots
- Sage says he didn't place the Gurren Lagann higher than #14 on his list because of his ongoing on-camera feud with Kyle Hebert (who voiced Kamina). Cut to a YouTube video of Kyle crying in response.
- The appearance of the Zaku II at #12 makes Sage shit a literal brick.
- Sage tries to stop himself from using the "Nookie" Counting Gag, pushing it offscreen when it starts to appear. He fails, and it forces itself onscreen to the 1812 Overture."Never... repress... the counting gag."
- Followed by a long list of increasingly ridiculous euphemisms for having sex.
- All of the bad German accent impressions make Sage glad that Japanese dubs don't even bother with them, adding, "It's like hearing dueling Schwarzenegger impressions." It then leads him to wonder what a German accent would sound like in Japanese, but all he gets is a thought bubble of KaiserNekonote flatly telling him "NO!"
- Bennett is about to call Ryo the worst pervert he'd ever seen in an anime... right up until he remembered the existence of Junk Boy.Sage: (through gritted teeth) "Count yourself lucky, Ryo."
- Sage's Iria "promo for idiots"."What does 'mediocre' mean? FUCKING AWESOME!"
- "'Zeiram's Magical Asshole'...worst idea for a children's show ever."
- Bennett gets to Chapel's role in the story and realizes he has to reference Rob Liefeld's work with Youngblood. He admits that he wanted to ask Linkara for help. Cut to Linkara crying NO! in the fetal position.
- "Prepare for impossible backs and basketball-sized tits, it's The '90s all over again."
- Sage's growing incredulity from people not knowing the Obviously Evil nobleman is Satan.
- Bennett's Squick reaction from Satan hitting on Lady Death, his own daughter.
- The skit where God speaks to a worshipper mistakenly sent to Hell. Apparently, God makes it a point to never miss a single episode of Sanford and Son, and that's the reason he spared Redd Foxx.God: (to the sinner) "...you should have been black and funny."Sinner: "Well, why didn't You make me black and funny?"God: "That is the first time anyone has wanted to be black."
- Sage flipping the bird when the movie fails to explain how Lady Death suddenly amassed a huge army of loyal undead followers. It's later explained that years had passed since Hope became Lady Death and acquired her powers, but that makes even less sense to Sage because Satan hadn't bothered to attack her at any point during that Time Skip.Sage: "Is watching lesbian succubi soap each other's tits that much of a time-sink?"
- When Hope tells Satan to just kill her already (even though meeting him face-to-face means she's already died and been condemned to Hell), Sage wonders if this means she'll be sent to "Double Hell"...which is apparently ruled over by an Evil Counterpart of him. He tells Evil!Sage to leave him and his co-workers alone and go bother Kyle Hebert instead.
- Him assuming a Simple Country Lawyer persona to point out a Plot Hole involving Lady Death and the Cremator being safe from Satan's influence, when not too long ago Cremator mentioned there is "no freedom in Hell".
- Sage's Iron Sheik impersonation.
- Oancitizen applauding Sage's deconstruction of gnostic themes within Aeon Flux. Also counts as a Moment of Awesome.
- Bennett realizes the meaning behind the famous image of a fly caught in Aeon's eyelashes."Wait...fly in the ointment... (scene plays) I get it now... and it pisses me off!"
- Bennett calmly attempts to deal with the "similarities" between Firefly and Outlaw Star, which Joss Whedon has repeatedly stated was just a coincidence."CONFESS!"
- Bennett gushing about how awesome the Caster Gun is. The man says it himself:
- Bennett explains that he's avoided talking about shonen anime for so long to avoid stretching his videos out to two hours due to a typical shonen series' length (or, in the case of InuYasha, using those two hours doing nothing but screaming "Fuck this SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!").
- Bennett pointing out how the title literally translates into "Poltergeist Report The Movie: Poltergeist Report" (or PRTMPR! for short).
- Hearing Koenma being voiced by Eric Stuart instead of Sean Michael Teague from the main series hits him like a (literal) punch to the face.
- "If you think I'm going to make a Styx reference, you're just fooling yourself." (Beat) "Dammit!"
- Trying to make sense of what happens to spirits that wind up in the Nether Realm as opposed to the Spirit World or Demon World drives Bennett to huff spray paint to get himself in the proper mindset to finish the review, as the show takes a time-out to play Primus' "Lacquer Head".
- His reaction to Kuwabara's voice actor mispronouncing his name as Kazuma Kuwahara:Sage: "The only reason why anyone would ever want to see this movie is if they were hardcore fans of the show, and I've got to believe that any fan who sees this would shit their own ass inside-out at 'Kuwahara'."
- When Yusuke's VA goes, as Bennett puts it, "full Garzey's Wingnote ," Bennett's reaction is epic and hilarious.
- Hinageshi discussing the elemental sites prompts a cut to Earth, Wind, And Fire's "Let's Groove Tonight".
Legend of Lemnear
- On the ridiculousness of the Evil Sorcerer's outfit:Sage: "Is that (middle collar) his weak point? Do you have to attack the other collars before you can strike at him for massive damage?"
- The return of "Dungeoneering for Assholes", this time narrated by Spoony himself.
- Sage dressing in a Hawaiian shirt for the review and sipping a drink in the intro, as the recent crop of So Bad, It's Good anime he's reviewed has him feeling like life is a vacation.
- Sage's reaction upon learning that main character's love interest is underage.
- When the main character says she's so hungry she "could eat a cloud whale," Sage asks whether said cloud whale is bigger or smaller than an Octorok.
- Sage tempts fate and asks who would get turned on by a comatose girl lying in bed, and then is quickly reminded of one of the opening scenes from The End of Evangelion.note Sage: (looking at his "stained" hand, whispering) That's so fucked up...
Love Hina Spring Movie
- Sage turning into a demon.Demon!Sage: "YOU DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE!"
- Bennett finally cracks once the girls break into a poorly dubbed J-Pop song, which causes him to re-enact the infamous Tunnel Scene from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.
Bennett: You've got your knife deep in me, Love Hina. So why aren't you twisting it?! You HATE me just as much as I hate YOU! So DO IT!Rorschach: Well what are you waiting for?(Cut Back to anime)Rorschach: ...do it.(Cut back to anime)Rorschach: DO IT!(Cue a very poorly-dubbed song)Nite Owl II: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Also the moment leading up to it, involving the island girl that looks just like Shinobu somehow taming a bunch of aggressive animals with the power of song.
- And all of this is undercut with a scene from Watchmen, specifically Rorschach's death scene:
- Suave lying asleep with a girly mag and wine bottle on his chest.Suave: Mmm, Samus, keep the helmet on.
- The ridiculous ending, complete with quotes from extremely positive reviews from legitimate websites pasted over the footage.
- The return of Taint Misbehavin.note
- Sage realizing the potential of Blazing Saddles jokes he could make with the character Rungo Iron.
- When Sage notices that Ellis is voiced by Lisa Ortiz, she pops in and angrily tells him to shut up before he can make an Amy Rose referencenote .
- The invention of the Over-Acting Alarm.Sage: It's weird that this is my first encounter with the Over-Acting Alarm. I mean, I've seen every Al Pacino movie.Vincent Hanna: Because she got a...GREAT ASS! And you've got your head...ALL THE WAY UP IT!*Cue Over-Acting Alarm*
- To demonstrate how absurd it is to have a snap-operated system that powers everything in the protagonist's room, Sage tries to watch an episode of The Addams Family...and doesn't even make it past the theme song before the power goes out.
- After Sage gives a Rousing Speech about the 1962 Jaguar E-type, he gets a call from Jeremy Clarkson who tells Sage to stop ripping him off:Sage: (to Clarkson) "Yeah...I drive a Honda Element... No, I don't have a crush on James (May)... No, I am not 65..."
Sage: "That was the most intimidating conversation...in the world!"
- But he can't resist getting in one more zinger after he hangs up:
- Suave meets Censor Kaiser for the first time:Censor Kaiser: My name is Censor Kaiser.Suave: And what are you supposed to do?Censor Kaiser: I censor.Suave: Oh, so you're an asshole, then.
- Censor Kaiser's brief interlude in which he and the Engineer try to recruit Doug Walker to do the review:Doug: *various surprised and disgusted noises* That's it! I've had enough! Nobody should have that many dicks!
- After leaving the room, Mark gives Doug a copy of Sonic Christmas Blast, which causes Doug to flee the room screaming like a little girl.
- Later in the rant, Censor Kaiser censors himself when he catches Suave reading a girly mag.Censor Kaiser: Oh, for [bleep]'s sake! Are you more boner than man? Focus!
- Suave gets his first taste of Censor Kaiser's handiwork with the first appearance of Nailkaizer (one of the main villains), and he's not happy about what happens next:Suave: ...let's just say she's brought the sausages to the party.Handsome Jack: Dicks! I'm talking about dicks!Suave: (shudders) Oh God, what was that? It felt so cold...Censor Kaiser: It's called "referential humor".Suave: It's called "go fuck yourself". I don't need clips to do my funny.Offscreen Voice: BLOWJOBS!
- And what can one do with three dicks? Suave says he'd use his second one as a letter opener.
- Suave's dream about "the Chiquita banana lady fisting the Hamburger Helper while Mr. Peanut jerks off onto a waiting green M&M".
- Suave trying to find a connection between Censor Kaiser and Nailkaizer.Censor Kaiser: No, I do not have three dicks!
- Nailkaizer scans the school and mistakenly identifies Student Council President Seiryu as the Angel Blade candidate. Among the compromising pictures she discovers, one of them features Seiryu in the bathroom.Suave: Wait a minute...women poop in this universe?!
- When Suave sees his first Skinship Grope, he raises his right hand into view to overtly lower it back down, only to get interrupted by Censor Kaiser launching himself at his wrist to stop it.
- Suave confiscating the henchman's penis, complete with a popping sound effect.
- He gets mad at Censor Kaiser for stopping him from jerking off when he watches Nailkaizer do it in a later scene.Suave: She gets to jerk off and I don't? You might as well be showing a starving Ethopian child an episode of Epic Meal Time!
- Suave's thoughts on Character Development, the only dirty word in porn.Suave: Fuck. Please fuck? Pretty please with fucking sugar on fucking top and fucking rainbow jimmies, just fuck! (Cut to him crying) Please... please get to the fucking!
- Sage discussing the infamous Chun-Li shower scene:Sage: We were so innocent before the internet.
- Sage being caught off guard twice by the U.S. version's "soundtrack", especially Alice in Chains' "Them Bones".Sage: AAAAH! GOD! WARN A GUY NEXT TIME IF YOU'RE GONNA BLAST "THEM BONES", YOU FUCKING DICKS!
- Sage is disappointed that the Star Trek transporter noise was used for the arrival of the monsters. He demonstrates how inappropriate this is by using famous sound effects while making a sandwich. When he opens jars of mustard and mayo, we hear the Ghostbusters' proton pack startup noise. When he spreads the mustard and mayo, we hear the Star Wars lightsaber noises. Lastly, when he opens his mouth to take a bite, it's the T-rex roar from Jurassic Park.
- Sage comparing the Anime Morrigan to the cartoon version, as the latter is technically more accurate by virtue of her Scottish accent.Sage: I think I just halved the Morrigan fanbase through suicide. Can, uh, someone call J-List and tell them that business is gonna be slow for a few months?
- "Scott McNeil is the Al Pacino of voice acting."
- After his anger at Donovan's Fauxlosophical Narration, Sage immediately intercuts it with Heihachi rambling about the power of his Tekken and Dracula delivering the "What is a man?" speech. It really gets the point across.
- Sage clutching his ears after hearing Anita cry.Sage: OH JESUS! FUCK! SHUT HER UP! AAAAH! GOD! She went from Wednesday Addams to a bleating goat in a nanosecond!
- Sage making several rants on why Donovan was even made the protagonist in the first place. It gets so bad that he would prefer watching Evangelion.
- Sage trying (and failing) to pronounce Hsien-Ko's name. It would've been much easier for his tongue to call her by her original Japanese namenote .
- When Pyron pops in and effortlessly kills off Anakaris, Sasquatch, Rikuo, and Victor:Sage: "You know, it used to be that I had to turn off SafeSearch on Google Images to see characters getting fucked like that."
- After a little too much Wangst, Sage finally hits his Rage Breaking Point so hard his screams shake the Earth itself.Sage: YES! WE GET IT! He is a Dhampir! A Vampiel! A Cambion! A Nephilim! He is a tortured, morose, complicated motherfucker that would not crack a smile if you gave him a million bucks, a cupcake and a can of Coke! WE! GET! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- When Pyron gives a giant grin, Sage starts laughing a bit in reaction.Sage: Whose bright idea was it to give Pyron the Awesome Face smiley?
- After describing in detail the epic No-Holds-Barred Beatdown the Big Bad Krauser laid on Terry Bogard, Sage compares the one-sided fight to Krauser dropping the mic. Then nonchalantly raising his other hand and dropping two more mics. Then picking up a box full of microphones and pouring them all on the floor.
- Sage comparing Krauser to Bane after making Terry a broken wino. And using the muffled accent whenever Krauser appears.
- When Sage realizes that the Ho Yay between two characters is a result of one of them actually being gay, he decides he needs to retire his "Big Book of Gay Jokes," complete with a teary breakup scene. It takes a turn when Sage learns that it used to belong to Jeff Dunham.
- Sage shorting out like a robot after seeing the Gainax Credits.
- Sage wakes up from his insanity-induced coma to find that Gabe has drawn dicks on his face, which is why Sage devised a punishment "that was both cruel and unusual": forcing Gabe to eat a bowl of Lego bricks.
Gabe: [garbled, with blood coming out of his mouth] Then why did you even offer it to me?!
- It gets drawn out, too, in something that almost becomes an Overly Long Gag. First, Sage makes Gabe switch out his soup spoon for a bigger serving spoon, then offers Gabe a glass of water... only to pour it out in front of him.
- Sage constantly bags on the awful voice acting, but the math teacher's speech is stilted enough to merit a G-Man reference.
- He is immediately outclassed by Hiroki, one of the main characters, whose bored monotone causes Sage to refer to him as "Meth-head Garfield".
- Sage learns that the dub studio behind Dark Cat was also responsible for a number of hentai series, including the oddly-titled Stairs. Sooner or later, he expects to hear of a hentai called Oscillating Fan.
- "All I'll ever get is a cute girl that thinks the world of me despite me acting like a human-shaped turd. #foreveralone"
- "It's a sad day when you see a teacher grow a dick tentacle out of her mouth, and all you can say is 'Seen it!'"
- When Rui, the younger of the two cats, shouts "Dark Cats unite!" when fighting against one of the demons, Sage dubs it an even stupider battle cry than "Let's hit the road, Rovers!"
- "That's right, folks, you just heard Gennai from Digimon say he's getting too old for this shit. And now you just heard the last shred of your childhood die a screaming death."
- Bennett lampshades the suspicious similarities between the plot of the anime and the plot of Alien.
- When Bennett notes the weird disparity between accurately depicting the realities of FTL travel and the surprising recoil from one character's shotgun.Bennett: I hate when an otherwise intelligent Science Fiction movie decides to pull shit like this.*shows a scene from Contact*Bennett: CASE IN FUCKING POINT!
- His reaction to Cobra being taken out of cryogenic stasis by riding a slab suspended on a rainbow created by an android playing an organ. He can only speak by holding up signs that say "WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK?!
- In fact, the whole film is made of a long string of Big Lipped Alligator Moments, seemingly because the director has no idea how to transfer between scenes. And it leaves Bennett increasingly gobsmacked.
- Bennett can't stop himself from mocking the name of the main villain: Crystal Boy.
- Bennett makes a Call-Back to the Tenchi Muyo! in Love review when he talks about how he would never actually destroy a galaxy with his galaxy-destroying weapon... unless you're a Bennettopian, of course, in which case he totally will unless you bow down and obey him.
- When commenting on the bizarre misogyny of the film, forcing the two interchangeable female leads into a romance with Cobra:"And if you think that (last) scene's problematic... gird yourselves, Tumblr feminists, because it's Round 10 and here comes the haymaker!"
Sol Bianca: The Legacy
- Sage reiterating his hatred of high-pitched voice acting, using the opening to Lucky Star as an example.Sage: *while holding his ears* ARE YOU STILL WONDERING WHY I PREFER THE DUBS?
- He describes Tom Wyner as having a voice "that can only be attributed to having a third testicle."
- Sage questions why characters suddenly start talking in Spanish for no apparent reason.Sage (in Spanish): What happened? Did Mexico take over the world? Why didn't I listen to Fox News when I had the chance?!
- Sage points out the Fridge Logic of the ATF agent going into the Gunsmith Cats store, confronting the two protagonists about their illegal activities... and then letting them ago without arresting them or interrogating them about where they got their firearms and explosives.
- Sage pointing out his surprise at how the Anime turned out the way it did due to the more sexual nature of the Manga.Bennett: (Singing) Noooooooow here's a montage of inappropriate shit!Cue a montage of highly sexual scenes from the manga set to the tune of Yello's "Oh Yeah" with Censor Kaiser being there to cover up the naughty bits.
- Sage facepalms as he realizes that the main three characters from Gunsmith Cats are voiced by the same actresses as the leads from Devil Hunter Yohko."ADV: going green by recycling voice actors since 1998!"
- After landing a physically impossible jump in heels, Sage awards Rally the "Leon S. Kennedy Award for Fucking Physics Right Up The Ass."
- Later, Rally winds up in a chase with Molotov Cocktease, which Sage says awakens her inner Valkyrie Bitch.
- Sage, Mark and Gabe all mock the Hollywood Hacking scene, with Mark "hacking" with a stuffed animal, Gabe "hacking" by rubbing his head against the keyboard, and Sage realizes it's impossible to help hack a fictional computer... and then suddenly Sage is a horse.
- "It's awful. Don't watch it." (roll credits)
- The Brick Joke with the fart joke. It doesn't re-appear until the real credits.
- Sage calls Venus Wars a "BAD" movie: Boring, Annoying, Dumb.
- After deconstructing the stupidity of the one-wheeled bikes that only function because of Rule of Cool:
- The Gratuitous English plastered on walls throughout the anime, including "Ishatar [sic] Must Die the Death," and "Get out! The invaders!" Or how often the word "Death!" randomly appears on signs and in graffiti.
- Bennett is not happy to see the voice actress of Albee from A Wind Named Amnesia back as the annoying and stupid Intrepid Reporter Sue Sommers.
- When Sage sees Sue getting slapped in the face for mouthing off at Miranda, he wishes the whole sequence could be framed and put on display in the Louvre. That, or...Sage: "...if I had the ability to put it on a loop, store it in a device and lodge it directly in my brain so I could see it whenever I close my eyes...well, let's just say I'd never drive again."
- Even Suave doesn't feel like explaining how one annoying character manages to get a girl to like him.
- This little gem:Jack: I said, "Let's chill OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!"Sage: (bursts out laughing, having to take a few seconds to compose himself afterwards) Was that dude speaking in Garbage Barge? He sounds like Fran Drescher if she inhaled a balloon filled with sulfur hexafluoride!(He then plays the line again, followed by a clip of Fran Drescher with the audio slowed down and deepened. It cuts back to him sighing contently.)Sage: Movie... you still suck like you're trying to break the record... but I needed that. Thank you.
Top 10 Anime Abandon Moments
- "CLIP SHOW!"
- Mark's gradual descent into madness as a result of the sheer amount of work he has to put into the show, eventually resulting in him going catatonic when he realizes he inflicted the new animated Censor Kaiser on himself.note
- Renee Huddy's dramatic reading of one of the comments from below the Violence Jack review, switching between a polite-yet-curse-laden interpretation and a far less generous interpretation (complete with a digitally altered voice).
- The first interpretation is labeled "How Trolls See Themselves," as she sips from a glass of wine and speaks in an even-handed tone. The second interpretation is labeled "How The Rest Of Us See Them," and involves her yelling indignantly while waving around a butcher's knife.
- When talking about his speech at the end of the Macross Plus review, he cites how the background song "Jerusalem" can make anything more majestic than it actually is. He explains by playing "Jerusalem" over the toilet scene from Dumb and Dumber.
- We actually see Suave on a date. It doesn't go well, with him fainting when things are about to get serious.
- In honor of his number one moment, Sage unbuttons his pants, revealing a grenade-covered jock strap.
100th Episode (MD Geist)
- The episode begins with Sage lamenting that he can't go through his 100th episode, so he decides that the only thing to do is take the easy way out..."...and shit on M.D. Geist!"
- "That's right, the existence of an entire anime distribution company was predicated on giving the middle finger to this mannote ."
- Sage being stopped by the Nostalgia Critic from saying "Fear is the mind-killer", only for Rob Walker to run in and finish the sentence for him and get shot at for his trouble.
- "Looks like SOMEBODY graduated from the Egoraptor school of edi—" (commercial break) "—ting."note
- When Sage gets pissed off at Gabe for botching the cut, Gabe says, "No one messes with my alma mater," and shows off a fake diploma from the "Egoraptor School of Comedy."
- "What did that kid do? Jump in the air to get impaled on your rod? [beat] ...Giggity?"
- During the truly massive panty shot counting gag, a note from "the management" note pops up, letting us know it took four hours to get them all in.
- And if that doesn't convince you of the length, Sage goes through the 1812 Overture and the whole of Yakety Sax.
- The gag is made even funnier by the out-of-the-blue shots of Sage dancing in his chair during the "Yakety Sax" portion.
- Sage says that if the show isn't satire he'll make Gabe eat his hat, prompting a Flat "What" from Gabe. A few minutes later after a scene that seems to be played seriously, Sage begins to take it off and Gabe books it.
- Sage abusing Gabe seems to be turning into a Running Gag, as Sage simulates the forcefulness of the exposition in the show by forcing Gabe to drink a massive amount of Ovaltine through a hose.
- Describing Mistress' Superpower Meltdown as "A bad case of the Tetsuos".
- His Agatha Trunchbull impression.
- The return of the Tiffany Grant / Amanda Winn-Lee / Kimberly Yates trifecta (or "The Three Stooges of ADV", as Sage calls them), making this the third anime Sage has reviewed where those three specific voice actresses showed up as the leading roles. note
- Sage opining about how irrelevant Fanservice-centered shows are, now that pornography is readily available... and particularly about how Fanservice anime (and sometimes outright porn) would be put alongside more kid-friendly animation because the store clerks didn't know any better.
- Sage compares Maki's wanton use of her shotgun to Renegade Shepard and Charles Bronson in Death Wish.
- When talking about the white slave trade in the story, they cut to one of the slavers, who looks suspiciously like Wilford Brimley. Sage takes this as an opportunity to dress up as Brimley and talk about how his "diabeetus" helped him get his own personal slave.Brimley!Sage: "Thanks to the fine people at Liberty Medical, you too can be the proud owners of a fellow human being. And if you're on Medicare, your slave will be shipped to you free of charge."
- Sage freaking out over the bath scene involving Tenchi, his "daughter" Mayuka, and Yosho before remembering about the infamous Juraian Royal Bloodline.
- When Sage tries to explain what S&M is (in response to one of the characters asking why Mayuko called Tenchi "Daddy"), Mark the Engineer panics and has Gabe fast forward through it, as Sage isn't qualified to explain what that is. Gabe starts off by rewinding the tape to the Grenade Jockstrap scene in the Mad Bull 34 review, then fast forwards to (presumably) the last episode of Anime Abandon, where a very aged Sage finally reviews Violence Jack, then Gabe rewinds it to just before the end of Sage's explanation:Sage: ...And then they all go out to Jizzlbee's for after dinner cocktails. And that's how S&M works. Any questions?
- Also? Gabe controls the rewind and fast forward by headbutting the keyboard. On the final rewind, he very gently taps his head instead.
- When the issue of gun politics comes up early in the film, Sage has to swat away a blinking "Hot Topic" button.
- After watching a super macho character he dubs Shithouse the 2nd stand in front of Leona's oncoming truck and take it out with just one shot without flinching:Sage: "You feel that? Your dick just grew three inches by looking at that shit. If you're a woman...no...not anymore you're not."
- Sage's repeated gravely monotone Big Noes, all to the tune of "Mars, the Bringer of War."
- Youtube's airing throws in "In the Hall of the Mountain King" to accompany these.
- A piece of the jewel shard frees the villain, who screams as he is revived. He is also naked. Cut to Bennett:"WHO TOOK MY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK?!"
- He then refers to him as Walter Peck for the rest of the review.
- "Yeah, all I gotta do is jump down this well and take those pills the nice man on the bus sold me and I'll be seeing demons in no time!"
- The "Fuck this movie!" counter catches Sage by surprise at first, but he decides to just roll with it. By the end of the movie, the counter is destroyed in an explosion of Fridge Logic when it's learned that the villain's Evil Plan has had no real effect on the world up to that point.
- The introduction of the KAGOME! Running Gag, where all the other characters shout her name. This is followed by TETSUOOOOO! and KANEDAAAAA!, then Serah!, "Donkey!" and finally, MAAAAATT DAAAMON!
- After KAGOME! returns to the real world, Bennett gives a somber, sobering speech of her current predicament... that he promptly ruins when it cuts to him dancing in his chair to "I Feel Fantastic".
- Bennett loudly, furiously masturbating as KAGOME! wangsts.
- Crowned by the sign-off just before the credits, which shows Gabe drenched in jizz and waving at the camera with a cheery smile that dissolves second by second as the sheer grossness of the situation sinks in.
- This pun:Shippo: My fox magic isn't working!Sage: Well, if your fox fire doesn't work, you can always use Chrome Google. (rim shot)
- The outtakes at the end, especially of Gabe.
- Sage reciting the lines of "One Jump Ahead" before saying "Fuck You" to Tim Rice.
- Sage and Suave deifying Captain Harlock, along with Suave's more...questionable attraction.Suave: There's nothing wrong with having a man-crush, Sage!
- Let's just say the final segment of the film causes Sage to suffer from "The Derps".Sage: Dere we go!
- When questioning the need for an official report on the protagonist to mention that his eyes are slanted, he points out it would be like giving someone a generosity level of "niggardly". The show then hurries to give a dictionary definition of the wordnote to make it clear it's not related to the n-word. Then, at the last moment the narration adds: "See also: Jew."
- Suave's rebuttal to the scene where the dad watches his adopted daughter in the shower while holding Annie Hall. note
- Sage almost saying Kagome's name.
- The Dragon, Peos, is dubbed by Ted Lewis (using his Paul Lynde voice). Sage looks up the voices Lewis did over the years and he notices Bandit Keith and stops a certain running gag...LittleKuriboh: (deep breath) A...Sage: NO!
- Hikaru's parents try to convince her that with her Grandoll powers, she's almost like Superman:
- Sage's reaction to the new Jesus' miracle.
- The cartoonish sound effects that accompany the scene when the guards smash a statue of the Virgin Mary.
- Gabe gets to have a little fun at Sage's expense for a change, when the weirdness of the anime causes Sage to start bleeding out of his nose:Gabe: (distorted voice) You've been here before...
Gabe: I said your nose is bleeding again. Are you all right? Are you having a stroke? (muttering) Please tell me you're having a stroke...
- After describing the plot summary ("Jesus turns evil and only Yagyu Jubei can stop him"):Sage: "That'd be like us writing a story about Joseph Smith, who really had Mormon powers wrecking all kinds of shit down in Utah, and the only one who can save us is DAVY FUCKING CROCKETT!"
- Sage freaking out and screaming like a little girl at the "Severed finger up the vagina" scene, all while The Addams Family theme plays in the background. In line with the previous episode, his face is also censored by Woody Allen.
- Sage makes fun of the DVD menu for Ninja Cadets, particularly the fact that it's almost condescending, but also points out how awful the Media Blasters introductory animation looks. He then points out that he could do a much better job, and presents his version, which is basically the Media Blasters text flying in a black sky, complete with a cutout of John O'Donnell's head zooming in and saying "I'm a jackass!" before exploding.
- Because Sage had to move his show to YouTube, he can't answer the question about how one of the villains is able to know the secret of a suicide technique with the classic Looney Tunes clip of Daffy Duck's "ultimate trick" in "Show Biz Bugs", so he resorts to the next best thing: Jeff Dunham asking if one of his puppets could stop a speeding bullet.Sage: The next best thing was Jeff Dunham? Heh...put that on his epitaph...(cut to a gravestone: "Jeff Dunham, 1962-2038. "Eh...he was the next best thing.")
- Yume's general uselessness is neatly summed up in five words:Sage: WORST. NINJA. EVER. (cut to a clip from Miami Connection with a ninja getting his head chopped off) POINT. RETRACTED.
- In his final assessment, Sage goes off on a rant asking why anyone would want to watch Ninja Cadets when Dragon Ball Z is already available:"You saw DBZ, you were starved for more, and there was nothing else available except these bottom-of-the-barrel titles that promise so much more than they can deliver, all so you could have more Dragon Ball Z. Well, guess what...now we've got too much, and quality control has snapped back all the way to the '90s...the EARLY '90s! Congratu-fucking-lations!"
Wrath of the Ninja
- Suave defies Sage's attempt to get him to say a Double Entendre:Sage: "Three-Way Thrust", eh?
- Upon learning that Oda Nobunaga is the main villain, Sage says he couldn't possibly be the Nobunaga he knows best, unless his plan involves transferring his powers into a Golden Evil Statue.
- He also disses Nobunaga for complaining about the host of Oboro taking forever to conquer the Iga—er, "Eegah!" region.
- Sage criticizes the demon's strategy of having the other demons killed by the ninjas by saying the plan is so stupid and destined to fail that even Pete Carroll feels sorry for him. He then follows this up with a casual "Go Niners", a reference to his fandom of San Francisco sports.
- The music being compared to auto-tuned farts and Sage's dead cat would make better music.
- "Shadow Warriors, come out to plaaaaaay!"
- Sage insists that the Oboro demon sounds like KaiserNeko after stubbing his toe on a coffee table, but Kaiser bluntly refuses to play along with the skit, and without even looking up from his computer, tells Sage to stop calling him.
- Sage never gets tired of seeing the Suicidal Overconfidence displayed by the various mooks that throw themselves into fights against Gaius.
- One soldier mentions seeing an owl-cat, which leads to a series of clips from Avatar: The Last Airbender referring to the many types of bear-hybrid creatures the Gaang mistook Bosco for, just to piss Sage off. One such clip even comes by cell phone, causing him to toss it against a wall so hard it explodes.
- Sage's Zoidberg impression when he sees Princess Lichia's odd-looking braids.
- Amon has a nightmare about his mother being murdered by imperial troops, and the anime flashes back to a scene where his mother flings him aside just before she's killed.Sage: (imitating Amon's mother) Fuck off, baby! (sound of an arrow hitting its target)
- Suave trying desperately to avoid (for once) making an obvious sexual innuendo when a submarine is destroyed by a giant metal ring. It doesn't work.
- Another bit of low-hanging fruit that is ultimately rejected: making jokes about the commander named Stoner.
- "When Spike Spencer says you're fucked..." (cut to clip of The End of Evangelion) "...you're fucked."
- Sage wonders what ORCA (all caps) stands for. "Otter Research and Care Association"? "Oliver Reed's Cantankerous Aunt"? "Oscar Recall for Crash At Once"?
- This is the third anime in a row that's tempted Sage to use Avatar: The Last Airbender references. This time around, he mixes things up by showing clips from the Shyamalan film.Sage: (screaming) "DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU PUSH THE SAGE TOO FAR?!"
- Sage and Gabe imitating Statler and Waldorf (after a pair of characters do the same at the beginning of the story):Gabe: Say, Sage!Sage: Yes, Gabe?Gabe: What's worse than a poorly thought-out story?Sage: Dialogue that points out how poorly thought-out the story is?Gabe: No...herpes!Sage: I was wondering where I got it from!(Everybody laughs)
- Old Man Sage. That is all.
- Sage shudders at the name of Xerxes Galt.
- Sage noting Noal/Ringo's utter failure at pickup lines towards Aki/Stars.Sage: You could literally be the last man and woman on Earth, and you'd still get shot down with a line like that.Suave: Well, you know what they say, Sage. Who dares...*picks up a gun and cocks it*...wins. *casually walks out*Sage: Beat Must be going through a dry spell...
- The opening harmonica-backed sequence reminds Sage of a Pepperidge Farm commercial, so he provides one.Sage: Buy our cookies. We'll say they're gluten-free* if you buy 'em...
- Sage's reaction to the out-of-nowhere Engrish blues song interlude. He had no idea the movie would take its title so literally.
- After sitting through half the film without any idea who the actual main character is, Sage breaks into song, only to be tackled and muffled by Gabe (on the Engineer's orders) the moment he made a CSI reference.
- Despite claims of not harming Gabe after the above incident, a scene involving the street thug Chris casually redirecting missiles fired at him at close range with nothing but his switch-blade prompts Sage to toss Gabe a butter knife while he draws a bazooka. It goes as well as you'd expect.Sage: (sighs and walks over to a blown up Gabe) You know why you didn't do it? Because you didn't believe in yourself, man. You can't do it if you don't believe in yourself.Gabe: (moans quietly)
- An early conversation about adding a drill to one of the girls' mecha is ripe for a blindingly obvious reference:Sage: Okay, there's low-hanging fruit, and then there's fruit neon-lit like Vegas daring you not to pick it. Fuck... I don't even have to play a Gurren Lagann clip to make a Gurren Lagann joke right now. You're all making it yourselves! It's probably a better joke than I would have made, too...assholes.
- Sage surmises that the police in Sailor Victory are rendered useless because they're forced to fight crime in butt-ugly robots that resemble the Spock helmet.
- Mami being a complete idiot makes her the butt of numerous jokes both in and out of the OVA, including this one:Sage: Oh look, the little brat is worse than useless! She's a coward who runs away! At least when she's not "helping" by sabotaging her companions by misplacing traps! I THINK THE GIRLS ARE IN TROUBLE! A-HUH, HUH, HUH!
- After witnessing a scene where the Mami android sucks a large amount of food into her mouth like Kirby and accidentally eats the real Mami:Sage: Nope...not gonna give you any context for that. Just gonna let that scene sink in. Yes...let it bore into your psyche until everything you once were is no longer. Feel it tumor into your brain like a worm in compost, leaving you an invalid capable of only saying your own name like a zombie Pokémon...(One quick transition later, Sage is sitting in his chair in a zombified haze until Gabe punches him back into reality)Sage: (groaning) Bennett...Bennett...
- Sage going "Warboy" on the audience, even spraying silver paint on his face.
- His reaction to the old man's dance transformation. He was trying so hard to sink into the back of the chair."Someone kill me, please."
- During the period scene, Sage remembers a similar scene from Movie 43, screams, and then after a cut to static, we see Gabe trying to prevent Sage from cutting his own eyes out, then back to a calmed down Sage and a one-eyed Gabe giving him a Death Glare.
- Sage stopping the review halfway through the second episode (of three) when Natsumi's friend Nami's method of summoning her own spirit is shown.
- Hell, anytime Sage talks about how the Fanservice is more along the lines of Fetish Retardant.
- Sage bemoaning the fact that four veteran voice actresses had to work on this execrable anime. In particular, he almost compares Barbara Goodson and Melissa Fahn's presence to children's birthday party clowns becoming strippers, before changing his mind and comparing them to political pollsters.
- When it's revealed the lead's sister ate some cookies (and is quite self-conscious about it), Sage had this to say about it:Sage: Oh no! She weighs a hundred and thirty pounds! Quick... start barfing and don't stop until you see organs!
- Sage makes fun of an outfit that the lead character is wearing, which he describes as a black sleeveless latex onesie, and asks if he's going to start dancing. Cut to Gabe doing an interpretive dance to techno music in the exact same outfit (with an eyepatch as well because of the previous episode) while Sage watches in bemused silence.Sage:.... I didn't tell him to do that...
- "Ya wanna see a dead body, kid?"
- Sage laughing at the Gratuitous English musical interlude.
- Sage's various nicknames for the playing card-themed characters.
- "Is this pawn being played by Colin Mochrie or Patrick Stewart or Yul Brynner or...Doug Walker?"
- It takes a while for the girls to identify the mysterious structure attacking them as some sort of chess piece (first a pawn, and later a knight). Sage mishears it as "chest piece", and then lists the names of several types of body armor.
- The action throughout most of the OVA defies description, so Sage has to make up his own theories as to what's going on:Sage: "Is In Da Club (Casa) popping pills to try to get her strength back while bug-eyed ninjas are shocked like they got hit with Zeus' thunderbolt? Is Groove Is In the Heart (Coco) trying to integrate herself into the white knight's Master Control Program? Is Uncle Kracker trying to reinvent his dead career by becoming a monster truck driver? Admit it...of all the three I just mentioned, that (last) one is the most plausible."
Burn Up! W!
- "What you are seeing is an image through the eyes of Masami Obari who is looking through the eyes of Frank Miller who is looking through the eyes of Rob Liefeld."
- When the second episode's plot of Yuji's missing virtual girlfriend comes up, Sage treats it with all of the seriousness and gravitas it deserves:Sage: (sobbing) "Someone's waifu is missing!" (dramatic sting)
- Sage being dumbfounded when he sees Paula Deen's name on the memorial. He labels her as the 'Butter golem that used to haunt the Food Network'.
Slayers: The Motion Picture
- Tidus' awkward laugh returns...now in Japanese and English!
- Sage compares the Running Gag of Lina and Naga's Curb Stomp Battles in the OVA to the "Russell Crowe Show" scenes from the South Park episode "The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer", noting that, while he thinks the scenes were funny the first time around, they are simply there for Padding. He then asks:[cut to a ballroom dance scene with hairy-legged men in mushroom costumes]Sage: (Beat) Were they having beautiful naked women give me boner massages while they wrote this?[quick cut to Gabe wearing a dress and approaching Sage very slowly]Sage: (slow motion Big "NO!")
- The episode ends with Gabe jumping on a trampoline, staring blank-eyed at the camera all the while.
Sins Of The Sisters
- The return of Old Man Sage!
- "...when John Lennon imagined a world without countries or religion, I don't think he was imagining this...unless Yoko slipped him the brown acid..."
- Sage makes an inadvertent Call-Back to his joint Garzey's Wing review with Spoony:Sage: "There's a war going on, and I'm surprised that even dinosaurs aren't here."
- Sage's reaction to, and lengthy rant about, the bad voice acting once the series hits its mid-point and the story goes back in time to the Crusades, where he encounters a guy who sounds like Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- As he continues on, he realizes to his horror that Hans sounds like...him.
- Shiro's deep-voiced "Ahhh..." reminds Sage of Lurch trying to teach Hermione Granger the proper way to say "Leviosaaaaa..."
- Eventually, even some of the characters can't make sense of what's going on:Rika: You sent the Crusade to Jerusalem? Then why do you oppose my fellows from St. Michaela? Their objective is the same!Yuki/Aaron: (turns away from Rika) Be quiet!Sage: The fuck are you looking at me for? I'm not the one poking plot holes here! (beat) Well, I am...just not now.
- When the camera pans up to a sculpture of Jesus crucified on the cross, Sage can only laugh at His goofy facial expression.
- When Yuki finds out that her husband may not really be who he seems:Yuki: You're not Daisuke! Who are you?(Beat)Dio Brando: (in Japanese) "It was me, Dio!"(Yuki gets crushed with a steamroller. A moment later, the clip plays again, only this time, Daisuke is revealed to be...)Announcer: JOHN CENA!!!
- "She has a dick and I should know, I've sucked it!—I mean, I've checked it out!—I mean, I've checked to make sure that she has one... Obey the Pope!"
- After nearly losing his mind from the previous episode's complete Mind Screw, Sage reassures the audience that he'll be fine as long as he takes his "crazy pills". Said pills have a side effect of making him burst into random bouts of laughter, leading to him trying to stifle his laughing while at the same time denying that the pills have any side effects.
- The almost endless WWE and Professional Wrestling references.Sage: (cheerfully) This is my favorite episode ever...
Sage!Vince: You're gonna have to kiss me on your first day if you're gonna wrestle in my company!Sage!Torrie: I don't know, Mr. McMahon...it sounds like sexual harassment.Sage!Vince: Just be grateful it will be on the lips. Just ask Mick.Sage!Foley: Oh, it's true! He smells like baby oil and a septic tank...and he doesn't wipe!
- In particular, calling the main character "Botcholina".
- His reenactment of Torrie Wilson's first day at WWE, with action figures of her, Vince McMahon, and Mick Foley. Gabe tries to join in later, but Sage brushes him off.
- And one that's funny as a Take That! even to those unfamiliar with wrestling: "At least with Sin Cara you know what move he was attempting before he botches it... usually."
- After Ayane fails to impress her gym teacher with the uniform her coach gave her, Sage tells her how stupid it looks, but says that it isn't nearly as stupid-looking as the costumes worn by the Gobbledy Gooker, the Shockmaster, or Isaac Yankem, D.D.S. Afterwards, he asks himself:Sage: "I like wrestling... Why do I like wrestling?"
- The stupidity of Ayane being forced into a kickboxing match against her will under threat of expulsion is compared to a hypothetical scenario of Rocky Balboa being forced to fight in a karate match or lose his house, and to the (very real) 1995 WCW Halloween Havoc where Hulk Hogan and the Giant duked it out in a monster truck sumo match before their actual championship match in the main event:Sage: Why are Hulk Hogan and The Big Show having a monster truck sumo match? Why is that even a thing?!
- While showing Guts and Griffith's memetically homoerotic water fight, he uses Kenny Loggins' "Playing with the Boys" as a soundtrack.
- Lupin's gravity-defying antics cause Sage to consider renaming his "Leon S. Kennedy Award for Fucking Physics Right Up Its Ass" in Lupin's name instead. Why? Because "Fuck it...it's Lupin."Sage: And of course, scenes of Lupin curb-stomping physics into the pavement so hard they come out the other side in China.
- The fact that Lupin is voiced by David Hayter is "the gift that keeps on giving!", allowing Sage to crack multiple Metal Gear jokes.
- The reason for the review is his wanting to recognize various voice-actors who haven't gotten their due as a result of the standards and practices of the time they worked in, with this one being Michael Gregory voicing Goemon (who had all of 14 lines - Sage counted). And then we hit the ending, and it turns out that it was Richard Epcar, meaning Sage goofed up again.
Very Private Lesson
- Sage is well aware that the anime he's about to watch is going to be terrible, so he decides that if he's being forced to review it, everyone else watching is going to suffer, too:"...I' am not dumb enough to sit through this on a dare, but I am vindictive enough to sit through this on a dare if it means I get to drag you all with me. I hate you all...this is Very Private Lesson."
- Sage's bewilderment at the absurdity of the "Feminine Maneuver" sequence.
- While Sage harbors a seething hatred of the intensely annoying ganguro twins, despite being aware that he's supposed to, '90s Kid doesn't care, and claims that he would totally "Hollywood Video and chill" with them.Explanation
- His comparison of the twins' Hate Sink status to a Heel wrestler trying to generate Cheap Heat, and his increasingly annoyed responses every time they say "You know what I mean?". One transition (the one after the twins poison Aya's drink) shows Sage wearing a Bill Cosby-style sweater.Sage: Yes, I know what you mean. No, I'm not going there. (looks down at sweater and gasps)
- The real antagonist of the series, a sadistic gangster named Ken, is described as so splutteringly evil, Sage asks "Why not just call him Adolf Stalin McKillBaby?"
- By the end of the show, Sage is so full of rage that all he can do is twitch and shake violently (and not even an "And Knowing Is Half the Battle" joke at the end can contain it). Gabe notices this and bails the scene, locking the room behind him. After he finally snaps during the end credits, Sage is banging against the door of his room, which Gabe had locked after his exit, and screaming for Gabe to let him out, leading to this gem:Sage: "I NEED TO PUT MY EVIL INSIDE YOU!!!!"
My My Mai
- Sage's description of one of Mai's clients as the lovechild of the Grinch and Judge Doom.
- Sage analyzes one particular scene that had, as he put it, "went from predictable as the tides to 'cement block in a clothes dryer' off-the-rails."
- When Mai asks if another of her clients' Split Personality disorder can be treated with acupuncture, only Al Pacino in The Devil's Advocate can deliver a Big "NO!" loud enough to properly convey the stupidity of the question.
- The opening where Gabe reenacts Home Alone when he realizes Sage is gone.
- Critic's (stated) reason for kidnapping Sage? He did goad him into driving in rush hour Chicago traffic note and convinced Rob to quote Dune.note
- The end of the review with Gabe and the Sundae, just, all of it.
- Sage sharing Pops Racer's disappointment in ninjas.Sage: *snapping at Naruto* "I see you creepin'!"
- The Nostalgia Critic upset about having a real live chimp portraying Chim-Chim. Sage counterpoints that the Wachowskis could've gone the Uncanny Valley route by showing the Critic a scene from Going Bananas.
- The Critic pointing out the overuse of the characters' Punny Names.
- Critic wonders why Sage is defending the movie and makes a casual remark about how chloroform is not supposed to mess with people's heads. When Sage asks how he knows, Critic casually remarks that he uses it on Malcolm if he gets a little mouthy (and of course, he's been kidnapped plenty of times himself so would know that way too). We then cut to Malcolm asleep in a closet, stirring a bit, before we cut back to Sage, who asks "Why does anyone work for you?!"
- Rob coming in to see Critic threatening Sage. He puts an abrupt end to it by grabbing Critic's ear and yelling at him to stop kidnapping the talent, then promises Sage he can have anything so long as he doesn't sue them. Sage asks for a first class plane ticket, which Rob says that Critic would be "delighted" to pay for".
- Sage calling Chizuru Olive Oyl with G-Cups.
- After chastising Sushiyaki for consistently mispronouncing the word "tits" during a rousing game of strip RockPaperScissors, Sage is (very briefly) hypnotized by Chizuru's dangling breasts, causing him to do the same thing.
- In the second half of the OVA, when the singer Hiroyuki learns of Chizuru's sudden crush on newcomer Azumi, he vows that he'll "never give her up..."
- Sage's description of Azumi's (lack of) personality:Sage: This character is so one-note meek and barely there, her spirit animal would be an unsalted Wheat Thin.
- Suave thinks he's finally found the perfect anime for him to review, and places it high on his "to-watch" list above anything the world's greatest geniuses ever produced.
- After hearing Yuriko speak for the first time, Suave thinks someone ought to "fuck her brains back in."
- Suave's many, many references to boobs.
- When seeing a girl who at first appears to be flat-chested, but then reveals herself to have humongous boobs like all of the other girls:Suave: My word! This is the greatest magic trick I've ever seen! Even better than the one where the woman wakes up and I've disappeared! Eat my taint, Houdini.
- The fountain scene has Suave imagining Densuke as Nightcrawler (complete with "BAMF" sound effects) thanks to a couple of animation errors where Densuke appears to jump down a step with every cutaway as he's talking to Chiharu.
- "...there's a time and place for blowing your brother, and it's called 'your honeymoon night on Jurai'."
- "Why in the world would you ever settle for 'polite tasty breasts' when you can have RUDE NASTY TITS?!"
- After Suave's "review", or to be more accurate, gushing at the gratuitous boob exposure, Sage yells at him:Sage: YOU ARE NEVER REVIEWING ANYTHING AGAIN!!!
- Sage's reaction after the fecal incident involving Washu and Tenchi's baby cousin:Sage: (eating a Baby Ruth) It's no big deal.
- One of his major complaints with season 3 was how Tenchi's mother wanted to play a joke on her son after her death.
- Sage comparing the visuals of watching a Studio Gainax anime to the actual depth of its story using clips of Gabe happily splashing around in the ocean and then Gabe standing in a bucket getting sprayed with water from a garden hose.
- "I know that this guy sounds exactly like JonTron, but let's be clear: that cannot be JonTron, just like this cannot be Nicolas Cage and this cannot be Keanu Reeves, because then that would mean Time Travel is real and in the hands of Hollywood actors and YouTube personalities..." (Cut to Gabe showing off his shiny new Windows 12 desktop)
- Suzu's voice is so high-pitched that it leaves a large crack in Sage's camera, making him wonder why it didn't happen sooner.
- Sage imitates one NPC's Midwestern accent, which Linkara doesn't find funny.
- "So you mean to say that if [Olivier] goes to the island [of G], he'll experience his burdens and... suffer like 'G' did?"
- And when Olivier mentions that he'd studied to become a sage, Sage can't resist the obvious pun, going into a long-winded rant about how soul-sucking his job can be before finishing with an extended beat.
- Olivier's god is described as "indescribably beautiful", while Sage regards him as Oompa-Loompa Jesus, and says the narration sounds like H. P. Lovecraft trying his hand at a romance novel.
- One quick look at the title font of De:vadasy makes Sage think the artist tried to spell it using only Unowns. To its credit, it isn't even the stupidest title out of anything he dealt with when he used to review video games.
- He makes several remarks about the OVA blatantly copying Neon Genesis Evangelion, including Expies of Shinji, Misato and Asuka, and wonders if there'll be a Gendo-type character. Cut to Sage trying to imitate Gendo's famous clasped hands pose.
Sage: At least De:va's growing more subtle about its rips from Evangelion...
- And just when he thinks things are starting to get better:
Yamada: (addressing another scientist) Professor Anno...*
Sage: ...Or not... Fuck you sideways with a 2x4, De:va!
- "I've seen more subtle nods to better anime in fucking RWBY, and they have a goddamn corgi named Zwei, for crying out loud!"
- Sage describes the harsh reality of a guy sharing a dorm with several cute schoolgirls — somebody still has to clean up after them after they take over the bathroom.Sage: "It's like trying to clean a hillbilly's beard after he's been swimming in a septic tank!"Suave: "Worth It."
- Sage stops the review so he can explain the Coolidge effect in detail...just to admit he really doesn't want to talk about the anime anymore.
- There's the explanation for how the giant robots cause everyone to melt:Sage: "...because as soon as Not!Shinji and Not!Rei enter De:vadasy, all hell breaks loose and people once again start dissolving into Lipton's soup mix. Why?"Scientist: "De:vadasy is releasing high levels of nanomachines, so it can absorb more energy!"Sage: "Soooo it's literally because of..."Senator Armstrong: "Nanomachines, son!"Sage: "You know you've fucked up when your plot is harder to follow than a Metal Gear game!"
- "You're reconstructing the deconstruction...with Elmer's Glue!"
- The episode opens with Bennett attending his scheduled panel at TooManyGames when Linkara introduces him to several other panelists, who beat him to near-unconsciousness with plastic baseball bats. He manages to slip away from his attackers for a brief moment, but one manages to catch him and whack him in the back one last time while reminding him of a certain anime he's avoided actually reviewing: "Violence...JACK!!!"
- One woman is shown being torn apart from the inside by her new cybernetic implants. With Censor Kaiser covering up the woman's naked body, it looks and sounds more like she's pleasuring herself, so Sage decides to ruin the mood by playing "I Touch Myself" over the same scene.
- Another instance of Soundtrack Dissonance—sepia-toned sketches chronicling the life and death of A.D. Police captain Billy Fanword, all backed with a jazzy "lounge lizard" tune—is compared to someone playing the theme to Cheers over stills of the opening to Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade.
Battle Skipper: The Movie
- To Sage's displeasure, the principal the main girls meet at the beginning exhibits the same wooden voice acting as they do:Sage: Any more of this and my eardrums will get splinters!
- However, he is quite happy he gets to reuse the "BAOH HAS A LASER CANNON!" clip when the girls discover their Battle Skippers have talking onboard computers.
- "Quick! Run away! They have yo-yos and boomerangs! If we don't get out of here, they'll bring out the jump ropes!"
Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence
- Gabe stupidly blinding himself by plugging a monitor jack into his remaining good eye after watching Haraway do something similar, forgetting that she's an android and he isn't.
Virus Buster Serge
- Sage is glad to be back at work after a month off of having to babysit the now fully-blind Gabe. Highlights include warning him far too late after he trips over Sage's foot, and reassuring him that his messy shaving effort is perfect for date night. Unfortunately for Gabe, his sense of smell has increased dramatically to make up for his blindness:Sage: ...it's chili night, Gabe!Gabe: (frustrated) It's always chili night!
- Sage talking about how the show gives off strong (and possibly unintentional) Manly Gay vibes, almost as if it were being directed by Tobias Fünke.
- In one sequence, Serge tries to convince Erika he's not dangerous after having fought thousands of clones of himself, but his speech is interrupted by multiple Jump Scares for no good reason:Serge: (to Erika) Why won't you treat me more gently, my dear?
- Another scene where Serge encounters a female version of himself reminds Sage of The End of Evangelion if it were framed as a Calvin Klein commercial.
- "Yup, it's going to be one of those kinds of anime. Where every villain has at least ten different absurdities in their lines and it's all delivered like Shakespeare in the Park".
- Suave makes a couple of dirty jokes that get very loud groans from Gabe offscreen:
- Most of the demon characters are named after car manufacturers (Carerra, Mercedes, and [Mase]Rati). After seeing a sex scene between Rati and Carrera, Suave was surprised that Rati wasn't instead called "Hummer."
- And then there's this one, when the nerdy Ogawa tries to summon one of the demons:Ogawa: Is a devil coming? Is he coming?
Suave: If she's doing her job, he is.
- One about Carerra's boss Alphina having two dicks elicits no reaction, but when Suave makes a "Beyond Thunderdome" reference, Gabe gets up and chokes him out.
- "Two redundancies in one sentence...that's almost as much as two redundancies in one sentence!"
- Suave makes fun of Ogawa flashing Mercedes the moment she offers herself to him, stating that it's only "ta-da!"-worthy if the guy can use his dick as a champagne bottle opener.
- Suave proves himself to be a Bizarro Sage when he makes a Splinter Cell joke instead of a Metal Gear Solid one, and telling Gabe that he grew up playing all of the unpopular consoles of the day (3DO, Atari Lynx, Jaguar, N-Gage, etc.).
- "I've seen subliminal messages with more lasting impact!"*
- Bois' party is pursued by a pair of bald bandits, one of whom sounds a bit like Krillin:Bandit 1: See, I told ya she's a real beauty!
Bandit 2: You weren't kidding! But didn't we see this group with the people we killed earlier this afternoon?
Sage: (Krillin voice) And shouldn't I be training with King Kai right now?
- Sage's reaction to Lakshi's epic Groin Attack against the first bandit, utilizing the "Mmm Whatcha Say" refrain from Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek".
- The episode begins with Sage wanting to go back to his older style of reviews, so Gabe sends him back in time to 2011 by slamming his head on the keyboard of his computer. At first, Sage is excited to start all over again ("It's 2011, mo'fackas!"), but then he gradually gets disillusioned with the whole thing without Gabe or Suave to react to his jokes ("I just feel so empty!").
- "Threatening a ne'er-do-well to do the bidding of a shadowy organization under threat of an explosive death..." (posters for Lockout and Suicide Squad (2016) slowly rise into view) "Where have I heard that before? That's right..." (both posters drop out of view and are replaced with a poster of...) "Escape from New York."
- Sengoku laughs at all the chaos caused by computers going haywire, only for his robot partner to state that it's because they were created by humans, earning the robot a "SAVAGE ROAST, BRO!" and air horns for its retort.
- When Hasegawa and the villain of Gogul's episode threaten to shove something up the other's ass, Bennett does his own hammy version of a person trying to act classy while threatening to shove something up someone's urethra.
- Hasegawa attempts a Bond One-Liner after Gogul shoves a severed hand through another guy's throat. Sage decides to show him how it's done with a reference he's wanted to use for the past 160 episodes:John Matrix: Let off some steam, Bennett!
Sage: Thank you. I am.
- After the review is finished, Sage is transported back to the present and finds Gabe still with his head on the keyboard and coughing up blood, apparently killed by a Temporal Paradox.
- Sage has to remind Suave that he's reviewing Angel Sanctuary, not a similarly-named porn title called Anal Sanctuary.
- He actually manages to successfully repress a counting gag by punching away the Final Fantasy XIII logo to prevent an outbreak of "Sara!"/"Serah!" calls.
- "Why is this anime using the same transition music as Saved by the Bell?!"
- When Setsuna is able to correctly point out that Arachne, Kurai's older sibling, is transgender, Sage is quite certain that Setsuna calling her "Miss Thang" wasn't in the original Japanese script, and wonders if the translators were trying to make him sound like Antoine Merriweather from In Living Color!
- Later on, when Setsuna tells Kurai she should "stop acting like a man" and allow herself to be vulnerable after he shields her from getting struck by a runaway car, Sage is hit hard with Viewer Gender Confusion, and then literally drops a ten-foot pole, deciding that he's not touching that one again.
- Sakuya, who died in a car accident and wanted his father to hate him so that he wouldn't have to grieve again, is described by Sage as a "Nega-Shinji".Gendo!Sage: Finally...a son I can be proud of.
- When Sage realizes what he's up against, he pours some alcohol into a cup of egg nog, and then drinks the rest of the bottle without touching the egg nog.
- Suave is aghast at the main character rebuffing Mai's insistence on trying to cheer him up on Christmas Eve, leading to this exchange:Sage: I'm guessing you've never heard the phrase "Don't stick your dick in crazy", Suave.Suave: Sage, if every man thought like you, we would have never landed on the moon.
- "A Ken Akamatsu anime with nipples?! Now that's a Christmas miracle!"
- Sage bursts into hysterical laughter when he sees the only present Santa's parents ever sent him.Sage: You mean to tell me, that the only present your parents ever gave you... was a picture of them, being happy with other kids?! What in the world were they thinking sending him this photo?! Did they honestly want him to see how happy they were without him? Not only that, but with other kids presumably his own age! I never thought I'd see the day when parents emotionally-cucked their own kid! This is such an hysterically awful thing to do to a kid that I half-expected it to have happened to Shinji. Oh Wait! IT DID!
- And he really doesn't buy The Reveal of why they left - those children were war orphans, and they couldn't bring themselves to abandon them, especially since they never actually explained that to him.
- He's similarly incredulous at hearing that a group of people had been celebrating Santa's birthday and Christmas... but never actually invited Santa to it.
- Listening to Mai try to do her best "Ho ho ho!" makes Sage think it would have been easier for her to act in Al Bhed.
- Sage is distracted from an attempt at Character Development by watching Mai Mai wolf down an nearly endless supply of watermelonsnote .
- Following the scene where Mai Mai chomps Sherry on the butt, sending her screaming out of the bath:Sage: You know, that is exactly what I'm missing in my Christmas specials: girls eating ass!
Suave: They're not missing in my specials...
Sage: (mildly grossed out) Get yourself tested for hepatitis.
- When Sage hears the accent given to Shampoo in the English dub, he asks why not just go all the way to make her as stereotypically Chinese as possible — by slapping a Fu Manchu mustache and conical straw hat on her, playing Chinese folk music in the background, and then giving her a floating abacus and a pair of chopsticks.
- Continuing Sage's dislike of J-pop songs with poorly dubbed lyricsnote , the karaoke scene with the Tendo girls can only be described as DEEP HURTING.
- The end, revealing that Old Man Sage is telling the story to Old Man Gabe, who's incensed that Old Man Sage would do this just to screw with him and waste his time. No mention is given to it in the show, but Old Man Gabe inexplicably has one working eye again, despite still being completely blind in the present.
- Sage realizing that the plot's almost identical to The Final Sacrifice...and that he's not going to bestow any character with the "blessed name of Rowsdower."
- Describing the lead as always having an expression that says "My Mom's yelling at me because I spoiled my dinner..."
- Sage begs for something...anything interesting to happen aside from boring exposition:Sage: ...I know what you're all thinking: "It's only been 20 minutes. Surely there has to be more to this anime than lengthy diatribes about Japanese Shinto folklore that won't matter in the slightest." WANNA BET?(cue collage of four simultaneous scenes of boring exposition)
- After making a joke about Gabe slipping rat poison in Sage's Clamato, the pair laugh as the credits roll, with "Mike Litoris" and "Jill N. Goff" credited.
- Female!Maze activating a magic power to attack a group of Jaina bandits is accompanied by a Star Trek teleporter sound effect, leading to this:
- Sage jokes about how Maze getting transported to a parallel universe afflicted her with a bad case of "the lazy writing...Oh, I mean amnesia."Maze: I think I went to college... College...? What's that?Sage: A place the writers didn't go to...or know how to spell.
- His comparison of Maze's male voice to Stinkoman, along with an appropriately-placed Homestar Runner clip.note
- "What It's Like to Watch Maze, The Anime": A short 20-second scene from the "first"note episode when Mill suddenly falls in love with Maze's male half sums up Sage's own feelings about watching the OVA:Female!Maze: I just don't know what's what anymore!
- Sage's reaction to learning the name of the Duke's creepy child son. When said son reappears later in the OVA, Sage stops himself from making a joke about The Duke Of Nuts, but instead "takes the high road" and goes with a Kung Pow! Enter the Fist reference.Sage: If he's the son of a duke, why is he called Prince Nuts? And WHY IS HIS NAME PRINCE NUTS!?
- Amid the OVA's many confusing and sometimes stupid scenes, Sage admits that the scene where Mill and a few of her companions appear to be approaching an Angry Guard Dog, but walk right past it because they're not in the same tunnel, is Actually Pretty Funny. He then holds up his Maze DVD and asks: "What ARE you?!"
- His reaction to Randy, Maze's Fairy Companion, not only living up to her name, but also being a pedophile and planning to use the very young-looking prince as her mating partner.
- This is swiftly followed by Prince Nuts sniffing Maze's boobs and saying they remind him of his Missing Mom.
- A scene from the first episode sees Mill explaining to Female!Maze that the Jaina Holy Group attacked her town and killed her parents, though Mill's dub VA explains it in a stilted, emotionless tone, leading to this:Sage: (in a similarly bored and uninterested tone) Oh my God, you sound so broken up about it... (shakes his head in disbelief for a few seconds before throwing his hands up in frustration and screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACT!!!!
- Upon finishing up the first episode, Sage begins to wrap things up, only to have a sudden realisation.
- Randy revealing how she smuggled a key into Maze's prison cell* is censored with gunfire, which Sage says was actually the casting director playing target practice with Randy's dub VA for giving her such a squeaky, high-pitched voice.
- As soon as Facts Headspace, the Max Headroom-esque figure from Sage's review of Crisis returns, Sage breaks out a Norton AntiVirus install CD to stop him.
- Sylia gets in contact with Nene through a hidden message in an arcade game, with a high score board containing the names "CHINPOKO" and "B.J.", or as Sage reads it: "Suck a tiny dick"note .
- Bizarrely, the original writers understood the hidden meaning of "B.J." and were able to spell "world" properly (very hard to pronounce properly in Japanese), yet somehow messed up the spelling of "America" and "Stingray" (as "Amerika" and "Stinglay", respectively).
- "Quick! To the Situation Sauna!"
- Togusa encountering a dying old man reminds Sage of a similar plot point in Roujin Z, causing him to threaten to stomp the DVD into oblivion Office Space-style if it also repeats the "Can a person's voice or personality be copied from a photograph?" bit.
- The cameos by Linkara and Viga, with Linkara's fanboying over Pokemon exasperating both Viga and Sage.
- Gabe (still totally blind) effortlessly playing Pokemon GO and Sage's confusion over how Gabe can play touchscreen games at all (complete with a Tommy reference). He's actually impressed for a moment before realizing that Gabe is slacking off work to catch Pokemon.
- "I haven't felt this betrayed when it comes to Pokémon since the Pikablu myth! Ask your older brothers or sisters, kids."
- "I also love the fact that the scientists just keep this framed lithograph of Mew in their lab as if to remind themselves, 'Oh 'that's'' who we cloned!'"
- Playing the DUUUUHN! theme from AKIRA when the lab goes up in flames.
- This line:Mewtwo: Who am I?
- The art thumbnail of Eevee in bandages and a cast.
- "I like to think that Mewtwo just wore a cheap trench coat and fedora BoJack Horseman-style and just walked into the nearest Pokémon Center and hypnotized Nurse Joy into walking out with him. But then again, that's just me wishing I was watching a better movie."
- The Fearow girl tribute.
- "Oh yeah, I just love Pokémon, isn't Pokémon great? I got shoe."
Armitage III: Dual-Matrix
- The intro sequence for Cyberpunk Month, which consists of Sage putting on a different outfit and slowly walking through the outdoors.
- The bizarre evil mechanic, whose voice Sage compares to Jar-Jar Binks.Sage: I hate my job sometimes...
Golgo 13: Queen Bee
- Learning that the president's name is Robert Hardy & the vice president's his brother provides Sage the perfect opportunity to make Hardy Boyz references, referring to the characters as 'BROKEN Rob Hardy' & 'Brother/Vice President Nero' respectively, that point onward.
- At one point, Sage asks Gabe to cook him some bacon and grits. Gabe almost "accidentally" picks up a box of laundry detergent, but decides against it because he thinks it would be too obvious.
- Upon stating that the title character is voiced by John DiMaggio, he lists some of DiMaggio's most famous roles, then given how little Golgo speaks, compares it to casting Gary Oldman as Silent Bob.
- When the anime reveals that Queen Bee has numerous children, Sage immediately asks if she's been drinking Powerthirst.
Twilight of the Dark Master
- Referring to the creepy, incestuous Half-Identical Twins as "The Lutece twins". And before that, asking the audience to guess if they're lovers or siblings before revealing it to be a trick question.
- The Running Gag involving the obvious Punny Name of Dick... Saucer.
- This eventually leads Suave to make a brief appearance, tearfully saying "They grow up so fast!"
- When discussing Mink's distinctive voice, Sage points out that the Japanese voice is just as grating as the dub, going into a brief Madness Mantra of "There's no escape!" Cue a Shout-Out to The Critic with "Wheel Be Right Back" title card.
- Suave still hasn't fully grasped the Internet, even three years after Censor Kaiser reminded him of all the porn he could find on it. He tries to prove to Sage that he's still "with it" by playing audio from an old GI Joe PSA.
- Suave's reaction to hearing that Mimi requires "a large supply of your active-molecules into my rear-drive slot" is the "Hallelujah Chorus" playing over his overjoyed face.
- He does, however, get sick of Akira's continued insensitivity towards others, comparing him negatively to Tenchi who, for all his faults, was at least considerate of others' feelings.Suave: You don't just bubble along in life attracting people, blow them off whenever it suits you, and treat them like crap, and expect them to be there the next day! Because you know what happens? They tell you they're gonna leave for smokes and... never come back.
Bennett: ... Jesus.
Suave: (Beat as he looks more frantic) Go to commercial. I said go to commercia-!
- The intro, where a pissed Sage confronts Suave over his confusing Dragon Ball with Super Kid.
- He grudgingly admits that the movie is better-looking than some of the other Korean anime mockbusters he's previously reviewed, but when the trailer brags about its "detailed animation", he loses it.
- Sage's descriptions of some of the other Super Kids: Big Boy is "Yajirobe if he went in the teleportation pod in The Fly after Krillin peed in it", Chao is "Punished Yamcha", and Samachi is... "Uh, I guess that's our Piccolo".
- Sage describes a monster that the Super Kids fight against as the result of Ultros boinking Shrek. Cut to:Sage: Aaand, nope! Not a single fanfic written or smut piece drawn. You disappoint me, Internet.
- He then proceeds to call the creature "Shrektros".
- He shows a small portion of the battle with "Shrektros", which relies solely on unfunny shtick.Sage: Now take that 25 seconds, stretch it to about 20 minutes, and you have the first act of the movie. JUST... THE FIRST! '''*He slowly starts to build up with rage, exhaling loudly* FFFFFFF-Ned Flanders: Dear Lord! That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard!
- Sage raging at the fact that Super Kid stole music from, of all things, Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, and lamenting not being able to give the game a proper thrashing since he stopped reviewing video games years ago. His Mystic Quest cart even starts "sweating" with fear.
- The Super Kids' defeat of the shapeshifting alien Cacuruse by scaring him with ants is deemed too stupid for the expected "that's how you get ants" joke:
- Sage proposes some Mundane Utility for Gohan's ability to fly - ferry rich yuppies up Mount Everest so they can have bragging rights.
- Sage's disgust at the close-up of Dr. Kochin's mouth:Sage: You just know that Dr. Kochin here is the kind of old geezer that smells like bouillon cubes and gefilte fish.
- He dubs the Everybody Laughs Ending as the opening of Paranoia Agent.
- As part of the Cold Open, Sage makes a speech about how, for all the butchering done to turn the anime into a kid's show, the Di C-dubbed version of Sailor Moon is still important for creating the fandom in North America in the first place. Then, after the opening titles...
- This exchange:
- "Friendship? Again?"
- As Artemis the talking cat is typing on Amy's computer, Sage adds, "And apparently, I can has cheezburger! Those lying sods!" Followed by this:Sage: Eh, I guess you're right. Seeing a cat use a computer to figure out the exact dimensions of an object traveling through outer space really is nothing to write home about. My cat used to bat around a mouse, too! (Laugh Track) I'd like to thank little Timmy Hooper of Superior, Wisconsin for sending in that joke. Way to go, Timmy! You've got a bright future writing for Chuck Lorre.
- This joke comes back a second time
Sage: Oh look, Serena's reduced to a crying heap. That's different. Usually, she's a crying mess! (Laugh Track) Keep 'em coming, Timmy!
- ...And a third.Sage: How do bad vibes lead to an entire planet exploding? Anyone? (Beat) No? (Sage's phone vibrates) Dammit Timmy, give me something good "Mom says I should stop talking to 27-year-old otakus online." Ooh (phone vibrates again) "Mom also says to get mister Suave to call her back."
Suave: (from offscreen) Bitch, don't kill my vibe!
- This joke comes back a second time
- In the first fight scene, Sage jokes how the plants and zombies have entered a cease-fire.
- Sage's jokes about how Rini keeps attempting suicide by trying to kill Serena, her future mother.Sage: How bad of a future do you come from that you actively try to kill yourself by a mother-murder?
- Sage comments on Tuxedo Mask performing some "Olympic-caliber friendzoning" on Fiore.Sage: Put that guy's mug on a box of Wheaties! Or at the very least, a can of Morton Salt.
- When Tuxedo Mask makes his Big Damn Heroes moment near the end, Sage makes a Montage of lyrical references:Sage: A kiss from a rose on the grey leaves Uke-chan feeling strange
(cut to test pattern)
Sage: Shot through the heart, and Tuxedo Mask is to blame
Sage: It seems every rose has its thorn, and Darien's is inside Uke-chan
(test pattern again)
Sage: Darien never knew that an Uke like him could make him feel so sad Rosanna. (pumps fist in victory)
- Between plots, character designs, and animation, Sage comments that Sailor Moon recycles so much, its an honorary Planeteer.
- The ending, where Sage berates Suave for accidentally setting up a review of Super Kid instead of Dragon Ball Z a few episodes ago.Suave: You trying to kill my vibe, too?
Sage: I'm gonna do a whole lot worse if you don't pipe down!
- Sage realizing the movie had its main character discover a Plot Twist by reading a computer screen full of Engrish, mostly copied from a car brochure with the name "GARAGA" inserted randomly.
- Sage once again waits for someone to "go full Garzey's Wing" and starts to light up with childlike glee when the main character's Robot Buddy is destroyed, but his hopes are dashed when the guy simply shoots the robot's killer without the voice actor doing his infamous "Chris scream".
- With a title like Madara, one would expect a Naruto reference or two, and Sage gets one in when he mentions that Big Bad Miroku (no, not that one) wants to "steal [Madara's] chakra". Sage then has to chase Naruto offscreen with a fly swatter.
- Sage's nickname for Kirin: "Wee-Wee Herman", stemming from a scene where she has to take a pee out in the wilderness.
- One look at Kawamata, the salaryman with extra-large eyes, prompts two Spit Take supercuts, along with an unflattering comparison to Brak and Zorak.
- In one scene, one of the titular Judges tends to add "...of darkness" to most of his sentences, so Sage reacts by labeling everything in his collection with "...of darkness" - DVDs of Darkness, VHS Tapes of Darkness, a Shirt of Darkness - even holding up a copy of Tenchi Muyo The Movie 2: The Daughter of Darkness to complete the package.
- Sage asks why Kawamata's defense attorney is charging a ridiculous amount of money for his services. Given his knowledge of the spirit world, he's probably already stupidly rich, and may as well just spend the money on Hookers and Blow. Cut to the defense attorney in a strip club decked out in Pimp Duds while "Where the Hood At?" plays in the background.
- This episode could best be summed up as Testosterone Poisoning: The Review. Highlights include a Running Gag of Sage ripping his shirt open Hulk Hogan-style and going through the entire episode in a grizzled, gravelly voice, to really drive home the manliness.
- Bennett's reaction to Bean's big confrontation with the villainess.[Bean gets shot in the head]Bennett: NOOOO!![Bean survives getting shot]Bennett: YEEEES!![the villainess tries to run Bean over]Bennett: NOOOO!![Bean survives]Bennett: YEEEES!!
- The fact that like Suave's intro back during the Goldenboy review, this would end up being the introduction to Savage.
- Whenever Kyoji!!!!! is mentioned in this episode, it's always screamed or accompanied by multiple exclamation points.
- PRETTY BOYS WITH PROBLEMS!...yeah!◊
- This moment after a little girl comments on a war and wondering why there's still war.
- Every time Sage mentions CLAMP, he shows a picture of Clamps from Futurama.
- Sage's Corpsing over the fact that two of the main characters lose a battle against a swarm of butterflies.
- The return of the "Not to anyone! AAAAAARGH!" scene from Tekken: The Motion Picture.
Mask of Zeguy
- The sound of children cheering whenever Dan Green is mentioned and his character (Toshizo Hijikata) does something awesome.
- Gennai Hiraganote takes out a group of motorcycle-riding werewolves with what amounts to electrified turds, and yet none of the characters bats an eye. Sage compares it to the "pube grenade" scene in Mad Bull 34 if it were played dead straight, and managing to make it sound even more ridiculous with Sleepy explaining to Eddie he was Crazy-Prepared for such a situation.
- "When I grow up, I want to be BRIAN BLESSED!"
- This Bait-and-Switch Comment on the opening scene where Jun's mother is on-screen.Sage: We begin with an outdoor dinner party, celebrating the 18th birthday of a well-to-do family's daughter and holy Christ that's a whale! No, I'm not being sexist, they really are serving an entire whale at this dinner party. Seriously, did Greenpeace key their car or something?
- Savage commenting on Jun's first onscreen fight like it's a pro wrestling match before ripping off his shirt à la Hulk Hogan, only for Sage to turn his head away, annoyed at the sight, only to loudly ask how Savage is suddenly wearing another shirt as soon as he looks back.Savage: Do what?
Galaxy Fraulein Yuna
- As it turns out, Suave and Savage don't get along, partly because Savage keeps unintentionally scaring off Suave's dates.
- After Tsunami makes her offer to Sasami, Sage says she should take it. After all, what's the worst that could hap- (cue static-y Kyubey) -pen?
- Sage asks why Sasami even needs to become a magical girl when she could get the same results (working toward world peace) by joining the Girl Scouts. Cue a picture of the Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon.
- Sage's reaction to Washu's line, "Somebody must be being naughty on the Internet!".
- A random guy saying "This is very annoying" while watching Sasami and Misao transform into their magical girl alter-egos is immediately elevated to "potential Running Gag" status, earning a spot in Sage's joke box alongside "Baoh has a laser cannon!", "...Not to ANYONE!", Mad Bull's grenade jockstrap, and Sachiko calling out Azuma's name in 8 Man After.
- In one scene of Pretty Sammy, Sage notices the shirt on a random bystander has what looks to be a marijuana leaf on it. Cut to Sage dressed up in stoner regalia.◊Sage: Why yes, I do live in California, why do you ask?
- An order for Sammy to get into a Giant Mecha has Sage repeat the order, dressed as Gendo Ikari.
200th Episode (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure OVA)
- Sage flipping out at Araki naming one of his villains after Terrence Trent D'arby.
- After seeing J. Geil's Stand's ability:
- Sage only claims to be joking, but then goes on to say that the Warrior must have been someone's Stand who escaped from his host's body.
- Savage: So that's where he went!
- In order to illustrate just how saccharine the film becomes once Nemo is in dreamland, Bennett notes that watching the show is like being "shot in the face with the whimsy shotgun." Then we see that Savage has a pink shotgun.Savage: WHO SAID SHOTGUN?Savage accidentally shoots Sage and there's a moment of silence as he winces at once he's done.Sage is wearing a flower necklace, is covered in glitter, and has a blue feather on his headSage: turns to the camera and wordlessly spits out a bunch of colorful marshmallows
- The title card, featuring a confused Bennett holding a normal cat version of T-Bone dressed in full SWAT Kats gear.
- Sage gives a rundown of the different types of missiles the Swat Kats have, pausing to take a breath partway. He ends the list saying the Swat Kats may as well have Shark Repellent Missiles. And yet Sage still doesn't give a complete list, neglecting to show the slicer missiles and plain old missiles.
- Sage drooling over Callie Briggs.
- He also have fun with Commander Feral on how much of an overbearing blowhard he is.
- Sage going back to Dark Cat whenever Dark Kat mentions Darkkat City.
- Sage hypothesizes that maybe Frank Miller had been abducted by aliens around 2000, as that marked the decline in his work - when it cuts from Miller's work back to Sage, Sage is now sporting a fashionable Tinfoil Hat.
- When recapping the plot to one episode:
- The entirety of the Cold Open: Sage is on the phone with Integra (complete with Megami33's voice), futilely trying to get assurance that Alucard won't drop by and "have his asshole ripped from his eye sockets"
- Integra is clearly uninterested in trying to stave off Sage's fears (and makes it perfectly clear), including half-heartedly assuring him that she'll cover his medical expenses or, if Sage dies, he'll be given a full military funeral, none of which are comforting to Sage.
- Why is Sage so afraid of Alucard dropping by in the first place? Because Alucard forbade him from reviewing the original Hellsing anime...and Sage went ahead did it anyway. Integra even tears into him about it.
- Even better? Given the footage of the anime used for the scene, Alucard is right there in the room with her as she's on the phone, grinning about the prospect of "ripping [Sage's] asshole from his eye sockets", or at least the fear he's inducing.
- Sage's response to the "repair" scene? Humping Robot!
- Sage noticing how the dorky male protagonist looks like none other than Captain N: The Game Master.
- "Breaking the Fourth Wall to make a dumb joke about how your dirt-simple plot might be too hard for your audience to follow? That's a paddling."
Samurai Shodown: The Motion Picture
- Disappointed that the Samurai Shodown OVA was merely mediocre instead of the trainwreck he was expecting, Sage promises the next episode will end Fighting Game Month with balls-to-the-walls craziness. Savage does his usual Hogan shirt-rip with a Big "YES!" when he sees Sage present Tekken: The Motion Picture (of "Not to ANYONE!" infamy), but lets out an even louder Big "NO!" when he finds out Sage isn't reviewing that, but the OVA of Psychic Force.
- The Psychic Force DVD is a rather bad case of Bad Export for You, as it doesn't bother to translate signs or other establishing text if you're listening to the English dub unless you turn on the subtitles, so Sage warns that you better "know hiragana, or you're a-gana." Cue disinterested rim shot from Suave.
- "'Keith' is not a name one you can dramatically scream at the top of your lungs" without sounding corny. "'Mendoza', yes... 'Keith', no."
- Keith's New Era Speech is being watched on TV by L.
- The placement of "Awkward Tidus Laugh" near the end is even funnier when you learn that James Arnold Taylor voiced Keith Evans. Sage can't decide which of Taylor's characters' laughs sounds dumber.