Fanfic / SOS Pretty Cure

SOS Pretty Cure is a fanseries by Ryanasaurus0077.

Haruhi Suzumiya is not your average girl. She prefers the company of aliens, time travelers, and espers to humans. She also proves her eccentricity within her very first month of high school. Many, including Haruhi herself, think she has Asperger's Syndrome; however, several episodes in it's revealed that she may be more than just a high-functioning autistic...

Right before Golden Week begins, Haruhi's life changes forever when she receives a surprise visit from a fairy called EVO, who is actually an alien from another world called Paranormaland. She instructs Haruhi to fight the forces of Fujiwara, and she rounds up four more North High students (Kyon, Yuki Nagato, Mikuru Asahina, and Itsuki Koizumi) for her new club, the SOS Brigade, while the five of them fight as Pretty Cure against Fujiwara’s Anti-SOS Brigade.

Pretty Cure:

• Haruhi Suzumiya (Cure Dio): The main character and a slightly tomboyish girl who's very athletic and is a Fangirl for Ronnie James Dio. Very bossy and arrogant, and very much an Anti-Hero until an incident involving tequila and a movie shoot. Unwittingly invents time travel later in the story.
• Kiyohiko "Kyon" Tanigawa (Cure Chiave): Haruhi's first real friend in three years, and one she often gets into Belligerent Sexual Tension with. Pretty strong when he needs be and takes less punishment than Haruhi when both take comparable hits. It helps that Haruhi has him do a lot of work for her club.
• Yuki Nagato (Cure Extraterrestre): The brains of the team and a Game-Breaker in their favor. She loves to read and has abnormal hacking skills. She's also an Emotionless Girl and speaks using sophisticated vocabulary (which can become Sophisticated as Hell at times, all while she maintains the deadpan), though she drops the stoic act as a Cure. Her Cure form itself, while acknowledged as a girl (at least in narration), is referred to by the characters using male pronouns if ever in the third person until Yuki's face is revealed behind that helmet. Actually of the same species as EVO, but with only a humanoid appearance.
• Mikuru Asahina (Cure Tempo): A timid girl and The Heart of the team. Easily frightened by terrorbytes but has been able to hold her own in combat at times. Actually a time traveler from the future, although she refuses to admit where she comes from due to restrictions on what she can reveal about her time plane and its technologies.
• Itsuki Koizumi (Cure Psichico): An enigmatic young man who takes a liking to Kyon and maintains a cool and cheerful attitude throughout the story (though watch out if you threaten Haruhi's life). Actually an esper from an organization full of them.
• EVO / Yasumi Watahashi: A fairy from Paranormaland who is revealed by Yuki early on to be an alien. She's able to take on a human form and later attends North High while passing herself off as Haruhi's younger distant cousin, Yasumi Watahashi.

Anti-SOS Brigade:

• Fujiwara: Also known as "that sneering bastard", he is the Big Bad and seeks to kill the God of the universe and harness said God's powers himself to Take Over the World. He is also a time traveler like Mikuru.
• Kuyo Suo: Fujiwara's Dragon, and an alien like Yuki. She comes from a world at war with Paranormaland, and she tries to interfere with attempts at diplomacy by bugging Yuki later on. She doesn't appear until the second half.
• Kyoko Tachibana: Fujiwara's only other humanoid hench(wo)man, an ESPer like Itsuki who first appears in the second half as an accomplice to Mikuru's kidnapping.
• Sasaki: Kyon's childhood friend and the one Fujiwara's cult is pushing to be the God of the universe instead of Haruhi. This may put her in more danger than she ever bargained for, though to say any more would spoil the plot.

Now available for reading on Wikia.

A character sheet for this reboot can be found here.

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This fanfic contains examples of:

• All There in the Manual: How does the SOS Brigade know as much Italian as they do despite being Japanese high school students? Well, Haruhi learned the language via Rosetta Stone CDs during her junior high years, Yuki had the language programmed into her, Mikuru learned it as part of her time travel training, and Itsuki studied it under the Tamaru brothers. Kyon? He learned what he knows from an Italian dictionary in the clubroom.
• Aloof Ally: Cure Extraterrestre, at least until the inevitable reveal that she's actually Yuki Nagato's Cure form. Even before The Reveal, though, she does serve as medic to the other Cures as needed.
• Anachronism Stew: Demonstrated with Kyon's Joker costume (specifically, his nurse disguise from The Dark Knight) in episode 11, and Justified by Mikuru with Exact Words.

• Arson, Murder, and Admiration: Quoth Haruhi Suzumiya in episode 14 at the end of a rant about a suspected hacker: "How do you like them apples, you stupid, vicious, unscrupulous, monstrous, clever S.O.B.?"
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: The video store proprietor in episode 3 complains about the terrorbyte at his store scaring away his customers, knocking over his stock, and messing up his hair.
• Big Bad: Fujiwara, as in canon, is the leader of the Anti-SOS Brigade and seeks to kill God, take God’s powers, and Take Over the World.
• Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Haruhi's threat to that suspected hacker in episode 14: "I'll create my own virus that'll find a blank tape, put it in his VCR, and make it record Apache Blood; buy that S.O.B. a warehouse selling pink leotards; translate all of his documents into Spanish; infect his MP3 player and cause it to play only William Shatner covers of popular music; and knock him out cold with a rapid-fire series of screamers!"
• Buffy Speak: Some characters are guilty of this, including Cure Dio in episode 9.
• Bullying a Dragon: Done to a dangerous Ujasukus by a Reality Warper: not only does Cure Dio shoot Frickin' Laser Beams out of her own hands (yes, she can summon Frickin' Laser Beams without a single incantation; they're just not as strong, and they can only be fired out of her right hand), she even rubs it in the killer insect's face ("Terrorbyte hit!"). Needless to say, she found herself buried under a pile of books within seconds.
• Call-Back: In episode 1, Haruhi mentions that on some dates, she and her suitor at the time would go see a ballet. In episode 8, she sees a poster for Sleeping Beauty and remarks that Taniguchi tried to take her to see that ballet on the infamous 5-minute date.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: EVO pretty much disappears entirely after Melancholy, save for a couple of passing mentions.
• Country Matters: The word isn't actually spoken, but there's a couple of references to the spoonerism "cunning stunt(s)" in early episodes, and episode 12 has Haruhi refer to a lousy hitter as a "clint" (which was one of two words forbidden by the Comics Code according to urban legend because they resembled different profanities when written in a certain way--guess which word "clint" was said to resemble?).
• Curse Cut Short: In episode 9, when Cure Dio sees Taniguchi walk in as she regains consciousness.
• Drill Sergeant Nasty: One of Haruhi's Out Of Character Moments basically amounts to this, complete with the Obligatory Swearing.
• Exact Words: Mikuru's "classified information syndrome" at least has some use to it; she can justify Anachronism Stew for works (including characters) already created by 2003 by telling other characters that she remembers something from somewhere about an incarnation of said work (or character). What she doesn't specify (e.g. where it comes from, and that it doesn't exist yet) is actually "classified information" about the entertainment from her own time plane.
• Fangirl: Haruhi is this to Ronnie James Dio and his era of Black Sabbath, to the point where she does the metal horns at least Once an Episode on average (counting during her transformation pose).
• Gilligan Cut: In episode 11.
• Gratuitous Italian: All over the place. Even entire lines of dialogue are spoken in Italian on occasion. For example, in episode 12, the baseball episode:
  Kyon: Italiano, per favore.
  Itsuki: È semplice: tu sei il quarto battitore perche Suzumiya si vuole. Non è una coincidenza. Suzumiya volle che tu salveresti il giuoco, e tu hai deluduto la.
  • Itsuki's line can be roughly translated into English as "It's simple: you're the cleanup hitter because Suzumiya wills it. It's not a coincidence. Suzumiya wished that you'd save the game, and you have disappointed her."
    • Or, to fully express its nonsensical sound to an actual Italian audience: "It's simple: you're the cleanup hitter 'cuz Suzumiya wants herself. It's not a coincidence. Suzumiya hath wanted that you'd saved the gameth, and you have disappopointeded the." Yes, there are some Italian phrases the author apparently hasn't learned yet.
  • Then there's this conversation between Emiri Kimidori and Haruhi in episode 14, along with how each line is supposed to translate into English (judge for yourself whether it sounds less, um, nonsensical):
  Emiri: Si. Non ha venuto al liceo per molti giorni ora. Usualmente non è assente, ma anche perdette un giorno di prova. A quanto pare qualcosa è sospetto. (Yes. He hasn't come to school for many days now. Usually he isn't absent, but he even missed a test day. Apparently something is suspicious.)
  Haruhi: Tentò tu chiamare lei? (Did you try to call him?)
  Emiri: Si. Non risponde al suo telefono. Io andai a la sua casa, ma la porta fu serrato. Nessuno rispondette a la porta. (Yes. He doesn't answer his phone. I went to his home, but the door was locked. No one answered the door.)
  Haruhi: Si. Ho capito. E la famiglia di tuo ragazzo? (Yes. I see. And the family of your boyfriend?)
  Emiri: Abita da sè. Io sentii che i suoi genitori abitano oltremare. Non ho le loro informazione di contatto. (He lives by himself. I heard that his parents live overseas. I don't have their contact information.)
  Haruhi: Heh. Io sospetto che abitano nel Canada. Sono io corretto? (Heh. I suspect that they live in Canada. Am I right?)
  Emiri: No. Io credo che abitano nel Honduras. (No. I believe that they live in Honduras.)
  Haruhi: Aha. Honduras, eh? Ho capito. (Aha. Honduras, eh? I see.)
  Emiri: Non c'era alcun segno di lui nella stanza. Fu buio pesto quando visitai di notte. Io sono infastidito. (There wasn't any sign of him in the room. It was pitch black when I visited at night. I'm worried.)
  Haruhi: Hmm. Posso capire come tu senti. In tutti i casi, io sono preso di sorpresa che hai venuto alla SOS Brigata. E ora… che è tuo motivo? (Hmm. I can understand how you feel. In any case, I'm surprised that you came to the SOS Brigade. And now... what's your motive?)
  Emiri: Si… sovente menzionò ti. Quel è come scoprii di ti. (Yes... he often mentioned you. That's how I found out about you.)
  Haruhi: Come si chiama? (What's his name?)
  Emiri: Hyosuke Jolt. (Hyosuke Jolt.)
  Haruhi: Chi è quello? (Who is that?)
  Emiri: Menzionò essendo un vicino della SOS Brigata. (He mentioned being neighbors with the SOS Brigade.)
  Haruhi: Vicino? (Neighbors?)
  Emiri: È il capo della società di computer. (He's the president of the computer society.)
  Haruhi: Si, ho capito! Apriremo il episodio. E tu hai buona fortuna, Kimidori—perchè sei nostra prima cliente, riceverai un premio: scioglieremo tuo problema gratis! (Yes, I see! We'll open the episode. And you're in luck, Kimidori—because you're our first client, you'll get a bonus: we'll solve your problem for free!)
• Have a Gay Old Time: The author is obviously using the word "boner" exclusively to describe the errors committed during a baseball game in episode 12; however, it reaches Silver Age Batman levels of unintentional innuendo when a Kamigahara Pirate scores a single on a boner committed by Kunikida.
  Kunikida: Laugh at my boner, will they?
• Hollywood Autism: It is taken for granted in this fic that Haruhi is autistic.
• In Spite of a Nail: Haruhi is still melancholy about the fact that she has failed to discover any supernatural phenomena, even though she becomes a Magical Girl before ever forming the SOS Brigade. When Kyon asks about that later on, it's Hand Waved by means of redefining what the paranormal is.
• I Work Alone: Cure Extraterrestre says this in episode 3.
• James Bondage: How Cure Dio describes Kyon's situation.
• Kick the Dog: Haruhi does this a few times in episode 5, including when she literally kicked Mikuru off her leg while extorting the Computer Research Society.
• Large Ham: Haruhi, whenever the mood strikes her.
• Laser-Guided Karma: Haruhi claims in episode 5 that retaining her Modesty Shorts under her Playboy Bunny costume would be effective in shunting blame from herself to Mikuru. It doesn't work: while Mikuru gets off scot-free (except for a brief psychiatric evaluation in the nurse's office after the teachers saw what she had just gone through), Haruhi gets a detention, but not for the stunt in and of itself; rather, she gets punished for traumatizing someone even a year above her in the process. While she does admit that was stupid of her, she doesn't regret what she did (though she does make a note of doing everything possible to make sure Mikuru doesn't go through such hell in public again when she decides to do something crazy on school grounds). To date, it's the only time Haruhi ever gets punished for her antics; in episode 6, she even says that she's surprised she didn't get grounded afterward.
• Leitmotif: Cure Extraterrestre has her own, which is basically a sawtooth line accompanied by a few short bursts of distorted guitar noises that sound like a machine gun and action-style percussion in the background. When it plays as Yuki realizes that Kyon's life may be in danger in episode 9, it serves as foreshadowing.
• Magical Girl
• Magic Skirt: Averted a lot here with Haruhi, of all people; she wears Modesty Shorts just to stick to the status quo. Hell, she IS the status quo!
• Modesty Shorts: Haruhi is confirmed to wear these with her uniform in this incarnation; she even lampshades this in episode 4.
  Haruhi: Sorry to disappoint.
  • Then again, Haruhi does use the bike shorts as Trouser Space on occasion.
• Mood Whiplash: Thanks to The Stations of the Canon, absolutely nobody reacts to the inclusion of Magical Girl aspects in the story, and will ignore them entirely in other scenes.
• Never Trust a Trailer: The Anti-SOS Brigade have yet to actually make an appearance in the fic, despite this page's summary giving them prominence. Also counts as Trailers Always Spoil, since they are set to appear in the second half. (Though of course, Fujiwara was mentioned as the Big Bad since the first chapter— the SOS Brigade just hasn't fought him yet.)
• Obligatory Swearing: Particularly during the baseball game. Haruhi drops the F-bomb pretty much every sentence.
• Pisstake Rap: Surprisingly, Yuki pulls one off in episode 14.
  'Twas approximately 280,000,000 years ago today,
  it landed on Earth and taught the planet to play,
  and at the time nothing could hold it in,
  and thus without means to exist within,
  it put itself in hibernation
  to allow for its self-preservation,
  until what time a network appeared,
  so it could wake up and roam without fear.
  In time, mankind appeared on Earth,
  and being intelligent from birth,
  they used their brains in the creation
  of computer networks for data integration.
  Though imperfect, these newfangled things
  could be utilised as nurseries;
  however, they were not enough,
  so for it to wake up would be tough;
  and thus did it remain so late
  within its half-awakened state.
  But then, behold, an alarm did sound
  and get its arse awake and off the ground;
  and the alarm did come like thunder
  from an incident of wonder;
  data was created, and it amounted
  to more than could ordinarily be counted.
  This was data from another world,
  the shelter it had waited for…
• Playboy Bunny: Episode 5. Hey, it had to happen.
• Precision F-Strike: "Then I'll tell everyone at school that all you geeks ganged up on her and fucked her!"
  • Speaking of which, Haruhi/Cure Dio seems to have a special affinity for the S word.
• Reference Overdosed: Let's see... TRON, A Fistful of Dollars, Shakugan no Shana, Agatha Christie, Ray Bradbury, Pirates of the Caribbean, James Bond, Scanners, the British Board of Film Classification, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Power Rangers, Back to the Future, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, Repo Man, the Civil War, Inspector Gadget (1999) and its sequel, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Wizard of Oz, Godzilla, Dirty Harry, K-On!, M*A*S*H, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, Neon Genesis Evangelion, The Dark Knight, Scream, Full Metal Jacket, "The Joker's Comedy of Errors", Press Your Luck, Star Trek, "Weird Al" Yankovic, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and The Beatles. And counting.
• Rhymes on a Dime: Towards the end of episode 14, Cure Extraterrestre tells Hyosuke Jolt about the creature the Cures had just dealt with in rhyme, starting with "'Twas approximately 280,000,000 years ago today, it landed on Earth and taught the planet to play..."
• Seven Dirty Words: Almost; Cure Dio manages to vocalize "motherfu-", but before she can sound the "cker" part, Taniguchi drowns her out by yelling, "TAKE YOUR TIME!"
• School Club Front: The S.O.S. Brigade, in addition to its regular purpose of keeping Haruhi entertained from the source material, has a second hidden purpose here—specifically, it's to hide the fact that all five of them are also the eponymous magical warriors. This is most evident during the Magical Mystery Patrols.
• Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Quoted word for word by Haruhi in episode 8.
• Shout-Out: From episode 8:
  Haruhi: Hey, you were looking up Mikuru's skirt! You pervert!
  EVO: Now's not the time!
• Sound-Effect Bleep: Done to Cure Dio in episode 9.
  Cure Dio: Piss off, motherfu—
  Taniguchi: TAKE YOUR TIME!
• The Stations of the Canon: The fic follows the plot of the first novel pretty much exactly, despite the additions of the Magical Girl aspect, which Haruhi is well aware of. The fact that she is still being kept from the realization that she is a Reality Warper is probably justified, since that has nothing to do with the magical girl aspect, but the fact that Haruhi has no knowledge that Asakura is an alien, and still drags Kyon to check on her apartment, despite having taken part in the fight where she is deleted, breaks the Willing Suspension of Disbelief in half. Also, the fic's retelling of "The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya" and "Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody" completely forgo any attempt to change the plot to conform to being an action series.
• Take That!: The author takes a brief jab at Ted Turner's crayons in episode 1.
• Temporary Blindness: Haruhi goes nearly blind in her left eye in episode 1 after scraping it against concrete during a tumble down the slope outside of North High. She's cured when she first becomes Cure Dio. Also, she's briefly paralyzed from the waist down during a fight at the end of episode 3. This is quickly reversed by the enigmatic Cure Extraterrestre.
• Tempting Fate: Haruhi mentioning how her Modesty Shorts would help her during the Playboy Bunny scene in episode 5. The real problem turned out to be something else entirely.
• Tron Lines: Cure Extraterrestre. Lampshaded by Cure Dio in episode 4.
• Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Nobody seems to care that Haruhi and Kyon have magical powers, even though they fought a Terrorbyte in front of a whole classroom full of witnesses.
• You Are Grounded!: Averted twice: Akari (Kyon's sister) nearly gets grounded for waking up her parents in the middle of the night to tell them something weird and unbelievable, and Haruhi states in episode 6 that even she was surprised she wasn't grounded when her single mom found out about her detention. EVO does let her know, though, that she was lucky her mom didn't let her eat dessert for dinner that night and left it at that.