Fanfic / Kasumis Epic Quest

Steve?, Kasumi and Kiyoshi

''Kasumi's Epic Quest!!!'' is a Crack Fic written by Lord Starfish, and is a crossover between Minecraft, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, The Lord of the Rings, Spider-Man, Batman, Puella Magi Madoka Magica and a bunch of other things. It revolves around a young girl named Kasumi, whose father is kidnapped by an evil clan of sentient books, and with her two best friends Kiyoshi and Steve?, she embarks on an epic quest to save him.

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This fanfic contains examples of:

• A Dog Named "Dog": Three cats named "Cat".
• As You Know: The conversation our heroes have about Kasumi's father in chapter 2 is all stuff that everyone involved knows perfectly well from beforehand. The narration openly admits this and says that it is because Kasumi, who is plainly aware that she's a character in a story, had told her friends to do so whenever the topic came up.
• Bag of Holding: More precisely, a bag that holds everything. Including things that plainly do not exist such as rubber bands made of gold.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall
• Character Development: Kasumi's reason for why the group should NOT go straight to the books' castle to rescue her father. She wants them to learn things and grow as people so that the journey will mean something before they do. The ensuing character-development happens entirely off-screen and consists entirely of them overcoming flaws that had never previously been mentioned and which make no difference whatsoever to the plot.
• Death Is Cheap: Steve? dies repeatedly throughout the story, but being a video game character, he merely respawns in his bed every time.
• Dramatic Reading: Featuring the actual author playing himself.
• Flat-Earth Atheist: Kiyoshi's logic seems strangely grounded in reality for a character living in a world that clearly doesn't give a crap about silly things such as logic.
• Fourth-Wall Observer: Kasumi is clearly aware that she's a character in a story and regularly breaks the fourth wall.
• Have I Mentioned I Am Gay?: Kiyoshi's supposed homosexuality has no impact on anything besides him using it as a rebuttal to something Kasumi says once.
• Hollywood Healing: Kasumi and friends are easily able to shake off getting trampled by an entire town just by putting on a single band-aid each.
• Improbable Weapon User: Despite having access to literally every kind of weapon imaginable, Kasumi insists on fighting using rubber bands.
• Insane Troll Logic: What Kasumi's "Flawless Logic^TM" sounds like to anyone who isn't her.Except she's always right.
• Lampshade Hanging: Provided by a literal talking lampshade in one case.
• Only Sane Man: What Kiyoshi thinks he is whenever he calls out Kasumi on how little sense the things she says make. Unfortunately for him, the world is just as nonsensical as Kasumi's mind is.
• Random Events Plot: While the fic might have an end goal of rescuing Kasumi's father from the books, all the events that lead up to our heroes getting to the books' base is completely random nonsense.
• Sci-Fi Writers Have No Sense of Scale: In the final chapter, it would probably be a bit hard for those nonillion orcs (aka, 150 quintillion times the total population of the Earth, give or take) to fit into a single room.
• Shout-Out: Many.
  • To Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami:
    • "Kasumi whined like a girl whose friends were making nonsensical and contradictory requests".^note Referencing the line ""Daaaaaa~aaaaaaad!" light wined like a dude whos dad was mean."
    • The use of "nuclears" as a noun.
  • The part in chapter 3 where Iron Man is chasing Spider-Man and Batman is copied verbatim from Raspephabio^note A fanfiction that the author is known to have an aversion to (albeit with much better spelling).
  • The Big Bad has a tendency to summon monsters out of The Lord of the Rings to attack our heroes.
  • The group runs into the Killer Rabbit, which can only be defeated by using the Holy Handgrenade.
  • Chapter 4 contains an extended reference to Puella Magi Madoka Magica, which the author openly admits he only put there because he had a writers' block.
  • Before storming the books' base, Kasumi pulls Kalafina out of her bag to ask them for some musical accompaniment.
  • Kasumi "Matrix Lobby-scenes the hell out of" the entrance hall in the books' castle.
• Tomato Surprise: The final chapter reveals that Kasumi's father is Discord. This neatly explains damn near every nonsensical aspect of her character and the world she lives in.
• World of Weirdness
• Writers Cannot Do Math: In the final chapter, one nonillion orcs are summoned into the throne room to fight Kasumi. Kasumi proceeds to pick them up one octillion at a time. Unfortunately the author completely messed up his counting and so she only ends up killing ten octillion of them, meaning that 99% of the orc-army would still be there.
  • The author openly admitted to this mistake in an annotation to the dramatic reading of the chapter, and opted to explain it thusly:
  Eh. The remaining 990 octillion orcs just mysteriously ceased to exist due to a time-paradox or something.
  I just made that up, but now it's canon.