- The hilarious aversion of Idealized Sex between Carolyn and Buddy Kane. "Fuck me, Your Majesty!"
- "Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus." Dinnertime story of the year.
- "SMILE! YOU'RE AT MR. SMILEY'S!"
- That whole scene is comedic gold, really. Particularly when Lester's coworker comments to Carolyn "Whoa, you are sooooo busted". Carolyn snaps at her that this isn't her concern, and Lester replies, without missing a beat, "Well, actually, Janine is Senior Drive Thru Manager, so you are kind of on her turf." Then he kind of nods at Janine as if to say "I got this."
- Lester's Big "SHUT UP!" moment, in which he throws his plate at the wall, chews out his wife and daughter, and then criticizes the choice of dinner music.
- Janie's response to being asked about her day, "No, Dad. It was spectacular." Thora Birch's utterly deadpan delivery is what sells it.
- When Lester discusses with his boss whether he should keep his job or not.Brad Dupree: (reading Lester's job description) "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell." Well, you obviously have no interest in saving yourself.
Lester Burnham: Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.
Brad Dupree: Whatever. Management wants you gone by the end of the day.
Lester Burnham: Well, just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me? Considering the information I have about our Editorial Director buying pussy with company money - which, I think, would interest the I.R.S., since it technically constitutes fraud; and I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications might like to know about it as well. Not to mention, [grins] Craig's wife!
Brad Dupree: What do you want?
Lester Burnham: One year's salary, with benefits.
Brad Dupree: That's not going to happen.
Lester Burnham: Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?
Brad Dupree: [chuckles in disbelief] Against who?
Lester Burnham: [chuckles right back] Against you! Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?
Brad Dupree: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester: Nope. I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
- Lester's facial expressions while Brad reads out his job description are hilarious.
- Lester on his new Firebird: "The car I've always wanted, and now I have it. I rule!" (fist pump)
- Although it turns very shocking when Carolyn hits her, Jane's brilliant response to her Meaningless Meaningful Words."Mom, I really don't feel like having a Kodak moment."
- Jane is also disgusted by Lester's horrible behaviour when he first meets Angela. The girl herself finds it Actually Pretty Funny - though remarks that it's clear he and Carolyn have not had sex in forever.
- Lester's response to Carolyn saying she feels there's a distance growing between him and Jane.Lester: "Growing"? She hates me.
Carolyn: She's just willful.
Lester: (deadpan) She hates you too.
Funny / American Beauty