Thoros joking with King Robert that he became a red priest because the robes hid the winestains so well. This caused the latter to laugh so hard he spit ale all over Cersei's silken mantle.
Jaime "explaining" his new hairdo:
Ser Robin Ryger: How is it that you've lost your golden hair? Jaime: I hope to blind my enemies with the sheen off my head. It's worked well enough for you.
When Jaime, Cleos Frey and Brienne are journeying away from Riverrun, and they come across an inn. Also doubles as a Moment of Awesome for Jaime Lannister:
Crossbowman: Why's this one in irons? Jaime: Killed some crossbowmen.
Arya describing her group participating in combat:
In his chainmail shirt with a sword in his hand, Gendry looked almost a man grown, and dangerous. Hot Pie looked like Hot Pie.
When Hot Pie introduces himself to the people his group was arming themselves against:
"Aye, and good for you." The man smiled. "It's not every day I meet a lad with such a tasty name. And what would your friends be called, Mutton Chop and Squab?"
Arya decides to go with Squab to avoid giving her real name. Gendry, taking his lead from Arya not to give his real name, introduces himself as "the Bull". Arya's opinion on his move:
She could not blame him for preferring Bull to Mutton Chop.
They all go to the same inn as Brienne and Jaime earlier, and Arya and Hot Pie introduce themselves again, this time to Sharna:
Sharna: Where is this hot pie? Hot Pie: Here. Me. It's my name. And she's ... ah ... Squab. Sharna: Not under my roof. I give my diners and my dishes different names, so as to tell them apart.
True to her word, Sharna refers to Hot Pie as Boy. Only there is another boy with her, and she calls both of them Boy. Hot Pie tells Arya it's going to be confusing.
While staying at the inn, Tom of Sevenstreams picks a bad time for a song:
Tom:(singing) A lonely inn on a forest road, the innkeep's wife was as plain as a toad...
Lem Lemoncloak: Shut up with that now or we won’t be getting no rabbit!
Unfortunately, the sarcasm flies over the head of the sleepy Pod, so Tyrion has to spell his order out for him.
Tyrell moments:
The entirety of Sansa's dinner with Margaery and her family members, where Margaery and her grandmother try to find out what Joffrey is really like, all while Butterbumps, the Tyrell family's fool, sings "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" at increasingly ridiculous volumes. Another highlight is Olenna referring to her own son as "Lord Puff Fish".
Olenna fires off funny moments as only a clever old woman who no longer cares who she offends can. After several blatant attempts by the entertainers at Joffrey's wedding to curry favor with their hosts:
"I hope they play 'Rains of Castamere.' It's been ten minutes since I heard it last; I've forgotten how it goes."
Jon breaks his oath and beds Ygritte. He swears upon himself that it won’t happen again.
Jarl threatens to throw a bucket of water over the pair of them in the morning if they don't hurry up
Before that Jon is embarrassed and uncomfortable with Ygritte always sleeping next to him. His response is to get Ghost to sleep between him and Ygritte to get her to give him some space (with Jon considering the absurdity of the situation).
Jon Snow asks Tormund Giantsbane if the story about the latter killing a giant is true. He had cut open the belly of a sleeping female giant to crawl inside and keep warm. When the spring came and she woke up, she "adopted" him as her child and suckled him for 3 months before he could escape. He couldn't bear to kill her after those 3 months and still misses the taste of giant milk sometimes.
Tormund: I never did, but see you don't go spreading that around. Tormund Giantsbane has a better ring to it than Tormund Giantsbabe.
This conversation:
Ygritte: So, d'you believe us now, Jon Snow? Did you see the giants on their mammoths? Tormund: Har! The crow's in love! He means to marry one! Longspear Ryk: A giantess? Tormund: No, a mammoth! Har!
Later on during Brienne and Jaime's journey, there's another moment that's both funny and awesome when the party's attacked by outlaw archers. Jaime rides straight at them to scatter them and is halfway there before it occurs to him that "the wench had better follow before they realise they're being charged by an unarmed man in chains".
On the subject of Jaime/Brienne moments, a lot of what happens in the bear pit is Actually Pretty Funny. First, Jaime tries very heroically to take down the bear with a thrown human jawbone... and misses by about a yard, because he's not so good with his left hand. Then the two of them get into an argument about who should get behind who, since she's a woman with a fake sword and he's a man with no sword and no hand to hold it in. Then he gets sick of the argument and just shoves her over.
Brienne (shocked): Kingslayer! Jaime (correcting her): Jaime. Brienne: What are you doing? Jaime: Something stupid. Get behind me. Brienne: I have the sword, you get behind!
When Jaime, Cleos, and Brienne are traveling through the Riverlands, they come across the famously beautiful namesake pool of Maidenpool, only to discover that it's full of rotting corpses. Brienne and Cleos react with horror. Jaime takes one look at it and starts singing a song about pretty bathing maidens.
Tyrion's dismissive snark during the exchange that precedes adds a layer of black humor:
Tywin(incredulous): You shot me. Tyrion: You always were quick to grasp a situation, my lord. That must be why you're the Hand of the King. Tywin: You... you are no... no son of mine. Tyrion: Now that's where you wrong, Father. Why, I believe I'm you writ small. Do me a kindness now, and die quickly. I have a ship to catch. (Tywin does what his son asked him, for once, and empties his bowels)
For many readers, the death of Joffrey in the same book; after EVERYTHING he's done is insanely satisfying and hilarious depending on how much you hated the little prick which honestly is probably a lot.
At Joffrey's wedding, Tyrion takes his Deadpan Snarker qualities up to eleven when he thinks:
Tyrion(in thought): My own wedding is looking much better in hindsight.
Kraznys: I will feed her jellied dog brains, and a fine rich stew of red octopus and unborn puppy. Missandei: Many delicious dishes can be had here, he says.
"Cersei is a lying whore. She's been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know."
Given the circumstances of the scene, definitely Black Comedy.
Tywin: Willas is heir to Highgarden, and by all reports a mild and courtly young man, fond of reading books and looking at the stars. He has a passion for breeding animals as well, and owns the finest hounds, hawks, and horses in the Seven Kingdoms. Tyrion's thoughts: A perfect match. Cersei also has a passion for breeding.
When Beric Dondarrion and co are trying to blame a captured Sandor Clegane for the murder of just about everyone the Lannisters have ever killed. In what is possibly the finest Shut Up, Hannibal! moment of the entire series, Sandor tells them exactly what he thinks of them and their hypocrisy and also invites them to "shove their swords up their arses". Also a Moment of Awesome.
Pyp offers Edd's name as a joke nomination for Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, and is the only one to vote for him.
When the contenders are asked to give their "platform speeches", as it were:
Dolorous Edd: I would just like to say to any who would vote for me that I would certainly make an awful Lord Commander. But so would all these other fools.
The next time the votes are counted, he has two.
And when Stannis summons the candidates to browbeat them into electing someone immediately, Edd is included with the senior leaders of the Watch.
For those following the TV show, this becomes Hilarious in Hindsight as Edd ends up being appointed Lord Commander by Jon who won this election.
That said, Joffrey saying the technically true thing about Tywin "hiding under Casterly Rock" was an even bigger Refuge in Audacity and probably the most gutsy thing someone has ever told to Tywin. Everyone has an Oh, Crap! moment, except for Tyrion, who thinks it's Actually Pretty Funny and brings it up again after Joffrey's departure, despite Tywin's Death Glare.
Oberyn Martell talks to Tyrion about his dead older sister Elia and says that he was as close to her as Jaime is to Cersei. Tyrion thinks to himself, "Gods, I hope not." A quite funny moment in an otherwise sad scene.
Roose Bolton shows his Faux Affably Evil to the full when after having her injuries treated and serving her a nice meal, he casually gives Brienne back to the Brave Companions, telling her that she'd better worry less about Starks and more about sapphires. Despicable, but funny.
After spending three books watching people killing and dying over sex and marriage, it's somewhat hilarious to find out that the only reason Oberyn Martell is (mostly idly) considering Cersei's offer of marriage is because his consort is kinky and they've been looking all over Westeros for a blonde third.
A singer at Joffrey's wedding sings about the battle on the Blackwater, and Tyrion adds his own line.
Singer: The dark lord assembled his legions, they gathered around him like crows. And thirsty for blood they boarded their ships... Tyrion: ... and cut off poor Tyrion's nose.
When Gendry and Arya are in a tavern, a girl gloats that she might be Robert Baratheon's daughter and immediately offers to "ring his bell". After bickering with Arya, Gendry even threatens to take her up on it.
This scene is even funnier when reading Arya's thoughts about the girl's claims.
Arya: The girl did have hair like the old king's, a great thick mop of it, as black as coal. That doesn't mean anything, though. Gendry has the same kind of hair too. Lots of people have black hair.
Another CMOF is when a client mistakes Arya for a child prostitute, Gendry defends her telling she's his sister and the man (quite rightly) replies:
What kind of brother are you? I’d never bring no sister of mine to the Peach, that I wouldn’t.
Edmure Tully's pretty accurate assessment of his future father-in-law, Walder Frey.
Catelyn: Lord Walder seems amiable. Edmure: A few barbed words and some unseemly gloating. From him, that's courtesy. I half-expected the old weasel to piss in our wine and make us praise the vintage.
Dany's negotiation with the slaver, who thinks she cannot understand his language (she can), so he pulls no punches when addressing her through an interpreter, and the interpreter has to heavily edit his speech.
Made even better when Daenerys starts shouting orders to her newly-purchased Unsullied - in High Valyrian. The slaver realizes that she could understand him the entire time...
When Littlefinger marries Lysa Arryn, everyone in the room below them, including Sansa can hear them having sex. Or rather, can hear Lysa having sex, very loudly. She told everyone she expected Petyr to make her scream, after all, and boy does he deliver. (Gods only knew what Petyr was thinking during this bit.)
After driving off the first Wildling attack, Jon places Grenn in command of the wall
Grenn:Me? Pyp:Him? Jon Snow:(thinking) It was hard to tell which of them was more horrified. Grenn: But b-but what do I do if the Wildings attack again? Jon Snow: Stop them.
After another battle he places Pyp in charge. He and Grenn then repeat this exchange, and Jon just shakes his head and smirks.
Janos Slynt tries flattery, telling Stannis he should help appoint a commander of the Night's Watch. Stannis' response is to tell Slynt that if he wants Stannis to force the election, he should be honest about it, then going on a tirade about how corrupt Slynt was, and saying anybody, even the cook, would be better.
This exchange between Samwell and Clydas on the votes for Hobb.
Samwell: Who are these five who keep voting for Three-Finger Hobb? Clydas: Brothers who want him out of the kitchens?
Tyrion's Deadpan Snarker inner monologue when Oberyn Martell has lost the trial by combat.
I put my life in the Red viper's hands, and he dropped it. When he remembered, too late,that snakes have no hands, Tyrion began to laugh hysterically.
There's also Tyrion's thoughts when he sees how many people have turned up for his trial by combat.
We should have held this in the Dragonpit. We could have charged a penny a head and paid for Joffrey's wedding and funeral both.
When Jaime is breaking Tyrion out of prison so he can go on the run:
Jaime: You might do well to take another name. Tyrion: Another name? Oh, certainly. And when the Faceless Men come to kill me, I'll say, 'No, you have the wrong man, I'm a different dwarf with a hideous facial scar.'
"Handless and noseless - The Lannister boys!"
Stannis and Selyse's less-than-stellar married life is easily summarized by this exchange:
Selyse: Robert and Delena defiled our bed and laid a curse upon our union. This boy is the foul fruit of their fornications. Lift his shadow from my womb and I will bear you many trueborn sons, I know it. He is only one boy, born of your brother's lust and my cousin's shame. Stannis: He is mine own blood. Stop clutching me, woman.
Threatened with being appointed Dany's cook Ser Barristan calmly replies he would be honored and gives his qualification for the job; "I can bake apples and boil beef as well as any man, and I've roasted many a duck over a campfire. I hope you like them greasy, with charred skin and bloody bones." This draws a smile from Daenerys despite her intentions to stay pissed off with Barristan.
Sam tries to fasten his swordbelt above his belly once, because it kept falling off, and got this little story from Dolorous Edd:
I knew a man once who wore his sword on a chain around his neck like that. One day he stumbled, and the hilt went up his nose.
Just the cartoonish, physical impossibility of that alone is hilarious...
During Joffrey's wedding, Lady Olenna comes over to talk to Sansa and Tyrion, sparing neither the barbs that earned her nickname, "The Queen of Thorns." After pricking Tyrion one too many times...
Tyrion was beginning to wonder whether Lord Luthor Tyrell had ridden off that cliff intentionally.
Mance Rayder mentioning he saw Jon as a child when he was in the Night's Watch and came to Winterfell. Jon remembers he and Robb dumped a mountain of snow on Fat Tom and he chased them around the yard.
While being strangled by a wight, Samwell attempts to free himself by kicking it between the legs. He ultimately freed himself by shoving himself forward and knocking the wight over.
Jaime gets Vargo Hoat to stop the Brave Companions from raping and/or killing Brienne by falsely telling Hoat that Tarth, Brienne's birthplace, is called 'the Sapphire Isle' for the fortune in sapphires there, which Brienne's father would pay as ransom (It is called that, but only because it has very blue waters). It's also a Heartwarming Moment.
In a Black Comedy fashion, Jaime reminisces as he just killed King Aerys, Ser Roland Crakehall and Ser Elys Westerling burst into the hall and an awkward silence ensued as none of them knew what exactly happened and what to do now. Especially since Jaime is the oldest son to their liege lord and was supposed to guard the king he had just murdered.
Roland Crakehall: Shall I proclaim a new king as well? Jaime Lannister: (thinks about the possible kings then a Beat ensues) Proclaim who you bloody well like.
During the Brotherhood's stay at Acorn Hall, Lady Smallwood insists that Arya take a bath and dress like a proper highborn lady. When Gendry sees Arya come to dinner in a dress, he laughs so hard that wine comes out his nose and Harwin has to give him a Dope Slap.
Followed by his hilariously awkward attempts to compliment her. Apparently Gendry's approach to flattering girls is comparing them to plant life. Though to be fair to Gendry, Arya initiated the plant life simile.
Arya: "I look like an oak tree, with all these stupid acorns." Gendry: "Nice, though. A nice oak tree."
Oberyn tells Tyrion a story: when he and his sister Elia were younger, she had many suitors, all of whom Oberyn made fun of. She was thinking about marrying Baelor Hightower, until he farted in front of them and Oberyn nicknamed him "Baelor Breakwind". Afterwards she couldn't look at him without laughing, and eventually married Rhaegar Targaryen, which of course led to disaster. Tyrion's inner monologue provides the saddest line in the entire book series, ever:
"He wondered how many lives had been snuffed out by that fart."
Under siege by wildlings, the Night's Watch has scarecrows posted along the Wall. When the battle starts, they name the scarecrows for their absent brothers and start placing bets on which will catch the most arrows. Dolorous Edd scarecrow was in the lead until the last attack when Watt scarecrow got hit by 3 arrows in the chest.
Dolorous Edd on the luck of Watt, a fellow member of the Watch, when told the above:
Edd: I never win anything. The gods always smiled on Watt, though. When the wildlings knocked him off the Bridge of Skulls, somehow he landed in a nice deep pool of water. How lucky was that, missing all those rocks? Grenn: Was it a long fall? Did landing in the pool of water save his life? Edd: No. He was dead already, from that axe in his head. Still, it was pretty lucky, missing the rocks.
One of the few times Tyrion and Tywin agree on anything in the books is when Tyrion discusses Robert Baratheon's proclivities and Tywin agrees with him.
Tywin: If you need a dagger, take one from the armoury. Robert left a hundred when he died [...] Half the envoys who came to court tried to curry favour by presenting His Grace with jewel-encrusted knives and silver inlay swords.
Tyrion: They'd have pleased him more if they presented him with their daughters.
Tywin: No doubt.
Turns out the only knife Robert ever used was the plain steel one he received on his birthday twenty years ago from Jon Arryn.
There's also this discussion between Tyrion and Varys where the latter informs Tyrion that the Citadel twisted Tywin's arm into reinstating Grand Maester Pycelle to the Small Council because apparently, only they "can make or unmake a Grand Maester":
Stannis, after receiving word of Joffrey's death at his wedding feast, so soon after the Red Wedding, quips that "Weddings have become more perilous than battles, it would seem."
The Black Comedy of Oberyn's inappropriate interest in the details of Shae's claimed Sex Slavery.
Shae: He made me do such shameful things... Oberyn:[curious] What sorts of things?
