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Fanfic / Princesses Don't Potty

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Princesses Don't Potty is a fanfiction of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic that has a rather crude (but not overly adult) plot.

It focuses on Princess Luna getting drunk on cider and shouting out drunkenly that she needs to pee, which makes Twilight curious as to whether or not Alicorns pee or poop (as she's not one herself yet).She and her friends then get some diuretic herbs from Zecora's hut and plan to put them in Celestia's tea. Meanwhile, Celestia is having a bit of a bad mood as she's been dyed pink accidentally due to a prank and needs to pee but wants to avoid peeing to convince Twilight that Alicorns don't pee.

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Princesses Don't Potty contains examples of...

  • Adaptational Sexuality: Zigzagged for Big McIntosh. The canon episode "Hard to Say Anything" reveals that Big Mac is straight, or possibly bi, as he gets a crush on a mare. However, in this fanfiction, several characters believe him to be gay, however, he never harbours feelings for any stallions.
  • Added Alliterative Appeal: When Celestia accidentally dyes herself pink, she calls herself a "pretty pink pony princess for the puerile paparazzi and the prudish postulants packing the place". Also, the title of the fanfic.
  • Alcohol Hic: Luna is said to have the hiccups when drunk.
  • Big Eater: Twilight eats three gallons of chocolate ice cream.
  • Big "NO!": Twilight shouts "NO!" when she realises that Luna getting drunk wasn't a dream.
  • Big, Stupid Doodoo-Head: Luna mentally calls griffons "stupid-heads".
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  • Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Luna believes that "specialisation is for insects" and does a speech about things ponies should do, which is mostly useful talents (with the exception of 'plan an invasion') but ends with fighting and dying.
  • Calling Your Bathroom Breaks:
    • Luna does this while drunk.
      Luna: "FAREWELL, MY LITTLE PONIES! WE ARE OFF TO CANTERLOT WHERE A MOST SPLENDID LAVATORY AWAITS US AND WHICH WE WILL MOST HAPPILY ANTICIPATE VISITING, FOR WE MUST SOON TAKE A ROYAL WHIZZ OR ELSE PERISH!"
    • Twilight notes she's never heard Celestia do this.
  • The Cuckoo Lander Was Right: Twilight mentions this in her letter to Luna.
    "Oftentimes even the oddest of ponies have hidden reserves of wisdom if you take the time to listen".
  • The Diaper Change: Luna believes ponies should know how to change diapers.
  • Eat Dirt, Cheap: Spike eats gems for breakfast.
  • Embarrassing Damp Sheets:
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    • Pinkie Pie sees yellow rainclouds and wonders if Rainbow Dash has wet the bed, but she says she hasn't since she was fourteen.
    • When Celestia is having her potty emergency, she doesn't want to sleep for fear of wetting the bed.
  • Face Palm: Celestia nearly puts her hoof to her face in annoyance but thinks better of it. Later, however, she actually does.
  • Fainting: Fluttershy goes into a coma in the first chapter. She recovers, though. Twilight is also unconscious in the second chapter, apparently, she fainted after screaming.
  • Fantastic Racism: Luna seems prejudiced against griffons and Fluttershy worries that she's prejudiced against Changelings.
  • God: Twilight and Luna wonder if Discord is this but then Luna thinks he must not be because Discord wouldn't allow bedsheets and pyjama-socks to be invented.
  • Heroic BSoD: Twilight gets all emotional at the prospect of whether alicorns pee.
  • Immortality: Celestia is said to be immortal.
  • Intoxication Ensues: Luna gets drunk after having downed a lot of cider on a bet. Celestia defies this on herself by drinking non-alcoholic cider.
  • It's All About Me: Celestia mentally calls Prince Blueblood a "self-absorbed twat".
  • Laxative Prank: Defied. The Mane Six plan to make Celestia use the toilet and Pinkie says that they should avoid making Celestia poop because that'd be too much for Twilight, so they stick with a diuretic.
  • Mister Seahorse: The blank expression that the ponies have is described as looking like that of a "shell-shocked soldier who'd just been informed that he was pregnant".
  • Motor Mouth: Pinkie Pie has a lot to say.
  • Nature Tinkling: Apparently, "Pinkie Pie had to pee and so she stepped behind a tree".
  • Nice Girl: Fluttershy doesn't want to sue as "that would be mean".
  • Nobody Poops: Averted. Twilight wants to find out whether this applies to Celestia and Luna.
  • No Indoor Voice: The drunken Luna shouts.
  • Not a Morning Person: Twilight wonders if Celestia is this.
    • Celestia thinks that arrogant individuals are not meant to be morning people.
  • Not So Stoic: Celestia lashing out at Luna when the latter gets drunk. Freaks Twilight out.
  • Out of Character: Celestia threatening to torch Luna's rump.
  • Pegasus: Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.
  • Playing Sick: When Celestia is embarrassed at her coat being dyed pink, she wonders why she didn't falsely call in sick.
  • Potty Emergency:
    • Luna claims to need a "royal whizz" when drunk.
    • Celestia needs to pee, beginning at around Chapter Nine.
  • The Prankster: The Mane Six and Luna all take turns being pranksters.
  • Pun: Luna makes a pun that she needs a "royal whizz", which surprises Rainbow Dash.
  • Royal "We": Luna speaks like this when drunk.
  • Sibling Rivalry: Celestia shouts at the drunken Luna in the first chapter and worries that Luna has booby-trapped the toilet later on. She also yells at Luna while Luna's sober at one point. Luna then gets back at Celestia by playing various pranks on her.
  • Shrinking Violet: Fluttershy is just as timid as in canon.
  • Stellar Name: Celestia, Luna and Twilight.
  • The Stoic: Celestia's guards are trained to be stoic.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Twilight going into great detail about what happened the previous night while stating it didn't happen.
  • Title Drop: Twilight when she realises that the first chapter wasn't All Just a Dream as she'd previously thought.
    Twilight: "NO! That was all a dream! It didn't happen! Princess Luna never drank any hard cider, and Princess Celestia didn't get embarrassed about her, and Princess Luna didn't make any drunken toilet puns, and I never, ever, ever thought about how I haven't seen Celestia excuse herself to the bathroom and that doesn't matter anyway because PRINCESSES DON'T POTTY!"
  • Toilet Humor: A fanfic all about using the bathroom.
  • Unicorn: Rarity, and Twilight since this is set before "Magical Mystery Cure".
  • Weight Woe: Twilight wonders that if Celestia can get mad at her sister, can she also worry about her weight?
  • Winged Unicorn: Celestia and Luna. Cadence is also mentioned.
  • You Are Fat: One of the council informs Luna that she made "veiled fat jokes" at Fluttershy while drunk, however, Luna claims that she did not mean to call Fluttershy fat.
  • You Keep Using That Word: In-universe, when Rainbow Dash calls needing to pee more often "the squirts", Pinkie Pie points out she's using the wrong phrase.
    Rainbow Dash: "You're right that it makes things a lot harder, but this is abot as good as it's going to get if you don't want to get caught. Assuming that Princess Celestia doesn't ever need to use the bathroom, then the tea won't do anything. But if she does, she just might get suspicious. What if she starts thinking that her sudden attack of the squirts isn't natural?"
    Pinkie Pie: "Uh, Dash? I don't think that's the right word. 'The squirts' is.."

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