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Fanfic / Hitman Miami

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Hitman: Miami is an Affectionate Parody fanfic of Hitman 2: Silent Assassin, written by "Agent 17" in 2003-2004.

It has been written as a walkthrough for the supposed game Hitman: Miami, a series installment which has the bald assassin 47 Happily Married to the Chinese hooker Mei-Ling and living in sunny Miami. He is forced back into business, however, after unknown assailants kill his wife and—what's worse—steal his laptop. Each chapter is a walkthrough for a different mission; they usually poke fun at quirks of the original games.

Unfortunately, the series petered out after eight chapters and the promised "pretty deep plot and a twist ending" never saw the light of day.

You can read Hitman: Miami on the websitenote .

Not to be confused with Hotline Miami.


The fic exhibits the following tropes:

  • Affectionate Parody: The author is a fan of the Hitman games, naturally.
  • Air-Vent Passageway: Used to access the target's office in chapter 8.
  • Bestiality Is Depraved: The target in chapter 3 is involved in illegal ferret smuggling, and uses the ferrets for a... specific purpose.
  • Boxed Crook: 47 is made this in chapter 6, after being caught by the police. "If you can drop him, we'll drop the charges."
  • Cool Shades: Worn by 47 throughout chapter 1.
  • Dead Fic
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Parodying this trope from the original game:
    ... if 47 walks in, a metal detector will be set off, and an army of guards will shoot 47 on sight, as is standard procedure in the event someone sets off a metal detector, anywhere, in the entire world.
  • Gay Bar: The Bad Times Cafe in chapter 2, so much.
  • Advertisement:
  • Killer Gorilla: Chapter 8 has 47 up against genetically engineered, gun-toting gorilla assassins.
  • Never Suicide: Taken to the extreme in chapter 4, where 47 has to forge suicide notes for every single dead body in the villa (and there are a lot). Then he blows up the entire villa anyway.
  • Original Flavour: Well, as close as a text fic can emulate a video game. The fic is trying to, more or less, convey the feeling of playing an actual Hitman game.
  • Product Placement: For Coca-Cola throughout chapter 3.
  • Punny Name: The first chapter has 47 receive an email from a "Vladimir Cutzurnutzov".
  • Rhymes on a Dime: Mr. Pi during fights, much to 47's frustration.
  • Scannable Man: 47's barcode tattoo becomes a liability when he visits a supermarket. He needs to run his head across the barcode scanner before leaving.
  • Waiting Puzzle: The ending of chapter 2 has 47 wait at a bus stop "for thirty-five real-time minutes".
    • Chapter 5 has the player "watch the warehouse for hours on end", preferably while reading an interesting novel.
  • Would Hurt a Child: In chapter 7, the only way for 47 to get the money for the supermarket shopping is to garrotte the children in the toy section and steal their cash.
  • You All Look Familiar: A Running Gag is for many bit characters to look identical to minor characters from Hitman 2.

Hm. That's a lot of numbers.