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Fanfic / Joys of the Parenthood - The Țepeș Edition

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Joys of the Parenthood - The Țepeș Edition is a Castlevania (2017) fanfic written by Nordra.

A collection of one-shots and vignettes following the Dhampyr son of Dracula and Lisa Țepeș — Adrian "Alucard" Țepeș — and the misadventures the young prince would encounter.

Can be read on Archive of Our Own here.

This fanfic provides examples of:

  • Anachronic Order: The story takes place in different stages of Adrian's life.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Being easily distracted like all other three-year olds, Lisa has little faith in bringing Adrian to a council meeting.
    "I'd prefer later," Lisa frowned. "When he's capable to look after himself."
    Dracula looked at his wife, furrowing his brows. "None of them would dare to harm our son, love. They know I would tear their pathetic souls to shreds if they laid a finger on Adrian intending to harm him."
    "I meant his attention span," Lisa pointed at the toddler in vampire's arms who had abandoned Dracula's collar when his attention was drawn to older vampire's pointed ear and soon tiny fingers with sharp beginnings of nails dug into the flesh, tugging.
  • Big "WHAT?!": Dracula's reaction when Lisa says it's his responsibility to give Adrian The Talk.
  • Born as an Adult: Liliana explains to Lisa that succubi and incubi are not so much born in the traditional human sense so much as they are created using sexual energy collected by other incubi and succubi, coming into being as they are, tense why Liliana finds Lisa's pregnancy so fascinating.
  • But I Can't Be Pregnant!: The fact that Lisa wound up pregnant comes as a complete surprise to both her and Dracula.
  • Comically Missing the Point: When Lisa explains how a human pregnancy works to Liliana, Liliana compares it to a parasite.
  • Cool Uncle: Being his personal tutor and The Dragon to his father, Death acts in this role for Adrien. When Adrien is hiding from his parents in bat-form, Death allows him to hide in his rib-cage.
    Lisa: That was very rude of you, Adrian.
    Adrian: ...was playing.
    Lisa: Not good enough. Now apologize to Death.
    Adrian: Sorry...
    Death: It is alright, My Prince. But perhaps I may make a request for the next time? You see, if you could scratch just between the fifth and sixth vertebra...
    Dracula: Don't encourage him, Death.
  • The Dragon: Death to Dracula (as accurate to the original games).
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Olrox is the one most prone to issue complaints to Dracula for one reason or another. When he brings up Adrien's "antics" in the castle and calls them a problem, no one else in the council backs him up, a few even requesting play-time with the young prince.
  • Full-Name Ultimatum: Lisa gives one when she finds out that Adrien was hiding in Death's ribcage this whole time.
  • Half-Breed Discrimination: Olrox implies that Adrien does not belong in the Castle due to his human-blood.
  • Jaw Drop: When Lisa announces her pregnancy to Dracula in the throne room, one of the skeletons present is so shocked that its jaw literally falls off.
  • Looks Like Orlok: Much like in the games, this is the case with Olrox, being the only other vampire in Dracula's court.
  • Mars and Venus Gender Contrast: Despite their similarities, succubi and incubi are actually considered separate species all-together, especially since they do not need each other to procreate.
  • Monster Mash: Dracula's council is composed primarily of the leaders of their own respective species, including an Orlok-inspired vampire (Olrox), The Grim Reaper (Death), an Alpha male werewolf (Grimmane), a succubus (Liliana) and a merman.
  • Mythology Gag: Much to Lisa's confusion, Godbrand confesses that humans "make great boats."
  • Not-So-Omniscient Council of Bickering: Death describes Dracula's Council of Vampires as "a dick-measuring, threat-induced contest between a bunch of oversized mosquitos."
  • Panicky Expectant Father: Dracula winds up fainting the moment Lisa tells him that she is pregnant.
  • Passive-Aggressive Kombat: Lisa instantly earns the respect of the Council of Vampires by responding to Carmilla's masked insults with a few of her own.
    Carmilla: You a quite fortunate, not many humans can boast about learning from the great Dracula himself. It is a shame actually. With so little time in this world; it must be a dream come true to be able to absorb a tiny fragment of knowledge from those untouched by time.
    Dracula: Carmilla—
    Lisa: You are absolutely correct[.] I've learned and seen things beyond my imagination already, even past these few short years. It is unfortunate that knowledge among my kind is quite limited and censored but I do count myself lucky. A chance to learn, to improve and evolve. And on top of it, I found a husband whom I love very much. And I enjoy conversations with those who had seen much of the world! I'm quite sure I could learn much from you, lady Carmilla. After all, a high age is often a sign of wisdom. I've found out that those elderly women in villages possess quite a lot of knowledge despite being assumed to be just wrinkly, wheezing old hags. Perhaps you can relate, as a woman with a... respectable number of years behind you...
  • Sarcastic Devotee: Death seems to fill this role, apparently spending tea-time with Lisa poking fun at his boss.
  • Screaming Birth: Lisa spends the majority of her labor screaming Freudian Threats at her husband.
  • Seen It All: When Dracula asks while Lisa never wondered why there were no other vampires other than himself and Olrox, she point out that there are so many different monsters that lurk the castle — many that defy description — that she has basically stopping asking anything and learned to roll with it.
    "My dear, honestly: this place is filled with creatures with a wider variety than there are flowers on a single meadow. I mean, I saw a teapot with humanoid skeletal hands and feet last week. Crawling on all fours. On the ceiling."
    Dracula idly wondered just where the hell did that kind of thing came from. He certainly could not remember summoning anything like that.
    "So no, I have not made note of a lack of vampires roaming around," his wife continued.
  • So Proud of You: Dracula has this moment with Adrien when the three-year old dhampyr bares his fangs and hisses at Olrox.
  • The Talk: One day, Adrien asks Death during one of their sessions where babies come from. Feeling that this is something that should be told by his parents, he abstains from answering. When he notices that Adrien tries asking somebody else in the castle, Death has his minions stop anyone from telling him for fear of the consequences Dracula may inflict on them. This goes on for the rest of the day.