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Fanfic / Carol's Really Gay Story

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WARNING: This story contains foul language, sex jokes, several varieties of distasteful humor, toxic relationships, heterosexuals, interdimensional travel, really sharp knives, and other things that will probably offend somebody. Also it’s just generally the worst thing ever. Reader discretion is advised.
— The Opening Disclaimer

Carol's Really Gay Story is a Freedom Planet Crack Fic written by author Spookyrus. In addition to titular character Carol, it features War Lilac from Freedom Dies With Me by fellow creator Perry Martin. The story spawned from a terrible in-joke between the two authors.

The story follows Carol the Wildcat, a lesbian who is such a lesbian that she feels the need to romp around her home shouting about how gay she is and complaining that nobody will make out with her. One day, her prayers are answered when a Really-Sharp-Knife-Crazy Psycho Lesbian (who looks suspiciously similar to her roommate Lilac) appears in her yard, laughing maniacally, and decides to kidnap her in the name of true love. They decide to take over the world together, and Hilarity Ensues.

The ridiculous and insane one-shot features no less than three Alternate Universe versions of Sash Lilac, references to Archie Comics' Sonic the Hedgehog, and a solid amount of bashing of one of the series' most popular characters.


You can read the story on DeviantArt, FanFiction, or Archive of Our Own... if you really want to, for some reason.

This fanfic contains examples of:

  • Adaptational Sexuality: None of Freedom Planet's characters have a confirmed sexuality. Here, everybody does, and they're proud to scream it to the world.
  • Affectionate Nickname: War Lilac lists off several that Carol can call her, though the only time Carol actually calls her by one is during War's hallucination.
  • Big "NO!": War Lilac, upon the destruction of the Take Over the World Machine.
  • Big "WHAT?!": Once when Carol reveals that she's dating War Lilac, then again later when the fuel source of the Take Over the World Machine is revealed.
  • Captain Obvious: Several characters on several occasions, which Spade is sure to point out.
    Lilac: We're going to have to get through that fire.
    Spade: Thank you Captain Obvious...

    Torque: It appears that the building is finally starting to collapse from, you know, being on fire.
    Spade: Thanks for the observation, straighty.
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  • Death of a Child: Bye Milla, good riddance.
  • Deus ex Machina: The Holodragon.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The Take Over the World Machine.
    Carol: What does it do?
    War Lilac: It takes over the world, of course!
  • Flashback: War Lilac at one point recounts a conversation that she had with Carol only a couple scenes prior, which quickly devolves from flashback to hallucination. Lilac expresses confusion over who she's talking to.
  • Funny Background Event: While Spade is on the phone, Carol and Torque duke it out in the background, and Torque gets his rear kicked pretty miserably.
  • Incendiary Exponent: War seemingly has the power to set stuff alight with the snap of her fingers, doing so to two locations over the course of the story.
  • Meanwhile, Back at the...: Used frequently in the narration, and even lampshaded at one point.
  • The Multiverse: Apparently the same one from the Archie Sonic Comics, at that. Multiple characters from other universes are made reference to, War Lilac herself is from another universe, and Zilac is from Archie Sonic's No-Zone.
  • No Fourth Wall: The constant nods to the fact that the story is non-canon, how far along in the story they are, the author's disliking of Milla, and how out-of-character some of the cast is portrayed make the fourth wall quiver in its boots.
  • Polyamory: By the end of the story, we have both Lilac/Spade/Torque and implied Dail/Neera/Cory. It's easier for everyone to just date each other!
  • Running Gag: Several.
  • Screw Yourself: War Lilac cracks a joke about this with Zilac.
    War Lilac: What, are YOU into me now?
  • Second-Act Breakup: War Lilac basically confesses to having used Carol, and Carol very dramatically says that "they need to take a break." They get back together less than a scene later in a way that makes no sense in the context of their breakup, which War Lilac lampshades.
    War Lilac: That has nothing to do with the argument we just had whatsoever, and I'm perfectly okay with that.
  • Shout-Out: The blatant reference to The Emperor's New Groove.
    War Lilac: PULL THE LEVER, CAROL!!!
    (The floor opens underneath her and she falls.)
    War Lilac: WRONG LEVERRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr…………!!!!!!!!
  • So What Do We Do Now?: The remaining members of Team Lilac ponder this upon remembering that they no longer have a home to return to, since War set it alight.
  • The Trope Without a Title: Although Cory does indeed have a canon name, the story only refers to her as "Carol's sister."
  • You Can Keep Her: Upon Carol proving just how insufferable she really is, Lilac immediately turns around from welcoming her back to handing her over to Zilac.
  • Your Cheating Heart: We learn from Spade's phone call that Dail is dating Neera, except it turns out that Neera is cheating on him with Cory. We never learn the reason for this, but we do know how it gets resolved.

Example of: