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The movie that kills... with laughter.

Kiler is a highly successful 1997 Polish comedy by Juliusz Machulski, starring famous (in Poland) actor Cezary Pazura in the main role.

A notorious gangster known as "The Guillotine" has been assassinated by the Killer - a well-known hitman for hire, who has left a wake of dead bodies through Europe. Jerzy Kiler, a taxi driver, stops to gawk for a moment at the confusion around the crime scene, before he returns to his cab and a drunken passenger in it. The next morning he's rudely awakened by an anti-terrorist group, apprehended and literally carried out of his flat. As it turns out, they found the murder weapon, a sniper rifle, inside his car's trunk and received an anonymous call accusing Jerzy of being the elusive Killer. Despite claiming his innocence and that all this is a huge mistake, he's quickly sent to prison.

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To his surprise, "his" reputation gains him a lot of respect from the inmates. After he kills a fellow prisoner completely by accident, even more people start to believe that Jerzy is the real deal. While being transported to another prison, he's broken out by mobsters working for "Siara" - Poland's most fearsome crime lord and Killer's frequent employer. With the police, gangsters and rest of the country taking him for the Killer, Kiler decides that explaining won't do him any good and decides to give in and "be" the Killer - especially after he learns about a container full of cash that Siara and his partner, senator Ferdynand Lipski, acquired by an (illegal) sale of the Warsaw's Palace of Culture and Science to a Latino mob boss.

Soundtrack by the one, the only Kuba Sienkiewicz (No relation that we know of).

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Tropes in this movie are as follow:

  • A Dog Named "Dog": When Jerzy Kiler is arrested for seemingly being the Killer, the commissioner Ryba, who has been after the assassin for years, gets really peeved about his surname during the hearing.
    Procurator: Go on, first name, last name, occupation.
    Jerzy Kiler: My name is Jerzy Kiler and I work as a cabbie.
    Ryba: Your name is Kiler. And your alias is "the Killer". AND you're A killer! And if you say that this is all a mistake, I'm going to bash your face in!
    Jerzy Kiler: It's a mistake!
    Ryba: ... Lift him up.
    Ryba proceeds to get up, revealing a pair of Red Boxing Gloves on his hands.
  • A MacGuffin Full of Money: A cargo full of dollars.
  • Bavarian Firedrill: When the car transporting Kiler broke down, Siara's men recapture him by pretending to be UOP note  officers.
  • Big-Bad Ensemble: We have the mafia boss Siara who wants to kill his partner; the partner, senator Lipski, who having learned about this double crossing, orders Siara's assassination; Siara's wife, Gabrysia, who wants Kiler to off her husband so she can elope with him (presumably to dump the guy at the earliest convenience); the commissioner Ryba, a Hero Antagonist who wants to put the Killer behind the bars; And finally, the real Killer.
  • Bring My Brown Pants: While escorting Kiler to a new prison after his (accidental) killing of a fellow inmate, the escort stops, because their truck malfunctions. During all this, Jerzy really needs to, in his own words, "drain off the potatoes". The guards don't care, in spite of Kiler's more and more desperate pleas to be let out. Finally, when he's let out by Siara's men, pretending to be UOP, he meekly proclaims:
    Jerzy Kiler: I don't need to anymore, thank you.
    • Later on, when Ryba "recruits" Wąski, one of Siara's top men, to be his informant.
    Ryba: First question: Do you always take a piss with a closed up zipper?
    Wąski: Always!
  • Cassandra Truth: Kiler spends the first act repeating he isn't "The Killer", but no one believes him - especially after the salt shaker incident. After meeting with Siara, he more or less decides to go "Sure, Let's Go with That".
  • Comically Missing the Point:
    • At beginning of the movie, when Kiler gets back to his cab, his drunk client asks what city is this. Kiler, not in a particularly good mood, says "Las Vegas". The drunk's response?
    Drunk: Really? Then they must have a power outage.
    • When Kiler shows Siara Lipski's wallet (actually a fake) and asks what the "FL" initials stand for.
    Siara: "FL"? Oh, so like we have "PL" on our cars, then "FL", like as in Principality of Liechtenstein. I even have a bank account over there, y'know for a rainy day.
  • Death Faked for You: Kiler successfully convinces Siara that Lipski is dead and vice versa, which gives him a free hand to collect the cash.
  • Delayed Reaction: When the SWAT teams barges in to arrest Jerzy in the morning. Even after two shotgun blasts and when the entire team has barged in, Kiler is still sleeping. Slowly, he lifts his Sleep Mask, looks around with a blissful smile at the SWAT team surrounding him and pointing their guns at him... and only then starts screaming for his dear life.
  • Die Laughing: The movie tagline, posted at the top of this page, promises this.
  • The Dog Was the Mastermind: The drunk that Jerzy was driving in his cab on the night of Guillotine's murder? That was the real Killer who framed Jerzy.
  • Gratuitous English: Plenty of instances thorought the movie.
  • Hollywood Silencer: Parodied. When all gangsters participating in a parking shootout use Hollywood Silencers, the TV reporters who film the whole scene from a distance comment that they will have to mix in gunfire sounds to make the scene more realistic.
  • Landmark Sale: In a subversion, Siara and Lipski do sell a famous Polish landmark, the Palace of Culture and Science, to a Latino crime boss. He then reveals that plans to get more buildings like this one, showing photos of the exact copies of the Palace all around the world to the surprised criminal duo.
    Siara: The motherfuckers spread out.
  • "Metaphor" Is My Middle Name: When Kiler is taken by the police and says that all this must be a terrible mistake, commissioner Ryba has only this to say:
    Ryba: A "mistake"? My wife's middle name was "Mistake".
  • Mistaken for Badass: The main premise of the movie. Kinda subverted though; while Kiler is no assassin, he's makes up for it by being an awesome Chessmaster, thus earning the title, though not in the way everyone expected.
  • An Offer You Can't Refuse: What Siara and Lipski's orders amount to - do my job, or get capped.
  • Once Killed a Man with a Noodle Implement: Kiler's badass status gets further exaggerated after he choked a man to death with a salt shaker in prison. He did. Accidentally.
  • Professional Killer: The Killer, feared across Europe. Amusingly, when Kiler "becomes" the Killer, several people, ranging from mafia bosses, call girls, grocery ladies and the elderly cheerfully offer him contracts. He usually replies with "I think about it".
  • Senseless Violins: After deciding that his "Killer" persona will be a Badass in a Nice Suit, Jerzy goes out to town with a violin case... to use it to carry his groceries.
  • Shout-Out:
  • Shoot Out the Lock: The SWAT team arresting Kiler does this properly: two blasts with a special shotgun above and below the lock, then forcing the door open with a kick.
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: When Kiler reveals to Lipski that Siara ordered him to kill the senator, he goes on a... colorful tirade.
    Lipski: Siara? He ordered you to kill ME?! That half brain?! That cloned sheep?! That turd dressed up in a golden tracksuit?! He doesn't exist without me!
    Jerzy Kiler: Would you like to talk about it, sir?
    Lipski:... With much fucking pleasure!
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