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Fanfic / We're All Doomed

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A Homestuck fanfic by Canonier aka Septimus Magistos, found here.

We're All Doomed is a For Want of a Nail story, following a universe in which Vriska decides not to prevent John from prototyping Jade's sprite with the doll. As a result Jack Noir is killed on the first page, simultaneously disappearing from the trolls' universe. The apparently positive outcome has a huge downside: the trolls and the humans are now both stuck in a doomed offshoot timeline.


What follows is an overview of their efforts to cope with the situation, whether it is through fighting for their lives, having committee meetings, or just fooling around.

This fanfic has the following tropes:

  • Anticlimax: So, remember Jack Noir? Getting prototyped with a doll that lacks arms, legs, and eyes ended poorly for him.
  • Cooking Duel: The Rap-Off Slam Battle between Dave and Tavros (and Doc Scratch).
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: If it weren't for Equius realizing his void powers, Gamzee would have gotten away with killing everyone.
  • Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: Doc Scratch is deliberately provoked into killing rage because as dangerous as he is in combat, he's even worse out of it.
  • 11th-Hour Superpower: Equius discovers his power as the Heir Of Void just in time to help control Gamzee.
  • Fearful Symmetry: The title of a chapter in which the insane and regular Gamzee interact using Trollian.
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  • Fix Fic: To some extent. A number of things actually go for the better compared to canon.
  • Foregone Conclusion: Sober!Gamzee's talk with his stoned self ends with Stoned!Gamzee from the future contacting him.
  • For Want of a Nail: The entire timeline comes about as a result of Vriska making a different decision.
  • Fridge Brilliance: It was recently revealed that without Jack travelling through the Scratch, Doc Scratch would not have been created, as one of his primary components came from the kid's universe. No wonder he's so pissed.
  • Genre Savvy: The trolls know enough to avoid Monster Movie mistakes.
  • Go-Karting with Bowser: Gamzee stops trying to kill off the trolls long enough to judge a Slam Poetry contest.
  • I Want My Jetpack: Davesprite theorizes that in the future everyone will have jetpacks and flying cars and there'll be robots everywhere. About twelve hours in the future, to be specific.
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  • Lame Comeback: When Sollux explodes Doc Scratch's typewriter, he can't come up with a suitably awesome verbal jab to accompany it.
  • Most Definitely Not a Villain: motherfucking future, crazy, gamzee tries to convince everyone he's motherfucking fine. WHILE USING HIS MOTHERFUCKING INSANE TYPING QUIRK INSTEAD OF HIS MOTHERFUCKING SANE VERSION. No one's fooled.
    • When Playing Cyrano, Nepeta is mOST DEFINITELY tAVROS nITRAM, aND IS PURRRFECTLY SHOCKED THAT YOU WOULD THINK OTHERWISE. Fortunately, Jade is not perceptive enough to be suspicious.
  • Paper-Thin Disguise: Every troll sees through Crazy!Gamzee's attempt to convince them he's normal.
  • Playing Cyrano: Nepeta, sort of. Tavros should really have kept a closer eye on his spare computers. Or at least logged off.
  • Properly Paranoid: Faced with impending doom, the trolls go all-out with safety measures, which actually end up protecting them from some of the less pleasant canon events.
  • Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies: Only not.
  • The Roleplayer: The entire point of the Roleplaying Subcommittee. Vriska is banned from the get-go, before a single line is typed, but they manage to convert Eridan after a few false starts.
  • Title Drop: Thread title drop for the forum it was originally posted on.
  • Unspoken Plan Guarantee: Invoked by the time-traveling trio, who freely admit they're keeping certain characters in the dark about their actual role in their plans.
  • Vast Bureaucracy: Kanaya seems intent on forming one and is mainly limited by the number of subjects and the fact that there's only sixteen people to join all of them.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Doc Scratch does not take it well when Vriska opens up one of their chatlogs to the whole group so that everyone can tell him off.
  • When She Smiles: Aradia finally figures out how to make her emoticon smile.
  • You Shall Not Pass!: Tavros to Vriska when she tries to forcibly ascend John.