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Film / Evil Alien Conquerors

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Earth is... perfectly safe.

Du-ug: Have you any more Smirnoff Ice?
Kenny: Yeah, there's half of one in the fridge.
Du-ug: You will die painlessly!

My-ik (Diedrich Bader) and Du-ug (Chris Parnell) have come from the planet Kabijj, with simple orders:
1. Conquer Earth.
2. Annihilate all human life.

Their orders are not so much:
3. Develop drinking problem.
4. Fall in love with divorced hussy.

Their plans are complicated by a transmat malfunction, turning their mighty swords into tooth-picks. Nevertheless, they have 24 hours to decapitate every human being on Earth before the overlords send the head-eating giant CROKER!!! (Tyler Labine) to, uh, eat their heads.

This movie contains examples of:

  • Alien Arts Are Appreciated: My-Ik and Du-Ug fall deeply in love with Smirnoff Ice vodka coolers. They also consider Kenny and Ron's digs to be "An abomination!" which is great praise on Kabijj.
    • Kabijjians also seem to like fast food pretty well, since there's a huge lineup of them in the epilogue when the EAC's open a burger shack.
  • Aliens Are Bastards: Their superiors want them to wipe out humanity and conquer Earth.
  • Aliens Speaking English: the only word not in English is "Endus," which is used similarly to "Glory" or "Honour" (ex, "Endus for Revere").
  • Bizarre Alien Biology: Kabijjians can reattatch severed limbs in an instant, and have no blood. Also, their males become pregnant.
  • Bizarre Sexual Dimorphism: In Kabijj the men look like human males, but the women look...just plain weird.
  • Call a Smeerp a "Rabbit": "Cats" are apparently a sort of edible plant on Kabijj.
    "Cat's bark? My appetite stirs..."
  • Cross Cultural Kerfuffle: Kabijjians consider dire insults to be worshipful praise.
  • Incoming Ham: CROKER!!! stomps into a restaurant, and screams at the diners.
  • Incredible Shrinking Man: CROKER!!! is about 50 feet tall, until the same transmat malfunction that shrunk our heroes' swords shrinks him down to about 6 feet. He doesn't seem to notice, though.
  • Large Ham: All the aliens are this, but especially CROKER!!!
  • Law of Alien Names: Averted, the aliens are named My-Ik, Du-Ug, Pe-Ny, and Ja-An. The only two strange names are Revere (which may be a title, as he's the alien King) and Croker (which isn't too far off from Kroeger).
  • Make Me Wanna Shout: My-Ik and Du-Ug screech "EEEEEEEEE" at people when they're sufficiently upset.
  • No Indoor Voice: Two guesses.
  • Running Gag:
    • The Transmat operator being knocked unconsious, which Revere finds hilarious.
    • Ron warning people "Don't to touch my sun chips and crystal geysers."
  • Teleporter Accident: A plot-point is that the interstellar teleporter is very finicky. It actually hadn't destroyed the first wave of invaders ( who really just went into hiding), so they fixed it. They actually broke it. Now it randomly shrinks items (and people) sent through it, making My-Ik and Du-Ug's BFS's into cocktail skewers and their makeup kits into compacts. It also turns Kroker the Giant into a normal-sized man.
  • Teleporters and Transporters: Kabijjians use a helmet-mounted teleport gun to invade other worlds.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Smirnoff Ice for the invaders, and Ron warns everyone not to touch his Sun Chips and Crystal Geyser bottled water.
  • Toilet Humor: the Ceremonial Dunk.
  • You Kill It, You Bought It: Kenny accidentally kills Revere and becomes the new King of Kabijj.