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Fan Fic / A Spark of Ice and Fire

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It was said of the Targaryen dynasty that, when one of the dragon's blood was born, the gods flipped a coin to determine whether the child's fate would be genius or madness.
For those born under the sigil of the trilobite, the answer is "both".
This is the chronicle of Agatha Heterodyne, First of Her Name and founder of the House of Wonders, who came from lands still undiscovered to shake the foundations of the World.
-For SCIENCE!, by Maester Qyburn

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"This is going to end up with her turning the throne into a giant clank, isn't it?"
- Sandor Clegane

A Spark of Ice and Fire is a Crossover Fan Fic between A Song of Ice and Fire and Girl Genius. The crossover takes place during an, in appearance small, but ultimately very important moment of the series: when Jaime and Tyrion found a young girl called Tysha in the forests outside Casterly Rock. In the books, while Jaime scared off the brigands attacking Tysha, Tyrion went for Tysha, something that developed in a relationship and a marriage that was horribly ended when Tywin had all of his guardsmen rape Tysha.

In A Spark of Ice and Fire, there is two girls: Tysha and a blonde, green-eyed thirteen-year-old called Agatha Clay that has been ripped apart from her homeland in mysterious circumstances. When Tyrion comes to their aid, Agatha smashes him with a branch, mistaking him for one of the brigands. The change in circumstances leads Jaime to take his brother and the two girls back to Casterly Rock, and, while there, Agatha begins to demonstrate some strange abilities, such as a voice with a madness tinge or her knowledge of things that have never been seen in Westeros, like railways or clanks...

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The story (which, unfortunately, can only be accessed by AlternateHistory.com members) is a very good one, pointing out the madness that is the Girl Genius universe and seamlessly introducing it into the gritty low fantasy that is A Song of Ice and Fire. It has lots of humor, much action, some romance and even some political drama around. If you are a fan of either of the universes, it is totally worth the read.

Sadly, this fic hasn't been updated since 2015.

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A Spark of Ice and Fire has the following examples of tropes:

  • Accent Relapse: Agatha slips back into her eastern European accent when she gets angrier. Surprisingly, her most terrifying voice is bereft of any accent.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: Sandor, although he is being robbed of the chance to kill his brother, thinks Gregor being pummelled by his own armor is hilarious.
  • Adventurer Outfit: While piloting Agatha's dirigible, Asha is wearing an outfit that strongly resembles an aviator's jacket.
  • Alien Arts Are Appreciated: Not exactly alien... but chess winds up very popular in Casterly Rock. Likewise, wakebean tea (coffee), normally found too bitter to bother with, is properly improved to the point the Coffee Engine becomes an integral part of King's Landing Court. Unsurprisingly, both quickly become favorites of Tywin Lannister's.
  • An Arm and a Leg: Jaime loses his right hand in the Dragonpit explosion, until Agatha fashions him a mechanical one.
  • And I Must Scream: Gregor Clegane after his encounter with Ser Tock broke most of his bones, and before being burned alive.
  • Armor-Piercing Question: When Olenna asks her grandson why she shouldn't have Agatha build her a Baba Yaga to chase his father, her disappointment of a son around with as punishment. Willas can't think of good answer.
  • Army of Thieves and Whores: Mostly the latter, which Agatha takes into protection after Ser Tock's rampage through the Sailor's Quarter.
  • Artificial Limbs: Jaime receives one from Agatha to replace his lost sword arm. Doubles as a Swiss Army Appendage.
  • Audience Murmurs: The crowd in the throne room reacts with shocked gasping when they find that Robert is furious with Agatha for trying to name a hospital she planned to build after Elia Martell.
  • Authority in Name Only: Agatha gets under Cersei's skin when she points out that the woman's duties as queen amounts to making Robert's heirs and standing next to him 'like a fine decoration', while she has actual accomplishments to her name.
  • Ax-Crazy:
    • Many people that have seen Agatha when she goes into the "madness place" have compared her to Aerys "The Mad King".
    • Cersei becomes unhinged after the Dragonpit explosion nearly kills her, Jaime and Joffrey. Worse, she begins to think that Agatha may be the "more beautiful than her" woman that will bring her down.
  • Be Careful What You Wish For: Robert begs Stannis to let him come to the Stepstones' campaign, saying he would burn King's Landing just for the chance to fight. Right in that moment, a wildfire cache in King's Landing explodes.
  • Berserk Button: Agatha finding out Robert took pleasure in seeing the bodies of Elia Martell and her children sends her into the madness place. Big time.
  • Big Entrance: The group of Tywin, Tyrion, Agatha and Asha descend into King's Landing via airship. Tywin planned this to display the power the Westerlands now have thanks to Agatha.
  • Big "WHAT?!":
    • Robert's reaction when he learns Stannis went and married all on his own. He later finds out that Stannis did ask for permission, and that he ignored his letters over a period of over a month.
    • Agatha when Jaime tells her that Robert smiled down at Elia Martell's and her children's corpses.
  • Black Comedy: Robert tries his hand at it when Tywin Lannister comes after the Dragonpit explosion, saying that King's Landing is already toasted so he won't have to bother to do that himself.
  • Body Horror: The fate of Amory Lorch as Miss Piggy.
  • Book Burning: Tyrion curses Baelor the Blessed's destruction of Septon Barth's valuable documents, including the original blueprints for King's Landing's sewers.
  • Break the Cutie: Tysha after Gregor Clegane rapes her.
  • Bullying a Dragon: Victarion Greyjoy thinks his Purification Fleet (twenty ships with five cannons badly copied from Agatha's designs, in total) will be enough to destroy Lannisport and seize Agatha's school for minions. He doesn't know Agatha herself upgraded Lannisport's defenses specifically against pirates like the Greyjoys.
  • Caffeine Bullet Time: En lieu of bread, Sandor offers Agatha a cup of wakebean brew. She rushes off to refine it, producing the first Coffee Engine, and prompting Tywin to immediately send the Redwynes to purchase every last bean from the Summer Islands.
  • Cassandra Truth: Tywin thinks that Agatha's drawings of "Clanks" are just her imagination running wild. He becomes disabused of that notion when he meets Ser Tock, Agatha's first Clank which she made out of Gregor Clegane's armor.
  • Cheshire Cat Grin: Stannis keeps this expression for several weeks after being informed in succession the Lannisters are willing to pay him top dollar for every drop of sulphur in Dragonstone, his betrothal to Lynesse Hightower (with the associated dowry in both cash and the Hightower fleet), discovering a considerable amount of marital joy, and finally, getting to rub it all in Robert's face when he comes to marry him to Selyse Florent. The narration mentions that "his face twisted in a most unnatural way". It takes a few weeks to recover his normally dour expression, and needs bandages and poultices to do so. Interestingly, Stannis himself regards this as The Unsmile.
  • Combat Pragmatist: When rifles are introduced to King's Landing, while some of the older knights and nobles say it's not a very honorable way to fight, some of the other more practical minded care more about their effectiveness.
  • Completely Missing the Point: Lynesse suggestively asks Stannis if he wants to have a "rain bath" (shower) and Stannis agrees, since cleanliness is important. She uses semaphore flags to convey what she really wants.
  • Conspicuous Consumption: Ownership of one of Agatha's inventions has become a symbol of wealth among the nobility and wealthy. Owning a watch is compared to owning a Valyrian steel blade.
  • Cool Old Guy: Ser Barristan Selmy takes part in the kettenkrad race, and shows up the younger racers.
  • Crushing Handshake: Agatha and Cersei pull this on each other with both hands when they meet for the first time. Eventually, Cersei gives up and sticks her hands into cold water to get rid of the pain. Agatha's hands bleed due to Cersei's fingernails, but she barely reacts.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Asha Greyjoy assaults Agatha's dirigible, trying to take over it. Agatha lays her down flat in one punch.
  • Death Ray: Agatha builds one quite early on. There also may or may not be one in Lannisport doubling as a lighthouse.
  • Didn't See That Coming: Tywin clearly did not think Tyrion would renounce to all of his rights to Casterly Rock, all so that Tywin will not try to control either him or Agatha through his inheritance, while threatening to destroy it if something were to happen to Agatha.
  • Easily Forgiven:
    • Played with. Agatha admits she can't forgive Tywin for the atrocities he has commited, but she thanks him for helping her become the person she is today, and asks that any animosity they have doesn't extend to his future grandchildren.
    • Likewise Tywin is angry at Agatha during her treason towards Robert, but promises that the Heterodynes will always be welcome at Casterly Rock.
  • Effortless Amazonian Lift: Agatha is strong enough to playfully lift Willas Tyrell into the air even though he's a grown man in armor and she's only 14.
  • End of an Era:
    • Sandor quickly realizes that Agatha's introduction of gunpowder weapons will lead to the end of knights as a force. Barristan Selmy even warns Ned as he passes through Winterfell on his way to the wall that, not just of the new weapons but of engines. This sends a chill up Ned's spine.
    • Jon Arryn believes, as old as he is, that he may not fit into the new world Agatha creates, even if he does see it's for the better. He doesn't think this in regards to the kettenkrad's replacing horses, since they need more specialised care than a horse, and unlike a horse their waste leaves only a bad smell minus the useful manure.
  • Evil Laugh: Lynesse Hightower tries her hand at this, but acknowledges that Agatha does it much better.
  • Foreshadowing: Soon after they meet, Agatha tells Asha she has no intention of destroying Pyke and the Greyjoys, unless they are so colossally stupid as to become a bunch of evil rapist pirates. Later, Pyke's begun its canonical rebellion against Lannisport with a special interest on Agatha's labs, unknowing the city is far more heavily defended than they think and that Agatha has gained a deserved reputation for being Properly Paranoid.
  • For Science!: Becomes one of Agatha's (and some other people's) Catch Phrases.
  • Gadgeteer Genius: Not just Agatha but Willas Tyrell. After studying Agatha's notes on aerodynamics, he manages to create a tiny but working airplane.
  • Getting Crap Past the Radar: as Gregor Clegane gets pummeled by his armor, someone improvises a version of "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" where the knight in the song suffers all sorts of misfortunes, including "one act favored by lonely sailors long at sea".
  • Gold Digger: Stannis's new bride Lynesse of House Hightower initially comes off as this, as she is seen bringing home many expensive things she bought with his money. However, she later proves to be quite intelligent, as she comes up with ideas for Stannis to become even wealthier that leave him stunned for a moment. Stannis notes that while she did wheedle a very large allowance out of him, she never overspends, and even he can tell just how well-made and impeccably tasteful everything she buys is. In return, his bride uses her impeccable people skills to compensate for Stannis' terrible social graces to great effect.
  • Groin Attack: Agatha to the men that try to undress her during the bedding at her wedding with Tyrion.
  • Happily Married: Agatha and Tyrion. Sandor and Tysha. Stannis and Lynesse.
  • Heel Realization: Robert does not take it well when he realizes Lyanna would not have approved of him smiling at the deaths of woman and children.
  • Heroic BSoD:
    • Agatha, when she realizes that Tywin Lannister is not as good as she thought - particularly after learning how he organized the murder of Rhaegar's children.
    • Tyrion, when he learns about the extent of how much wildfire was hidden within King's Landing and that Jaime has lost his hand.
    • Ser Barristan Selmy after Agatha does her "The Reason You Suck" Speech towards Robert when he finds that Robert took pleasure in seeing Elia Martell and her children dead. So much, that he asks to be allowed to join the Night's Watch, saying he would have murdered Robert if he had not dropped his sword.
    • Robert, after being shown in no uncertain terms how disappointed Lyanna would have been of the atrocities he stomached to get her back, particularly what he did to Princess Elia and her children.
  • Honor Before Reason: Ned and Barristan talk about this when the former kingsguard is heading up to the wall. Ned still believes Jaime should be stripped of his cloak for killing the king, regardless of having a reason as good as he did. Selmy asks him if he is any more honorable since he forsook his vows as a knight and stayed silent while Aerys committed all those heinous acts in his madness
  • Huge Girl, Tiny Guy: Agatha is not exactly what you can call a giant, but next to Tyrion...
  • Hypocrite: Agatha all but calls Robert this when he had no qualms about Elia Martell and her children dying horribly, while Robert fought in the rebellion in the name of Lyanna.
  • I Call It "Vera": Agatha calls her brass-and-crystal basilisk Sweet Reason. Because she likes to have stupid people see Reason.
  • I Have No Son!: Balon Greyjoy angrily dismisses Asha as dead to him after she chose to stay and work with Agatha.
  • If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her...: Agatha lays it on Sandor after he sleeps with Tysha, telling him he'd better treat her well, or else.
  • Infectious Insanity: Cersei is shocked to find that her father is starting to act more like Agatha in the madness place.
  • Insatiable Newlyweds: Tyrion and Agatha can barely keep their hands off each other following their marriage.
  • Inventor of the Mundane: Agatha invented condoms and contraceptives, which results in many women considering her like one of the Seven.
  • Irony: Stannis sets a gunpowder mill in the Dragonpit, wanting to make sure it does not mix with the wildfire stored elsewhere, since it might cause an explosion. While they are preparing it, a man accidentally sets off a hidden wildfire cache in there... and an explosion takes place.
  • Jock Dad, Nerd Son: Lord Tyrell has Agatha craft a leg brace for Willas. However, to his disappointment, it's only strong enough to let the boy walk, not sword or lance-fight. In fact, Willas secretly asked Agatha for the defects in the brace so his martial training doesn't get in the way of his schooling.
  • Just Smile and Nod: Tyrion gets a Summer Islands ship crew to do this when Asha takes their wakebeans by the iron price - of course, he promises to pay them for the wakebeans in gold and supplies.
  • Karmic Death:
    • Gregor Clegane, destroyed by a clank Agatha made with his own armor after he rapes Tysha and finally burned alive in Clegane Keep.
    • Amory Lorch, who killed Princess Rhaenys by stabbing her more than fifty times, is killed by Oberyn Martell, who stabs him many times.
  • Kick the Son of a Bitch: Gregor Clegane, after he brutally rapes Tysha in one of his fits. First, he gets glass forcibly inserted into his body via blunderbuss, then he loses pretty much everything he has to his name, later he gets smashed by his own armor (which Agatha has turned into a Clank in her sleep), and finally he is ignominiously killed by Amory Lorch.
  • Lie Back and Think of England: Lysa does not love her husband Jon Arryn and narrates that she has to "go inside herself" whenever they have sex. Unfortunately, she has to do this again when she gets kidnapped and made Aeron Greyjoy's Salt Wife.
  • Liquid Courage: When a drunk Tyrion finds himself in front of Gregor Clegane's Clank-ified armor as it looks for Gregor, he acts nonchalantly as he gives out directions, and complains about its rudeness.
  • The Lost Lenore: Joanna Lannister for Tywin, as per canon. Invoking her is sure to rouse his wrath or send him into a lethargy.
  • Love at First Punch: Tyrion begins to fall in love with Agatha shortly after she knocked him out with a branch.
  • Mad Scientist: Agatha, natch.
  • Megaton Punch: Robert actually staggers when Agatha punches him after he insults Elia Martell.
  • The Mole: Someone in the Citadel has provided the Ironborn with notes about Agatha's cannons.
  • Mundane Object Amazement: Of all of Agatha's inventions, what really clinches it for Robert is the 'beer helmet' that allows him to drink with his hands free.
  • Murder by Cremation: Gregor Clegaine is executed this way after raping Tysha. Amory Lorch throws a bucket of lamp oil on him, swiftly followed by a torch. Gregor has just enough time to realize what's happening...
  • Must Have Caffeine:
    • Sandor likes to drink something made out of "wakebean" (obviously coffee). After Agatha first drinks some coffee, she decides she has to begin trading to get more. And then, she invents the Coffee Engine...
    • After the invention of the Coffee Engine, the people at the Westerlands begin to get hooked to the coffee it makes. And soon after, no court encounter is complete without the Engine.
  • My God, What Have I Done?:
    • Kevan Lannister, when he realizes that Agatha is much more dangerous than what she looks like.
    • Barristan Selmy when Agatha makes him see that he has been ignoring the crimes that allowed Robert to become the King.
  • My New Gift Is Lame: Cersei takes Agatha's gift of a beautifully decorated parasol with a hidden blade inside as a mocking reminder of her desire to have been born male so she could wield a real sword.
  • Mythology Gag:
    • The accidental break-up of Agatha's trilobite medallion is what triggers the resurgence of her Spark.
    • Tyrion almost kisses Tysha, but halts her when he remembers he is at Casterly Rock - and tells Tysha to learn what happened to his grandfather's mistress.
    • Tyrion threatens to destroy Casterly Rock and everything that surrounds it if anything happens to Agatha, much like Gil did towards England.
    • Sandor again feels comforted by the song of a "little bird".
    • Lynesse Hightower, upon getting married, starts to live the great life on her husband's coin.
      • She also tells her husband Stannis that he is no tourney knight who crowned her Queen of Love and Beautynote 
    • Jaime loses his hand.
    • Agatha builds a chicken legged Clank house that keeps breaking down on her she named 'Baba Yaga'.
    • Stannis comments that Agatha's dingbots seem to breed.
  • Nerd Gasm: Word of God jokingly says this is what happened when the Oldtown Maesters learned about printing presses.
  • Not Like Other Girls: Willas finds himself smitten with Agatha for this reason. He does say she is pretty but has met girls that were more so. It is her presence and attitude that are unlike any other woman he has seen before that attracts him
  • Not Me This Time: The plan Agatha uses to go help King's Landing after the Dragonpit explosion is "Response to Major Conflagration In Distant Location 7B (Not My Fault This Time, Honest)".
  • Not So Above It All: When he is alone, Stannis likes to engage in mock fights with miniature ships. He also makes "pew-pew" noises to simulate cannons firing.
  • Odd Couple: Stannis Baratheon and Lynesse Hightower.
  • Odd Friendship: Or rather odd respect, while both have a less than stellar opinion on Robert, both Agatha and Stannis have, so far, demostrated nothing if not respect for each other, Stannis even admits to himself that the way Agatha runs her camps is practical and efficient, for her part Agatha never once belittles Stannis and even admits to be jealous of him having Dragonstone, which no doubt aids in this mutual respect given how rich she made him indirectly and their talks are perfectly cordial and even downright friendly, something that would not be much for most, but given just how antisocial and prickly Stannis can be this speaks leagues of the respect he feels for her.
  • Oh, Crap!:
    • Agatha when she realizes she is no longer in Transylvania.
    • Probably one of the most hilarious ones ever written: Gregor Clegane, when he realizes he is about to be pounded into paste by his own armor.
    • Asha Greyjoy, when she finds out that Agatha was the one that created Ser Tock.
    • Littlefinger's reaction when he realizes what Agatha and co. are really capable of.
    • Ser Barristan Selmy when Agatha begins her "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
  • Outside-Context Problem: Agatha, to the rest of the Seven Kingdoms.
  • Parasol of Pain: Agatha gifts Cersei with one hiding a sword inside it as an apology for her comments. Along with a beautiful fan.
  • Poor Communication Kills: Both Agatha and Robert's argument in the throne room is due to this. Agatha did not realize that Westeros does not have the word "hospital" in its language, while Robert assumed she was asking for a memorial statue or tomb, though he admits embarrassed that he lost it when he saw Elia's name and said he should have asked what hospital actually meant first.
  • Pimped-Out Dress: Agatha's wedding dress.
  • Pity the Kidnapper: Tywin does not appear outwardly very angry when Robert takes Agatha away from his control and names her the Royal Artificer, because he knows full well what she is capable of, and bets that they'll be begging him to take her back to the Westerlands in a year at most.
  • Pragmatic Villainy: Sure, Baelish is sore his grand plan to throw the Seven Kingdoms into financial chaos is blown due to Agatha's meticulous accountancy, but her reforms open so many opportunities for enriching himself in total legality he chooses to support her anyway.
  • Rags to Riches: While not exactly rags in the truest sense, Stannis suddenly finds himself filthy rich when the Lannisters start to buy the seemingly worthless substances that Dragonstone has in abundance (sulphur, mostly).
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Agatha (in the Madness Place) lays one out on Robert when she learns that he smiled when he saw Elia Martell's and her children's bodies.
  • Replacement Goldfish: Cersei is afraid that Tywin has replaced her with Agatha, seeing the younger girl as the daughter she should have been. This fear grows worse when Agatha gets Tywin to smile. Something she had never been able to do.
  • Science Destroys Magic: Oh nay nay! Willas Tyrell learns to better appreciate the works of the Seven the more he learns about biology.
  • Sky Pirate: When Asha Greyjoy sees the first dirigible ever made in Planetos, she thinks she can become this by taking over it. See Curb-Stomp Battle for the result.
  • Squee!: King Robert loves the kettenkrads, so much that he decides to replace a tourney with kettenkrad races.
  • Superweapon Surprise: Considering Agatha's Spark, it is a given. For example, when she defends Tysha from Gregor Clegane using a blunderbuss loaded with glass.
  • Take a Third Option: See the quote on the top...
  • This Is Gonna Suck: Jaime's and Stannis' reaction when Agatha learns what happened when Robert saw Elia Martell's corpse... and later Ser Barristan's when Agatha comes to the Red Keep.
  • Toilet Humor: Agatha notes that Sandor has turned his brother's skull into a chamberpot. Later, the skull is delivered to the Martells and Oberyn uses it for that purpose as well.
  • Underestimating Badassery:
    • Littlefinger was planning to use Agatha's brilliance for his own benefit... right up until he walked in on her bringing a severed arm to life.
    • While marveling at her works, Robert believes Agatha is still like any other woman who can be wooed with pretty words and jewelry. Stannis knows after meeting her that such thinking can only end badly.
  • Undying Loyalty: Tysha is ever faithful to Agatha after Agatha saved her. As one token, after Tysha is allowed to take on a new House Name, Cogg, her House Words are "For Mistress". Sandor Clegane takes on Cogg as his House Name instead of keeping his own after marrying Tysha as part of his gratitude and loyalty to Agatha.
  • Unfortunate Names: Because Agatha introduced herself as Agatha Clay, the Lannisters assumed she was a bastard, since Clay is similar to the bastard surnames like Stone, Sand, etc. After proving her worth, the Lannisters legitimized her as Agatha Heterodyne.
  • Unusual Euphemism: Upon reading the reply to his message about Agatha being made Royal Artificer (namely the demand to build a hospital in Elia Martell's name), Robert compares the reply to having his warhammer shoved up his backside without grease.
  • Volcano Lair: Agatha refers to Dragonstone as Stannis's 'haunted volcano lair', and finds Stannis's distaste for it odd, since him having a "gargoyle-encrusted lair with geothermal potential" would have made him the envy of every Spark in Europa.
  • Water Wake Up:
    • Stannis gets his brother out of his funk after his fight with Agatha by flinging a bucket of water over him.
    • Gregor Clegane is also woken up this way. Subverted as it's a bucket of lamp oil, and subsequently, a torch instead of water.
  • Wham Line: In-Universe, at least for Tywin, when Agatha tells him that the reason she burned all bridges with Robert in such a public fashion (and ruined Tywin's plans) was because she wanted to bring up the good part of him.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Agatha gives one to Robert, combined with her "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
  • With This Ring: Agatha and Tyrion exchange rings at their wedding. This is important in several ways as they choose to do this over the traditional way with the man draping his cloak over his bride, it symbolises Tyrion's growing preference for Agatha's culture over the one he was raised in, and the fact that the rings are Valyrian steel forged just for them by the Citadel are a symbol of just how valuable Agatha is to the Maesters.
  • With Us or Against Us: Sandor tells Asha that she's soon going to have to decide whether she will join Agatha or stay with the Greyjoys, particularly since it is clear that they are about to begin their rebellion. She chooses Agatha.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Agatha tells Tywin that she know's he can be a good and great man, and plans to help him become one even if she has fight him every step of the way.
  • Zeppelins from Another World: Agatha introduces dirigibles to Westeros.
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