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Fanfic / The Merry Killers

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The Merry Killers is the latest fanfic by the Sage of Toads, and takes place in the same universe as The Key to a Successful Interview and Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon.

As is usual for a Sage of Toads fanfic, the fic is a deconstruction of Love Hina.

The twist?

The Urashima clan are assassins who work for the Emperor himself! And apparently, more than one of the Hinata-Sou girls are the same!

Read it here.


This fanfic contains examples of:

  • Adaptational Badass: Every girl at the Hinata Sou from Haruka to Shinobu is a skilled assassin. Even Kitsune, who specializes in organizing and managing their hits, manages to hold her own against Golgo. While Keitaro isn't an assassin or even really a fighter, he's still Nigh Invulnerable, even shrugging off Jumping on a Grenade and being annoyed at most upon being hit by a sniper round.
  • Batman Gambit: Knowing Kitsune is more dangerous than she looks, Golgo 13 realizes the only way he can kill her is to induce a major case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder before doing so. He didn't count on an UNKILLABLE Keitaro protecting Kitsune, though.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Shinobu is the same sweet little girl she is in canon, but also has a split personality (named Red) with a higher kill count than the other Hinata Sou assassins combined. It's especially obvious when Red mentions liking Keitaro as a reason for Motoko to stop trying to kill him. After hearing this, Kitsune suggests Motoko just give up lest Red blow off her hands.
  • Boom, Headshot!:
    • Naru does a fist-based version with her infamous "Naru Punch," in which an assassin's head gets turned into a cloud of red mist and short-cut hair. Keitaro is the only one who it can't hurt.
    • As a Cold Sniper, Kitsune has done a few.
  • Briefcase Full of Money: Ten Million US Dollars, and first-class plane tickets to the destination of the his choice lets Haruka buy out Golgo 13's contract on Kitsune. He accepts, seeing he's also surrounded. Haruka also throws in getting him "patched up" before the flight as well.
  • Child Soldier: Mitsune's family are trained to kill at a very young age.
  • Five-Man Band: Given they're assassins, this fits better than Five-Man Band.
    • The Big Bad: Haruka Urashima, especially in Chapter 10, when she tells Su "Spread the word, we're wiping out the Takimaru group. No survivors." This after said group kidnaps Kitsune, her father Itachi, and Keitaro. She's the link to Granny Hina to the girls, but she gets the data for their missions as well.
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    • The Dragon: Kitsune, who also manages the people on each job. She's also the Team Mom, in which Keitaro admits "Kitsune means everything to our house." It causes an Oh, Crap! moment with Kitsune, though when her father, Itachi, tells Keitaro "It's not every day that a man impresses a girl's father enough to gain his blessing!" When she realizes what Itachi did, she tries to argues Keitaro's already Naru's boyfriend, which he replies "None of that, you two are best friends, I'm sure you can share." Cue Face Palm by Kitsune and laugh from Naru while Keitaro blushes.
    • The Brute: There are three in rotation: Motoko the skilled "Man-Slayer" swordswoman, Naru of amazing strength who can punch to mist a target's head, and "Red" who greatly enjoys killing period.
    • The Evil Genius: Su, who designs special armor for everyone as well as for the house (it's self-repairing!).
    • The Dark Chick: Keitaro, though in Chapter 10, he tells Kitsune, "You're not... the only monster..." as the red glow fades from his irises, which also have a horizontal red line across the sclera, hinting he dug within.
  • The Fixer: Haruka has arranged for transportation, and gear and weapons Su cannot create. She also arranges the jobs the girls take.
  • Immortality Hurts: Keitaro may not be killable (so far), but he can still feel pain.
  • Mugging the Monster: The yakuza that targeted Kitsune learn the hard way that she belongs to the Urashima Clan and the Urashima belong to the Emperor of Japan.
  • Punctuated Pounding: Done with periods and not exclamation marks, but as Kitsune neutralizes one gunman after another with her sniper rifle, "This is the best gun in the world. I hit. Every. Mark."
  • Reality Ensues: What could someone of Naru's strength do if she punched someone other than Keitaro? Her punch turns his head into a fine mist.
  • Shout-Out: As per the course in Sage of Toads fics. Examples include Deadpool himself being given half a billion dollars, put on an island with Keitaro, and told to go nuts with the money to try and kill Keitaro...It all failed.
    • Chapter 6 had Kitsune say "Hellsing ARMS, I am your loyal customer for life." When Shinobu asks where Haruka could have gotten what's hinted to be the "General Lee" on Molmol, Su just goes, "Oh, everyone in Molmol loves the Dukes!"
    • Haruka Tenoh shows up in Chapter 8, facing Motoko in a friendly spar. This is also an Early-Bird Cameo - as of the time of its writing, Sailor Uranus hadn't yet shown up in BDSM yet.
    • Chapter 9 features the abandoned Jindai High.
    • Chapter 10 has a gun-woman hinted to be Nodoka Saotome armed with a Kalashnikov rifle taking out Yakuza at one of their warehouses. Before she was a Saotome, Nodoka was born a Urashima.
  • Split Personality: As result of Shinobu's harsh training, she has a second personality called "Red" who embodies her murderous side. Wearing red clothing, no matter how small, causes this personality to come out. She also uses a small mirror lined with red tape to communicate with red.
  • Super-Powered Evil Side: "Red" for Shinobu.
    • Keitaro seems to have one as well.
  • Unresolved Sexual Tension: The legendary Naru/Keitaro relationship passes this stage VERY early.
    • To explain, they actually get together in the third chapter, after Naru's identity as the "Promise Girl" was revealed along with Keitaro inheriting the Hinata-sou. Naru sees it as fate having them reunite after all those years and decides to sleep with Keitaro shortly after.


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