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Fanfic / Kunoichis Like Us

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Kunoichis Like Us is a Dead or Alive fanfic written by Damon Black, following a similar plot formula to the manga You're My Pet.

After yet another close call with Ayane and the Mugen Tenshin's assassins, a wounded Kasumi is taken in by a high school student named Alex Kane, who constantly gets the All of the Other Reindeer treatment from his peers. Out of gratitude, and wanting to save Alex from himself, Kasumi pledges herself to him as his kunoichi, and things go on from there.


The fic was on hiatus for years until a new chapter was posted on June 22, 2018.

This fic provides examples of:

  • Aerith and Bob: Downplayed by Alex's sisters who are named Rika and Mayu. Not really uncommon in names in Japan, however like Alex, both of his sisters are ethnically French-American.
  • Affably Evil/Faux Affably Evil: Daisuke, Nanako's ex, is a bit of both. He's quite polite and patient with Alex, and wants Nanako to come back to him willingly rather than forcing her to do so. However, both Nanako and Alex can see past this and know how cruel he can be.
  • All of the Other Reindeer: Alex is constantly on the receiving end of this from his peers, partially because he isn't ethnically Japanese. In Chapter 12, most of the student body changes their opinion of him when he stops an upskirter from getting a panty shot of a little girl.
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  • The Aloner: Prior to meeting Kasumi, Alex lived alone in his family's apartment and nearly convinced himself that he liked being alone. Through his interactions with Kasumi, however, he realizes just how much being alone blows.
  • Be Careful What You Wish For: In Chapter 11, Alex gets annoyed at Kasumi and angrily tells her that "if you're gonna talk like my mother, you can just shut up right now!" Kasumi decides to teach him to be careful about what he says by not saying a word to him for over a week.
  • Bully Hunter: Alex and Kasumi's friendship really kicks off when she helps him fight off a group of bullies in Chapter 2. Likewise, she's also beaten up Daisuke and his gang and threatened Ayane when the respective groups threaten him.
  • But Not Too Foreign: Alex and his sisters are ethnically French-American, but culturally Japanese.
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  • Cardboard Box Home: Of a sort. Alex first meets Kasumi when he finds her injured and unconscious, hiding in a cardboard box. Played straight in Chapter 24 when Kasumi finds Ayane homeless after she was attacked by members of a rival clan.
  • The Casanova/Really Gets Around: Seiji, Alex's best friend.
  • Cassandra Truth: Alex doesn't believe that Kasumi is a real ninja until he sees her fight.
  • Change the Uncomfortable Subject: This exchange between Alex and Kasumi in Chapter 2 sums it up:
    Alex: "Why is your clan chasing you? You do something?"
    Kasumi: "I... would rather not speak about it."
  • Clark Kenting/Paper-Thin Disguise: Kasumi disguises herself in public as an Ordinary High-School Student named Sakura Misaka by simply wearing glasses and braiding her hair. She's Famed In-Story thanks to the Dead or Alive tournaments, and still no one catches on. In Chapter 22, her friends at school arrange for Kasumi/Sakura to cosplay as herself at a DOA convention and still remain none the wiser. So far, the only people to see through the disguise other than Alex are Seiji and Nanako, though Kasumi suspects in Chapter 21 that Alex's mother is on to her.
  • Dating What Daddy Hates: Several of Alex's classmates theorize that this is why Nanako initially bothered with him.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Most of what Alex says is snarky or sarcastic.
  • Don't Make Me Destroy You: In Chapter 9, Kasumi warns Ayane to stay away from Alex or she will kill her, and Ayane realizes she's serious when Kasumi actually gives her a small cut on the neck. Kasumi is so torn up over doing so afterwards that she prays to God that she won't have to make good on the warning.
  • Don't You Dare Pity Me!: In Chapter 3, Kasumi reveals to Alex that many of the friends she has made feel sorry for him rather than actually hating him. Alex reflects that his father told him that being pitied was no better than being bullied.
  • Drama-Preserving Handicap: In Chapter 12, Ayane hits Kasumi with a sleep gas bomb during their confrontation in Alex's apartment.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: In Chapter 19, Alex gets depressed over Kasumi's departure and downs a ton of beer and sake at Nanako's apartment... which results in him waking up hungover and naked in Nanako's bed the next morning. Nothing happened, of course.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: While Ayane isn't exactly evil, she initially can't wrap her head around why Kasumi would swear loyalty to a nobody like Alex.
  • Expy: Nanako is one for Misaki from Welcome to the NHK, even wanting to seduce Alex to prove her father wrong.
  • Extreme Doormat: Alex has some shades of this, mostly around Nanako and Kasumi.
  • Famed In-Story: Kasumi and the other Dead or Alive participants.
  • Finger-Suck Healing: Kasumi sucks on Alex's finger in Chapter 20 after he accidentally cuts it on a knife.
  • Forceful Kiss: Kasumi plants one on Alex in Chapter 18. She's so taken aback by this action that she promptly runs off.
  • Freudian Excuse:
    • Part of the reason Alex is so cranky and antisocial is because a girl he loved, Nanako Izumi, claimed she was just using him when he confessed his feelings. As it turns out, Nanako lied when she said that because Alex was the first person to tell her as such and mean it and she didn't know how else to react, and they are beginning to reconcile.
    • Nanako herself has one. Her father wanted her to be a Yamato Nadeshiko like her mother, but she refused to do so.
  • Go Mad from the Isolation: Invoked by Kasumi in Chapter 2:
    "No one should ever be truly alone, Alex. Otherwise how would we stay sane?"
  • Gone Horribly Right: In Chapter 11, as described under Be Careful What You Wish For above, Kasumi decides to teach Alex to be careful about what he says by not speaking a word to him for over a week. Of course, she never expected Alex to take it as hard as he does and apologizes for it.
  • Good Parents: Though their jobs prevent them from spending a lot of time with their kids, Alex's parents, Darryl and Elsa, are nonetheless loving and supportive.
  • Gossipy Hens: When Alex and Kasumi pose as a couple in the subway, a pair of old men observe the two and comment that Kasumi is probably only dating Alex for money and that he's not the only guy she does this with. Alex shuts them up with a Death Glare.
  • Groin Attack: In Chapter 6, Nanako gives one to Shoma when his questions about her relationship with Alex get a little too personal.
  • Hates Being Alone:
    • While meeting with her mother Ayame in Chapter 7, Kasumi is described as such by the former, though her reason for such is because of her compassion for others rather than a need for attention.
    • Likewise, Alex realizes just how much he hated being alone before Kasumi came and doesn't want to lose her for fear he'll be alone again.
  • Human Shield: Kasumi makes sure to keep Alex behind her at all times when Ayane attacks them in Alex's apartment during Chapter 12.
  • Insistent Terminology: Kasumi repeatedly corrects Alex when he uses the term "ninja" instead of "kunoichi" to refer to her.
  • The Insomniac: Alex suffers from insomnia in the first few chapters, but it goes away shortly after he takes Kasumi in.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Alex is constantly rude, hot-headed, and sardonic, but beneath it all is a caring and decent person.
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: In Chapter 25, Ayane mentions finally being able to complete Final Fantasy XIII-2, grumbling about how she had been waiting 5 years to do so. invokedThat is also the amount of time between the publication of this chapter and the previous one.
  • Living Emotional Crutch: Kasumi ends up becoming one to Alex over the course of the story.
  • Made of Iron: In the first chapter, Kasumi survives a six-story fall.
  • Men Can't Keep House: Defied; Alex is more than capable of cooking and cleaning up after himself.
  • Misunderstood Loner with a Heart of Gold: Alex, hands down.
  • Mugging the Monster: In Chapter 13, a pervert on the train Alex and Kasumi are riding gropes Kasumi's butt, and promptly gets laid out flat for it.
  • Mythology Gag: In Chapter 24, Ayane picks up a little kitten and names it Wakana... the name of Ayane's Japanese voice actress.
  • "Not So Different" Remark: Part of the reason Kasumi swears her allegiance to Alex is because she sees much of the same anger and hatred in him as she sees in Ayane, and hopes to save him from himself.
  • Original Character: Alex Kane, Nanako Izumi... the list goes on.
  • Polyglot: Alex and his sisters are all fluent in English, Japanese, and French.
  • Purely Aesthetic Glasses: Kasumi, as part of her Sakura Misaka disguise.
  • Self-Deprecation: Alex often expresses self-esteem issues. He's even accused of hating himself by Daisuke.
  • She Is Not My Girlfriend: Constantly invoked between Alex and Kasumi.
  • Sleep Cute: In Chapter 3, Kasumi helps Alex get over his insomnia by getting in bed with him fully clothed, stating that her mother did the same thing when she was younger.
  • Spoiled Brat: In Chapter 12, Ayane calls Alex one when he gripes about the Xbox 360 his dad got him as a birthday present (though he was mostly griping about how it was not selling very well in Japan).
  • Stealth Hi/Bye: Kasumi pulls this off with Alex regularly.
  • Underestimating Badassery: A couple of martial artists who were rejected from the Dead or Alive tournament dismiss the female fighters as only "pretending". Hitomi and Kasumi make them realize how wrong they are when the group makes threats against the former and harass people at the DOA convention.
  • Unresolved Sexual Tension: Between Alex and Kasumi, though so far, they're Just Friends.
  • Whole-Plot Reference: As stated before, to You're My Pet.
  • Yamato Nadeshiko: Nanako's father wants her to be one, but she has other plans in life.