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The fact that this series consists mainly of five second clips that are so random they're hilarious just goes to show that you can basically put down any moment in the series. But we know you’re here for specifics so....


  • "Got your nose!" "Look out, he's got a nose!" *bang bang bang*
  • "You gotta help me man my tie is evil and it's gonna kill meeee....." *other guy backs away slowly* "Please don't hurt me..." *evil laugh*
  • "Hello, parking meter!" "Hello!"
    • On the subject of the talking parking meter, the "D:" look on the guy's face when he hears the parking meter talk to him.
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  • The Die Potato Guy and the Potato.
    Die Potato Guy: Die potato.
    Potato: Noooo!
    The Potato is Squashed
  • The "You Know Who's Gay?" man and his companion.
    YKWG Guy: Hey, you know who's gay? You!
    [YKWG Guy has been stabbed by his companion]


  • "I baked you a pie." "Oh boy, what flavor?!" "PIE FLAVOR." -Guitar Riff as a mini pie pops out of the big pie-
  • The Die Potato Guy tries to kill the Potato again. The potato pulls a gun on him and says "Not today."
  • The "I Like Trains Kid" and his appearances.
    Little Girl: I like singing!
    Little Boy: I like dancing! Little boy moves his arms around
    I Like Trains Kid: I like trains. Is immediately hit by train
    • His second appearance.
      Teacher: Hey kids, I bought you some cookies!
      Kids scream "Cookies!" and crowd the teacher as the camera pans to the I Like Trains Kid
      I Like Trains Kid: I like trains.
      Beat as the teacher and kids look at him.
      I Like Trains Kid is hit by the train
    • His third appearance.
      I Like Trains Kid's Father: What are you up to, son?
      I Like Trains Kid: I like trains.
      I Like Trains Kid's Father: Ha ha, yes you do.
      '''The scene switches to the "You know who's gay?" man and his companion.
      YKWG Guy: Hey, you know whose gay? You-
      [YKWG Guy and his companion are hit by the train]
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    "How did I get here?"
    THE END.
  • The gullible guy and his friend.
    Friend: Hey, it says gullible on the ceiling.
    Gullible Guy: Oh so it does- His friend has stolen his lungs and is holding them Oh you stole my lungs.
  • "I can't wait to eat this bagel!" "Yes you can." "Yeah..I guess you're right."

asdfmovie2 deleted scenes

  • The astronaut asking if they're at their destination yet to the anger of his fellow astronaut. The astronaut ends up lost in space.
  • "Who parked their car, on my sandwich?" "I did." *gets pissed off and explodes*



  • "Hey man, look at my new dog." "Oh that's pretty cool OH THERE'S NO DOG THERE!" The two then just go "HURRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!" at one another.
  • Jim and the World.
    Jim: Goodbye world..
    Earth: Ok Jim, I'll see you around, where you go-BANG Oh, oh no, that's not what I thought he meant by that at all!
  • "Honey, why is the baby on fire?" "BUY ME MORE JEWELLERY!!!"
  • "Pfft. Screw gravity!" *floats into the air* The other guy does a wide smile.
  • Joey being a sandwich.
    Guy: Joey, did you eat my sandwich?
    Joey: I am your sandwich.
    Joey crams himself down the other guy's throat
  • The guy punching the salad with the guy who was going to eat it screaming the whole time, letting out a Big "NO!" and then beating up the guy.
  • "There's something on your face." PUNCH "It was pain!!!!"
  • "Now son, don't touch that cactus!"
    [kid sticks himself on cactus]
    "You're dead to me."
  • The return of the I Like Trains Kid.
    Die Potato Guy: Die potato!
    Potato: NOOOOOOOO!
    I Like Trains Kid: I like trains.
    Die Potato Guy: Oh no no no, wait!-
    Die Potato Guy is hit by the train as the I Like Trains Kid smiles slightly


  • "I'm gonna do an internet!" (presses key and grabs onto the keyboard as a rainbow comes out of the monitor) "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!!!!!!!!!!"
    "AAAAAAAH whose idea was this!?"
  • "Nice Hat." "Thanks!" "I was being sarcastic." "Well I stole your face!" Sarcastic Guy facepalms his bare head
  • "Alien attack!" "THROW THE CHEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!" *The cheese just bounces off the spaceship and a quiet "Yay..." is heard in the background*
  • The time traveller and the dinosaur.
    Time Traveller comes out of the time machine
    Time Traveller: It worked, my time machine wo-'''THUMP'''
  • Two guys standing next to each other. One of the guys has an identical guy crawl out of his mouth and take his place. His friend simply replies "Oh" in a tone that implies that he understands this slightly better than we do.


  • "Hey Bobby! Play that one about falling down the stairs!" "Sure thing, Johnny!"
  • A couple lying out on the grass together
    Woman: "It's so beautiful out here."
    Man: "Yeah, it's just me, you and the Moon."
  • The Mine Turtle.
    Man: Hello, Mine Turtle.
    Mine Turtle: Hello!
    Another man steps on the Mine Turtle and explodes
    • A little girl finds a Mine Turtle which then jumps out of her hands and blows up the girl and her mother.
    • A guy refuses to step on the Mine Turtle... and then gets hit by the driving llama from asdfmovie2 as the Mine Turtle says hello.
  • The guy who randomly walks off a cliff and then floats into the air with a very dull "Oh, ok."
  • "I wonder if my pony can fly." The pony flies off "Huh."


asdfmovie deleted scenes

  • The "Suddenly Pineapples!" Running Gag.
    Depressed Man: I am depressed.
    Depressed Man: This does not help.
    • The man with brain cancer.
      Doctor: Sir, I'm afraid you have brain cancer.
      Cancer Patient's Head is now a Pineapple
      Doctor: Well, the good news is you don't have brain cancer anymore.
    • Mine Turtle and Pineapples.
      Man: Hello, Mine Turtle.
      Mine Turtle: Hello!
      A Pineapple lands on Mine Turtle and it explodes
  • Larry the Necksnapper's Intervention. It doesn't go well.
    Larry: What's going on guys?
    Larry's Friend: Larry, this is an intervention. You need to stop breaking people's necks!
    Larry: *breaks a guy's neck* What are you talking about?
    Larry's Friend: Larry!
    Larry: What? *Larry's Friend's neck is in his hands*
    Larry's Friend: Larry! *Larry breaks his neck*
  • The ending of Deleted Scenes:
    YKWG Guy: Hey, y'know who's gay?
    [cut to their wedding]
    YKWG Guy: Us.


  • The muffin segments from asdfmovie 7. It's the happy, childlike voice that sells it:
    Muffin: "Hey Joey, you wanna eat me?"
    Joey: "No thanks, Mr. Muffin!"
    Muffin: "But I wanna die!!"
    • The second time he shows up:
      Fat man: "Ugh, I'm so full!"
      Muffin: "You have room for a muffin?"
      Fat man: "No..."
      Muffin: (cheerfully) "Why won't you let me die?!?!"
  • The police officer informing a boy's mother that her son was caught doing homework.
    Policeman: Ma'am, I'm afraid I caught your son doing...*Eyed Screen* Homework!
    Mother: WHERE DID I GO WRONG?!
  • Saturn calling the Sun fat when it revolved around it, which makes the Sun smile.
  • Do the Flop Guy shows up at the worst time.
    Man: Don't jump! You have so much to live for!
  • The switch cord that turns the colour on. Not only does it make them all scream like crazy and panic, but they're also all naked.
    Muffin (jumping into frame) Who wants a muffin?


  • ASDF Movie 8 came out and it did not disappoint with its first joke.
    Woman: Stay away from my baby!
    Baby: (in a really deep voice) But mother, I love him!
  • Mr. Muffin returns:
    Man: Hey! What time is it?
    Muffin: IT'S MUFFIN TIME!
    Bystander: Uh, actually, it's 12:30.
    Muffin: Somebody kill me!
  • "Doctor I'm afraid of backstories!" "When did this all start?" "Well, I—AAAAAAAARRRGHHHH!!!!"
  • The following:
    Girl 1: "My boyfriend said I'm the most beautiful girl in the world!
    Girl 2: (giggles) My boyfriend said that too!
    Girl 1: (stabs Girl 2) THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
  • "Would you like to see a magic trick?" (Dramatic Pause) "No!" (makes a ":D" face)
  • "Aww... Look at the little baby!" (Little baby smiles and makes gleeful noise) "And now look at the big baby!" (beat) "Wah."
  • "And now... a cow pretending to be a man."
    Man with British accent: Alan, are you a cow?
    Alan: What? No!
    Cow: Yeah, me neither. Do you guys want to go skateboards?
    • Later:
    Eddie: You're leaving me?!
    Woman: Sorry Eddie, I've met a real man.
    Cow: Hi babe, yes I am real man. Do you want to go skateboards?
    Man: The orphans! They're all dead! What kind of man would do this?
    The cow rides through the crime scene, kickflipping and whispering "Skateboards".
  • The clouds conversation.
    Guy 2: Those are clouds.
    Guy 1: NOOOOOO!


  • This instance of Black Comedy Animal Cruelty: "Jimmy, take out the dog!" Jimmy puts on Cool Shades, pulls out a gun and shoots it. "...For a walk Jimmy!"
  • Once again with the very dark humor, the singing man.
    Steven: It's a lovely day to walk down the road, and if I ever stop singing I will explode
    Bystander: Hey Steven!
    Steven: What have you done!? (explodes)
  • Dogs can talk, apparently.
    Woman: Aw, what's his name?
    Dog: His name is David.
    David (suddenly with nametag): Hello! I am David.
  • The return of the I Like Trains Kid who calls a guy who then gets hit by a train after answering the phone.
    • Specifically, the train comes out of the phone.
  • The pole vaulter getting impaled by a jouster right before they leap.
    • Especially since the crowd cheers louder when he gets impaled.
  • Another robbery joke occurs. This one is extra hilarious:
    Robber: You're gonna die!
    Guy: We're all gonna die.
    (awkward silence, robber lowers his gun in contemplation)
    • What's funnier is that it sounds like a conversation that would actually happen between their voice actors, Dan and Phil!
  • This spin on a classic "Dad joke":
    Girl: Dad, I'm hungry.
    Dad: Hi Hungry, I'm Dad.
  • For some more dark humor:
    Guy 1: Wanna see an impression of my dad?
    Guy 2: Sure!
    Guy 1: (disappears)
    Guy 2: Ha ha ha! (turns to the camera, suddenly looking serious) Comedy.
  • This:
    Woman: Honey, I'm pregnant! (pan out to reveal that the person she's talking to is another woman) ...Uh, I can explain!


  • The first joke of the video.
    Man: (calling out to a man on top of a building) No!! Don't jump!! *pulls out a video recorder* Okay, now jump.
  • Guy points offscreen:
    Guy: Is this you?
    (Camera pans to reveal he's just pointing at another guy off in the distance)
    Other Guy: Yes!
    Guy: (waves) Hello!
    Other Guy: Hi!
  • "Beep, Beep! I'm a Sheep! I said Beep Beep, I'm a Sheep!"
    • "Meow, Meow, I'm a cow! I said, meow meow I'm a—." "NO!"
  • "Hey, here comes that trainsgender guy." "I like trains."
  • "Cannonball!" (The man proceeds to continue flying across the top of the water, hitting and sinking a pirate ship.)
  • "I don't wanna be fat anymore." (man proceeds to take out a gun, pull back the hammer, puts it in his mouth and bites off the barrel.


  • The first joke:
    Girl: I want an ice cream!
    Dad: What's the magic word?
    Girl: sucimaerceci suciemem! (dad turns into an ice cream cone, which she then proceeds to lick nonchalantly)
  • "I'm feeling carsick!" (pukes up a whole car)
  • "OH NO! A GIANT BEE!" (pan out to reveal a giant letter "B" that the man is pointing at...right before a giant bee shows up and eats him)
  • "Aww, come on, boys don't cry!" The crying boy proceeds to spontaneously grow breasts.
  • The only way to avoid getting a headache from a paradox is to make it funny.
    "Hey, uh, your girlfriend... (inquisitively) She single?"
  • More dark comedy:
    Doctor: I'm afraid you have one year to live.
    Patient: Hahaha, oh yeah? (takes out a gun and shoots himself)
  • Abuse of Fake Wizardry at its finest.
    Magician: What's that behind your ear? (gasp) It's a hearing aid!
    Girl: (beat) What?!
  • "Don't worry, I'm a doctor... of psychology!" Cut to him doing the Freudian Couch routine with the other guy's corpse.
    "So, how does that make you feel?"
  • "And now, the award for best sarcasm goes to... this guy."
    "Oh wow, thank you sooo much."


  • The first joke:
    Father: Keep pushing! Puuush!
    (camera pans back to show the mother pushing before a popping sound is heard and the doctor pops up)
    Doctor: Congratulations! We got it back in! (parents smile in joy)
  • The Japanese text under the logo reads, in Japanese, "Japanese text"
  • (singing flower) I’m on my way, I’m on my way, I’m on my way to eat your skin! (Cue dramatic zoom in on his face)
  • (singing) A, B, C, D, E, F, gun! (gun shoots teacher)
  • (gasp) A knife! My favorite!"
  • The fight between a boss and an employee ending with the boss being a frog wife and the employee being a wife. Made even funnier by the fact it's voiced by Suction Cup Man!
    Boss: YOU'RE FIRED!
    Employee: YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!
    Employee: YOU CAN'T QUIT, YOU'RE A FROG!
    Boss (now a frog): YOU CAN'T FROG ME, YOU'RE MY WIFE!
    Employee (now a wife): I'M NOT YOUR WIFE, YOU'RE MY WIFE!
    Boss (now a frog wife): Oh hi honey, how as work?
    Employee: Pretty good, but I just quit my job.
    Employee: AHHHHHHHHH!!!
  • "I sure hope I don't get hit by a car!" Cue the guy being punched out by a car with a huge, muscular arm.
    Car: That's for sleeping with my wife!
  • "Oh no, a gunman!" As in, a man with a gun for a head. Who then pulls out a knife.
  • A new twist on the phrase "Hay is for horses."
  • A cowboy in a duel with a toaster. The toaster won.
  • One guy finds a magic lamp which he uses to try and get more respect. Unfortunately for him, not even the genie respects him.
    Loser: I wish people would be nice to me.
    Genie: Your wish is... stupid. slap

asdfmovie12: deleted scenes

  • "Hey, can you hold my baby?" (SQUISH) "No, apparently not."
  • A policeman asks his boss what they're planning to do about a crew of gangsters, and the boss replies that they have a man on the inside. The "man" is, of course, the Skateboarding Cow.
    Cow: Hello yes I am real man I love to do the crime.
  • Refined from asdfmovie11:
    Woman: I'm not racist, but...
    Butt: Okay.
  • The guy holding an umbrella in a shower. "My brain is big and smart."
  • An asdf take on an age-old joke:
    Guy: Oh god, DUCK!
    Duck: Oh god, STEVE!
    Steve: How've you been, man?
    Duck: (Quack.)


  • The video starts off with a slap:
    Guy 1: High five— (high five) —HUNDRED!
    Guy 2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (cue multiple slaps as the scene cuts to the logo)
  • asdfmovie13 doesn't let anybody prepare fast enough for Gory Discretion Shots.
    Guy: (singing) Hey, Mr. Goose! Whatcha doing with that noose? (off-screen neck cracking sound)
  • A police officer storm's a guys house, looking for a confession.
    Cop: Come out with your hands up!
    Guy: (cheerfully raises his hands) I'm gay!
    • The mental image of Phil Lester cheerfully reciting that line makes it a hundred times funnier.
  • It's really the voice that sells this joke.
    Guy: What's foh dinnah?!
    (man pulls out a Tommy gun)
    Guy: Maih favorite! (bullets fired in his mouth) AMNIMNIMNIMNIMNIMNIMNIM-
  • Dougal Flopguy is ready to partay-
    Girl: This a slumber party.
    Flopguy: YEEEAHHH- zzzz.
  • How to stop a murder:
    Guy 1: Are you ready to DIE?
    Guy 2: No.
    Guy 1: (walking away) Then, I'll come back LATER!
  • Possibly the cruelest form of Black Comedy the series has resorted to:
    Girl: When I grow up, I want to be a doctor! Just like you!
    Doctor: N'aww! (Girl is on deathbed) ...You're not gonna grow up.
    • In close second is this joke taken straight from #CONTENT:
      Guy: (doing a tacky dance) Come on everybody, do the whale dance!
      (A whale suddenly falls on the man and starts having death throes)
  • The final joke is the longest Call-Back in the series, all the way back to the very first joke ever:
    (Kid giggles and father does the "pinch your thumb in front of their face" trick)
    Father: Got your nose!
    Father: I... don't know...

Other Videos

  • The Muffin Song is mostly just remixes and mashups of old jokes. And some of these are hilarious.
    • The potato offers the guy trying to kill him a pie-flavoured pie. Three increasingly smaller pies pop out. The smallest pie suddenly pulls out a gun. The guy's reaction is priceless.
    • "I'm gonna do a book!" He's sensually stroking the book with a Luminescent Blush and love hearts. The book in question is titled "PLEASE STOP" and has a picture of a guy frowning.
    • "I met a real man." The "real man" is the sun with a human body.
    • When Tom joins in on the Muffin's dancing, he dabs.
    • At the end of the video, Tom and the Muffin see a figure on the hill backed by the sun. Seconds later, it shows that figure is the beep beep sheep, trying to look cool. They are less than impressed.
  • IT'S MUFFIN TIME, possibly one of the most hilarious ways to announce a Kickstarter project ever, and perfectly in tone with the series.
    • You know it's gonna be good when it opens like this:
      Doctor: Hey, what time is it?
      Muffin: IT'S MUFFIN TIME!
      Doctor: HAHAHAHA
      (Smash Cut to the doctor standing over a corpse with a flatline sound playing in the background)
      Doctor: Time of death: muffin time.
      Muffin: Wait, what?
    • "Muffin Time is a card game. It's kind of like a sexy horse, except it's a bit shorter, it's perfectly square, and it's a card game."
    • This hilarious bit of Black Comedy:
      Announcer: You win the game if you have exactly ten cards in your hand at the start of your turn. Simple, right?
      Clown: Yeah.
      Announcer: WRONG!
      Clown: Aw, man. I never get anything right.
      (makes a gun out of balloons and points it at his head)
      Kid: I wanted a giraffe!
    • The demonstration of trap cards:
      Guy 1: Ooh, what's this? (card he's holding pulls out a gun and shoots him)
      Guy 2: Hey, what's the time? (wristwatch pulls out a gun and shoots him)
      Guy 3: Here, catch! (throws a ball which another guy catches)
      (Guy gets shot by someone offscreen)
    • This demonstration of a counter card:
      Mugger: Gimme your hand!
      Guy: No, give me your hand! (pulls out a gun)
      Mugger: (gasps)
      Guy: In marriage! (the gun has suddenly turned into a ring)
      Mugger: What?
      (cut to the wedding, where the mugger is still looking freaked out)
    • The other demonstration is also funny:
      Potato: You Fool! Nothing can get past me! Nothing except a dog with a knife...
      Dog With A Knife: Hello, I'm a dog with a knife!
      Potato: (screams)
    • "And let's not even mention those stretch goals and Kickstarter exclusives! (Beat) They know what they've done."
      Muffled screaming: HELP ME!
    • "And now a word from our publisher, Big Potato." (cut to a giant potato rampaging through a burning city)


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