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Funny / A Slap On Titan

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  • When Mikasa gets annoyed at Eren for sleeping when he was supposed to be collecting firewood, he claims that he wasn't sleeping and that he passed out from insulin shock.
  • Eren's voice in general is pretty hilarious, as is Armin's, Jean's, and Connie's.
  • Mikasa throwing Eren into a wall, twice. As well as his subsequent rant.
    Eren: "Jeez! Holy FUCK, Mikasa! I think you just permanently altered my spine! You should become, like, a chiropractor for hunchbacks! You could probably reset a Titan's vertebrae alone! You could probably commit seppuku with an acupuncture needle! I really don't know how to handle this! I've been crippled by your mutant strength, and my personal issues with having a fake sister adding me to the disability registry!"
    • Also, her response.
    Mikasa: "And I'm crippled by the fact that you still won't accept me as your sister. And lover."
    Eren: "What did you say?"
    Mikasa: "Nothing! I am the night!"
  • Sasha thinks that the magical stork decides when people get babies. Then she offers part of her potato to Sarge if he tells her where babies really come from.
    • When she finishes running and collapses, she roars as she leaps at the bread that Krista was going to give her. When Krista offers her water, Sasha begs Krista to make love to her. Krista quickly takes her up on the offer, excited at the prospect of having her first slave. Then it turns out that it was all a ploy to get Sasha to become one of her group of love slaves, and she drugged the bread.
    Krista: Well, looks like we can drop the act now.
    Ymir: Thank God. I thought those roofies would never kick in.
    Krista: But they did. And now, another joins the coven.
  • Episode 4 begins with Sarge giving his opinions on each of the trainees.
    • Jean:
    "Jean... is a smarmy douchebag whose voice exudes a cock-teasery of the highest offense. Has an obsession with lubicating his gear, probably born out of some situation involving sexual impotence and a nursing home. He also has delusions of running the government, but couldn't run a sweatshop if he had thirty Filipinos and a metric fuck-ton of Adderall."
    • Marco:
    "If Jean was bad, then here's Marco. The two go hand in hand like sobbing kids and alcohol abuse. This particular ass-clown has delusions of being God Himself. Fancies himself as a leader and resolves conflict with cornbread patty cake bullshit that makes me pop a rage boner simply out of spite. Sometimes, I beat him just to listen to him cry. Where's your God now, you freckled fuck? Where's your God now?"
    • Annie:
    "A quiet, stupid bitch."
    • Sasha:
    "A bumble-fucking, potato-loving, feral dipshit who can't follow a single order. Talks to trees. I've tried multiple times to kill her by leaving her miles away in the woods, but the wolves keep dragging her broken and starved body back to camp, almost as if they don't want her."
    • Connie:
    "An angry, mean, pissed off, little chihuahua. Watching him maneuver around corners is like watching a foul, determined little rat running through a maze. Seriously! Just look at him! The mere sight of him is enough to piss me off!"
    • Eren:
    "A complete and total fuck-up but unique in his own personal brand of failure. Without his sister to egg him on, he'd be useless. As it stands, he's a hair above useless."
    • Mikasa:
    "A tactical genius unlike any other our empire has ever seen. In all my years, I have dreamt of having a star pupil like her; someone who can lead, obey, and destroy with unparalleled superiority. She is truly mankind's hero, a savior even. But she's a woman. Bad form!"
    • Reiner:
    "A retarded, mongoloid fuck-up of epic proportions. I'm 95% sure he is actually a cross between a gorilla and pure, concentrated ignorance."
    • Armin:
    "And last, but not least, Armin. This child is the ultimate culmination of human sin. He is the most terrifying creature I have ever met. Seriously, this kid is fucked! Something is horribly, horribly wrong with him. How someone could've loved something so twisted, so foul, so utterly fucked up beyond repair is beyond me. On the plus side, he is intelligent. But seriously, fuck that kid."
  • "I have a grudge against Titans, and you've got a stick so far up your ass, you might as well be a popsicle!"
  • Annie's Freudian Excuse.
    Annie: As a baby, I was abandoned in the forest and left to die. I was raised by woodland critters to the age of six, when a Drunken Master found me and raised me as his daughter. He taught me how to fight and kill until one night...
    Sensei: And now comes that last part of your training, in which I abandon you so you can become a bitter hateful woman! Just like my master did to me!
    Young Annie: But sensei! You promised never to leave me!
    Young Annie: NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!
    Annie: And then he left...and now I kick men in the balls.
    Eren: Ok, that's really fucked up, but what I meant to ask was how do you do all that and still look bored?
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  • Ascot Man's entire rant is Black Comedy gold.
  • In a flashback, after Grisha invites Mikasa to live with the Jaeger family, Eren expresses joy at getting to have a sister, and tells her about his favourite game, "Let's Save Armin!"
    Eren: It involves my best friend, and it always ends with us getting our asses beat!
  • After all hope is lost and the Titans have invaded the armory, Jean is distraught. Connie decides to follows Armin's lead and get high on his 3D Maneuver Gear's gas supply, leading to everyone else getting hopped up on gas and laughing at Jean in a Hurricane of Horse Puns and high-pitched helium voices.
  • Mikasa's awesome and hilarious rant at the rest of the cadets about their racism, as well as their racist questions and accusing her of racism when she calls them out on their BS.
    • The questions they ask her about her Asian heritage.
    "Do you have a sideways Asian pussy?"
    • Mikasa can't convince any of the cadets to swallow their fear and head for the armory, so she gives them a Motivational Lie and says that the first one to reach the training hall gets to sleep with her. Then Jean gives a Rousing Speech inspiring the cadets with the promise of hot sex with Mikasa.
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  • The entire ending argument of Episode 7. So much so that they saw fit to put up a separate video for it, appropriately titled "Connie's Angry Rooftop".
  • After Jean's more genuine Rousing Speech in Episode 8, he has this Internal Monologue.
    Jean: Happy Tom's demise gave us the chance to escape. May the Walls bless you, you unnaturally jovial fuck.
  • Marco trying to stop "Clumsyfoot Carl" from committing seppuku when the latter is in agony over Krista and Ymir throwing a girls-only survival orgy that he wasn't invited to. When Marco asks Sasha to debunk this, her answer is glorious.
    Sasha: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! They invited me for oyster diving, but instead of seafood, everyone just started fucking! Aah! Where's the FOOD?!
  • Hanji's Casual Danger Dialogue when fighting a Titan, in which she asks one of them about the impeccable trimming of his facial hair, then kills him while noting his moustache's vague resemblance to Adolf Hitler's.
  • Commander Vermin's main reason for wanting to kill Eren, Mikasa, and Armin amounts to hating how much Eren's control of his Titan form resembles piloting a Humongous Mecha in an anime, and he detests anime. Then Eren argues with him about how Neon Genesis Evangelion is a classic, and after Rico suggests that Eren is part of the Shipping community, she has to remind Vermin that their higher-ups won't be too pleased to know that he had three cadets executed based purely on his hatred of anime.
  • Connie trying to convince Krista and Ymir to let him join their girls-only orgy, but there's a height requirement. Connie questions this, since Krista is shorter than him, put she gets a pass because she's the one planning the orgy.
    Connie: So you're the Orgy Master?
    Krista: I prefer the term, "Professional Orgy Consultant".
  • The soldiers under Vermin's command somehow coming to the conclusion that Cthulhu is watching them, so they must descend into an orgy of sex and violence in order to survive. This apparently involves sacrificing a goat.
  • Rico being a Deadpan Snarker during and after Mikasa's attempt to get Eren under control, which leads to him punching himself in the face and knocking himself out like a little bitch.
  • Armin and Mikasa yelling at each other when talking about Eren punching himself in the face and trying to figure out how to wake him up. Like "Connie's Angry Rooftop", this also got a separate video.
  • "Please alert the Whoopiest of Goldbergs about this predicament."
  • Connie tries to pull a Big Damn Heroes moment and rescue Jean from a Titan, only to swing right into the side of the Titan's head and hurt his leg. Then he and Jean get into a screaming match over his Epic Fail, with Connie ranting in Spanish the whole time.
  • After the battle in Trost, some cadets find a crystalized ball of Titan vomit. While everyone else is Squicking out, Sasha is asking if she can eat it.
  • When Eren meets Erwin and Levi for the first time, Levi reacts to his The Knights Who Say "Squee!" moment by talking, in disturbingly explicit detail, about Eren having A Date with Rosie Palms and jizzing over posters of Levi and Erwin in his bedroom.
  • The constant Shout Outs and references that Levi makes while drunk during his first meeting with Eren, as he proclaims himself to be "The King of References", all while Eren and Erwin listen in confusion and exasperation.
    • He has a moment of It's All About Me when he complains about everyone ignoring his awesomeness to focus on Eren being able to turn into a Titan, and he calls Eren "baby dick" and "Justin Bieber" while doing so.
    Eren: Who's Justin Bieber?
    Erwin: A pop singer.
    Levi: A fucking asshole!
    Erwin: By the Walls, Levi! Compose yourself!
    Levi: No, Erwin, because unlike Puss 'n Boots over here, I actually kick ass just fine on my own.
  • The trial in Episode 14.
    • Prior to the trial, Hanji Motor Mouths off to Eren about how she will be his legal advisor, stating that she knows what to expect despite being a scientist and not a lawyer because she spent all night marathoning Judge Judy and Night Court. She also tells him to confuse the prosecution by throwing around latin legal terms and to not say something like, "I am a robot; I must kill humans" while the court is trying to prove he's a Titan.
    • The court's reaction to learning who Eren is the son of.
    Niles: That woman redefined what it means to be a whore.
    Civilian #1: STDs were like Pokémon for her; she had to catch 'em all!
    Civilian #2: She went through entire villages in a day, kid!
    Civilian #3: Sex with your mom made me want to become a better man!
    • The judge reading Rico's report on Eren.
    Zackley: Reading the testimony of Rico Brzenska, she states that during the Trost campaign, you went, and I quote, “flat-out apeshit, attacking his sister and punching several buildings before knocking himself out like a little bitch.” End quote.
    (Eren looks at Rico dumbfounded)
    Mikasa: What the fuck, Rico?!
    Rico: Oh, go screw your brother.
    • Niles accusing Mikasa of not being able to "control her raging ovaries". Specifically, he brings up the fact that she has expressed a desire to have sex with Eren's Titan form, which gives them reason to believe that Mikasa is romantically linked with Eren, thus making her testimony too biased to be admissible.
    • Everything that Pastor Nick says, from his recounting his pimping days while talking about Eren's heritage to his mockery of Mikasa's feelings for Eren.
    Pastor Nick: Ahahahaha! Aahahahaha! Eren and Mikasa sitting in a tree! F-U-C-K-I-N-G!
    Eren: No! That's not how it is!
    Pastor Nick: Ahahahaha! Mikasa love you long time! Ah, getitit'sfunny'causeyouAsian,bitch! Ahahaha! Chingitty-chang-chong in a chocolate factory!
    Eren: Can we PLEASE get him out of the courtroom?
    Zackley: I'm sorry. This is far too entertaining.
    • As Levi is giving Eren a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown, Eren briefly has a vision of Ascot Man taunting him about it from Hell.
  • Into the room strides Episode 16, bringing with it some golden phrases. Where do we start?
    • Firstly, at the funeral pyre, where the 104th burn their dead comrades.
    (Jean has his Marco vision)
    Jean: I believe Marco, I BELIEVE!!!!!
  • Sarge's glorious return in Episode 18, in which the Fourth Wall comes crashing down.
  • This moment from Episode 18:
    Levi: Horseface, you know you can't do better than me, so—
    Petra: Okay that is it!
    Levi: What? It's true.
    Petra: You dinky little fuck! If we survive this mission, when we get back I'm sleeping with Eren!
    Levi: Haha! Jaeger Bomb? That swagless beast?
    Petra: Yeah! Him! I'm gonna fuck his brains out!
    Eren: I, uh—
    Levi: No! Eren Jaeger, I order you to remain a virgin!
  • A lot of the stuff said in the various Eyecatches.
    • Episode 1
      • "The walls that protect humanity are symbolized by three beautiful goddesses - Sina, Rose, and the one nobody likes, Maria. Seriously. She's a bitch."
    • Episode 2
      • "Only the rich can afford to live near the raised center. In the empire, altitude is an accurate measure of douchebaggery."
    • Episode 3
      • "Proficient operators of the 3D Manuever [sic] Gear learn to piss themselves rather than spend several hours trying to undo all these straps"
      • "Adderall and other stimulants are great for learning how to operate 3D Manuever Gear"
    • Episode 4's eyecatches lists the top ten trainees of the 104 and puts Sarge's notes over them.
      10. Krista: Lesbo-Witch Bitch
      9. Sasha: Sniffs markers
      8. Connie: Masturbates furiously
      7. Marco: Definitely a Queer
      6. Jean: Horse-Faced Lube Enthusiast
      5. Eren: Still wets the bed
      4. Annie: Snaggle-toothed McSourPuss
      3. Bertholt: Tall Twiggy Grasshopper
    • Episode 5
      • "In a pinch, anal beads can be used as a replacement for shrapnel"
    • Episode 6
      • "Caution is advised when handling 3DMG swords. The blade slips off for, literally, no reason."
      • "The steel used by the military is forged in the iron pits of Mordor"
    • Episode 7
      • "The central unit is powered by a potent mix of urine and hope"
      • "Getting eaten by Titans is more fun when you're high"
    • Episode 8
      • "No matter how desperate you get, sticking your dick in moving gears is never worth it"
    • Episode 9 contrasts excited soldiers heading off to battle with weary soldiers returning from battle.
      • Before: "We're gonna WRECK these Titans!" "Hell yeah bro!" "We're fuckin' BADASSES" "YOLO!"
      • After: "YEAH FUCK THAT" "Why God why" "Leave Fred to die, we're not going back there" "So much pain..." "MY ANUS IS BLEEDING" "NOPE"
    • Episode 10
      • "These massive grain silos are useful for storing all the food the empire doesn't have."
      • "Unprotected sex is like reaching into a mystery box where the very worst prize is the miracle of life."
    • Episode 11
      • "Using your 3DMG to perform acrobatic sex acts with your fellow cadets is highly discouraged"
      • "Don't put the cylinder through your ass"
    • Episode 12
      • "Style isn't rewarded when escaping certain death. Don't be this asshole and break your foot off because you wanted to look cool."
      • "Sarge once cut the training ropes in the middle of an exercise, resulting in the gruesome deaths of four cadets. On that day, Sarge smiled for the first time in years."
      • A small caption above Sarge quotes him as saying, "I hope a dinosaur fucks you in the ass".
    • Episode 13
      • "The Colossal Titan used to throw wicked raves before he switched to full-time murder"
      • "Who grabbed my ass?" "I did" "I'M TRIPPING BALLS BRO"
      • "Fruit Gushers: Squeeze 'em til the fun pops out!"
      • "fuck everything" "I'll attempt to remember you!"
    • Episode 14
      • "The nicer the courtroom, the more likely it is you have majorly fucked up."note 
      • "The scales of justice can be swayed by your innocence or your bank account." "fuck yeah for gavels" "If a man strikes out the eye of another man, he shall be fed to Titans."
    • Episode 15
      • "The Wall Cult has gained much popularity in recent years, mainly due to their wicked death metal concerts." "BITCHES BOW YO HEADS AND PRAISE THESE WALLS"
      • "The strangest ritual practiced by the Wall Cult is the one where they re-enact the Human Centipede" "The chain of asses to mouthes symbolizes the unbroken unity of these WALLS" "Being first means the Walls love me more" "Oh God. I had beans last night" "Why did I have to get the horse?"
    • Episode 16
      • "Nobody is a special flower inside the Walls. You pick one of three jobs, or shovel coal for the rest of your life. Life is a bitch in the Empire."
    • Episode 17
      • "Operation Space Rainbow: The idea for the Long-Distance Scouting Formation came after a particularly bitchin' game of tetris."

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