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Fanfic / The Unfantastic Adventures of Bizarro No. 1

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Bizarro No. 1 am in heap of trouble when Blue Kryptonite meanies invade Bizarro World. Worse yet, them am not even want to conquer it! Them am fiendish fiends!
Bizarro No. 1

The Unfantastic Adventures of Bizarro No. 1 -full name "The Unfantastic, Credible, Unastonishing, and Unreally Cool Adventures of Bizarro No. 1 (And Friends)"- is a Superman comedy fanfiction by DarkMark starring Bizarro.

Bizarro No. 1 faces the huge trouble of the non-invasion of Blue Kryptonite Men, who refuse to attempt and conquer Bizarro World. Regardless their intentions, though, their literally radioactive presence threatens to destroy all Bizarros and forces Bizarro No. 1 to assemble the Bizarro Justice League. Will Bizarro, Bizarro Batman, Bizarro Wonder Woman, Bizarro Flash, Yellow Lantern, Yellow Arrow, Bizarro Supergirl, Unenlongated Man and others be able to get the Blue-K Men to fight them?

This story can be found on the Dark Mark Domain site and read at this link. It’s also available on

The Unfantastic Adventures of Bizarro belongs to Dark Mark’s Fan Verse together with Hellsister Trilogy, Kara of Rokyn, A Very Kara Christmas, A Force of Four, Superman of 2499: The Great Confrontation, Superman and Man, The Vampire of Steel, Dance with the Demons, With this Ring... (Green Lantern), Funeral for a Flash, Here There Be Monsters, A Prize for Three Empires, Devil's Diary, X-Men 1970, FIRE!, Everybody's Gotta Leave Sometime, and Maybe the Last Archie Story.

Tropes found in this work:

  • Affectionate Gesture to the Head: Bizarro ruffles his son's hair when Junior says he's glad to be able to rely on his father.
  • Bad Liar: When his son catches him watching a porno movie, Bizarro bashes the TV-set to pieces and claims he doesn't know what porno movies is his son talking about. Upon Junior calmly pointing out he's just destroyed the set playing the one he was watching, Bizarro demands to know whether his son will believe his own eyes rather than his father.
  • Beneath the Earth: The Blue-Kryptonite Men live in a network of caverns under the surface of Bizarro World.
  • Berserk Button: Bizarro finally convinces the Blue Kryptonite men to make war on his people by ruining one's croquet shot.
  • Bizarro Universe: Htrae is a square world, the law prohibits adults from watching porno movies, husbands are trialed and condemned for not killing their wives, men complain about the women's liberation movement demanding males join the army, children receive gifts of their fathers on Father's Day, Bizarros expect and hope that their partners cheat on them, conservatives wear Mohawks and nose rings…
  • Blue-and-Orange Morality: Bizarro's sense of right and wrong is weird. Rather than a mere full reversal, it's kind of a distorted mirror of human morals. Bizarros find more offensive the fact than the Blues tried to change their planet's shape than their attempted genocide.
  • Bound and Gagged: Every so often, Bizarro Wonder Woman and Bizarro Supergirl try to ascertain how many people they can tie up with the former's Lasso of Science.
  • Cat Fight: Bizarro Wonder Woman and Bizarrogirl have a public cat fight outside of the "Green" House.
  • Caught with Your Pants Down: At the very first scene, Bizarro's son walks in on his father watching a porno movie with his pants down. Bizarro proceeds to pull his pants up, smash the monitor and ask: "What porno movies?"
  • Confusing Multiple Negatives: The story is set in Htrae and the action is narrated by Bizarro, so double negatives pop up every so often.
    Bizarro-Batman: Ayup. Nobody left except us other Leaguers and Insiders, and about a whole bunch of million Bizarro-Loises.
    Yellow Lantern: Come to think of it, that not be so bad. Hey, Number One... s'pose we don't do nothing about Blue meanies, huh?
  • Cowardly Lion: Bizarro's a massively powerful being, but his first impulse after hearing about the menace of the Blue-Kryptonite Men is to run away. Once he gets over his initial reaction, though, Bizarro rallies the Leaguers and cooks up a strategy to defeat the Blue-K Men.
  • Domestic Abuse: Played for laughs:
    • When Bizarro comes around after being knocked out by the Blues, he automatically punches whoever is closest to him. Unfortunately, it happens to be Lois. Fortunately, she isn't damaged when she bounces off the wall, and Bizarro excuses himself after catching her and get her wake up.
    • Later, Lois throws a big spoiled cabbage at Bizarro's head and pours a jar of mustard all over his shirt only because he doesn't spend long enough time in home.
  • Dug Too Deep: Spelunkers digging into the wrong place lure the Blues back to the surface of Htrae.
    Bizarro-Mayor: Big excavation near Bad Carl's Caverns. Spelunkers trying to fill up caves, took rock away from wrong place to put it somewhere else, uncover lair of Blue Kryptonite meanies. Them am come out in droves. All spelunkers dead but one, and him alone am escaped to tell me.
  • Final Boss Preview: In the beginning of the story, Bizarro engages the Blue-Kryptonite Men and is defeated and knocked out two seconds later.
  • Friendship Moment: Supergirl and Wonder Woman are very close buddies, as proved when Supergirl states she would never keep all men for herself without leaving some for her pal.
  • Gallows Humor: Bizarro-Flash, who is being trialed by the never-happened murder of his wife, agrees to fight the Blue-K Men because "All they can do is shorten sentence". Bizarro No. 1 identifies his witticism as "gallows humor".
  • Girl on Girl Is Hot: The Leaguers find Supergirl and Wonder Woman cat-fighting when they're going to pick them up. Unanimously they decide it'd be rude to interrupt.
    Us go there and find Bizarro-Wonder Woman and Bizarro-Supergirl having big catfight outside Green House. Congress am unadjourn to watch. All 250 guys in white robes in a circle around gals, watching. Supergirl finally hogtie Commoner Diana with Scientific Lasso and raise her own hands in air. All Congressmen throw money. Supergirl am blow kisses and gather up coal in her cape. Then guys go back in Smallcase Building.
  • Green-Eyed Monster: Inverted. Bizarro is delighted with the thought that Lois might have other suitors.
  • Hair Flip: When Bizarro explains they need help to fight the Blues, Bizarro Supergirl yawns, pulls one lock away from her eye and asks how much he is willing to pay for her and Wonder Woman's assistance.
  • Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Bizarro is usually shown as a decent albeit bumbling dad, but in order to prove Junior that he didn't mean to hit Lois, he bops Junior on his head. Weirdly, Junior actually feels reassured by this.
  • Hulk Speak: All over the place, since the whole story happens in Bizarro World and is narrated by Bizarro.
  • Imagine Spot: At the beginning, Bizarro imagines a bunch of male Bizarros standing in line to seduce Lois.
  • Implausible Deniability: Parodied. When Bizarro is caught watching a porno movie by his son, who asks why he is watching porno movies, he quickly smashes the VCR and asks "What porno movies?". Junior calmly answers "The porno movie which you were watching on the VCR which you have just busted", and Bizarro demands to know if his son is going to believe his dad or his own eyes.
  • Irony: Bizarro is convinced that all of his ideas have been badly ripped off by Earth people when it's the other way around.
  • Kangaroo Court: Subverted, as it could be expected. Bizarro Flash is on trial for his wife's murder Iris East. He tries to prove he killed her, but much to his disgust, Iris testifies he didn't do such a thing. He's condemned anyway, but he's still pissed off because his lawyer says he will not have a long sentence.
  • Kryptonite-Proof Suit: In the past, Bizarros came up with lead armor to fight and drive the Blue-K Men away. Of course, they'll not use it now PRECISELY because it'd be the smart thing to do.
  • Leeroy Jenkins: Bizarro repeatedly states he isn't a smart fighter... as proven by his first plan to engage the radioactive people: a full-frontal attack, complete with a savage and ridiculous war cry. He wasn't even wearing any sort of radiation-proof gear, and got knocked out very, very quickly.
    With horrible war-cry of, "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too!", me throw myself at Blues, and big roar come up from crowd.
    Me not get ten paces before things start looking like 1960's album cover.
    Ground introduce itself to my knees, then to forehead. It feel like ground, sure nuff.
    Me feel Blues picking me up by arms. Then total blackness, like picture from radio.
    Me told you me am smart fighter.
  • Man of Kryptonite: The Blue-Kryptonite Men are made from a Kryptonite variety which is specifically deadly to Bizarros.
  • Neck Lift: Bizarro Supergirl angrily grabs Yellow Lantern by the collar and lifts him clear off the ground to berate him properly when he suggests to let the Blue-Kryptonite Men kill all male Bizarros so the male Bizarro Leaguers can keep all Bizarro Loises for themselves.
  • Obnoxious In-Laws: Bizarro could forgive the Blue-Kryptonite Men for attempting to wipe his race out if they had started with mothers-in-law.
  • Papa Wolf: Bizarro at last stops fooling around and comes up with a plan when he realizes that the Blues killing them all would kind of ruin his son's Father's Day.
  • Pervert Revenge Mode: Bizarro Supergirl angrily neck-lifts Yellow Lantern when he makes the suggestion to let the Blue-Kryptonite Men kill all males so the male Bizarro Leaguers can keep all countless Bizarro Loises for themselves.
  • Platonic Kissing: Kara gives her cousin Bizarro a celebratory kiss on the cheek after the League has saved their world from the Blues.
  • Porn Stash: Bizarro Lois keeps her porno videos "cleverly hidden" on top of a coffee table. Bizarro No. 1 doesn't keep a porno stash but he knows where his son's is located.
  • Rank Scales with Asskicking: Bizarro is his race's hands-off leader and mightiest member.
  • Shout-Out: The Blue Kryptonite men are repeatedly called "Blue meanies."
  • Silly Reason for War: The Justice League go to war with the Blue-K Men because they refuse invade Htrae.
  • Sole Survivor: One single spelunker escaped the Blues' initial invasion. Bizarro-Mayor even quotes Moby-Dick -or in Bizarro Speak, "Dick's Moby"-, as he tells the story.
    Bizarro-Mayor: Big excavation near Bad Carl's Caverns. Spelunkers trying to fill up caves, took rock away from wrong place to put it somewhere else, uncover lair of Blue Kryptonite meanies. Them am come out in droves. All spelunkers dead but one, and him alone am escaped to tell me.
    Bizarro No.1: No need to go quoting Dick's Moby at me, Mayor.
  • Stating the Simple Solution: Justified due to the backwards nature of Bizarro and his race. White Lightning points out that Blue Kryptonite only affects Bizarro Supermen, so the rest of them can take care of the Blues. Bizarro notes that's their most efficient plan, hence it must be used as a last resort. Later, when Bizarro Lois points out her duplicates can fight the Blues with no risk, Bizarro states her idea is really smart so he’ll put it at the very bottom of the pile.
  • Stock Superhero Day Jobs: Bizarro is a full-time hero.
  • Superheroes in Space: The entire setting of is a cubic planet known as Htrae, where Bizarro lives and operates most of the time.
  • Superpower Lottery: Bizarro's a Flying Brick with energy projection skills, which makes him the most powerful being in the setting. Unfortunately he's also the biggest moron... and that's saying something.
  • Talking in Bed: Bizarro No. 1 and Bizarro Lois have post-sex talk. Lois suggests to draft all millions of invulnerable-to-Kryptonite Bizarro-Loises, and Bizarro exclaims it's a great idea... which obviously means it will be used as a last resort.
  • Tender Tears: A non-reversed, genuinely tender moment happens when Bizarro sheds tears after his son says he's glad to know his father has his back.
  • There Was a Door: Unsurprisingly, Bizarro doesn't understand the concept. He always smashes through a wall or roof, whether he's in a hurry or not.
    Me get up, crash through roof.
    Me am hear her yell, "Number one, wait! You am not go out naked!"
    Me crash back in through roof, embarrassed as all heaven. "How me am remember that? Sorry, sourbunch."
    Helpfully, her am hand over Bizarro No. 1 medallion. Her am so unthoughful, that am why me love her.
    Then, medallioned, me crash through another part of roof. Me figure out that, at end of this gig, me got to put on new roof so me have some part left to crash through next time.
  • This Is Unforgivable!: The Bizarros don't mind that the Blues attempted to wipe them out. Their attempt to resculpt the cube-shaped Bizarro World into a round world, however...
  • Two Girls to a Team: Wonder Woman and Supergirl are initially the only two female Leaguers.
  • Vorpal Pillow: Subverted. Bizarro stuffing a pillow over Lois' head is their idea of foreplay.
  • Waking Up Elsewhere: After being knocked out cold by the Blues, Bizarros comes around in a hospital room.
  • Weaksauce Weakness: Bizarro-Martian Manhunter's weakness is human salive, as befitting the opposite duplicate of the pyrophobic Martian Manhunter.
  • "Well Done, Dad!" Guy: Backwards creature or not, Bizarro really doesn't want to let his son down.
  • You Are Fat: Subverted. In Bizarro World, calling someone fat is actually flattering. Bizarro calling Bizarro Lois fat gets her in the mood for sex.