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Film / Ninja Cheerleaders

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Cheerleaders go up against the mob. No, really.

April, Monica and Courtney are three intelligent high-school girls who have intentions of going to Brown. They are also ninjas who work for the kindly old sensei Hiroshi. They moonlight as Go-Go dancers in Hiroshi's own club. Yeah.

The bad guy is one Victor Lazarro, a mobster who has just recently been paroled. See, Hiroshi bought the strip club from the IRS, who took it from Lazarro when he was convicted, and now he wants it back. To that end, he hires his girlfriend Kinji, a "dark ninja", to dispose of the three ninja cheerleaders and ensure that the deed to the club is signed over to him.

Also in the mix is Detective Harris, a detective investigating (presumably) the disturbance that opens the movie.

This movie contains examples of:

  • Ass Shove: April threatens to do this to Jimmy the Snitch with a garden hose.
  • Avoid the Dreaded G Rating: A very bizarre example, in that while there's violence and the main characters work as go-go dancers, there's no sex or cussing, so the IdiosyncraticWipes were added, as well as a scene with naked women.
  • Badass Bookworm: The girls, although Manny may also count. All four of them are shown to argue about how great Napoleon really was.
  • Bond One-Liner: Hiroshi mixes this with Pre-Mortem One-Liner after shooting Lazarro
    Lazarro: I thought you Ninjas weren't supposed to use guns
    Hiroshi: Ah, but I am old, and I forget the rules sometimes.
  • Dirty Old Man: Red, the girls' coach. He's cute, in a "lock-your-doors, mace-in-hand, don't-be-alone-with-him" kind of way, and while none of the girls do anything to him, he gets slammed into a locker anyway.
  • Does Not Like Men: Implied with April. The only men she interacts with that don't die, get injured or cop it where it hurts are Det. Harris (who's only shown interacting with them in a professional capacity), Red (hurt by someone else), Hiroshi (their sensei), Manny (an intelligent bouncer) and Victor Lazarro (the baddie). Her Groin Attack is a supremely painful one, and she makes disparaging remarks about Courtney's stepfather.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The main characters are cheerleaders who are also ninjas.
  • Framing Device: The movie is shown to us as the three cheerleaders' statement to the police.
  • Genius Bruiser: Manny could be construed as such: his first scene involves him arguing about whether or not Alexander was better than Napoleon.
  • Highly-Visible Ninja: Kinji is the only ninja who averts this.
  • Idiosyncratic Wipe: The wipes are all montages that include one of the main characters, a ninja and a stripper dancing topless.
  • Karma Houdini: Al again. Courtney refuses to harm him.
  • No Name Given: Aside from Victor and Jimmy "The Snitch" Lazarro, nobody else has a full name revealed.
  • Obfuscating Stupidity: The three put on a "ditz" act to try to deter Det. Harris.