- Hatter explains his nickname:Hatter: Do you know why they call me Hatter?Alice: (looks up) Because you wear a hat?Hatter: (beat) ... No.
- The look on Alice's mother's face when Alice and Hatter, almost immediately after meeting for the "first time", start kissing like long-lost lovers.
- Anything and everything that Charlie says is essentially hilarious. Though his interactions with Hatter and, later, speaking to his troops of skeletons as if they understand him are the best examples.
- Galadoon....de booshe..
- [really fast]"Down here! Take the second left at the stairs that lead up to the third floor! Then, after the double doors, take the third walkway on the right over the fitness center to reception B and ask SHEILA!"
- "The stars are aligned in a cosmic rrrrray of HOPE!"
- The Queen's reaction after the newly-revived March Hare insults her. "He's perfect!"
- "Piss...off...you...cow." It's the Bronx accent that does it.
- The Ten of Clubs has his moments.
- "But Your Majesty is so good at explaining things!"
- In what must have been the only decent take of the scene, Charlie's horse takes a piss just before Hatter charges in on horseback to rescue Alice from the Queen's Suits.
Funny / Alice (2009)