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Witt’s bounty and Sanji laughing like a six year old.
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Witt And Witticism is a One Piece Fan Fic written by nvzblgrrl (and doesn’t that just roll off the tongue?).

Girl falls into One Piece. Girl joins the Straw Hat pirates. Girl goes on looking for treasure, friends and adventu-*sound of record scratching* Enter Mercy D. Witt, the genderbended first mate with a knack for sarcasm, drama and the occasional bouts of slight insanity. Major achievements include, but not limited to: Accomplished battle commentator, wannabe Lupin III, backstory producer, creator of Sogeking and accidental whale charmer.

At the scientific discovery of a portal making people capable of traversing the multiverse, Mercy Dewitt, general wallflower and student, makes the decision of leaving her grey and boring life behind, in exchange for the adventure of a lifetime in her favorite anime: One Piece.

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Mind you, the whole ‘becoming a guy’ thing, was entirely unintentional.

Currently going through a rewrite.


Witt And Witticism may contains traces of peanuts and the following tropes:

  • Action Girl: Due to Witt having warned the crew about the individual Baroque Works members, Nami ends up fighting Mr. 1, Daz Bones, and surprisingly wins by a landslide.
  • Adjusting Your Glasses: Minor gag which later became a character quirk whenever Witt goes into ‘Exposition Mode’™.
  • Bi the Way: Witt is a bi/panromantic asexual as shown in his bio.
  • Collector of the Strange: Witt’s collection of skulls.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Almost everyone except Luffy gets to be this at least once a chapter, unless otherwise disposed.
  • Dressing as the Enemy: Usopp and Witt dress up as Marine recruits during the G-8 Arc.
  • Evil Laugh: As he realizes that Nami and Usopp has unconsciously resigned to their fate as part of the crew, Witt can’t help but do this.
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  • Faceless Goons: Dealing with these is quickly dubbed 'Mook Patrol' and usually lasts all of one to three sentences.
  • First-Person Smartass: Do you really need to ask?
  • For Want of a Nail: Due to Witt's presence in the world of One Piece there have been numerous changes to the timeline. To wit:
    • Witt being the one held hostage instead of Coby by Helmeppo.
    • Zoro doesn't get stabbed with a knife by Buggy due to Witt warning him of Buggy's devil fruit.
    • Sanji becoming sick instead of Nami in Little Garden
    • Nami becoming a Supernova.
  • Gainax Ending / Mind Screw: The 'final chapter', after five months of no updates to the fic, basically ended with nvzblgrrl pointing out and insulting their past self's inability to plan ahead, before killing off the main character, making Shinji activate the Third Impact, and having Whitebeard ascend to godhood.
  • How Do I Shot Web?: Witt knows that Haki exists and can be used by anyone since before entering the story and attempts to use it several times at the beginning of the story, but only activates Observation Haki halfway through the Skypiea Arc.
  • In Spite of a Nail: Despite Witt's presence and warnings some events stay the same such as Usopp still picking a fight with Luffy over the Going Merry despite Witt's earlier warnings.
  • Mistaken Identity:
    • Mayor Boodle gets an honorary mention here.
    Boodle: "I… am the mayor of this village. In other words, I am the chief."
    Nami: [dryly] "In other words, the only person nuts enough to hang around a town that's home to a psycho clown."
    Witt: [eyes bugs out] "Batman?"
    All: “Who?”
    • Witt tells everyone about Sabo being alive, which leads to everyone being confused when Ace shows up right after. The crew initially believed that Witt was somehow related to Luffy due to similar behavior. Surprisingly the most unbelievable part for Usopp, after everything is explained, is that Witt and Luffy aren't related at all.
  • Mr. Exposition: Witt often plays this part for the rest of the crew, though it’s become less and less of a Wall of Text as the chapters have gone on.
  • Nerd Glasses: Prop used for ‘Exposition Mode’™.
  • Never Learned to Read: Witt can't read the world of One Piece's language and nobody can read Witt's writing because it's in English.
  • Never Split The Party: Discussed and retracted, as this is exactly what Witt suggests on Skypiea, although he is personally against it.
  • Oh, Crap!: The feeling of Luffy and Usopp when Witt admits that he doesn’t know how to cure Sanji’s infection.
  • Psychic Powers: Simply an excuse at first, but as Witt runs with it, it becomes a major part of what he’s known for.
  • Red Baron: As per One Piece, though some of the epithets change due to Witt's involvment.
    • "Straw Hat" Monkey D. Luffy, no change there.
    • "Demon Hunter" Roronoa Zoro, named after his Asura technique.
    • "Black Leg" Sanji, accompanied with a half decent picture instead of a drawing.
    • "Whirlwind" Mercy D. Witt, due to being one of the fastest members of the crew.
    • "Lightning Thief" Nami, due to her defeating Number One Daz Bones with her Climatact's lightning attack.
    • "The Hyde Wrecker" Doctor Toni Toni Chopper, since he destroyed half of The Tower of Justice during his rampage in Monster Point.
    • "Sniper King" Ussop, since he forwent the mask despite Witt's insistence.
    • "Dark Lady" Nico Robin, no change sans "a picture of a magnificent lady sitting on a throne of possible corpses" instead of her anted poster in the original.
    • "Mountain Wind" Kaku, as he joined the Straw Hats in this universe.
    • "Fruit Sucker" Joke, considered the team pet instead of Chopper in this universe.
  • Reference Overdosed
  • Refuge in Audacity / Sarcastic Confession:
    • When asked about his psychic powers by Ace, he reverts to the truth knowing that no one would believe him.
    Ace: "How do you know this information?"
    Witt: "Psy-"
    Ace: [sighs] "I mean give me an actual excuse, not stuff that only Luffy would believe."
    Witt: "I'm an extra-dimensional traveler, come here to enjoy this lovely oasis world of freedom and chaos."
    Nami: [rolls eyes] "At least come up with something good, Witt."
    Luffy: [tilts head] "Witt's an alien?"
  • Required Secondary Powers: Witt repeatedly injures his legs by pushing himself farther than his Rokushiki abilities and personal durability go and routinely goes blind during his ‘Black Sonido’ (his most powerful combination Geppo + Soru technique) due to G-forces (again with the personal durability), making him rely on Observation Haki for the entire time he uses it.
    • In his fight with Shura, he makes use of this trope, leading to the creation of the aforementioned Black Sonido, on the logic that if he is too fast to block, the priest’s Mantra would be useless. Between that and inertia, he pulled a quick win.
  • Retroactive Precognition: The basis of Witt’s renowned ‘psychic powers.
  • Shout-Out: Besides Mercy D. Witt...
    • Kuro surprisingly enough.
    Usopp: "How did nobody suspect? How could a monster like that live here for three whole years and never give himself away?"
    Kuro: "That's because… I am simply one hell of a butler."
    Witt: "HEY! SHOUT-OUTS THAT NOBODY BUT ME UNDERSTANDS IS MY GAG!"
    • Nami in the Thriller Bark Arc makes half a reference.
    Witt "Brook's a Revenant-type undead. These zombies are… Voodoo, hoodoo, maybe things that I haven't even tried…"
    Nami "Let me guess how you know that; you've got friends on the other side."
    Witt "Dear god, you almost completed part of one of my references."
  • Silly Walk: All who become victims of Witt’s heel drops, somehow possesses above average hardheadedness, making Witt do the silly walk every time it happens.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": This trope leads to Mercy Dewitt becoming Mercy D. Witt very quickly.
  • Talking Animal: Joke, the bat from Adventure in the Ocean's Navel is this. He later joins the Straw Hats as Witt’s ‘familiar’.
  • That Reminds Me of a Song: Usually the case when Witt breaks out into song, it’s appropriate to the situation, like singing ‘It’s Tough To Be A God’ from The Road to El Dorado during the Skypeia Adventure.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Camus, one of the guys posing as rebel soldiers in Ido, actually has the balls to punch Luffy. True, it does absolutely nothing, but he has Vivi’s personal approval.
  • Undying Loyalty: Luffy is Witt’s captain, formerly fictive or not, he will go to the ends of the earth for him.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Spiders and Centipedes are the bane of Witt’s existence.
  • You Do NOT Want to Know: Witt carries a sleeping Sanji, and when he gently slaps him to show that he’s got him, Sanji laughs in his sleep. Witt decides that he doesn’t want to know what he’s dreaming about.
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