Funny / Alex Meyers

Descendants

Series-wide

• He compares Prince Ben's hair to that of Justin Bieber.

Descendants 2

• A subplot involves Carlos wanting to ask Jane out to the cotillion, but is too scared to say anything to her. So he has Mal make him a truth serum that will make him say exactly how he feels about things, including how he feels about Jane. Alex thinks how ridiculous this is and tries to imagine what would have happened afterwards:
  Alex (as Jane): Oh, hey, Carlos. I heard you wanted to ask me something.
  Alex (as Carlos): Yeah, you ever notice how in A Goofy Movie, Roxanne and her dad are completely different kinds of dogs? Like, what's up with that? Unless her mom remarried or something, which means Roxanne's living with her deadbeat stepdad? That's kind of dark if you think about it. ("Jane" briefly looks away, thinking, "Somebody save me") Like, how come we never learn anything about her? And then in the second movie, she's not even there? Like, what's going on with that? Also, you want to go to prom?
• His dislike of Dude after accidentally being given the ability to speak with the aforementioned truth serum.
  "Ohh... It's... It's a... It's a talking dog movie now... Ohhh..."
  • And when Dude accompanies the others back to the Isle of the Lost...
    Carlos: I told you to stay!
    Dude: I flunked obedience class.
    Alex: (laughs) 'Cause, see, he's a dog, and he flunked... (laughs, then starts gagging)
  • "Every time the dog talks in this movie, it's just... it's like... I mean, it's like what I imagine menstrual cramps feel like."
• When Mal returns to the Isle of the Lost, it is revealed that her hair has bangs, which Ben notices when he goes over to the Isle to apologize to her for his behavior. Alex notices as well and pauses his review of the movie to rant about it, saying that while he knew things were getting tough for Mal, he didn't know they were so bad as to give bangs a try:
  "You know, this is kind of one of those things, like, every girl goes through, where, for some reason, you think you might want bangs, and then you get them, and, aw, crap, now you look like Dora the Explorer. So then you grow them back out for the next, like, six months, and finally, when you're feeling good about yourself, and one night, while you're asleep, this little fairy flies into your room and just whispers in your ear, 'But what if you got bangs again? Heheheheheheh!'"
• He remarks that the reason Ben cries out in anguish during the climax as Mal and Uma do battle is because he remembered that his mother forgot to buy more Pop-Tarts.

Harry Potter

The Philosopher's Stone

• He describes Dudley Dursley as the perfect example of why he got a vasectomy.
• The way he describes each of the four Houses:
  Gryffindor: for kids who are brave and just
  Ravenclaw: for the emo goths
  Slytherin: for future politicians
  Hufflepuff ^note spelt as "Herrfflperff": for kids who nEVER SHUT UP ABOUT BEING IN HUFFLEPUFF
• "Dumbledore? Heh, more like 'Dumb-as-a-door'!"
• His imitation of Dumbledore's speech to the students:
  "Welcome to your new school, kids! Uh... if you go upstairs, you'll die, if you go in the forest, you'll die, if you use the wrong bathroom, you'll probably die. Okay, here's some licorice! Have fun."
• During the Sorting Hat scene, Alex wonders what a Muggle version of the hat would be like:
  Muggle!Sorting Hat: Ah, now you... you think you're much more attractive than you actually are and have no redeeming personality traits whatsoever! Looks like you're going to be a TikToker!
• He explains why Quidditch is a dumb sport and gives a Real Life analogy, comparing the sport to football and compares the role of a seeker to a kid playing Pokémon Snap in the middle of the field, ending the game by taking a perfect picture of a Pikachu.
• During the scene where Harry sees his deceased parents in the mirror, he's drawn with a Batman mask.
• After Dumbledore explains how the Mirror of Erised works:
  Harry: "My deepest desires", huh? Alright, let me try this again.
  (He looks into the mirror, only to see Robotnik in a bikini)
  (Beat)
  Harry: ...Am I okay?
• The punishment for staying up late at Hogwarts? Being sent into the dark, evil forest teeming with giant spiders, centaurs, and weird dudes who eat unicorns.
• Alex's disbelief that Harry defeated Voldemort through The Power of Love.

The Chamber Of Secrets

• This joke during the Cat!Hermione scene:
  Alex: (narrating) ...And that's the moment when something strange awoke inside young Ron Weasley that would change his internet search history forever!
• Tom Marvolo Riddle trying to come up with a cool anagram of his name:
  Tom: (writing) "Lover Tom Ram Dild-" ...Okay, I should probably get some sleep.

Prisoner of Azkaban

• Calling the Dementors an analogy for High School.
• He points out how Daniel Radcliffe's eyes look absolutely nothing like the actress who played Lily Potter, but look remarkably similar to Gary Oldman's, meaning, in the movie verse at least, Harry has Sirius' eyes, giving some interesting implications.

Home Alone

Home Sweet Home Alone

• "Hey, you ever notice how our daughter kinda looks like your yoga instructor?"
• "'Jam and Peff'? Am I dying?"