Fanfic / Orderly

Changing universes, gaining a superpower, and merging body and soul with a homeless orphan was honestly way less dramatic than I was expecting. Or at least the "changing universes, gaining a superpower, and merging body and soul with a homeless orphan" part was. The rest of the story, not so much.

— Jacqueline Colere

Orderly is a Worm fanfiction by Obscura_of_the_House_of_Moon_and_Star .

The unnamed narrator was just minding her own business when "The Patron" contacted them. By letter. Attached to a blunt arrow. Which hit her right between the eyes.

After reading the letter, being congratulated on the honor, and in no way agreeing or giving consent to anything, the narrator finds themselves merged with a girl on Earth Bet, at Winslow High School, right in the middle of the very first chapter of Worm. None of which is familiar to them in the slightest, although the letter-writer seemed to think it would be otherwise.

The newly forged "Jacqueline Colere", being a decent person, steps into things.

Despite the silly-sounding premise and opening, Orderly is not a purely comedic story, containing large amounts of problems, both personal and otherwise, as well as a rather serious plot. "Jacqueline Colere" has rather serious issues, coming from both of her previous selves and the merger itself, and starting with the sixth chapter it shows.

Orderly can be found at AO3 here, SpaceBattles here, and Sufficient Velocity here .

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Tropes found in this fanfiction:

• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking:
  • Referenced by name, but subverted, when Taylor reveals "the whole sordid tale of betrayal, callousness, cruelty, and misuse of feminine hygiene products."
    That last was actually the worst of the bunch. Stiff competition, that.
  • Played straight when Jacqueline uses humour to steer the conversation clear of topics like "awful high school experiences, superhero teams, dead parents, dead spouses, dead cities, the continual possibility of a violent death, nefarious supervillains, authority issues, blows to the head, lingering trauma, moles, spies, interdimensional travel, immensely powerful beings without a good grasp of things like "consent", the violent nature of parahuman society in general, the violent nature of parahuman society in Brockton Bay in particular, bad decisions, recklessness, being two previously distinct people at once, self-blame, arrows hitting right between the eyes, gender identity/biology mismatches, people firing automatic weapons on public streets, betrayal, bullies who weren't actually responsible for their actions, bullies who were responsible for their actions, violent beatings in school bathrooms, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and Taylor's awful taste in pizza."
• Be Careful What You Wish For: Even Jacqueline's powers, granted by a metaphysical entity instead of being a regular parahuman, are something of a monkey's paw.
  I knew where mom's body was, but fixing the burns wouldn't bring her back. I remembered wanting so desperately to fix things, for all the cruel wounds on her body to disappear so she could hug me again and everything would be alright. Now I could get rid of everything done to her body, from the deepest burns to tiniest slivers, and absolutely none of it would make things okay.
• Conveniently Unverifiable Cover Story: “Jacqueline Colere” really is from Newfoundland, or at least the original Jacqueline Colere was, but uses the fact that nobody can check up on her past there to explain her religion, which does not actually exist on Earth Bet. Few details are given.
• Death of Personality: A serious concern for the new “Jacqueline Colere”. What, exactly, happened to the previous bearer of the name?
• Do Well, But Not Perfect: Taylor dresses up as best she can for her meeting with the school superintendent, but she isn't great at fashion, so she ends up still looking gawky and awkward but trying to be formal. Fortunately, Jacqueline notes that that is exactly the right tone for this meeting; looking too good would unfortunately make people question the plausibility of her being bullied at all. Looking "earnest but not naturally gifted" is an excellent way to gain the superintendent's sympathy.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Jacqueline notes that on the most recent occasion where someone broke the Endbringer truce, five years ago, Kaiser literally crucified the culprit, and no-one condemned him for it.
• Hurt/Comfort Fic: Somewhat.
• I Need A Drink: After Jacqueline mis-quotes the Constitution by pleading the Eighteenth Amendment, instead of the Fifth, Danny informs her that he very much hopes the prohibition of the sale of alcohol is not relevant.
• Impossibly Delicious Food: Jacqueline is very impressed with the pizza delivered to the Heberts.
  The pizzaiolo who'd crafted this wonder was clearly a true master of their craft, marked and chosen by the high lords of pizzakind. They had walked all the slopes of Olympus itself searching for the finest of ingredients, slain the seven and twenty demons that guarded the vault of the lord of the underworld, and claimed from the very pantry of the gods that most precious of essences: ambrosia, in its very purest form, all that they might craft the greatest pizza this mortal world had ever seen, a glimmer of raw perfection in an imperfect world. Truly, they were the greatest pizzaiolo to ever walk the earth.
  Either that or I was safe and comfortable for the first time in what felt like forever, hadn't had the chance to eat lunch, and breakfast had been half a chocolate bar, since Winslow wasn't exactly a cornucopia. But we all know which was more likely.
• Insult to Rocks: An interrupt by the narrator notes that although calling Coil a Bond villain is an understandable mistake, given his underground base and army of mercenaries and self-destruct system, nonetheless Bond villains aren't as disgusting and petty as Coil.
• Know When to Fold 'Em: Jacqueline doesn't make any attempt to free herself and chase after Grue, knowing that it wouldn't go well.
  I have no intention of brashly refusing to give in when I can't win and can surrender without something awful happening. Sometimes you can't, of course, and some enemies must be resisted no matter what the risk to one's self, but this wasn't one of those situations and Grue wasn't one of those enemies.
• Large Ham: Even Bakuda's minions are thoroughly fed up with her monologuing, although no-one dares to tell her so, since she would, without question or hesitation, kill whoever tried it.
  "Tremble before the ingenuity of my ingenious creation, and know that my genius transcends all that you pitiful wretches will ever know" was mild by her standards.
• Mystery Meat: Jacqueline suspects that the mystery meat in the Winslow cafeteria is actually surplus military rations — from World War 1. The prevailing theory amongst other students, however, is that it's drywall.
• Narrative Profanity Filter:
  • Assault's reaction to hearing about the Juice Incident and Sophia's behaviour is "Bleepedy Bleeping Bleep."
    He actually said something else, but I'd rather not repeat it. I hope you don't mind.
  • Director Piggot's internal monologue is routinely and obviously censored, especially when she thinks about Coil the [blaggard], or [funtime] capes in general for that matter.
  • Sophia similarly decides that Coil is a colossal [aurochs]. And that Shadow Stalker was a [bear].
  • After reading through thousands of words of Taylor ranting over text message, Jacqueline concludes that, "Coil definitely deserved it, but I had to look up an awful lot of bad words."
  • Lisa's take on Coil is, "There weren't enough bad words in the world to describe that man, but she'd certainly tried anyway."
  • Taylor's internal narrative about the man who has just kidnapped Jacqueline at gunpoint is
    [Bunnies. Lots of Happy, Playful Bunnies. No swear words whatsoever. Definitely.]
  • Coil himself gets in on the act from time to time.
    What, exactly, he was screaming shall not be repeated, but you may rest assured that it wasn't pleasant, nor did it paint a particularly flattering image of his psyche.
• Non-Verbal Miscommunication: Jacqueline hopes that Taylor's meaningful look means they've agreed not to draw Danny's attention to the fact that he referred to both of them as "his".
  Maybe she thought we were agreeing to duel for his affection as soon as he looked the other way. Head shakes and nods are kind of ambiguous that way. I'm pretty sure I would lose if that was the case. She had better reach and her bugs weren't something I could reasonably counter. One bug in my eye at the wrong moment and it'd all be over. But it was probably the not mentioning it to him thing. Hopefully.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Lisa doesn't generally think of herself as a violent person, but Coil is a special case.
  If she ever got the chance to beat Coil to death with one of his own limbs, she was pretty sure she'd take it with great enthusiasm and derring-do.
• No OSHA Compliance: With the number of underlings Bakuda has killed by apparent negligence, her latest minion figures she either doesn't care about safety at all, or else is actively making the work environment more dangerous for her own amusement.
  OSHA would have to send at least a dozen inspectors, in hazmat gear, to sort through all the violations.
• Shout-Out: Upon approaching school with the Heberts, Jacqueline intones, "Mos Winslow High School. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
• Tracking Device: After being blindsided by a string of unexpected dangers and problems, Jacqueline specifically requests a PRT tracking bracelet. Danny is shocked, but Taylor was already doing something similar with her bugs.
  The beads (and "bead") were in a rather attractive very dark purple and very dark blue swirl pattern, and the string was in a shade of black that complimented the beads rather well, but I was mostly interested in the safety it represented.
• Trans Nature: Both the original Jacqueline Colere and the unnamed individual who “Patron” inserted into her are trans women, and had already separately transitioned before the story started. A doctor/Tinker who specializes in transitions is mentioned in one chapter, and is apparently a trans man himself.
• You Do Not Want To Know:
  • Jacqueline has strong opinions on the merits of being woken up by having someone gently shake your shoulder, vs having an air horn go off a few centimetres from your ear.
  Don't ask how I know that.
  Seriously, don't.
  • Actually, the narrative frequently advises the reader not to ask about something or investigate any further, whether it's the meaning of BOATs, or the worst ways that a humorous interlude can end.
    Seriously, don't. Yes, I am fully aware that I've been saying that a lot. I know a lot of things that I dearly wish I didn't, alright? I'm probably going to keep saying it, so you'll just have to deal with it. Not like you can stop me.

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