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"From the people who didn't bring you Whale Rider or Once Were Warriors . . . "
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Fresh Meat is a 2012 action/comedy/horror film, directed by Danny Mulheron. A gang that has just broken their leader from prison takes a family of cannibals hostage. Bloody hilarity ensues. Temuera Morrison headlines as the family patriarch.


Has the examples of:

  • And Show It to You: Hemi slices Glenn's chest open and rips out his beating heart, taking a bite out of it, believing that feasting on the heart, flesh and blood of his own offspring will render him immortal.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Ritchie Tan's crimes are listed as "Murder, Kidnapping, and Selling Fruit Without a License."
  • Bound and Gagged: After their initial difficulties with the Crane family, the gang ties them up in the living room. When Hemi and Glenn start praying, Johnny gags the whole family with duct tape to shut them up.
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  • Cannibal Clan: The Crane family. The father Hemi is a professor of religion who is obsessed with resurrecting a Maori cult dedicated to cannibalism.
  • Cannibal Larder: Paulie finds a trapdoor in the kitchen and opens it, and is instantly killed by a Booby Trap inside, after which his friends discover it leads to an underground butchery where Rina's parents and brother have been ritually killing, slicing up and preparing for consumption the bodies of other human beings.
  • Creepy Crossdresser: Ritchie takes Rina to her room to exploit her sexually. He dresses in her bra and panties and while she pretends to be interested in him, bites his crotch until it bleeds, forcing the other criminals and family back into the same area. According to Rina, he didn't get hard untill he put on her bra and panties.
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  • Creepy Gym Coach: Glenn kidnaps his cricket coach Mr. Upjohn and brings him back to his Cannibal Clan as their next meal; explaining that the Updike is pedophile who has been preying on young boys for years. It is mentioned that as well as coaching cricket, he is also a swim coach and a scoutmaster.
  • Dramatic Ammo Depletion: Gigi levels her shotgun at Officer Lance Nisbet's head and pulls the trigger, only for it to run dry at that moment. Nesbit responds by spraying pepper spray in her face.
  • The End... Or Is It?: At the end of the film, Gigi and Rina kiss, and as they observe the ruins of the house, a charred hand reaches up and grabs Gigi's arm.
  • Evil Versus Evil: A dysfunctional gang of criminals takes a middle class Maori family hostage and discovers too late that they are a Cannibal Clan.
  • Explosive Stupidity: So-called 'explosives expert' Johnny drops the dynamite he is planning on using to blow open the doors of Ritchie's prison van. He picks it up with the same hand he is holding his cigarette in and accidentally lights the fuse. He then drops it again and winds up kicking it under the van in an attempt to get rid of it.
  • Food Slap: When Gigi is fighting with Officer Lance Nisbet, Rina repeatedly tosses the contents of a bottle of milk in her face, before explaining it is an antidote for the pepper spray she had been hit with.
  • Frying Pan of Doom: Heri kills Johnny by beating his skull in with a crock pot.
  • Groin Attack: When Ritchie straddles Rina and attempts to force himself on her, she bites him in the crotch.
  • I Ate WHAT?!: On being told that the pork and rosemary pies her mother sent her at boarding school actually contained human flesh, she vomits over herself.
  • Immortality Immorality: Heri believes he can achieve immortality through ritual cannibalism, including eating the still beating heart of his son and drinking the blood of his daughter.
  • Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: Where Paulie Tan learned how to shoot. And actually an accurate representation of what happens when you attempt to fire a submachinegun one-handed.
  • Incompatible Orientation: Shaun has a long held crush on Rina, not realising that she is into girls.
  • Lodged-Blade Recycling: Hemi pulls out the steak knives Margaret and Gigi stabbed him with, and uses one of them them to kill a SWAT cop and the other one to kill Margaret.
  • Man Bites Man: When Ritchie straddles Rina and attempts to force himself on her, she bites him in the crotch.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: At the end of the film, Gigi and Rina kiss, and as they observe the ruins of the house, a charred hand reaches up and grabs Gigi's arm, leaving it unknown whether Hemi merely survived or is truly immortal.
  • Off with His Head!: A blast from Gigi's shotgun takes off Ritchie's head and it lands in Rina's lap, looking up at her.
  • Pity the Kidnapper: After springing Ritchie, the gang decides to hideout at the Crane family's house. Unfortunately, once it's revealed that Cranes' are a Cannibal Clan, it isn't long before Ritchie's gang are the ones that are in trouble.
  • Pretty Fly for a White Guy: Shaun Armstrong is a white, middle-class suburban kid who keeps talking about having 'a Maori heart', peppers his speech with Maori phrases, and keeps telling his Maori neighbours the Cranes about the various Maori rituals he has participated in.
  • Punk in the Trunk: Johnny finds Glenn's cricket coach Mr. Updike Bound and Gagged in the boot of Glenn's car. After he is disposed of, Gigi ties Johnny up and stores him in the boot.
  • Religion of Evil: Heri Crane is attempting to resurrect an old Maori cult called Solomonism that believes that cannibalism is the path to immortality.
  • Rolling Pin of Doom: Margaret attacks Heri with a rolling pin after he attempts to stab Rina. Heri grabs her and uses her rolling pin and another one to fend off Rina and Gigi's knife attacks.
  • Shotguns Are Just Better: Gigi's weapon of choice. She's also the most competent member of the gang.
  • The Secret of Long Pork Pies: Celebrity chef Margaret Crane's famous meat pies, which are available for purchase from her website.
  • Shower of Love: Rina Crane is a teenage student experimenting sexually with her fellow female students in the shower before being picked up from school by her father Hemi.
  • Sliding Scale of Comedy and Horror: More comedy than horror, but the film still bounces all over the spectrum.
  • Virgin Sacrifice: Hemi believes that he needs to drink the blood of his virgin daughter in order to gain immortality. This is why he sent her to an all-girls Boarding School. Too bad he hadn't factored on lesbians.
  • Vomit Indiscretion Shot: On being told that the pork and rosemary pies her mother sent her at boarding school actually contained human flesh, Rina vomits over herself.
  • Vulnerable Convoy: Paulie, Gigi and Johnny hits the prison van transporting Ritchie when the drivers stop at service station to buy pies.

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