The story starts with a bored John Marston driving his Ferrari around in the desert, when he decides to play videogames with "his best friends" Irish and the Professor. After their gaming session goes horribly wrong, John and the Professor decided to take a train to Mexico to get some tacos. After their train ride goes horribly wrong and results in John killing the Professor and everybody else on the train, he arrives in Mexico and meets with Landon Rickets, and they decide to go into a "taco mine". This goes horribly wrong too. And the story gets even more insane from there - even featuring a giant crab monster.
Needless to say, it's every bit as bizarre as his other stories.
- Abusive Parents: John often beats up Jack and generally treats him like crap. This line pretty much sums it up:"Jhroarn": Stop fucking calling me pop or I'll pop you in the face with a shotgun.
- Anachronism Stew: John drives a Ferrari, flies on a jetpack, plays PS3 and Xbox 360, plays basketball, talks on a cell phone and gets new pants at a Target store.
- Ass Shove: John shoves a stick of dynamite up Irish's ass and blows it off!
- Badass Finger Snap: "The government guy" sends John back to high school by snapping his fingers.
- Big "NO!": The Kool-Aid Man when John kills him. Later, John drops another one when he finds out he'll have to have Thanksgiving dinner with his family.
- Bond One-Liner: After John flips over the table at Thanksgiving dinner and gets the food all over his wife, he quips "Dinner is fucking served".
- Butt-Monkey: Irish. Not only does he get his ass blown off by a stick of dynamite, he also gets his house crushed by the giant crab monster and his dick shot by John.
- Camp Gay: The conductor.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Frequently
- Comedic Sociopathy
- Cool Car: John's Ferrari. It can even split into two separate Ferraris!
- Country Matters: John gets so angry at Irish for throwing up on his PS3 that he calls him "cunt faced", among many other derogatory names.
- Crack Fic: BIG time.
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: A giant crab monster (named "Garbenov") shows up from out of nowhere in chapter 2.
- Groin Attack: Happens to Irish in chapter 3.
- Lady Looks Like a Dude: The schoolteacher, aptly named Mrs. Manly.
- No Name Given: Harold MacDougal, Edgar Ross, and Nigel West Dickens are only referred to as "the professor", "the government guy"/"governing dude"/"government" and "that purple suit guy with the lotions", respectively.
- Potty Failure: John craps himself after finding out that the book Jack is reading is about "fusing".
- Sadistic Choice: "Haveeair Eskuwayla" gives one to John: Either walk away and let the "fusing" continue, or destroy the tower and lose his Ferrari. John takes a third option and shoots "Haveeair"'s balls off before escaping with Landon in their Ferraris as the whole place blows.
- Take That!: One chapter opens with an author's note saying "Fuck Jessica. Bitch."
- Villain Protagonist: John Marston is a complete psychopath who kills several people and animals, often for no reason whatsoever.