Bernard: So all I have to do is wish?
Josephus: As far as I know. The training for this stupid job is practically nonexistent.
A 1991 British fantasy-comedy-drama Made-for-TV Movie written by Richard Curtis and directed by Paul Weiland. Inspired by Aladdin, it's about an art dealer called Bernard (Alan Cumming) who, after getting fired by his mean boss and dumped by his cheating girlfriend just before Christmas, finds that an old lamp in his possession contains a genie called Josephus (Lenny Henry), who can grant him wishes. Hilarity Ensues.
The movie also stars Rowan Atkinson, Dennis Lill, Angie Clarke, Kevin Allen and Andrée Bernard. And Melvyn Bragg, Bob Geldof, Gary Lineker, Trevor McDonald and Vincent Hanna as themselves.
It aired on December 23, 1991 on The BBC.
Tropes for the film:
- Alliterative Name:
- Bernard's surname is Bottle.
- Phonetically with the Genie, whose name is Josephus.
- All Wishes Granted: The genie grants Bernard unlimited wishes, but there are a few caveats. He can't wish to change a person's feelings (as he quickly finds when he tries to cheer Josephus up by wishing that he wasn't so depressed), Josephus has to be in the immediate vicinity when a wish is made, and some of the wishes do come with a catch — for example, when Bernard wishes for The Mona Lisa to hang on his wall, it magically appears in his flat but also disappears from the Louvre, sparking an international criminal investigation as everyone else assumes it's been stolen. Bernard can use the wishes to go back in time and change past events, although as he only uses this for something that happened a few hours previously, there may be some limits on this one as well.
- Animal Lover: Josephus. He says that he has two kittens back in the first century AD, and he misses them. Bernard later finds that in order to make himself feel at home in his flat, Josephus has acquired a soft toy camel and an actual sheep and chicken. And a photo of two cute kittens, who presumably resemble the ones back home.
- Artistic Licence – History: When trying to establish how long he's been in the lamp, Josephus refers to "Caesar", and subsequent dialogue makes it clear that he means Julius Caesar, who he did not know was murdered. However, he is later revealed to have been a friend of Jesus — who was born several decades after Julius Caesar was murdered.
- As Himself: Gary Lineker, back when he was still a professional footballer (and eight years before he became the main presenter on Match Of The Day). He's actually playing a little boy who wished he was Gary Lineker, but that's close enough. We also have Bob Geldof and Melvyn Bragg (both of whom briefly appear as the result of wishes which are quickly rescinded), and TV newsmen Trevor McDonald and Vincent Hanna (although the latter is credited as "Reporter" rather than himself) who report the news when the main characters watch it on TV.
- Bad Boss: Mr. Pinkworth (played by Rowan Atkinson) cares only for the hefty profits rare paintings can make for his gallery (and, by extension, himself). When Bernard suggests the original owners of a valuable painting get half of the profits from the sale, he not only fires him, he also blacklists him from the art world and slanders his name by falsely claiming that he's been stealing from the gallery and sexually harassing the female staff. Following that, he asks his secretary if he was too harsh on Bernard — and when she says he was, he fires her too. And makes a joke about putting another employee's Christmas bonus on hold, only to subsequently reveal that she wasn't getting one anyway.
- Bait-and-Switch: Bernard's boss butters him up and leads him to think he's going to promote him ... right before he fires him.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Bernard learns this the hard way when he wishes to have The Mona Lisa hanging on his wall. As this requires it to disappear from the Louvre, it sparks an international police investigation into the supposed art theft which leads right to Bernard's flat.Josephus: Say the words "I wish" with the caution you would normally reserve for "please castrate me".
- Been There, Shaped History: Josephus witnessed not one, but three of Jesus's miracles — turning water into wine, walking on water and the feeding of the five thousand. He also witnessed the cleansing of the temple.Bernard: Wait a minute, so you were at the Wedding at Cana?Josephus: Well, I think so, but by the end of it I was so completely legless, I can't be sure.
- Benevolent Genie: Josephus befriends Bernard and grants him an unlimited amount of wishes as a reward for releasing him from the lamp. Although he messes things up at first, Bernard decides that since it's Christmas, they should use the wishes to make a few Christmas miracles and spread good cheer — which Josephus (who was good friends with Jesus before he got trapped in the lamp) is happy to go along with. And get back at Bernard's cheating ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend, as well as his mean ex-boss — and since Josephus likes Bernard, he's happy with this too. That said, Josephus only became one of these after Bernard wished that he would stop trying to kill him. Before that, he was less "benevolent genie" and more "pissed-off bloke with a large scimitar who's been trapped in a lamp for two thousand years".
- Big Eater: Josephus has his moments. The scene in which he drinks ten milkshakes all at once was done for real, and it only needed one take.
- Bittersweet Ending: When Josephus expresses a desire to return to his own time, he and Bernard have an emotional final conversation, during which the latter tearfully and absent-mindedly says that he wishes Josephus would "just go", causing him to disappear before Bernard could properly say goodbye to him.
- Black Comedy: The murder of the policeman is played reasonably straight, the transporting of his body downstairs on a stretcher in Kepple's lift less so. Later, one of the kids who visits Santa's Grotto has evidently wished for his younger sister to disappear, and this is what happens (in a puff of smoke, no less). Josephus merely shrugs this off and carries on granting wishes.
- Blatant Lies: Kepple tells a lot of these, but he usually does so in order to (try to) make Bernard feel better.
- Bookends: The film starts and ends with Josephus being chased by a sorcerer in the first century AD.
- Call-Back: Bernard twice returns to his flat and sees the shadow of someone who's already in there from the hallway. The first time, it's Josephus, who (at first) tries to kill him. The second time, it's a policeman who unfortunately ends up on the wrong end of Josephus's scimitar.
- Casting Gag: The use of TV newsreader Trevor McDonald As Himself is this, given that Lenny Henry used to parody him (reading spoof news items as "Trevor McDoughnut") on Tiswas, leading to McDonald himself appearing on that show several times. A more downplayed example comes when Josephus watches Frank Carson doing a stand-up comedy routine on TV; he also used to appear on Tiswas.
- Comically Missing the Point: Before he got trapped in the lamp, Josephus was friends with Jesus, and even witnessed Him turning water into wine and feeding the five thousand. Instead of seeing this as a sign of his friend's divinity, he suggested that they go into the restaurant business together and was somewhat put out when Jesus declined. He also misses the point of what a telephone is for, but that's understandable, given that he comes from the first century AD.
- Continuity Snarl: After Bernard kills the policeman, the other cops take the scimitar as evidence. Yet later, when Bernard's trying to contact him from the police station, Josephus is seen playing air-guitar with it.
- Double Entendre: A few. For example, after drinking ten milkshakes at once through multiple straws, Josephus declares that he's "sucked on some wonderful things" in his time, leaving Bernard speechless.
- Dreaming of a White Christmas: Bernard wishes for, and gets, one. Being from the Middle East, Josephus doesn't understand why he would wish for it to snow.
- Expecting Someone Taller: An impersonal variant; after Bernard takes him on a quick world tour on the Magic Carpet, Josephus remarks that he thought Rome would have been bigger. Given that he comes from a land under Roman rule, this is perhaps not surprising.
- Fish out of Temporal Water: Due to being in a lamp for two thousand years, Josephus is unfamiliar with modern-day equipment like telephones.
- Foreshadowing: When Bernard is showing Josephus around Central London, they pass a newspaper vendor whose board has the headline "Mona Lisa stolen". Then Bernard goes back to his flat...
- Freeing the Genie: At the end, Bernard wishes for Josephus to return home to first-century Judea, as he asked to go back there. He takes a few twentieth-century items with him, and on his return he uses them to bargain with the irate sorcerer who put him in the lamp in the first place.
- Genie in a Bottle: The movie is all about this trope, although according to dialogue it is actually a lamp, and after Bernard rubs it, Josephus is in no way trapped in the thing — although he does find himself living in what to him is the far future with no way of going back home, unless whoever he grants wishes to actually wishes for him to go back home.
- George Jetson Job Security: Anyone who works for Mr. Pinkworth suffers from this. Bernard makes an incredible gain for the gallery after discovering some very rare paintings at an old woman's estate and is celebrated. But when he suggests that it would be a nice idea to let the original owners get half the amount the painting was eventually sold for, Pinkworth not only fires him on the spot but slanders his reputation. And then fires a secretary who (when asked) suggests that he had been too hard on him.
- Humiliation Conga: Bernard gets this big time at the start of the movie. Not only is he fired from his job, he's also blacklisted from the art world and slandered as a thief and a sexual harasser of women. Then he's dumped by his girlfriend, who's been cheating on him with his best friend. Finally, the explosion caused by him rubbing the lamp puts him in hospital. When he gets back home, he is briefly threatened by a scimitar-wielding Scary Black Man, but things get better from there.
- Ignored Aesop: Josephus's warning to Bernard about being very careful what he wishes for is ignored by both of them when they start granting wishes to children, which results in one child being turned into Gary Lineker and another getting his younger sister to disappear in a puff of smoke.
- Jesus Was Way Cool: Most definitely, according to Josephus, who knew Him (but thought He was kidding when He said He was the Son of God).Josephus: A crap businessman, but a great human being. [raises his glass] To Big J!
- Kick the Dog: After he's been sacked, all of the colleagues who gave Bernard presents on his way in take them back. And the woman who kissed him slaps his face. And someone takes his tie and his braces.
- Knife-Throwing Act: According to the opening (subtitled) dialogue, Josephus attempted this trick for the first time, only for it to go horribly wrong. The man who curses him to eternity in the lamp is the unfortunate Lovely Assistant's (understandably very pissed-off) father — who, it turns out, is a sorcerer.
- Magic Carpet: Josephus has one, but it turns out he doesn't know how to land it. Which makes sense, given that his genie training was minimal.
- Makes Just as Much Sense in Context: When he's trying to explain to the police how the Mona Lisa ended up in his flat, Bernard quickly realises that the truth (a genie came out of a lamp and he wished for it) makes no sense whatsoever.Bernard: Yes, well, I think I can explain that.First cop: Yes?Second cop: Yes?Mr. Pinkworth: Yes?Bernard: Yes. Well, um, you see, the thing is, there's this lamp... [pause, during which a police siren can be heard] Um, well on second thoughts, I think I can't explain it. [beat] I wish it wasn't here. [looks up, to see that the painting is still there][Gilligan Cut to Josephus enjoying himself in the cinema, then back to Bernard]Bernard: I wish it wasn't here.
- Mall Santa: The one in the department store is only seen briefly, when Bernard takes his beard after paying him off so Josephus can take his place and grant the kids some real wishes. Dialogue from Carrie and some of the kids implies that he drinks on the job.
- Mistaken for Thief: On returning to his flat and suspecting that someone's broken in, Bernard grabs Josephus's scimitar — and inadvertently (and fatally) stabs a policeman, who's one of several officers who has entered Bernard's flat as part of the investigation into the theft of the Mona Lisa, which they've found hanging on his wall. What they don't realise is that the Mona Lisa is only on Bernard's wall because he wished for it to be there, not because he stole it.
- My New Gift Is Lame: The kids who visit Santa's Grotto don't seem to care for the free pencils. This changes when Bernard pays the Mall Santa off and lets Josephus take over.
- Nice Guy: Bernard, who is fired from his job for trying to ensure that the owners of the painting got a share of the profits. Later, he uses his wishes for good. Most of them, anyway. And he lets Josephus go back to his own time when he asks Bernard to do so, even though it means he won't get to make any more wishes.
- One Phone Call: A humorous variant; when Bernard is arrested, rather than calling a lawyer, he tries to call Josephus, since he can fix things with his magic. Unfortunately, Josephus has been trapped in a lamp for two millennia and doesn't know how phones work. At first he doesn't notice the phone, then he watches it in fear, and when he finally realizes that it stops making noise if you lift and drop the receiver, he starts doing that instead. Fortunately, the police (who are listening in) believe this whole rigamarole is an elaborate code and bring Josephus down to the station, allowing Bernard to make wishes again.
- Percussive Maintenance: Kepple, the lift operator in Bernard's block of flats, does this whenever the lift stops half-way between Bernard's floor and the ground floor. Which happens every time the lift goes between Bernard's floor and the ground floor.
- Pet the Dog: One of Bernard's wishes is for Kepple to win the football pools. Naturally, Kepple claims that it's not the first time he's won the pools.
- Product Placement: Downplayed, given that this was made for the BBC, but a few low-key examples can be seen at various points. For example, Bernard wishes for two Big Macs but doesn't actually mention McDonald's — and Josephus can (briefly) be seen swigging from a can of Coca-Cola. Later on, they get takeaway from KFC and Pizza Hut.
- Revenge: Bernard uses his wishes for this purpose as well as the spreading of good cheer. His ex-best friend Kevin gets arrested for drug-dealing just because Bernard wishes for that to happen, and as Judy's at his place when the police show up, they arrest her as an accessory. After that, he hits Mr. Pinkworth where it really hurts ... his wallet, as Bernard wishes for the guy's entire fortune (£100 million) to be donated to charity. And then quickly wishes that he won't get knighted for what the public sees as a great act of philanthropy.
- Running Gag: This is neither the first nor the last of Richard Curtis's works to feature a character called Bernard note , although it's the only one in which he's the title character.
- Sarcasm Mode: Carrie (the pretty brunette who works in the department store Santa's Grotto) has this in play when she meets Bernard and Josephus. She doesn't know that it's an actual flying carpet, of course.Carrie: So, is that your flying carpet, then?Josephus: Yes, it is! Would you fancy for a ride?Carrie: Oh, no. The reindeer can get very jealous if I use alternative means of transportation.
- Scary Black Man: Josephus, until Bernard wishes for him to stop trying to kill him.
- Self-Deprecation: When discussing Bernard's appearance, Josephus says that he needs "that rough look" to attract women. After humorously wishing that he looked more like Bob Geldof, Bernard turns into Bob Geldof himself. Who then admits that he looks too rough, in addition to which he's not too keen on his accent. He then wishes he was Bernard again, and Josephus obliges.
- Set Right What Once Went Wrong: When Josephus finally turns up at the police station, Bernard, who has been charged with international art theft and murdering a policeman, tells Josephus that he wishes he could have seen what happened. This results in them going back a few hours in time. Second time around, Bernard doesn't kill the policeman, and is able to wish that the picture on the wall is one of Kylie Minogue, not the Mona Lisa (which, as it's no longer in Bernard's flat, instantly returns to the Louvre). At the end of the scene, he hugs the policeman. This trope is also in play at the end, when Josephus — now back in his own time — is on the run from the sorcerer who was chasing him at the start. This time, though, he's got some twentieth-century items with him, and he's able to use them to bargain with the man.
- Sexual Karma: Defied by Bernard's friend Kevin, who is strongly implied to be good in bed but is clearly a bad friend, given that he's the man Bernard's girlfriend Judy has been cheating on him with.
- Sexy Santa Dress: Carrie's costume is one of these, which is to be expected given that she is an attractive young woman who works as an attendant at a department store Santa's Grotto.
- Sharp-Dressed Man: Josephus, once Bernard wishes for him to have the modern equivalent of his first-century AD clothes. Your opinion may vary as to how cool you think a bright yellow suit with short sleeves worn over a leather jacket is, but Josephus definitely thinks that he fits this trope.Josephus: I feel fantastic! And I look it too!
- Shipper on Deck: Josephus becomes this for Bernard and Carrie. The film ends with Bernard going back to the department store to make one last wish at Santa's Grotto, after which she blows him a kiss.
- Shout-Out: While showing Josephus what life is like in London in 1991, Bernard takes him to the cinema to see Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Later on, a kid wishes for — and thanks to Josephus, actually gets — a life-size, totally sentient Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Leonardo, going by the colour of his mask).
- Smoking Hot Sex: As well as being strewn with empty condom wrappers, Kevin's bedside table has an ashtray with a smouldering cigarette in it.
- Surprisingly Realistic Outcome: Bernard's wish for the Mona Lisa to be on his wall leads to it disappearing from the Louvre, prompting an international police investigation. Josephus's account of the Wedding at Cana is also an example of this, as he (and presumably others as well) got very drunk after Jesus turned the water into wine.
- Take That!: To Santa Claus — after seeing a Mall Santa, Bernard has to explain to Josephus who Santa is, and quickly follows this up by pointing out that it's actually just a regular old guy in a costume, he doesn't really go down chimneys to give presents to children, and the reindeer don't actually fly.Josephus: Mr. Beardy is beginning to sound like a non-event.
- Verbal Tic: Mr. Pinkworth has a habit of using the word "ye" instead of "you". Being played by Rowan Atkinson, he also has a slight stutter when saying words that begin with the letter "B", which is of course extenuated for comic effect given that the main character with whom he interacts is called Bernard Bottle.
- Villain with Good Publicity: Despite being an amoral businessman and a Bad Boss, Mr. Pinkworth is evidently highly respected in the art world, has the police on his side and is seen by the public as a great philanthropist when he seemingly donates his entire fortune to charity (although he's not getting a knighthood for it).
- Young Future Famous People: Before he got trapped in the bottle, Josephus was a friend of Jesus, although he didn't realise that He was the Son of God ("I thought he was kidding!"). He's impressed to learn that Christmas is a festival which (deep down) celebrates his friend's birth, and is upset to learn that He was crucified. Towards the end, when he's about to send Josephus back to his own time, Bernard tells him to tell Jesus to watch out for Judas Iscariot.Josephus: And remember, when you're looking through that old bibble...Bernard: Bible.Josephus: Whatever. When it says, "And the multitude gathered...", remember, one of them is a close personal friend of yours.
