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Fan Fic / Mortonhayles CT Parody

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What was really going on in Crono's head during his journey? Did he actually like Marle and Lucca? Does he think Frog is creepy? Would he slaughter every last Reptite and all of his friends to get naked with Ayla? Yes. Yes, he would.
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Started off as a joke thread in the depths of the Gamefaqs forums, Mortonhayle's Eleventybillionth Trip Through Chrono Trigger, or just Mortonhayle's CT Parody is not entirely a fan fiction based away from the events of the game. Rather, it is the game itself, but seen through the personal perspective of Crono. Despite all implications otherwise, he does not particularly care for Marle or Lucca, and finds Frog to be suspicious and annoying. In fact, the only two party members he actually seems to consider friends are Robo and Magus, and even that relationship is strained.

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Mortonhayle's CT Parody, as the name implies, relies less on building new plot or scenarios, and more on picking apart the game's odd nuances and making fun of various ridiculous elements from the game. To guide the comedy along, Crono is reinterpreted as an irritating, misogynistic prick who will gladly throw his friends under a bus to get what he wants, and (much like Magus) sees Lavos as a means to an end.

Can be read at http://chronotriggermortonhayle.blogspot.com/

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Examples parodied, subverted, or otherwise not found in the original include:

  • Actually, I Am Him: After Crono is recovered late in the game, Magus tries to explain his true identity to him, but is repeatedly interrupted by Crono spouting off insane guesses in his head, such as that Magus is actually Dalton, Belthasar, or even Alfador (while also assuming Frog is Janus.) When he finally hears the truth, he just seems annoyed at Zeal seemingly being the solution of all these mysteries, and asks if He himself is also somehow from Zeal.
  • Anything That Moves: Magus relates to Crono how, after returning to Zeal, his 20-something years of pent-up sexual tension went wild and lead to him having sex with a few Earthbound people and the sapling woman... ...and his mother. And his sister. ...and the Golem Twins, along with Masa, Mune, Doreen, the Nu, Dalton, Alfador, The Mammon Machine... ...and Janus. Turns out though, only the first two are true and he was kidding about the rest.
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  • Apathetic Citizens: Taken to a bizarre extreme when Crono decides to take Magus to Guardia Castle For the Lulz. Everyone there acts like they've been friends with Magus for years, and Crono goes insane.
  • A Tankard of Moose Urine: Poi, as described by Crono when Ayla tries to get him to drink it.
  • Ate It All: In the game, the player never actually sees the Knight Captain distribute the Jerky at Zenan Bridge. In this story, The Knight Captain immediately devours the whole thing after declaring that the cook had saved them all.
  • Bestiality Is Depraved: How Crono views Queen Zeal's attraction to Lavos. At one point he attempts to engage both of them in a threesome
  • Binary Suns: Due to the way some of the in-game backgrounds work, there appears to be multiple suns on Zenan Bridge. Crono notices this, and understandably freaks out, having never noticed it before and getting extremely worried about skin cancer.
  • Can't Get in Trouble for Nuthin': Magus, hilariously, much to Crono's disappointment and confusion.
  • Character Witness: Parodied. Crono dramatically fails every possible good deed he could do at the fair, and fails to see how this is bad during the trial.
  • Conspiracy Theorist: Crono, to the point that he could be the poster child for Wild Mass Guessing. Among his insane theories? Magus plans to take over Guardia with an army of frogmen, of whom Frog is a double agent. Also, his various theories regarding the entity, one of which identifies it as Alfador, and another as a piece of cheese he found on the floor in 2300 AD's Sewer Access.
  • Cross-Cultural Handshake: When the R-series robots attack Robo after he says hello, Crono assumes that's how they greet each other. Seconds later, he's joining in on the assault. Later on, an annoyed Robo kicks Crono in the balls. Crono assumes that's a sign of his friendship.
  • Depraved Homosexual: Lucca. Slightly subverted when she first meets Frog and witnesses his slurp technique. She actually injures herself just to get him to slurp her.
  • Draco in Leather Pants: Crono, according to Marle. She even directly describes him as such, while he is in the middle of abusing her.
  • Dude Looks Like a Lady: Magus is the butt of a lot of these jokes. Particularly noteworthy when Queen Zeal confuses him for Schala.
  • Hollywood Heart Attack: Gaspar suffers one of these later on, presumably after seeing Ayla topless.
  • Mistaken for Pedophile: When imprisoned in the Mammon Machine, Crono's sight becomes blurred. After Schala and Janus free him, Crono rushes in to passionately kiss Schala, only to find himself holding Janus instead. His attempt to save face is to act like he was a pedophile all along.
  • Murder the Hypotenuse: Almost as soon as Crono meets Ayla, and before he even knows if Ayla is seeing anyone or that Kino exists, he immediately starts turning "Crono Kill Ayla's Boyfriend" into a running gag.
  • New Super Power: After arriving in Medina, Crono discovers that he can replace any party member with one from the End of Time simply by thinking of them and snapping his fingers. This is never explained here or in the game, but here Crono gladly uses and abuses this ability at every potential turn.
  • Our Hero Is Dead: Ironically, Crono doesn't die at all and the party merely thinks this occurred. In reality Crono was blasted back into the Ocean Palace, where he proceeded to run and skip gleefully back to the surface, free of his party members.
  • Take a Third Option: When told that one of their party members will have to remain at The End of Time, Crono elects the old man who was already there. When that doesn't work, he elects himself.
  • Toilet Humor: Marle unleashes a tremendous fart in the Zeal city of Enhasa, just as they initially cross paths with Janus. Understandably, Crono misinterprets what he means by "The Black Wind begins to howl".
  • Horrible Judge of Character: Crono thinks Porre is a really nice place to live, and the people are incapable of harm.
  • Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Crono in a nutshell. He's a misogynistic, narcissistic jerk for whom most of the other characters start off either liking or hating, and usually end up just tolerating. Despite this, they absolutely will not let him leave the party. Surprisingly, he goes from loathing this to actually appreciating it.
  • Wardrobe Malfunction: Magus frequently uses his scythe to stealthily undo Marle's pants and Ayla's bra, both of whom blame this on Lavos. Rule of Funny for Marle, and Rule of Sexy for Ayla, its one of the few reasons Crono and Magus actually get along.
  • What an Idiot!: When Magus attacks Lavos in the Ocean Palace, he uses what appears to be a red stick in the SNES game to hit him in the face (This was later changed for the DS release.) Crono laments this, and when Magus can't understand why it didn't work, nearly screams at him.
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