The "Altercation" between Thorne and Tyrion. The dwarf feels unsatisfied about the denomination and tries to think a better one - but the "Pruning of Thornes" sounds very much like a Tyrell battle and "The Lion and the Jackass" feels more like a song...
Pepper reaches her patience's boundaries and takes an axe against her husband's workshop's door. Apparently, that's not the first time.
Before that, informed Tony has been locked up in his shop for two weeks, Pepper calmly tells the cook to hold her food as "I'm going to murder my husband" and states she'll no doubt be quite hungry afterward.
Ned Stark's daughters' reaction to the Iron Man: Sansa becomes a full-blown fangirl while Arya is sure the mystic knight is actually a woman.
When it's suggested Tony Stark could be the Iron Man, Robert Baratheon and Ned Stark look at each other and burst out laughing. The entire Small Council is disturbed by the spectacle of "the grim and brooding Lord of Winterfell cackling like a drunkard too far in his cups".
One chapter opens with Samwell telling Tyrion that "it could be worse." Tyrion asks what could possibly be worse than being chained up and dragged to the Eyrie by Catelyn Stark and a bunch of sellswords, all for a crime he didn't commit. After stammering, Sam finally points out "it could be raining" and Tyrion has to laugh.
Tyrion asks Bronn and Clynt how much they would pay to see him as a member of the Night's Watch fighting a Walker.
Bronn: I suppose that would depend on how long the fight lasts. Clynt: I would fear such a fight. What if the Others took a liking to you and began to emulate your ways? The Seven Kingdoms would be out of wine and whores in a week!
Tyrion's Rousing Speech to Samwell when the wildmen assault the encampment: "Do you fear death? More than anything? Then forget everything else you are afraid of and fight!" Quite simple yet efficient.
Ned attacks his cousin Tony while the latter is showing off a copy of the Iron Man's armor, under the false assumption he's the knight about to attack the king. Robert thanks him for being so eager to defend him but adds Tony would be more threatening in a drinking contest.
Ned mentions that when he was fostered in the Vale Jon Arryn would punish him and Robert by making them assist the seamstress... and she'd have them model dresses for her. He still has nightmares of Robert asking if a dress made his ass look fat.
Apparently Robert was so mad about Dany being pregnant that he wanted her baby's head brought to him on a spike. He even asked Renly to see about buying a little baby-sized spike.
Tywin rages he has to be cursed because he cannot find a rational explanation to his children's stupidity. Even worse is the fact Tyrion was the only one to properly react. Kevan almost does a Double Take when his older brother complains about it.
Clynt rejoining Tyrion's crew as Bronn's friend. That's all.
Set to defend Tyrion for a second "trial," Clynt faces a hulking knight... and takes him down with a single arrow.
Clynt: Well, that was dull. Who wants lunch? I'm thinking ham, myself. Bronn: At least I gave them a show.
Tony's attempt at a Badass Boast before heading to a rematch with Gregor sputters out as Jon just finds the very comic book-y speech weird in this low fantasy setting.
Made better by the fact that, when Jon demands that Tony let him help, Tony immediately agrees, surprising Jon, who had been prepared to make his own speech to convince Tony.
Hilarious in Hindsight: Game of Thrones had some time later a scene between Davos and Gendry, where Gendry immediately accepts going out on an adventure before Davos has the chance to make his speech.
Tyrion remembers Twyin's reaction when he received word of what's happened at Ned's attempted execution was to immediately grab a glass of wine, down it one gulp and demand more. Tyrion notes it's the only time he's ever seen a resemblance to his father.
It's also mentioned that Kevan was so shocked that Tyrion had to refill the glass himself. Three times.
Varys meets with Gerion!Nick Fury and it is revealed there is a version of the Ultimates/Movieverse Nick Fury in this world... only he is a giant copycat who wears an eyepatch like Gerion just to mimic him. Gerion mocks how he claims to have this secret backstory for why he wears it.
When Sandor volunteered to stand guard over Sansa, His Royal Dickiness Joffrey refused to let him do it. The Hound made him quickly change his mind by marching to the boy and looming with his most ferocious Death Glare. Sandor's pretty sure Joffrey pissed his pants then and there.
A Crack of Thunder
Jane bemoans human stupidity such as putting your milk tooth on your doorstep because the Tooth Queen will give you a shiny new copper for it. When her father points she did exactly that, Jane retorts she needed the copper to buy treats.
Mellisandre's idol burning is interrupted by Thor, who proceeds to run roughshod over the whole thing and insists on a misconception that Jane Seaworth is the true ruler present, as the only one who didn't cower at his arrival.
When Thor lays eyes upon Jane, he confuses her with his missing brother Loki, which pushes Jane to ask if Loki often prances around in a dress. Thor merely answers she would be surprised if she were to meet a drunk Loki.
How does he come to realize that Jane isn't Loki? He grabs her breasts and feels them up, exclaiming they are magnificent and Loki doesn't have breasts like those.
Upon arriving the Red Keep, Tyrion meets Joffrey and asks where Cersei is.
Joffrey: Off with the Small Council, doing the boring, tiresome things they love to do.
Tyrion: You mean ruling the kingdom?
The court of Iron Pointe react to Tony being named acting Warden of the West:
Later, Pepper acts as a kind, supportive wife. She hits him and tells that Tywin must know he is Iron Man, him being made acting Warden must be a trap to expose him, and they should run away. Tony suggest flying. She hit him again. Jon kept laughing the whole time.
An Ironborn bandit tries Shooting Superman, which devolves into an Overly Long Gag as he fires every arrow at Iron Man, then hits him with his bow until it breaks, and finally uses his bare fists. The whole time, Tony just stands there downright confused at the display, and finally Rhodey openly calls him by name as there's no way the guy is walking away from this.
Tony attempts to talk Rhodey into letting him make armor for him but Rhodey refuses to take any part of it preferring to stay on the ground and walks away. Tony then asks another nearby if they want any armor. Their response?
And Tony seriously considers making armor for it before going off and leaving it.
While sneaking into Kings' Landing so to avoid attention Bronn and Clynt tell Tyrion that if a mob gathers on them they'll claim that they had captured Tyrion and give him to the mob and even help them kill him.
Bronn also trolls Sam by saying that any angry mob coming after Tyrion would probably also "treat him like a squishy woman", but reassures him that at least Bronn and Clynt won't take turns.
Tyrion thinks that he could tell that Joffrey was evil even as a baby, one of the ways being that he could "shit himself so hard that it would get everywhere".
Tony: Whoa, slow down there! What happened? Did the New Gods finally show up and tell everyone "You idiots, stop killing each other in our names, we don't care"? Phylyp: Ship spotted offshore sailing toward Iron Pointe. Rhodey: Ironborn? Jon: Stormlanders? Tony: Alyson Blarre finally returning from Myr to entertain us with new songs? (The others stare at him. He shrugs.) What? I saw her perform once in Highgarden... she was dazzling.
While preparing for Oberyn's arrival, Pepper does a final check of the guest room, and finds Tony's new pet sheep in there. She orders the servants to get rid of it, before Oberyn sees it and mistakes it as a hint.
Oberyn: Tony is the Westerland Oberyn! Please get it right.
The sheer speed which lets Jon start as horrified when Oberyn drops the "wedding contract" bomb - wait, I'M getting married? I never agreed to that - before switching to full-blown rapture when he gets to see his intended bride - Old and New Gods, a redhead knock-out who kicks ass? SIGN ME IN! Kinda reminds Edmure Tully's reaction when he first saw Roslin Frey.
The author's notes point out that Jon is now betrothed to a very hot, very smart redheaded Action Girl who is known for wearing skintight clothing in the main continuity, and that "Canon Jon hates my Jon now."
Tony kills the mood of Jon's betrothal to Black Widow by pointing out that her nickname doesn't exactly raise hopes about married life.
Gendry asks Arya if she knows whether Mystique is into men or women. Then he shows he lacks knowledge on the female anatomy, which Arya lampshades. Gendry asks if she is offering.
Jane is surprised when she realizes that, when Thor said they would be feasting for seven days, it was Not Hyperbole.
Thor was told that Dragonstone was running out of food and ale, so he picked up his hammer and flew out of the window. Stannis promptly grabbed a tankard of ale and drank it in one sitting. One hour later, Thor was back with a massive stag... and told the cooks he had left a dozen more at the gates, along with a score of pigs, several swordfishes, three goats and enough chickens to stuff all the beds in Dragonstone with their feathers. Oh, and the ale from every ale house within a day's ride of Dragonstone.
Melisandre offers Thor the chance to feel her up so he will see that her breasts are superior to Jane's. Jane briefly considers ripping her dress off so Thor can have another chance, just to shut Melisandre up.
Just later, Thor praises (again) Jane's magnificent breasts. Jane does not know if she should smirk at Melisandre.
Thor offhand mentions how Rhaegar and Lyanna were actually in love and even wed. Stannis, Jane and the others are rocked to realize the Rebellion was built on a lie and start thinking on how this would change the world, how this would shift all... when Thor suddenly talks of how Rhaegar would have succumbed to the madness of his father and that it was good of Robert to take the throne. The others then note how "it wouldn't really matter in the greater scheme of things."
When Thor asks why Stannis wants the throne, Melisandre says it is because he wants to honor the Lord of Light. Thor asks whether her Lord Light lives nearby.
Thor candidly admits he always thought this quaint Midgardian custom of bedding your own relatives was weird. Hindsight makes it even more hysterical since Thor then proceeds to seduce his own niece - by adoption, but still.
Tyrion knows better than to try to spread false rumors about Shireen - because then Jane Seaworth, 'The Stranger's Daughter', will come and carve him.
Tyrion also paid people so they would tell him multiple times about how Jane got Joffrey lashed by Robert.
Catelyn Stark is not the only one with Entertainingly Wrong opinions on the identity of Iron Man: Tyrion believes it is Ser Brynden Tully, and that Centurion is Edmure Tully.
To attend Tyrion's dinner, the Night's Queen in Sansa's aged up body is wearing a dress made for a girl who was only just beginning to hit puberty — on a woman who's several years older than that. The dress can't be fastened up all the way in front so her breasts are on full display and everyone can see the edges of her nipples. Tyrion muses that thankfully, the hem has been adjusted so that at least her feet and ankles aren't exposed.
Tony and Oberyn are really invested in planning Jon and Natasha's wedding. Poor Jon tried to moderate them without avail while Pepper outright smacked Oberyn when he proposed something to race greased whores.
Jon also wonders if, with how invested the two are in it, they had forgotten that they were planning Jon and Natasha's wedding and were now planning their own wedding.
Yes, enchanting a metal suit to go hurtling through the air and fight crime can be a stabilizing influence. Just ask Jon.
Natasha has a rather dry wit, seen when she reveals that tying a man's intestines into knots for trying to rape her got her point across to all the other men nearby.
Tywin's reaction to the mess happening in King's Landing? Order his council out, grab a sword and hack a training dummy into pieces. The idea of the usually cool Tywin Lannister having to blow off steam like this just from a letter is hysterical.
When Jaime (actually Mystique disguised) arrives to Harrenhal accompanied by two "squires" (Gendry and Arya) Tywin points out that one of them is a girl. Jaime replies he could not leave her behind, since she looks so pretty next to the short one (Arya). Gendry glares at Jaime.
When Tywin states he's made Tyrion Hand of the King, Jaime aka Mystique muses "of the two of us, you look like the fake right now."
The way Mystique is able to convince Tywin she's Jaime, by keeping to the Kingsguard and Tywin noting that "only his real blood would be so stupid" as to put honor above wealth and power.
Robb tells Roslin he was tired of sitting in the hall and brooding "so I decided to take a walk and brood."
Roslin: I suppose that is as good as we'll get. Do you agree, Maester Luwin? Luwin: It is a good start. King Eddard was known for brooding in his solar for hours at a time. We are lucky your husband broods while roaming about the castle.
In a darkly humourous way, the Night's Queen complaining to Sandor that Cersei annoys her and Joffrey disgusts her. Not even a Humanoid Abomination can stand those two!
Tyrion sends his nephew to bed with Pycelle and Cersei helping him over Joffrey's protests. Still hilarious AND awesome.
Poor Theon practically has a breakdown when he meets Thor, the basis for the Storm God, who reveals that the "Drowned God" is actually a friend of his who only got the name as a joke after Sif dunked him into a pond when he tried to bed her during a party. Thor, meanwhile, just happily greets him as "one of Aegir's men, happily slaps him on the back, and leaves him just short of gibbering.
In Theon's POV, it's noted that Jane has a look on her face which says "what am I doing here?"; when it later cuts to Jane's POV, the first line is her asking herself the same question.
Jane's snide remarks about Renly throughout his parley with Stannis.
The kicker being her reaction when he pulls out a peach from Highgarden for his infamous "Peach speech" from A Clash of Kings.
Jane: ...What the serious fuck?
Then Thor snatches the peach from Renly (thinking it was being offered), and has him hold his hammer, which drags him off his horse and leaves him in an undignified slump on the ground.
Then, Renly makes the fatal mistake of calling Jane a whore, Thor snaps and responds with fully fledged epic thunderstorm, one that spells out his name in scorch-marks. If the latter were not enough, Theon's terrified reaction in the background, screaming, "DON'T ANGER THE STORM GOD", before galloping for his life, is hilarious.
The omake of Jon and Natasha's wedding, wherein they complete the ceremony by killing Lancel Lannister, and then celebrate by urinating on his dying body.
Plus, the whole reason it exists is that Mr. Chaos made a typo of "kill" instead of "kiss," which got him thinking that this really wouldn't be out of place in this particular setting.
Natasha does the deed by grabbing Lancel in a hug and whispering "The Martells send their regards".
Oberyn begins crying, proclaims that he's just so happy!
The Night's Queen referring to Margarey as "this generation's Cersei." Tyrion can't help grinning at the angry look on his sister's face.
Tony complaining about Pepper ordering him not to make bawdy jokes about Jon and Natasha's first night together. To his pet sheep. Which is getting drunk on wine (which judging by Tony's reaction is apparently a common occurrence).
Jon appears at breakfast after his and Natasha's wedding night, and is quite open about how well it went. Tony expresses his surprise that he is so open about it. Jon replies that Natasha told him to brag.
When Tony tries to reassure a nervous Happy by sarcasatically asking how many people die in chariot races, Happy replies that he looked it up, and found that one in seventeen races in the previous year ended with deaths. When Tony counters by asking how many were dashing rich men named "Tony", Happy says two; Tony's not sure if he's joking or not.
Tony invents the Egg McMuffin. And calls it the Tony Stark, as he sucks at naming things.
When Natasha sees Jon don his backup Centurion armor, she says that if he saves her father from the attacking Ironborn she'll "fuck [him] in the armor", leading Jon to momentarily wonder which of them she means will be wearing the armor.
After their victory, Tony snarks the wedding would have been hailed as a success by the Dothraki - much more than three deaths, to be sure!
Stan Lee makes his cameo, in a copy of the one from Captain America: Civil War as he mispronounces Tony's name.
Dany compares Logan's favored high-potency wine to acid. He muses that he hasn't tried drinking acid since getting his Healing Factor, and should try it.
Arya passes the time at Harrenhal figuring out the best way to kill everyone currently in the room, and is continually frustrated at Tywin sending people away and bringing new ones in, forcing her to start over.
The reason why Tony is no longer welcome in Pentos: he managed to poach the Prince's kitchen staff who followed him to Iron Pointe.
When a servant knocks on Tony's lab's door while they are discussing the current situation, Pepper has the idea of mess up the lab so he will think they were having sex on one of the tables (so they won't see Vanko's whips). Tony is miffed that he did not think of actually having sex with her instead of showing her Vanko's whips.
Ned and Cat's sheer confusion of the Lannisters' responses to their attempt to ransom Jaime, with Tyrion telling them to do whatever they want with Jaime, and Cersei suggesting they slit his throat. The two refuse to believe that the Lannisters would be stupid enough to fall for a fake Jaime.
After Brienne and Theon arrive back in the Tyrell camp after having fought off Vanko, Asha and several other Iron Born, Lord Tyrell is taken aback by Brienne's state of undress, clothes ripped and covered in blood as she is.
"Lady Brienne?" Mace asked, and despite what had just happened Theon fought the urge to roll his eyes and say "No, another nearly 7 foot tall green woman."
When trying to reassure Robb that he's playing an important role despite staying in Winterfell instead of being in the field of battle, Roslin recalls something her father used to say, about the members of a House being like stones in a tower, with all playing a part in keeping it secure. Robb comments that that's oddly deep for Walder, with Roslin snarking that he has his moments whenever he's not "stewing over insults from 30 years ago".
Jojen describes a dream vision which showed him how things have changed in the timeline, and what's going to happen as a result, which is all very portentous. Then we get this in response:
Robb felt a headache coming on.
While beating up a rapist and giving him a "The Reason You Suck" Speech over his actions, Jon segues into venting his anger over Tony abandoning the mission. The rapist calls him out on how he seems to have issues unrelated to the current situation (and then, being Too Dumb to Live, suggest Jon leave so he can get back to the rape; naturally, Jon kills him).
Jon makes an imitation of Natasha's Dornish accent. Natasha says he sounds like a farmhand who stared at the sun for too long. And then, she uses the magical words.
She then proceeds to (literally) take things into her hands to get him worked up into having sex with her there and then.
Varys tried to sweet-talk Sandor into spying for him. Sandor answered by spitting on his face.
After Daenerys arrives to Qarth, the Pureborn start dropping hints that they want Daenerys to follow the ludicrous rituals needed to ask for an audience with them, but Daenerys doesn't show any interest, so they send an emissary to find out why it - and she tells the emissary to follow an equally ludicrous list of "rituals" (such as buying booze for Wolverine) if he wants to speak with her.
One of those "requirements" is wearing the Hat of Messages. When Jorah asks where they will get a hat, Dany tells him to buy it with his first bribe. And take some Dothraki chidlren so they can offer the most ridiculous suggestions.
Daenerys: They can have the foolish blue slippers.
Daenerys also takes advantage of the emissary's lack of knowledge of Dothraki language to carry out normal conversations in front of the guy, who is clearly desperate to find out what the hell they are saying. She comes out as a pure Troll.
Arya noting that every Lannister she's met (except Kevan) is either a prick or moronic.
Arya's joy at Tywin discovering that Amory Lorch has screwed up, as it now means she gets her favorite form of entertainment — watching Tywin chew out an incompetent underling.
When Jane mentions that Tyrion Lannister is a dwarf, Thor asks if he crafts treasures and weapons with magic. Jane lampshades how he also knows the magical kind of dwarves. This is even funnier when you remember Peter Dinklage played a Dwarf in Infinity War...who happened to also be about 20 feet tall.
All the previous hints that there was much more to the Starks than what seemed, due to their inability to get drunk, turns out to be a spell Thor put on Brandon the Builder, a joke against him after he helped Durran Godsgrief (whom Thor calls "pesky little shit") build Storm's End, giving Brandon an Asgardian constitution so he would never be able to get drunk on normal alcohol. Thor is sure Brandon cursed his name at every turn.
Shireen Baratheon being Moment Killer supreme by interrupting Jane and Thor's Big Damn Kiss, matter-of-factly telling them they can kiss later and pulling a flustered Thor with her out of the room.
When she's out of striking range, Shireen asks Thor whether, since Jane is her second mother, he is her second father.
Jane resisted the urge to chase after the bold little shit that was her ward and smack her bottom with a slipper.
Rhodey states he believes Cersei and Jaime as lovers because Stannis doesn't have the imagination to make up a story like that. "He is a plank of wood with a face."
Tony once almost hired a fool who liked to dance and talk about floating things, but didn't because he was creepy and smelled like he lived in a sewer. That's right, Tony almost hired Pennywise.
Just how Magneto bemoans human stupidity: every time he believes he hit rock bottom, he's actually in the highest tower of Oldtown and there's still so many stories to go.
After Magneto uses ancient Targaryen Blood Magic Arya awakens to find she is now 17 years old and utterly beautiful... and she throws a fit because she isn't blue like Mystique or metal like Gendry. She admits she must look foolish but she still throws a hissy fit when at first she believes she hasn't gained a mutant power.
Chapter 37 has an out-of-nowhere shout out to American Psycho, as a group of Qartheen merchants are passive-aggressively arguing over who has the best personal flag. Daenerys, who is observing this, notes with some bemusement that the flags, and the men themselves for that matter, are all practically identical, rendering the entire thing petty and pointless.
During their self-exile from Iron Pointe, Jon learns that Natasha is quite kinky. For example, one day she put all of their clothes in a chest and declared that they would spend the entire day naked.
Jon keeps interrupting Fury's dramatic proclamations, much to the latter's frustration. This includes the "There was an idea" speech from the first Avengers film, and the revelation of the Court of Others.
When they learn that the Ironborn are preparing to attack Iron Pointe, Jon suits up and flies away with Natasha being carried along... leaving Fury behind.
Deadpool makes his first proper appearance, and true to form speaks openly about how he loves being surprised by the story's author Chaos, and says to Dany upon seeing his horrific disfigurement "the moldy carpet matches the moth-eaten drapes."
Jon barges into Tony's workshop to inform him from the Ironborn invasion, but Tony is not alone and the teen is wearing the Centurion armor. Cue this immortal exchange:
Jarvis: Lord Jon... you are the Centurion? Jon: Uh... no?
Tony then tries, very badly, to convince Happy and Jarvis that they're dreaming.
When Jon reveals that Natasha is a spy, Phylyp asks if they are doing the revelations now. Natasha informs him that Fury only outed her.
The best place Rhodey found to hide the armor he took from Tony? Tony's workshop. Which leads to this exchange in which Tony calls Rhodey out on it:
Tony: What if I had gone and cleaned over there... thrown that chest out! Or given it away! What if the local drunk had gotten a hold of it! Jarvis: I believe you're the local drunk, my lord. Tony: I am? Jon: You have a drink in your hand right now. Pepper looked over and saw that yes, her husband has somehow gotten a hold of a bottle of Arbor Gold.
Happy losing it at the realization Tony is Iron Man, Jon is Centurion and Natasha and Phylyp are spies and wondering "how have I not known this is happening?!"
Tony's way to point out that of all the three Power Armor wearing men, Rhodey is the only one who's still single:
Tony: Okay, so no more talk about who hurt who or who is at fault for what or who is going to have sex with who... because to be clear I'm going to fuck Pepper once we're done with this, Jon and Natasha are going to have angry sex, and Rhodey and his left hand will have a nice evening-
(Rhodey chucks a piece of wood at Tony)
After Chapter 43's reveal of Davos Seaworth being Loki, a lot of the interactions in Dragonstone become more hilarious. Thor is pretty much romancing his own niece (not actually blood related, thankfully), Jane really is the Stranger's Daughter and Loki was probably having a kick at being so good with his disguise that not even his brother realized it was him.
In the middle of the Battle of the Blackwater, Tyrion still has the time for a mental monologue on Joffrey, Cersei, and Jaime's faults.
In a play on the classic line when Rickon identifies himself as "Star Lord", the Iron Born assume he means "Stark Lord" and point out that Robb is the Stark lord around here.
There's also something hilarious about how befuddled Robb is by what's happening.
Just hearing modern-day parlance like "Stressed" entering this classic fantasy world.
Chapter 45's afterward confirms that Rickon as Star Lord does indeed still look like Chris Pratt, complete with American accent, and quite pities Robb's sanity having to deal with the Guardians of the Galaxy who make all the other stuff going on in Westeros look downright mundane. And he hopes in all that bopping around the galaxy, Rickon learned to not just run from arrows in a straight line.
Regarding secret identities, Vanko points he immediately knew who Iron Man is because Tony forgot to disguise his voice, and Rhodey actually agrees with him. Tony meekly tells he's going to work on this.
Rhodey half-seriously suggesting Natasha decided to side with Iron Pointe because her brand-new husband Jon is just thatgood in bed. Tony is obviously quite peeved by the insinuation.
Tony and Rhodey can't help bickering about who exactly saved who even as they're stuck in a precarious situation in a sinking ship.
After everything she has seen in her life, particularly the last few months, Jane feels she has earned the right to be utterly floored by her father revealing he's actually Loki.
Loki spends the entire duel with Amora criticizing how rusty she's gone during her time in Midgard, nonchalantly dispelling her attacks or using them against her and pointing out that she was so lazy that she joined the easiest cult to become a member for, one that even Robert thought was a joke.
Amora: I will be Queen of Asgard! Loki: You couldn't be queen of an island with only two people on it.
All the while, Thor clearly acts like he's Seen It All as his brother fights Amora, much to Jane's annoyance.
Loki asks Jane if she minds him explaining the truth to her while she deals with Amora. Jane replies that, as long as he keeps inflicting pain on Amora, she does not mind.
Jane quietly tells Thor she thinks Loki is more impressive than him. Thor whines and points out that Mjölnir allows for flight, which should be better. Shireen appears to disagree.
During his spiel about everything he's done in his past Midgardian lives, Loki reveals he was the one that wrote down the Pureborn's traditions and tricked them into thinking they were all their idea.
Loki as Davos spent a good part of Robert's Rebellion selling to both sides, sometimes even selling to one of them what he had bought from the other. Thor is appalled, until Loki drops in a reference to a Noodle Incident.
As her thoughts whirl in the aftermath of so many revelations, what does Jane think of?
I kissed my uncle. Ugh.
As Stannis is dying by inches, he calls out Loki for only pretending to have his finger joints cut off and lying to him. Jane's jaw drops at his priorities.
When Brunnhilde comes down to take Stannis to Valhalla, Jane, used to Thor, expects noble words and bold proclamations from the Valkyrie. What does she get?
Brunnhilde tells Stannis not to complain, because it isn't as if Thor was the one to kill him. Loki coughs and Thor looks aside awkwardly, because he actually was.
Jon would like for Tony to stop fucking his wife with his eyes. Tony argues fucking with the eyes is far preferable to any other way to fuck someone else's wife, only for Jon to tell he prefers Tony not fucking his wife at all.
Fury asking to debrief Tony regarding the imminent Apocalypse causes the smith to complain because he just put down the crazy Ironborn, what can be so urgent?
Fury: The Others have returned, the Night's Queen has taken over your cousin Sansa's body and trapped her immortal soul within while she manipulates King's Landing, and the rest of the Court of the Others is preparing a full assault against the North, the Night's King's first strike before he seeks to wipe every living being in the world.
Tony: ...okay, admittedly that is eyebrow-raising.
The omake at the end of Chapter 48 is about the aged-up Sansa, Arya, and Rickon meeting at the Inn at the Crossroads, commiserating on the shared experience (including how blue people were involved in all of them). At the end, Sansa makes a point of reiterating Mr. Chaos' statement that no DC elements will be added to the crossover... causing Deadpool to come out and complain that he's the only one who breaks the fourth wall around here.
Ned's reaction to meeting Brienne in Chapter 51 is a nice bit of hilarious Dramatic Irony, given he doesn't know about Mystique:
Ned: What next, blue women?
The Iron Pointe group debating whose turn it is to Dope Slap Tony. With Phyllup saying they shouldn't... as Tony is so wounded right now he wouldn't feel it, so they should wait until he heals. Tony goes from saying how much he likes his steward to saying he hates him.
When discussing the Council's reach, Fury implies that Tony's pet sheep is an agent. Natasha tries to reassure him that Fury's joking, but doesn't sound sure herself.
Fury tries to explain how the Others work, but when he says that they're spirits who "possess Others", everyone thinks he means they possess each other. It takes a bit before he's able to clarify that they possess people.
When Tony talks of the Court being a dramatic name, Rhodey dryly points out "the lord of Iron Pointe who deals in Iron could only come up with Iron Man?"
When told that Varys is a Council agent, Tony asks if he's even really a eunuch or if he has a Gag Penis, with everyone cutting him off before he can finish the question.
Everyone realizes they forgot to tell Happy that Jon is a Targaryen. Tony suggests they make a list of things they haven't filled him in on yet.
Rickon enthusiastically dancing in the modern way — Robb is horrified by what he calls "fucking the air" while Roslin and Luwin are like bystanders watching a carcrash: completely horrified yet they can't stop watching!
Rickon playfully mocks Robb's fashion sense, before genuinely complimenting Roslin's. She notes that female Children probably taught him to never question a woman's fashion, with him alluding to a Noodle Incident after he made a comment about a Child's branch hat.
Once more, the fun of modern-day slang and parlance suddenly entering this fantasy world. Even better when he's asked to "talk normal," Rickon replies "I was about to ask you the same thing."
Rickon: It must be crazy to know your baby brother is SO much hotter than you! Totally 10 out of 10 on the sexy scale.
Robb: I know most of those words yet they still make no sense.
A Shield of Man
Adrian is completely unimpressed with Tywin's messenger, blocking out most of what he says and not even bothering to ask his name.
Daenerys takes great amusement in the inability of Kraznys to understand what she and Domino are saying, even as they openly speak of her plans to liberate the city.
Arya and Sabretooth wanting to name Magneto's dragon "The Annoying Purple Asshole", while Gendry and Toad wanted to name it Tim.
It had been decided not to let Toad or Gendry name anything ever again.
Said dragon, Lockheed, likes Arya better than Magneto. Because she feeds him scraps.
Ygritte freaking out over the fact they're currently chilling out with a fucking Other. Steve's reaction is to tell her off for swearing.
Ygritte's sheer outrage when Steve calls her a lady, since ladies just sit down getting fat and painting walls. Jeor pipes that his sister Maege is from noble birth yet doesn't do that — he still warns Steve to not call Maege a lady or she will break his face, Other or not.
Benjen mouthing the words "painting walls?" after Ygritte says this, clearly confused as to what she's talking about.
Jeor and Benjen both do Spit Takes upon learning that Lann the Clever, ancestor of all Lannisters, was a dwarf. Much to the confusion of Steve, Mance and Ygritte, who don't know about Tywin and Tyrion's relationship.
After Vanko's attack, Fury has all but become a permanent house guest in Iron Pointe. Tony keeps needling him about his freeloader status every second sentence.
Pepper now has a second axe with sunstones. Tremble, ye mortals.
Tony sent a prayer to the Old Gods, the New Gods and the New-But-Artificially-Aged-To-Look-Old gods...
Tywin sends an order for Jon to join the Small Council as Joffrey's advisor. Pepper tried to come up with some ideas: Tony's favorite was trying to claim that Jon didn't exist and that Tywin was having delusions in his old age.
Jon suggests that he could take advantage of the situation to deal with both of their main problems. He still needs to work something on his plans.
His plan was rather... blunt: kill Joffrey in cold blood then he and Natasha kidnap the Night's Queen, something something something everything is solved. Natasha had suggested they think a bit harder before rushing off to commit both regicide and an exorcism.
When Tywin sends a letter, Pepper suggests that Jon and Natasha may have been ambushed, and even details how she would do it in quite a lot of detail. Tony wonders if he should be concerned that she's spent so much time planning how to kidnap someone.
Pepper mentions she wants her new axe blunt and dull to make her work up a sweat while using it. Tony finds it terrifying and oddly arousing.
Wyman Manderly's fame:
[Tony]'d heard an old saying that one needed to count their fingers after shaking hands with a scoundrel but Wyman was the first person he'd met that made you actually wonder if you had started off with 10 fingers when you'd talked with him.
Tony tries to say his mission to Braavos will be easy. Jarvis has to say something about it.
Cersei's entire chapter has some dark comedy in how it shows her truly and honestly believing she's the most skilled player around, she's expertly manipulating Littlefinger and Varys and has her father wrapped around her finger. You can imagine the former two men laughing their heads off in private at how sloppy Cersei's "manipulations" are while Tywin wonders how he got cursed with a delusional daughter.
When Tywin puts Joffrey in his place as a complete idiot and makes him back down, what does Cersei see? Her son "showing the strength of a king" and honestly thinking "he gets that from me."
Tywin threatening to cut off her budget, only to possibly go back on the idea - if only so she can get herself some new clothes to account for her weight gain.
Upon hearing of a rumor that Janos Slynt claimed that he deserved a gold crown, Joffrey is incensed and calls for the man's death... only to be reminded by Varys, Littlefinger, and Pycelle that they are discussing him because he is dead, and that he had also spoken praises of the man, specifically "the most honorable of my men"... and also that he offered a reward for capturing his killer.
Littlefinger offhandedly mentions a man named Kevan in Iron Pointe who's recently been making a killing designing sigils for new Houses. Yes, Kevin Feige actually exists in this story.
A small moment of levity in an otherwise very dark chapter: while berating her crew into not giving up while they're lost at sea, Asha makes an example of the crewman who gave into despair and jumped overboard, stating that she's going to tell everyone he died shitting himself after eating a bad pinecone.
Bran complains about having to sew, calling it women's work; this earns him the intense ire of Meera and Osha. Jaime tries to help by telling him that when women are this angry, the best thing to do is apologize even if you don't mean it. When Meera complains about this, Jaime apologizes, which Meera instinctively accepts without realizing it. Osha seems to find this Actually Pretty Funny.
Jaime is constantly being shown up by Meera when it comes to wilderness survival after his years of the pampered Kingsguard life.
Osha: How many did you set? Meera: We set eight. Osha: And how many did he set? Meera: We set eight.
When a Lannister soldier wonder what Oberyn and Ellaria got up to in the room they took, Ellaria proudly claims that the two of them had sex on every piece of furniture in the room. Jon shifts and desperately hopes that the wet spot near his elbow is from spilled wine.
Drunk as he is, the same soldier wonders aloud if Oberyn was letting himself get fucked by Clynt and Jon. Oberyn actually considers the idea interesting, but Clynt and Jon immediately shoot it down - while Natasha openly stakes her claim on Jon.
When you have to fight for your life, it can lead to some interesting Improvised Weapons. Such as a cherub statue.
Later on, Jon's fight takes him out of the brothel, and after stabbing his opponent in the groin (for insulting Sansa), said opponent tries to stab him - only for a certain someone to debut by shooting a gray-white material at the guard before scurrying UP a wall, leaving Jon completely dumbfounded.
The fight is scored with a song that seems like a heroic story about rescuing a prostitute from her abusive regular customer...until the narrator jumps out the window as soon as that customer actually arrives, and as he runs away hears the prostitute give him the exact same romantic speech.note "Come a Little Bit Closer" by Jay and the Americans, aka the song that plays during Yondu's rampage in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
Brienne suggesting that Theon uses his boots as a weapon against the Lannister army — one whiff of the smell and they will run away immediately!
After Brienne and Theon make a big show of bowing and saying "Your Grace," Ned laments he finally understands why Robert always scowled when people (including himself) did that.
After an upset Brienne stamps her foot so hard, the Riverrun rooms shake, Catelyn dryly says she'd prefer Brienne doesn't destroy her home.
Since in this story Theon (as far as he knows) hasn't seen Asha since he was taken by the Starks, he's hit with the awkward image of a little girl in pigtails leading the attack on Winterfell.
Daenerys notes that the Wise Masters of Yunkai dress exactly the same as the Good Masters of Astapor, and wonders if they all use the same tailor.
Domino is fitting in as "translator/assassin/advisor/amateur cook" with it mentioned how she managed to turn spoiled cheese and flour into a wonderful piece of beef...despite having no idea how she did it as she never even started with any beef.
Deadpool, being himself, is naturally full of laughs. His Motor Mouth and random commentary leaves even the dragons staring at him in confusion.
In the middle of a fight, he chastises Black Tom's choice of name, asking if it's meant to be ironic or if he's colorblind and doesn't realize he's not actually black. Then when Jorah kills Tom, he accuses Jorah of being racist, which quickly becomes a Running Gag.
After he and Dany cut a deal, he asks if he can see her topless. She responds by letting Logan stab him, with the sound effect being the last word of the chapter.
Jiffson Davis brought some unexpected innovations with him to King's Landing. Namely, the notepad and a primitive pencil.
After all the effort and sacrifices Ned made to convince the world that Jon was his bastard, Tywin needs only one glance to instantly figure out that Jon is Rhaegar's son, thanks to the strong family resemblance — and then he still gets it wrong in believing that Jon is actually his half-brother Aegon.
Steve belatedly realizes his companions don't have his ability to walk on top of snow, and offers to share it with them. Ygritte is outraged that he's only saying this after they've trudged through the snow quite a long way.
Steve gets his superhero name of Captain Westeros... because Craster's wives misunderstand his long list of titles.
Happy points out that if Tywin wanted them dead, he wouldn't have arranged the Blue Oyster fight, he would have had them killed on the road and made it look like bandits did it. Jon asks if Happy talked to Pepper before they left Iron Pointe.
We get to properly meet Petyr Parker aka Spider-Man, and as per most incarnations he's a Motor Mouth who refuses to shut up during fights. Both Gwen and Miles call him out on this.
Quite unexpectedly, Petyr, Gwen, and Miles apparently somehow all got bitten by wildfyre-enhanced spiders at once, which leads to some arguments over whether Petyr or Miles gets to call themselves Spider-Man, while Gwen just outright introduces herself as "the one and only Spider-Woman."
In a Crosses the Line Twice kind of way, this time it's Sansa who takes up reciting a list of revenge targets every night.
Jon apparently keeps imagining the knives singing to him to stab Joffrey. To the tune of "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" for some reason.
Joffrey tries to mock Jon by having a roasted wolf served. Jon quickly fires back by making up a Dornish custom out of whole cloth that "dictates" the first cut should go to Joffrey — and gets away with it since Dorne is so foreign that no one save for Oberyn and his entourage (who go along with it for the sake of screwing over the Lannisters) knows it's fake.
Olenna keeps making sex jokes, to Jon's shock and Mace's extreme embarrassment, which Jon figures is less to do with the nature of the jokes and more to do with the image of his mother having sex at all.
During his conversation with Sam, an offhand comment makes Jon remember some of the extreme sex he and Natasha had while living in the hut outside Iron Pointe, and he has to remind himself that he's still angry at her.