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Film / Modern Vampires

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Modern Vampires is a 1999 Direct to Video Horror Black Comedy film. As the name implies is a modern (for the time) retake on the vampire mythos. The movie takes many characteristics of The '90s and uses them as part of the plot including obvious parallelism between vampirism and drug addiction / sexually transmitted diseases. The movie has some very crude humor clearly not for all audiences and some of the jokes are in Dark Humor territory.

This film provides examples of

  • Abusive Parents: Nico's stepfather sexually abused her and Nico's mother was negligent at best.
  • Chained to a Bed: Ulrike (Kim Cattrall) is tied to a bed using garlic and gang raped by the Crips.
  • Crapsack World: A world where vampires kill people with no remorse of any kind and humans are presented as bastards too.
  • Depraved Bisexual: All female vampires behave this his.
  • Does This Remind You of Anything?: Vampirism is transmitted with a bite like in most myths but is also transmitted sexually as discovered by the Crips after they gang rape Ulrike. Sounds familiar doesn't it?
  • Dracula: The Count (played by Robert Pastorelli) albeit more like a criminal boss running a night club than as the European noble we all know.
  • Evil vs. Evil: The vampires are violent psychopaths that feed on humans and even keep naked victims in cages in their club to feed on them, whilst the vampire hunters are lead by a former Nazi war criminal who killed his own son and they themselves are a criminal gang.
  • Fantastic Racism: Both literal (Dracula hates black people and does not allow Blacks to be turn into vampires) and metaphorical (Van Helsing's hate towards vampires is irrational).
  • Game Face: The vampires' real appearance is that of strange demon-looking creatures.
  • Humans Are the Real Monsters: While the vampires are portrayed as vicious predators, every human character is either a sex criminal, a jerk or a neglectful parent.
  • Lesbian Vampire: Panthia starts kissing Nico out of nowhere after they take her to buy new clothes. Then Nico does the same with recently made vampire Rachel.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: Although besides sex as one of the ways to transmit vampirism all other traditional characteristics are present.
  • Rape as Backstory: As Nico puts it when confronting her stepfather:
    You don't remember my face after all the sex shit you did to me when I was little.
  • Rape as Comedy: Ulrike's gang rape by the Crips (as she tainted them) is Played for Laughs. Also the fact that she's in her monster shape at the moment.
  • Sexually Transmitted Superpowers: After she's attacked and tied to a bed by the Crip vampire hunters, Ulrike taunts them into gangbanging her (weirdly hilarious, as she's in her monster form at the time), before Van Helsing stakes her. She neglects to mention that vampiric sex turns humans into vampires, and the Crips use their new superhuman strength and ferocity to help Dallas against the Count.
  • Streetwalker: Nico acts like a street prostitute in order to get blood from her clients.
  • Those Wacky Nazis: Van Helsing was a Nazi. Some very dark things in his past are implied as Dracula taunts him over it.
    Van Helsing: I only killed vampires!
  • Van Helsing Hate Crimes: Although vampires are by no means "good", the violent actions of Van Helsing and his recruited Crips against vampires are very questionable.