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Funny / Alvin and the Chipmunks

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For the albums:

  • On 1982's The Chipmunks Go Hollywood, the cover of "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" is nearly derailed by Alvin complaining that contrary to the lyrics there are all sorts of things better than falling in love, "Like Pac-Man for instance." Dave gets things back on track by telling Alvin that if he doesn't finish the song, he won't get to play Pac-Man for two weeks.
  • The cover of Chariots Of Fire. How do you make a chipmunk cover of a song without vocals? By humming.
    Alvin: I don't think we're doing this song justice.
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  • On The A-Files, the Chipettes contribute to the sci-fi album with Venus...until Jeanette points out a little problem. Brittany doesn't take it well.
    Jeanette: It's not about the planet Venus, it's about the goddess.
    Brittany: Could somebody have told me this before? STOP TAPE!
  • Simon performs for Aaron Tippin a cover of "There Ain't Nothin' Wrong With The Radio"...with "just a few minor changes".
  • The cover to 1962's Christmas with The Chipmunks. Alvin opens a present with Simon and Theodore engaging in Present Peeking. Dave gives them Death Glare while crossing his arms because the calendar shows a date of December 21.
  • In the album, A Very Merry Chipmunk, Alvin decides to give up the harmonica for a saxophone, and ends up receiving pointers from Kenny G. After getting a few tips, Alvin asks, “Now do I suck or blow?” Simon then replies, “You definitely suck.

For The Alvin Show:

For Alvin and the Chipmunks/The Chipmunks:

  • One episode has Alvin suing Brittany on a parody of The People's Court. The best gag is how Alvin proved Brittany was faking her injuries.
    Alvin: Hey look, it's Don Johnson!
    (Brittany leaps out of her wheelchair & excitedly hops up & down)
    Brittany: Where? Where?
    Alvin: A-ha! See your honor, she was faking! note 
    • Earlier in the episode, as Alvin suddenly limps towards the courthouse.
    Simon: What's with the limp?
    Alvin: Just a liiiiittle insurance.
    Simon: What happened to "truth, justice, and the American way"?
    Alvin: This is the American way.
  • In "Snow Job", Alvin learns to ski but ignores Simon's instructions, and he ends up tumbling down and creating a giant snowball, which is heading toward Simon and Theodore:
    (Theodore runs around in a panic)
    Simon: (just stands there) Why can't he just listen for once?
  • The Running Gag with T-shirts the episode where Alvin and Simon help Theodore on his history test. The first is when Columbus (Alvin) arrived. Later the pilgrims came and offered T-shirts to the two indians already wearing the shirts Columbus gave them.
    "More T-shirts?"
    • Then in Custard's Last Stand.
    Alvin as Custard: How about some T-shirts, chief?
    Simon as Sitting Bull: No more stupid T-shirts!
    Alvin as Custard: Okay. Then how about some party favors? Whoopie Cushions?
    Simon as Sitting Bull: Let's charge him!
    Alvin as Custard: No problem. I take credit cards.
    Simon as Sitting Bull: No! We charge you!
  • From the episode "Snow Wrong":
    Brittany: Nobody, but nobody calls my sister a jerk!!!
    Jeanette: Uh... but, you do all the time...
    Brittany: That's different!
  • From "Thinking Cap Trap" when the Chipmunks appear on a game show:
    Host: Alvin, what is syntax?
    Alvin: Syntax... A tax the church collects from sinners?
  • From "The Gang's All Here," Jeanette falls down while roller skating, bringing Brittany down with her.
    Jeanette: Sorry, Brittany. I tell my feet where to go, but they just don't listen to me.
    Brittany: (Grabs Jeanette's foot) GET OFF THE RINK!!!
    Jeanette: But... maybe they'll listen to you instead.
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  • In "My Fair Chipette," a bet arose between Alvin and Brittany that Alvin could turn Jeanette into beauty queen material; when he succeeds, Brittany calls off the bet, desperate to win the beauty pageant, but the funny part is when you really stop and think about the following exchange between the two, It Makes Sense in Context.
    Brittany: Please take the money, Alvin! I'm a desperate woman!
    Alvin: Brittany, let go of my leg!
  • Alvin being rejected from employers in Alvin's Summer Job:
    Employer: ...too short!
    Alvin: *comes back while using stilts*
    Employer: I meant too short on qualifications!
  • In Father's Day Muffins, the muffins ended up too hard and heavy. The Chipmunks kept lowering the price until they literally begged others in buying two muffins per a penny.

For The Chipmunk Adventure:

For Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein:

For Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman:

For Little Alvin and the Mini-Munks:

For the live-action movie with Jason Lee:

  • Dave stealing the muffin basket. Sure he had no right to, but he got something.
  • How the Chipmunks meet Dave, which goes into a funny "battle".
    • Dave sees the Chipmunks in his pantry and trapping Alvin in a winter cap. He places the hat on the counter...only for Alvin to fart right in his face.
    • As the Chipmunks lay over the unconscious Dave, Alvin lists off wet work stuff and then adds oregano.
  • When Dave tells the Chipmunks about how things are gonna be run around his house. Then this little exchange occurs.
    Alvin: Lemme ask you: have you ever written a song before?
    Dave: Yep.
    Alvin: that your music stuff outside?
    Dave: Yep. (thunder rumbles, reminding Dave that his songwriting equipment is soaked in the rain) ...OH, NO!
    Simon: Hurry back!
  • Alvin's deep voice when he sucks in the helium.
  • The climax of the film sees Ian leaving the concert in his limo, with the dog carrier holding the Chipmunks, and Dave chasing after in his car. As Dave is chasing the limo, the Chipmunks pop up next to him.
    Alvin: Step on it, Dave, you're losing him!
  • The Mid-Credit Stinger where Ian tries to get three ordinary squirrels to sing Deck the Halls on the piano. Suffice to say, he fails miserably.
    Ian: Okay, guys. Come on. Let's try it again. Here we go and sing. Come on. Sing for your Uncle Ian. Come on, sing. Why-Why won't you sing? I said sing! (sobbing) Sing! Sing! (pounds on piano keys in despair)

For The Squeakquel:

  • In the opening, Alvin accidentally causes a huge cardboard cutout of himself to come loose and slam right into Dave, sending him flying across the stage and he lands in a shatter of sparks. He is then left in complete traction.
  • Dave has the boys under his aunt Jackie's care. At LAX airport, the Chipmunks meet her and Dave's cousin Toby. Unfortunately, Toby accidentally knocks Aunt Jackie's wheelchair down a flight of stairs while getting the boys' luggage and she crashes into an airport trolley, leaving her hospitalized as well.
  • When hospitalized Dave calls the Chipmunks on the phone.
    Alvin and Simon: Hello?
    Dave: Boys, it's me.
    Alvin and Simon: Dave!?
    Alvin: As in "Dave"?
    Dave: Well, I guess since you answered the phone, you haven't burned down the house yet.
    Alvin: Have a little faith, Dave.
    Theodore: Yeah! (leaps off the pot rack) Mayday! (lands on a pan, which falls and hits the floor with a loud clatter)
    Dave: What was that?
    Simon: (whispers to Alvin) Don't stress him out.
    Alvin: Uh, that was Aunt Jackie. Yeah. She's cooking us a zesty 5-course meal.
    Dave: Really? Well, Can I talk to her?
    Theodore: She's practicing her pole dancing. (Alvin and Simon stare at each other)
    Dave: Pole dancing? What happened to making dinner? Guys, what's going on?
    Alvin: Gotta go, Dave!
    Dave: Alvin, I'm not kidding!
    Alvin: Feel better!
    Dave: ALVIIIIII—-
    Alvin: (hangs up just before Dave finishes) Yup. Nobody does that better than him.
    • Before this when the brothers play in a blender they end up flying across the room:
    Alvin: (giggles) I’m gonna puke.
  • Toby is playing bowling on the Nintendo Wii as the Chipmunks watch. Alvin decides to gives it a try and he tosses the remote, smashing the TV! Suffice to say, Toby's horrified.
    Alvin: Oops! Well, it looks like it's time to play my second favorite game. "Hide the broken TV from Dave!" Wanna play?
    Toby: No!
  • When the Chipmunks and Chipettes come face to face in the school locker room. This scene is Power of Love as Alvin and Brittany, Simon and Jeanette and Theodore and Eleanor gaze dreamily at each other, Foreigner's "I wanna know what Love is" plays which is then cut off by the school bell and the girls walk off while the boys stare completely smitten.
    Jeanette: Oh, that Simon is dreamy!
    Eleanor: I think Theodore was looking at me!
    Brittany: Yeah, I know. But, guys, remember what Ian said? We can't trust them.
    Theodore: Whoa!
    Alvin: Wow!
    Simon: Grrrowl!
    Julie: What happened?
    Alvin: I never thought I'd say this, but pink is my new favorite color.
    Simon: Her glasses were quite fetching.
    Theodore: She's like a beautiful green gumdrop.
    Julie: Okay, well, if you guys wanna do this, you have to pay attention.
    Dr. Rubin: Maybe this is a good time for us to take a break.
    Julie: Good call. Take five.
  • When Alvin encounters Brittany at the lunch table
    Alvin: I just wanted to warn ya about Ian.
    Brittany: What? You should be grateful to him and you broke his heart!
    Alvin: Oh, really? How do I put this gently? He doesn't have one. Oh, and one of the things he did for us was put us in a cage!
    Alvin: Oh, I forgot. 'Cause you weren't there. Uh, Brit, you'd better watch out.
    Brittany: I don't need advice from you!
    Alvin: But, Brittany—
    Brittany: But nothing, Alvin. Ian's taking us straight to the TO-HO-HOP! [she and her tray slide off the end of the counter; the students laugh]
    Alvin: Got it. "Straight to the top." Ironic.
    Brittany: Yeah, funny! (laughs sarcastically)
  • When Dave calls home again and finds out Toby's in charge and he realizes he has to leave the hospital immediately.
    Toby: Hello?
    Dave: Toby? What're you doing at the house? Where's Aunt Jackie?
    Toby: Dave! Hey! Hey, Dave, what's happening? Uh, Aunt Jackie the hospital.
    Dave: Uh, I'm a little worried. Who's watching the boys?
    Toby: I am. (Dave's eyes widen) So, Dave, how's Paris?
    Dave: Wait, are the boys behaving?
    Toby: Absolutely. (stares at the huge mess in the living room) They've been just...peachy.
    Dave: Toby, what's going on?
    Toby: (places a blanket over the shattered TV) Huh? Nothing. Nothing! No, don't even... Don't even worry about it! Y'know, I know you're not supposed to be stressed out, so I'm gonna go right now. But it's all good here. Come home soon! Bye!
    Dave: Toby? TOBY! NURSE! NURSE! GET ME OUTTA HERE! HEEEEELP! (hits the wrong button on his hospital bed remote and is hoisted by his bad leg.)
  • Simon drastically overestimates Ian's intelligence.
    Simon: All right, now the third number is always the toughest to crack... I'll assume it's a prime number, but we can't assume-
    Jeanette: Simon... the first two numbers were one... I'm gonna go with one. ([1]) Ah, it worked!

For Chipwrecked:

  • Alvin doing his usual wreaking mischief on the cruise ship.
    • He spills suntan oil on the deck and the others dance as if ice skating. Dave then slips on the oil sending his drinks flying.
    • Alvin jumping the "Must Be This tall" sign and he rides a shoe down a waterslide like a surfboard. Dave then fishes his shoe out with a skimmer.
    • Alvin barges in on the Chipette's performance and grabbing the mic, to Brittany's exasperation and making up his own rap as she, Jeanette and Eleanor vainly try to snatch the mic back.
    Alvin: Yo! I'm the T to the R to the O-U-bull
    Rockin' non-stop 'till the mic gets dull
    Take what I want, when I want, no holding back
    When I kick a flow, I'm on up on the track
    A to the L to the V-I-N
    When I'm in town, me and all of my friends
    Gonna come through like a hurricane
    Tearing down everything in my way

    (He leaps away as Dave lunges at him)
    Dave: ALLLVIIIIINNNNN!!!!!! (The crowd covers their ears)
  • Throughout his stay at the cruise ship, Dave is constantly pestered by the pelican mascot. Towards the end of Dave's dinner with the captain, the pelican mascot bumps into a waiter, causing him to spill steaming hot gravy on Dave's lap. As Dave heads outside and wipes himself off, he confronts the pelican guy—who turns out to be someone very familiar.
    Dave: Unbelievable! Gravy pants! (sees the pelican mascot nearby) Hey! You got a problem with me?
    Pelican Mascot: Oh, you bet I have problem with you!
    Dave: Why?
    Pelican Mascot: As if you didn't know.
    Dave: I don't know. (The pelican mascot takes his mask off—revealing himself to be none other than Ian Hawke!) Ian? What're you doing here?
    Ian: I'm working, Dave.
    Dave: This is your job?
    Ian: Yeah, not to many record labels are interesting in hiring the guy who blew it with the Chipmunks, blew it with the Chipettes, and passed on Justin Bieber. Twice.
    Dave: Ian, look, I'm sorry you lost your job and your dignity, but spilling things—hot things—on me isn't gonna bring any of that stuff back.
    Ian: You're right, Dave. It's too late for me to get my old life back. But it's not too late to ruin yours.
    Dave: You wanna ruin my life?
    Ian: Why don't we just start with this vacation. If I see those chipmunks break so much as one rule, I'm going straight to Captain Correlli. You're in my house now! Though technically, it's not a house, it's a ship. Point is, I'll be watching you! (points at the pelican heads' googly eyes, then at Dave, then starts to leave.) Like a hawk! (puts the pelican head on backwards so it stares at Dave)
  • Dave shows the Chipmunks to a shuffleboard deck.
    Dave: You're all lucky Captain Correlli has allowed you one more activity.
    Alvin: Is it hang gliding, wakeboarding or bungee jumping?
    Dave: Nope. Shuffleboard.
    Chipmunks & Chipettes: AWW!
    Simon: By my calculations, it appears to be 10% shuffle, 90% bored.
    Jeanette: Hehe! That's funny.
    Simon: Th-th-thanks. You really think so?
  • As the Chipmunks play shuffleboard, while Dave lounges nearby, Alvin imitates an announcer and gets under Brittany's skin. Eventually, Alvin gets a very mischievous idea.
    Alvin: Brittany approaches her puck, adjusts her stance, looks over at me, quite annoyed, wonders to herself if I'm ever gonna shut up. Realizes I'm not and makes her move. (Brittany shoves the puck...which stops just at the other side of the white line) And... Aww! It's short! (cackles) A costly error, ladies and gentlemen, that's gonna haunt her for the rest of her career!
    Brittany: (laughs mockingly) Make all the jokes you want, Alvin, but not even you can make this interesting.
    (Alvin looks and spots a chubby boy flying a kite nearby. By the end of the shuffleboard Theodore eats donuts.)
    Alvin: Oh, really? Well, care to make it interesting that I can make it interesting?
    Simon: Alvin, what're you up to? Need I remind you Dave's watching us?
    Alvin: Simon, the poor guy hasn't had a moment's peace since he met us. He's exhausted. Check this out. In three, two, one. (snaps fingers) Lights out. (Dave falls asleep) Naptime! Time to turn punishment into funishment! Hah! Get it? I took the "pun" in punishment and and turned it into fun but kept the "ishment." It's wordplay!
    Simon: Uh-huh.
    Brittany: What?
  • Alvin trades a bowl of donuts for the fat boy's kite and rides it like a hang glider. Unfortunately, it eventually results with them drifting out to sea.
    Alvin: I can see Russia from here!
    (Theodore and the Chipettes hold onto the kite string, while Simon stands aside with his arms crossed)
    Theodore: C'mon, Simon, grab on!
    Simon: Forget it! All I ever do is try to save him, and it only gets me in trouble! (He turns away. Suddenly, looking back, he sees the kite lifting the others into the air!)
    Alvin: This won't end well!
    Jeanette: SIMON! DO SOMETHING!
    Simon: Oh, seriously? (leaps for the string and struggles to pull the others back down)
    Eleanor: Simon! Help!
    Simon: Alvin's gotten himself in a bind! Looks like it's Simon saving him again! (ties the string to a leg on Dave's lounge chair. Theodore and the Chipettes give a relieved sigh)
    Alvin: Ha! Thanks, bro!
    (The lounge chair moves! Simon grabs the chair to resist the drag, but the kite gives out drags the chair across the deck!)
    • As Chipmunks lift into the sky, Theodore grabs a donut from the fat boy's hand.
    Theodore: Thank you!
    • Alvin desperately tries to keep Dave asleep as the kite string drags the latter's chair across the ship's deck.
    Alvin: Rock-a-bye, Davey, on the lounge chair! If awake, you'll pull out your hair
  • When Dave sees the Chipmunks flying out to sea on the kite, he quickly tries to follow them on a hang glider, when Ian arrives in his pelican suit.
    Ian: Oh, no, no, no, no! Wanna go hang gliding? Sign up at the excursion desk like everyone else!
    Dave: Ian, you don't understand!
    Ian: Oh, I think I do! Dave Seville's so special that the rules don't apply to him!
    Dave: Let go!
    Ian: No, you let go!
    (As Ian tries to unbuckle Dave's harness, when a gust of wind carries the hang glider out to sea, taking Dave and Ian with it!)
    Both: AAAH!
    Ian: Aww, great!
    Dave: Oh, my god!
    Dave: Ian!
    Ian: You idiot!
    Both: AAAH!
    (Dave and Ian fall from the hang glider and plunge into the ocean. They break the surface panting.)
    Ian: Oh, no! No! No! No! (The ship sails into the distance without them.) Great! Way to go, Seville!
    Dave: Me?!
    Ian: Yeah, you!
    Dave: HEY!
    Ian: Save your breath, Dave. They'll come back for me.
  • The wind carries Alvin and the others as all six chipmunks are stranded at sea.
    Alvin: In retrospect, this was a bad idea. We're losing altitude!
    (As Theo's floating on a donut as a inter tube at the end of the kite string)
    Theodore: I don't think I can make it much longer! I'm so hungry! Just one bite?
    Simon: No.
    Theodore: A nibble?
    Simon: No nibbles!
    Theodore: Can I at least lick the glaze?
    Simon: The glaze is what's keeping you alive, Theodore! Its high-fat content is creating a water-proof barrier.
    Theodore: I'm gonna starve to death!
    Jeanette: Actually, there are many ways that would kill you before starvation: dehydration, sunstroke—
    Eleanor: [gasps] An island!
    Jeanette: No, an island would probably be helpful. So if you see one you should definitely say something.
    Brittany: Uh, Jeanette? [gestures towards the island]
    Jeanette: Oh!
  • When the exhausted, drenched chipmunks arrive on the island shore.
    Alvin: We're alive! We're alive!
    Brittany: Good! 'Cause now... I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!
    Simon: Guys, guys, guys! Nobody is killing anybody! [angrily grits his teeth at Alvin] No matter how much he deserves it.
    Alvin: Thanks, Si. Though I could've done without the passive aggression. (clears throat) Look, we've got nothing to worry about. Dave knows we're gone by now. He probably has the whole coast guard looking for us. Meantime, why don't we all just relax and have some donut?
    (Theodore has already eaten the whole donut. He faces the others with wide eyes.)
    Theodore: Did you guys want some?
    (All groan)
    • The terrified expression Alvin has on his face as the incensed Brittany looms over him before Simon comes between them just sells it.
  • To make a fire, Simon demonstrates a magnifying glass by using his specs to reflect the sun's light. When Jeanette compliments him on it being impressive, Simon gets distracted and accidentally redirects the beam to his foot.
    Simon: HOT! HOT! HOT! [limps around the beach and jumps into the ocean] Ah...
  • The entire scene where the Chipmunks are fighting over sharing a mango while hunting in the forest.
    Alvin: Ow! My acorns!
    • When Eleanor gets a hold of the mango, she imitates Gollum:
    Eleanor: My precious! My precious!
    • Culminating in Jeanette stopping the fight holding the mango above her.
    Jeanette: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! Look at us! One day on this island, and we've become...ANIMALS!
  • When Alvin tries to get an amnesiac Simon's attention.
    Brittany: "Alvin? You’re starting to sound like Dave."
    —>Cut to another part of the island as Dave wakes up from hearing the Alvin's echoing scream in the dark of night. Then shrugs and lays back down on the manmade nest. Then Ian tries to nab Dave's macaroni necklace that Theo made him. But Dave, without even opening his eyes, swats his hand at Ian.
  • Zoe crosses a huge fallen tree over a gorge holding Theodore and Eleanor in a basket. Peeking over the steep canyon, the two chubby chipmunks hold each other tight. Eventually, Zoe reaches the other side, with Theo and Ellie still trembling.
    Zoe: Wasn't that a pleasant ride?
    Eleanor: Good thing we don't wear pants.
  • On the beach, Brittany is intrigued by Alvin collecting wood to build a shelter, having reached a level of humility and maturity to become more responsible. Just when they are about to build a rapport with each other, Alvin quickly ruins it by rejecting her help and competitively building his own shelter independently.
  • As everyone sails out on the open ocean after escaping the island's volcanic eruption: Even after Ian Hawke's sincere Heel–Face Turn, the Chipmunks still don't quite trust him.
    Ian: 'Sup? [reaches out his hand to for a dap from Alvin; Alvin doesn't dap him] What? No love for Uncle Ian?
    Brittany & Eleanor: YOU PUT US IN CAGES!
    Ian: What?! Seriously? Are we still talking about that?! New subject: I saved Dave's life!

For Road Chip:

  • This Hilarious Brick Joke Alvin has arranged a wild birthday party for Dave (without his permission of course)
    Alvin: When I say "party," you say "Alvin!" PARTY!
    Crowd: ALVIN!!!
    Alvin: PARTY!
    Crowd: ALVIN!!
    Alvin: PARTY!
    Dave: (unplugging the music) 'ALLLVIIIIINNNNN!!!!!!'
    Alvin: Um... Surprise?
    Theodore: Uh-oh!
    Simon: Oh, boy.
    Brittany: Uh, if anyone needs us, we'll just be... (whispers) across the country.
    • Gets an even louder reprise when Dave finds out the boys left the house, seeing them on TV performing in the Mardi Gras parade.
  • Miles is holding a coke can in his hand when he sees Ashley for the first time, he gazes so smitten that he unwittingly spills his can of coke—all over Theodore!
  • This little exchange
    Dave: I thought you were mature enough to take care of yourselves!
    Alvin: That's insulting. We're very mature!
    (A loud fart is heard)
    Theodore: Heheh! Sorry. Pizza toots.
  • The first confrontation with Agent James Suggs after Theodore causes the cargo pets to go loose on the plane. Suggs then reveals to the Chipmunks that he hates them for one of their songs causing his girlfriend dump him in favor of his fandom towards the Chipmunks.
    James Suggs: You provided the soundtrack to my heartbreak! But now it's payback time! I'm putting you three on the No-Fly List!
    Chipmunks: What?! But we gotta get to Miami!
    James Suggs: See, I'm an air marshal. I'm all-powerful, I'm all-seeing and I'm all-knowing.
    Alvin: Then you obviously know that you just made that entire speech with your tie in a cup of coffee.
    (Suggs pulls his tie out of the mug. Miles tries not to laugh.)
    James Suggs: D'oh! I'll be back in two minutes.
    Alvin: You also still have a little parrot poop on your shirt.
    James Suggs: 10 minutes. And one more thing. Don't even think about leavin'. I have a very particular set of skills. Skills that I've acquired for a very long—
    Alvin: You just put your hand on an ink pad.
    (Suggs lifts his hand. His palm has ink on it.)
    James Suggs: 15 minutes. (leaves)
  • As Suggs chases the Chipmunks and Miles out of the bar saloon!
    Alvin: Whoopsie!
    Suggs: ...take a little nap... (passes out)
  • The Chipettes spend most of the movie on a tour to judge American Idol, to the the Chipmunks' (well, mainly Alvin's) jealousy.
    Brittany (on TV): You're going to Hollywood!
    Alvin: Aw! I always wanted to say that!
    • Later, Alvin gets his chance to say the phrase as he rallies the girls for his plan to make things up with Dave.
  • When Suggs confronts the Chipmunks in New Orleans.
    (Theodore looks in a hat set for tips)
    Theodore: Alright! A tater tot! Looks like our luck is finally turning around!
    Suggs: It's not.
    Simon: Oh, no! Suggs?!
    Suggs: Hello, boys!
    Simon: How'd you find us?!
    Suggs: Ahaha! I'm an air marshal! Law enforcement's my life. Now we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
    Alvin: My brothers and I would like to discuss our options!
    Suggs: You only got one option: Chipmunk Jail! With tiny little bars, a tiny little barbed wire fence, a tiny toilet, and a tiny yard where you can lift your tiny little weights!
    Theodore: It sounds adorable.
  • Suggs gives chase to the Chipmunks, only to get hit in the face with a trombone, and getting absolutely drunk during the Mardi Gras parade. The next morning, he wakes up in a hotel room with other passed out people.
    Suggs: Oh... Where am I? What's this? (moves a carnival mask aside to find a man underneath) YAAAAAAH!
    Vito: Suggs!
    Suggs: Who are you?
    Vito: It's Vito, the band's manager, remember?
    Suggs: The only thing I remember is being attacked by a trombone.
    (Vito helps Suggs up to his feet)
    Vito: Oh, right, yeah. You got that crazy bump on your head. You didn't care, though. You just wanted to party! We hit every jazz club in the Quarter.
    Suggs: What do you mean, "We"?
    Vito: You, me and those dope Chipmunk dudes.
    (Suggs stares at Vito in horror)
    Suggs: I partied with those tree-skunks?!
    Vito: They're the ones who dared you to get that sassy tattoo!
    Suggs: What? What? (unbuttons his shirt and gasps at a tattoo that reads "sugg life" on his chest) How could I have let them talk me into this?!
    Vito: Oh, no, you asked for that one. The other one was their idea.
    (Suggs slowly turns to Vito)
    Suggs: What "other one"? (There's a huge tattoo on his back displaying the Chipmunks with the phrase "Munks for Life". Suggs looks in the mirror and shrieks in horror.) YAH! Aaaah....
  • Suggs is equipped with a yellow cab, to his extreme disappointment.
    Suggs: Are you kiddin' me right now? Ya know what this is? This is a roller skate with wheels!
    Rent-A-Car Employee: Pretty sure roller skates come with wheels.
    Suggs: Ah! (snatches his rental agreement and gets angrily into the car) It's like Tweety Bird!
    Rent-A-Car Employee: Buckle up!

For ALVINNN!!! and the Chipmunks: