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Film / The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human

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A Mockumentary on the subject of late 90s dating, from the perspective of an alien observer, complete with Wildlife Commentary Spoof style narration. It tells the story of The Male (Billy), a twenty-something accountant, and his budding relationship with The Female (Jenny), an attractive computer worker, described and analyzed (sometimes hilariously inaccurately) by an alien narrator.

The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human provides examples of:


  • Abhorrent Admirer: Both main characters have several in the club:
  • Abusive Parents:
    • Billy has this in spades, with his dad yelling at him for being a bookish child and his mom shrugging it off. As an adult, his father stares down his girlfriend's cleavage and both parents are recovering alcoholics.
    • Jenny's dad is a Gun Nut who threatens Billy several times at their first meeting and shows off a holstered pistol at their wedding. Not that her previous boyfriends didn't warrant some caution.
  • Almost Kiss: Billy and Jenny are sitting on swings in a park and pushing themselves closer for their first kiss... then Billy slips and falls on his ass.
  • Amicable Exes:
    • Very strangely played with. Despite Mike being physically abusive and beating up her boyfriend/fiancee, he's been invited to the wedding.
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    • Ed the thieving stoner and Robert the Insufferable Genius are right next to him.
  • Chick Flick / Rated M for Manly: The Narrator's description of the movies humans like. According to him, it boils down to one person dying slowly vs. many people dying quickly.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: The Wise Old Woman they try to buy condoms from. Turns out she's an alien.
  • Crazy Jealous Guy: Jenny's ex Mike. He tries to drag her off when he runs into her while she's on a date with Billy, which leads to...
    • Curb-Stomp Battle: Billy gets one punch in on Mike, but is then utterly annihilated by Mike and his friend Tony, both obvious bodybuilders and Mike a trained fighter. But that leads to...
      • Groin Attack: Jenny then protects Billy by kicking them in the balls.
  • Creative Closing Credits: The credits are just black and white names, but the characters are described as they are in the film, i.e. The Male, The Female, The Female's Asian Friend, The Wise Old Woman, etc...
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  • Epic Fail: Billy gets a number from the hottest girl in the club, then leaves it in his suit that he sends to the dry cleaners. All that's left is shreds.
  • I Meant to Do That: Lampshaded by the narration. After Billy falls into the sand while trying for a kiss, he asks if it's too late to mention how romantic the stars are.
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: One of the cutaway 'sperm running up against a barrier' jokes is shown being filmed in the background of a later scene, much to the confusion of Billy.
  • Ms. Fanservice: In the mid-Ninties, Carmen Electra was about as high up on the hot scale as any actress.
  • The '90s: Set solidly in an era before cell phones and online dating, but with (big, beige) computers.
  • Open Mouth, Insert Foot: When Billy loses Jenny's number, his best friend tries to console him by telling him that because she was so hot, she probably gave him a fake number.
  • Overprotective Dad: Jenny's father is constantly, and conspicuously, showing off his firearm collection to Billy.
  • Poor Communication Kills: It's so loud in the club, Jenny can't hear Billy's compliment on her dancing. So he tries to mime it and ends up humping air. She then throws a drink in his face.
  • Potty Emergency: Billy tries to show Jenny how much he wants her by holding off going to the bathroom. He only makes it a few seconds before dancing around uncomfortably. Jenny's laugh shows him she was just screwing with him and he makes a mad dash in.
  • The Quest: Billy attempts to find Jenny by calling every "J. Smith" in the LA phone book. Jenny is thoroughly impressed.
  • Really Gets Around: Jenny's friend Lana. Her answering machine message is that Jenny is hotter, but she puts out. She's even described in the credits as "The Female's Slutty Friend".
  • Rescue Sex: Played with. Jenny ends up protecting Billy from her ex, but rewards Billy with a blowjob because he tried to save her even though he knew he would fail.
  • Shout-Out: The workings of spermicidal gel are depicted as a large guy in a flat top and biker gear carrying a machine gun shooting the sperm.
  • Single Woman Seeks Good Man: Jenny's reasoning for going out with Billy, after the Jerk Jock, Smug Snake, and The Stoner were fun at first, then all turned out horrible.
  • Sperm as People: Played with. People in white clothes are used to symbolize sperm. They reach the end of the track and are confused that they don't find an egg, get caught in a plastic tarp, and get gunned down, to symbolize non-vaginal sex, condoms, and spermicide respectively.
  • The "I Love You" Stigma: Billy has a great deal of difficulty saying it, likely as a response to his
  • Unreliable Narrator: Among other things David Hyde Pierce's narrator tells the audience is that sex is painful and giving birth is joyful, oral sex is used to taste-test sex cells, and that Jenny removing her hair stick is her "pulling a bone out of her skull".
  • Wacky Marriage Proposal: Billy proposes to Jenny in the waiting room of an abortion clinic. The Narrator says this is perfectly normal.
  • Wildlife Commentary Spoof: The entire movie is this for observing aliens.


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