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Fanfic / Project Gethinator

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Project Gethinator is another comedic Mass Effect fanfic, and the sequel to Inglorious Bosh'tets by 500 Metric Tonnes of Palladium.

It covers most of the story of Mass Effect 2 in the Bizarro Universe of the preceding fic, with Tali'Zorah aboard the new Normandy under Shepard's command as they set out to save the galaxy, and joined by Matriarch Aethyta. In between their missions for Cerberus, the crew must also investigate a virus that was planted aboard the Normandy, which leads to the discovery of a horrible experiment by rogue quarians involving placing human brains into geth platforms in a continuation of the work of Tali's father. Oh yeah, and all this in the midst of a developing romance between Tali and Shepard.

This fic provides examples of:

  • Abnormal Ammo: Shepard's crew gets hold of a weapon that fires ice-bullets, which was used to kill everyone on a Cerberus derelict, and turns out to be a weapon of the quarian Black Guard, a very elite black-ops unit that answers to Admiral Daro'Xen.
  • Action Girl: Tali again, though she's not alone this time what with the number of badass women on the crew of the new Normandy and especially "kick 'em in the quad" Aethyta.
  • Bears Are Bad News:
    • At least Morinth thinks so. And then the bear proceeds to start up his own little organization. It's that kind of fic.
    • He has ambitions to take down Aria as well. He also thinks that the Asari are Dark Elves.
  • Berserk Button: Several:
    • As in the game, threatening any member of Shepard's crew is not going to go well for you. Especially Tali.
    • Aethyta does not take kindly to unkind remarks about her adoptive son Grunt, or being called his "nanny."
    • Admiral Xen gets very pissed if anyone suggests that she and Shepard are not meant to be, and she utterly loses it when she's turned down and called to account by Shepard himself.
  • BFG: Aethyta's shotgun, which can kill a Krogan with a single headshot, as well as the Cain, which Shepard uses to blow the Thresher Maw on Tuchanka to bits.
  • Big Bad: Admiral Daro'Xen and Hvenna'Tor
  • Boom, Headshot!: Aethyta's specialty, which she does three times in this fic; once to the Krogan attacking her bar, once to Gatatog Uvenk and the last one to Link back when she was still a merc.
  • Chainsaw Good: Apparently, the krogan used to have chainswords.
  • Cool Old Lady: Matriarch Aethyta and Nehalennia.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Aethyta vs. Rasha. Rasha didn't have a chance.
    Aethyta: Damn kids need to learn some respect. Dad always said that respect begins with an ass-kicking.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Most of the crew, but especially Legion.
  • Distaff Counterpart: While Shepard is in recovery after the encounter with the Geth With Prazza's Brain, he has a dream or a possible plane-trip to an Alternate Universe where he meets up with Female Shepard, who tells him about Tali's attraction to him and has her own relationship with Garrus. She also loves the metal band "Burzum," which the regular Shepard hates.
  • The Ditz: Slab Bulkhead and Douglas Falkner, who were abducted by Admiral Xen's people precisely because of their stupidity so that their brains could better be used to control the geth they were being installed into.
  • Don't Explain the Joke: Of a sort. Part of what killed Shepard's relationship with Ashley Williams was that, in the Romance Scene in this universe's version of Mass Effect 1, when she quoted poetry to him, he tried quoting some back so as not to seem illiterate. Unfortunately, he chose the original words of the poem Beowulf, and explaining what the words meant (it wasn't English) and the context in modern-day terms, kind of killed the mood.
  • Establishing Character Moment: For the fic as a whole. In the first chapter, a bear breaks out of Morinth's closet (where she was keeping it under mind control), murders her, and announces his intention of starting his own criminal empire.
  • Everyone Can See It: Pretty much the entire Normandy is aware of Shepard and Tali's attraction for each other.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Admiral Xen cannot comprehend how Shepard can be attracted to Tali, who cares nothing about the power and influence that Xen desires most.
  • Fantastic Racism: The Council doesn't like the "furries" of the Lylat System (particularly Councilor Valern), such that the system is under Council embargo. The ship that Tali finds in a shipyard on Nos Astra in Chapter 2, the one banned from Citadel space with an "attack on sight" order due to coming from a mass relay under embargo, is strongly implied to be the Great Fox, the primary starship of the Star Fox team.
  • Hoist By Her Own Petard: Admiral Xen's plans are ultimately defeated when Legion hacks the geth platforms she sought to control. It's even lampshaded by Garrus:
    Garrus: I always love it when the bad guys get taken down with irony.
  • If I Can't Have You…: Admiral Xen utterly loses it when Shepard turns down her advances, and tries to kill both him and Tali — along with the rest of the crew — by blowing up Eta Carinae.
  • Mama Bear: Aethyta is one of these for Grunt, and takes her job very seriously.
  • Motive Rant: Admiral Xen gives one in the final chapter of the fic. For details, see Well-Intentioned Extremist.
  • My Sensors Indicate You Want to Tap That: When Legion is first activated, it explains that organics are easy to read and cites Tali's obvious feelings towards Shepard as an example.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: For some reason, Joker seems to think that the quarians look like winged elves without their suits. Later, Shepard bluffs a radio host by saying that Tali can breathe fire. Which leads to the following line from Garrus:
    Garrus: Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out for any flying, fire-breathing quarians swooping down on us.
  • Noodle Incident: The Forbidden Issue of Fornax again. We learn from Nehallennia, the managing director of Fornax, that what happened in the Forbidden Issue was the brainchild of Fornax's first human director, whose work was massively popular before this, and that he conceived it as a kind of "magnum opus." On top of everything else that happened (Nehallennia mentions that even asari matriarchs were rendered comatose for weeks by the scene in question), it ruined the director's career and led to the suicides of three of the actors involved.
    • There's also Admiral Xen's Real Person Self-Insert Fic involving Shepard, which is said to be really nasty, second only to Prazza's scene in the Forbidden Issue in depravity.
  • Not Good with Rejection: Admiral Xen.
  • Overly Long Name: The Bababadalgharagh-takamminarronnkonn-bronntonnerronntuonn-thunntrovarrhounawnska-wntoohoohoordenenthurnuk, quite possibly the ugliest Quarian ship in the entire galaxy.
  • Real-Person Fic: In-Universe - Admiral Xen has written quite a few of these involving herself and Shepard. They're considered second only to Prazza's work in Fornax's Forbidden Issue in nastiness, and they more than illustrate just how much of a crazy and obsessive Yandere she is.
  • Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?: Invoked by Wrex to Tali, about the time that her crew did exactly that. She does counter that it was in fact Prazza who did that and not her, though.
  • Running Gag: Again, any mission that Shepard and Tali go on will involve a big kaboom one way or the other.
    • Any time that the Star Fox universe, or anything from it, are mentioned, it's never in a positive light. Continues from the last fic.
  • Star Killing: The faulty mineral scanner responsible for the supernova incident in Bosh'tets makes its return in this fic. But what Prazza did accidentally, Admiral Xen does deliberately in a Villainous Breakdown-driven bid to destroy Shepard, Tali and the Normandy crew.
  • Take That!: At one point, several people describe a movie in which Shepard's actor seems flat, and the romance with Liara seemed "Forced," which are common complaints about the series.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Admiral Xen loses it in a big way when Shepard turns down her advances, going as far as to use the same kind of mineral scanner that Prazza accidentally blew up a star with in Bosh'tets to blow up Eta Carinae itself in hopes of destroying the Normandy — and loses it even further when Shepard and crew manage to escape Just in Time.
  • Wave-Motion Gun: Kasumi's name for the Thanix Cannon, which gets used to destroy the quarian ship with the overly-long name after Kaski'Fjal is killed.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: Admiral Xen is doing what she's doing in a bid to take back the quarian homeworld of Rannoch from the geth. What she's doing is enslaving geth by means of using human brains to control them, which is where the crazy and evil comes in. And that's not even mentioning her obsession with Shepard.
  • Woman Scorned: Admiral Xen, who after realizing Shepard is in love with Tali references this expression before proceeding to turn the last copy of the faulty mineral scanner from Bosh'tets on the star of Eta Carinae.
    Admiral Xen: What's that human expression, Shepard? 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?' Well you're about to find out what that means! This ship has the last Perkele5000 mineral scanner left in the galaxy, and I've just fired it at the star! In a few minutes, this system will be consumed in the largest explosion this galaxy has ever seen, if the data from Tali'Zorah's mission reports is accurate! I hope this was all worth it, you backstabbing son of a bitch!
  • Yandere: Admiral Xen is crazy for Shepard, and does not take kindly to being turned down.
  • Your Head A-Splode: Aethyta's shotgun is capable of doing this to Krogan.
    • Glitchy, broken Cerberus Flashbang Eyeball Implants can do this, as the crew of the Normandy discover.
  • You're Insane!: And Shepard isn't shy about telling Admiral Xen so:
    Shepard: You're just yet one more example of the sort of crazed individual that I keep running into over and over again, the sort of person I always end up having to kill.