Fanfic / Why Am I Crying?

Why Am I Crying? Cover Picture

Why Am I Crying? is a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Fan Fic written by Rated Ponystar.

When Diamond Tiara gets hit by an out-of-control carriage and dies from her injuries, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, like everyone else in town, are shocked by this turn of events. But how do they deal with it now that the filly who did nothing but make their lives miserable is gone?

The fic is written in 12 chapters, with four comprising of an arc for each of the Crusaders.

• Apple Bloom is guilt-ridden because she wished on a star for something bad to happen to Diamond Tiara the night she died, and, after finding Diamond's diary, finds out her life story and several familiar events from her point of view.
• Sweetie Belle is frightened by the concept of death and fragility of life, especially when she learns that she too will die someday. As she wallows in her fear, she finds help in understanding and accepting death from an unexpected source.
• Scootaloo initially feels that Diamond Tiara shouldn't be missed, saying that she, like all bullies, are nothing but heartless scoundrels, but she soon finds out some surprising facts from the past about Diamond and other ponies, and realizes that it's not all black and white.

The fic not only deals with the subject of death, but other life lessons like bullying, forgiveness and class conflict/warfare.

NOTE: This fic takes place between Seasons 3 & 4, and certain plot points were disproved by the Season 5 episode "Crusaders of the Lost Mark", but it's still a good story nonetheless.

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This fic contains examples of:

• Adults Are Useless: None of the counselors at the summer camp did anything about the atrocities Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon suffered through. When the camp was shut down by Filthy Rich and Silver's mother, they admitted that the headmaster told them to keep quiet about them.
• Antagonist in Mourning: Inverted. The protagonists, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, are the ones mourning the death of their hated enemy, Diamond Tiara.
• Armor-Piercing Question
  • Apple Bloom gets into a fight with her conscience when she finds out that the incident where she first scolded Diamond Tiara, unknowingly ending their friendship, was all because of a lie by her former friends. When she tries to defend herself by saying "They were my friends. How could I not trust them?", she is stopped cold when her conscience asks back "Didn't Applejack always tell ya that there are two sides to every story?"
  • In the events following the Gabby Gums incident, what made Diamond Tiara seriously question her actions was Big Macintosh asking her "What happened to ya?"
• Alas, Poor Villain: The story's operating base. As much of a jerk she was to the CMC, Diamond Tiara's death still hit each of them pretty hard. The only exception is Scootaloo (since she felt that bullies like her deserve no sympathy) but even she gets in on that later.
• Be Careful What You Wish For: Apple Bloom wished on a star for something bad to happen to Diamond Tiara. The next day, she finds out that Diamond was killed in a carriage accident, and she spends much of the story feeling that it's all her fault. Subverted when Filthy Rich reveals to her that Diamond died at a time before there were any stars in the sky.
• Berserk Button: Scootaloo doesn't take kindly to displays of bullying, cowardice and weakness, and hates being called weak. And she doesn't like it whenever someone brings up her mother.
• Big Damn Heroes: Scootaloo saving Silver Spoon from the Daze twins when they were beating her up.
• "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word: In her diary, Diamond Tiara refers to her blackmail of the Cutie Mark Crusaders during the Gabby Gums incident as "insurance".
• Black-and-White Morality: Scootaloo, at first. She felt felt no grief or sorrow over Diamond Tiara's death because she felt that bullies deserve no sympathy and shouldn't be missed since they are (in her opinion) heartless scoundrels. The subversion comes when she finds out about Diamond's Dark and Troubled Past and realizes that it's not all black and white, as outlined above.
• Both Sides Have a Point: Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle's argument over Diamond's death. Scootaloo is right to point out that dying doesn't erase away the fact that Diamond was a bully who made their lives miserable, but Sweetie is also right to argue that Diamond still didn't deserve to die.
• Broken Bird: Diamond Tiara, who lost her mother and unborn brother, was emotionally distant from her father, and dealt with her inner pain by bullying others. The only times she ever felt truly happy was when she was hanging out with Silver Spoon and babysitting foals.
• Bully Hunter: Deconstructed. No thanks to Diamond Tiara, Scootaloo really hates bullies, so much so that she initially believes that they are incapable of any feeling or kindness, and even acts coldly to her teacher when she finds out that she was a bully in her younger years. She is eventually taught by Cheerilee not to let her hate and stresses consume her lest she become a bully herself, especially since she won't have her best friends by her side in middle school.
• Bully Turned Buddy: Scootaloo and Silver Spoon become friends at the end of the story.
• Central Theme:
  • For Apple Bloom, the feelings of guilt that come from wishing ill upon somepony.
  • For Scootaloo, whether or not to forgive somepony who caused her a lot of pain, and the consequences that may come from holding onto anger and resentment.
  • For Sweetie Belle, the fear of death and the realization that We All Die Someday.
• Close-Knit Community: This fic emphasizes how close the ponies of Ponyville are to one another. Crystal Eyes was even buried there despite having moved to Manehattan when she died.
• Covered in Mud: What finally causes Apple Bloom to remember her old friendship with Diamond Tiara is an old photo of the two playing in the Apples' pigpen when they were foals.
• Dark and Troubled Past: Diamond Tiara. Despite how you might feel about her, you can't help but pity her struggles.
• Death of a Child: The story revolves around Diamond Tiara dying in a freak accident.
• Don't You Dare Pity Me!: Scootaloo says this to Miss Cheerilee when they talk about when her mother left her.
• Dramatic Irony: Miss Cheerilee refuses to tell Scootaloo why Diamond Tiara hated poor ponies, saying that she made a promise to Diamond's father and Silver Spoon's mother that she wouldn't speak of it to anypony but their daughters. The irony is that Silver Spoon already told Scootaloo why.
• Driven to Suicide: Silver Spoon tries to jump into the middle of the road to get hit by a carriage, since Diamond Tiara died trying to save her from one. Scootaloo manages to save her before either of them get hit.
• Even Evil Has Standards
  • Silver Spoon acted cautious around Diamond Tiara for a time because of her role in the Gabby Gums incident.
  • In her diary, Diamond Tiara mentions that she didn't have it in her to taunt Dinky Hooves after her father died, saying that there's nothing funny about a child losing her parents. Apple Bloom realizes that despite all the mean things Diamond Tiara did to her, she never made fun of her dead parents.
    Diamond Tiara: (in her diary) I may say a lot of mean things, I may do a lot of mean things, but there are lines you don't cross. Ever. You don't ever cross those lines. If I really was that cruel, I would have made fun of Apple Bloom's parents a long time ago.
• Everybody Knew Already: Early in the story, Scootaloo expressed relief that Diamond Tiara or anypony else in town never knew about her mother leaving her. She later finds out from Miss Cheerilee that everypony knew about it when it happened, but nopony told her out of pity.
• Everyone Has Standards: Scootaloo is incensed at the Daze twins for beating up Silver Spoon, noting that for all the stuff she and Diamond Tiara did to her and her friends, she at least never got physical with them.
• Evil Former Friend: Diamond Tiara was Apple Bloom's best friend when they were foals, but Apple Bloom forgot about her in the three years Diamond lived in Manehattan and they became enemies after Apple Bloom accused her of being a rich brat to her old friends because of a misunderstanding.
• Excessive Mourning: Filthy Rich did this following the death of his wife and unborn son, so much that he deliberately ignored his daughter because she looked so much like her.
• Excrement Statement: At the summer camp, a gang of older colts urinated on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon while taunting that they would "make good toilets".
• Experimented in College: In the epilogue, it is shown that Sweetie Belle dated a lot of colts, and even experimented in dating filly Berry Pinch.
• Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: While reading through Diamond Tiara's diary, Apple Bloom remembers that she was away at a family reunion when Diamond returned to Ponyville and that her friends told her that somepony bullied them when she came home. In the middle of remembering these events, she realizes that these incidents lead to the moment that she "met" Diamond and Silver Spoon and discovered the shocking truth behind it.
  Apple Bloom: (thinking) No. No, it couldn't be!
• Forgiveness: The driving force of Scootaloo's arc is her struggling on whether or not to forgive Diamond Tiara on for all the horrible things she did to her and other fillies and colts. At her funeral, she decides that she can't forgive her (at least not yet), but that she doesn't hate her anymore. She finally does forgive her when she visits her grave years later.
• The Gambling Addict: Part of the reason that Crimson is so poor is that he much of the money he earns is going toward paying his gambling debts.
• Graying Morality: Scootaloo initially believes that all bullies are born bad and are incapable of changing their ways. But after hearing from Miss Cheerilee that she was once a cruel bully before becoming a kindhearted teacher and learning of Diamond Tiara's Hidden Heart of Gold, she realizes that they can change for the better.
• Groin Attack: While at the horrible summer camp, Diamond Tiara kicked the older colt giving her a swirlie in the private parts to escape him.
• Heroic Sacrifice: Diamond Tiara was killed when saving Silver Spoon from getting hit by a loose carriage.
• Hidden Heart of Gold: Diamond Tiara had a good side she didn't like to make public; she was secretly a great foalsitter, had healthy friendship with Silver Spoon and showed sympathy to Dinky Hooves following her father's death.
• Ignored Epiphany: During the Gabby Gums incident, Diamond Tiara actually considered stopping the gossip column when the Crusaders claimed it was hurting other ponies, but decided against it, not only because it was successful (everypony was reading it, after all), but also because her father praised her for its success. She would regret that decision later.
• Inelegant Blubbering:
  • Miss Cheerilee did this in the past when she was an assistant teacher at a summer school, after a smart filly told her that she wanted to grow up to be a kind teacher like her. It was at that moment where she finally realized the monster she had become, and she went home to her family begging them to forgive everything she had done. She does it again in the present when describing that event to Scootaloo.
  • Apple Bloom does this when her forgotten memories of her old friendship with Diamond Tiara finally came back to her, and she fell to the floor crying that she forgot, betrayed and "murdered" her first and oldest friend.
  • Filthy Rich does it several times. First, when he was a drunken mess ranting about how he drove a wedge between him and his daughter. Secondly, when Apple Bloom shows him an entry in Diamond's diary showing that she still loved him in spite of it. And finally, he does it at her casket at the funeral, so much that Big Macintosh has to help him off the podium.
• It's All My Fault
  • Apple Bloom feels like she's responsible for Diamond Tiara's death because of the wish she made. Filthy Rich reminds her that it wasn't her fault because Diamond died in surgery at 5:13pm, before there were any stars in the sky.
  • Filthy Rich believes that it was his fault that his daughter died because he drove a wedge in their relationship by ignoring her.
• I Wished You Were Dead: Apple Bloom thinks her wish killed Diamond Tiara.
• Kick the Dog
  • While at a corrupt summer camp, a group of older colts bullied Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon by, among other things, dunking their heads in toilets, peeing on them, burning Silver's teddy bear in a campfire, and tying Silver to a tree with her glasses broken, for no other reason than that they're rich.
  • Green and Shady Daze kicking and beating on Silver Spoon enough to land her in the hospital.
• Laxative Prank: Played for Drama. While she was a bully in high school, Miss Cheerilee fed Scootaloo's father Crimson a drug that made him get diarrhea in the cafeteria in front of the whole school. Because of that, Crimson's parents took him out of school and Cheerilee got suspended.
• Littlest Cancer Patient: Shoestring Catch, a colt dying of cancer, who Sweetie Belle is introduced to in her dreams by Princess Luna to help her understand death.
• The Lost Lenore: Crystal Eyes, Filthy Rich's wife and Diamond Tiara's mother.
• Missing Mom:
  • Diamond Tiara's mother Crystal Eyes died in a train crash... while she was pregnant, no less!
  • Scootaloo's mother walked (or flew) out on her and her father.
• Morality Pet: Silver Spoon appeared to be this to Diamond Tiara; she once tried to talk her out of mocking other ponies and was quite shocked at her actions from "Ponyville Confidential".
• Mortality Phobia: Sweetie Belle gets this hard when she realizes the fragility of life, that she too will pass on someday, and no one really knows what happens after death.
• Never Speak Ill of the Dead: Sweetie Belle chews out Scootaloo for not feeling sad over the fact that Diamond died. Later, Scootaloo wonders if she is being a jerk for not feeling anything, but Miss Cheerilee tells her not to let anypony tell her how she should feel.
  Sweetie Belle: Are you saying it's alright for ponies you're not friends with to just drop dead and not care about them at all?! It's not right for her to die so young! It's not right for anypony to die! This isn't something you can throw away, Scootaloo, and you're being horrible!
  Scootaloo: I'm horrible?! She was the one who was horrible! I can't think of a single good thing about her, and yet you're acting like she was your best friend when she was nothing more than a jerk! I'm not saying I'm glad she's dead, but why should I care?!
  Sweetie Belle: Because somepony died!
• No Sympathy
  • While she isn't necessarily happy about it, Scootaloo initially doesn't care that Diamond Tiara is dead due to all the bullying Diamond put her and her friends through. She gets better.
  • Green and Shady Daze, on the other hand, make it quite clear that they're glad Diamond's dead, and they mercilessly beat up Silver Spoon while saying that she should have died as well.
• "Not So Different" Remark: Miss Cheerilee points out that Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara are very similar - their mothers left them when they were young, their fathers are always working and barely have enough time for them, and they both hate members of their opposite social classes, but they also had loyal friends by their side. The difference is that, while Diamond dealt with her pain by lashing out at others, Scootaloo kept her anger bottled in.
• One Side of the Story: When Apple Bloom met with Diamond Tiara again after forgetting about her in the three years she was gone, she took her old friends' account of what happened between her and them and told her to back off when Diamond asked for her to listen to her side of the story. Seeing Diamond's side detailed in her diary made Apple Bloom deeply regretful, blaming herself for her transformation into a bully.
• Outliving One's Offspring: Filthy Rich loses his daughter Diamond Tiara in a carriage accident, and before that, his unborn son in the train accident that killed his wife.
• Papa Wolf: Filthy Rich avenged his daughter's cruel treatment at the summer camp by having the camp shut down and suing the families of the bullies responsible. Silver Spoon's mother did the same, so she's a Mama Bear.
• Parental Abandonment: Scootaloo's mother walked out on her when she was five, something she holds a deep grudge against her for.
• Peaceful in Death: Diamond Tiara's body in the casket at her funeral. The Crusaders take special notice of her smile, a calm and joyous one rather that the malicious one she usually sported, and declare her the "real" Diamond Tiara.
• Persona Non Grata: Because of the Gabby Gums incident, Rarity banned Diamond Tiara from her shop (precisely for spreading lies about her and blackmailing her sister into doing it), and Mr. and Mrs. Joyous forbade her from sitting their foal because they didn't want him acquainted with a "manipulative liar".
• Pet the Dog: Diamond Tiara showed empathy to Dinky Hooves when her father was killed while serving in the military. She also foalsat in secret, and frequently looked after the Cake twins.
• Potty Failure: Sweetie Belle wets her bed after having a nightmare of Death coming to get her.
• Precision F-Strike: During a drunken rant, Filthy Rich tells Big Macintosh "Buck you!".
• Punny Name: Diamond Tiara's deceased mother is named Crystal Eyes, a pun on the word "crystallize".
• Rage Breaking Point: Diamond Tiara, after suffering through so many hardships, snapped and became a bully after Apple Bloom, her old friend who had forgotten about her, chewed her out over a misunderstanding.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech:
  • The Daze twins give a harsh one to Silver Spoon over how much she and Diamond Tiara hurt the other kids with their bullying while beating her up.
  Silver Spoon: I-I-I...know I was cruel, but I didn't—
  Shady Daze: Know? Know?! You know nothing! All you ever did to us "blank flanks" was make our lives miserable! You know how many fillies and colts you sent home crying? You know how many ponies hate you? You should just crawl under a rock and die! That way, you and Diamond Tiara can both be friends again in Tartarus!
  • Apple Bloom gets an inner speech from her own conscience when she understands how unhappy Diamond Tiara felt inside and how she wanted to leave Ponyville to be her own pony.
  Apple Bloom: Was she really unhappy here? But why didn't she try to change it? Or seek new friends? I would have been her friend.
  Apple Bloom's Conscience: Would you? Or would you think of her like a rich brat that y'all often call them nobles up in Canterlot?
  Apple Bloom: That's different! I wasn't like that!
  Apple Bloom's Conscience: Really? Remember the entry of your fateful reunion? How you ignored everything she said because of what you assumed?
  Apple Bloom: My friends at the time lied to me! They were my friends, how was I not supposed to defend them?!
  Apple Bloom's Conscience: Didn't Applejack always teach you there are two sides to every story?
• Rebuilt Pedestal: Scootaloo loses all respect for Miss Cheerilee when the latter admits she was a horrible bully during High School, with Scoot's own father having been one of her targets, and refuses to believe that her teacher changed for the better. It's only in the later chapters that Scootaloo begins to regain her respect after learning and accepting that bullies can indeed change.
• Reformed Bully:
  • Miss Cheerilee was a horrible bully in high school, something she regrets with all her being. She liked to bully Crimson, Scootaloo's father, in particular, even once giving him a pill that gave him diarrhea in front of the entire cafeteria, which resulted in her suspension. The next time she sees Crimson, she promises him that she has changed her ways and apologizes for everything she did to him.
  • Filthy Rich was one to Big Macintosh when they were younger, similar to Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom respectively, but they're now very good friends.
• Speak Ill of the Dead: The Daze brothers make it perfectly clear that they don't like Diamond Tiara at all.
  Shady Daze: (to Silver Spoon) I wish the carriage killed both of you! The world is better off with Diamond Tiara dead and rotting in the ground! They should just put her in a ditch and bury it unmarked so the worms can eat her pretty little face! Nopony would care! Well, maybe you, but then again, you both are horrible ponies who deserve worse!
• Stranger in a Familiar Land: One of the reasons Diamond Tiara fell toward becoming a bully was because after she moved back to Ponyville after living in Manehattan for three years, she found that her former friends, including her best friend Apple Bloom, had forgotten about her within that time period.
• Strong Family Resemblance: A very sad deconstruction of the trope. Diamond Tiara strongly resembles her deceased mother; her father Filthy Rich became distant toward her after her mother's death because looking at her reminded him too much of his late wife. He deeply regrets this later, when he realizes that she became a bully in part because he was neglecting her.
• Swirlie: One of the hardships Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon suffered from bullies at a hellish summer camp was them dunking their heads in the toilets and making them lick the rims.
• Survivor's Guilt: Silver Spoon feels this way because Diamond Tiara died trying to save her from an oncoming carriage.
• Tell Me About My Father: Apple Bloom's family always shied away from telling her about her parents' deaths whenever she tried asking them. Near the end, however, Granny Smith sees that she had grown up from her experiences over these past few days and decides that it's finally time to tell her.
• Then Let Me Be Evil: Diamond Tiara, after getting tortured at summer camp and getting being accused by her former best friend Apple Bloom of bullying her old friends all because she was perceived as a "rich brat", snapped and decided to show everypony how bad a "rich brat" could be, starting with the filly who hurt her the most, Apple Bloom.
• Title Drop: Scootaloo thinks to herself, "Why am I crying?" when she comforts Silver Spoon following the latter's suicide attempt.
• Wham Line
  • When Miss Cheerilee arrives late to the schoolhouse and delivers some grim news to her students about Diamond Tiara getting hit by a carriage.
  Cheerilee: I'm sorry, class, but...Diamond Tiara...died last night from her injuries.
  • When Scootaloo asks her father Crimson why he was acting so fearful of Miss Cheerilee, and he responds by reminding her of the bullies that tortured him in his school days.
  Crimson: Your teacher, Cheerilee, she was one of them. She was one of the bullies from the past. In fact, she was the worst of them all.
  • While Apple Bloom is reading Diamond Tiara's diary and reads a devastating entry. It was alluded to before, but it still has an impact.
  Mommy is dead. My brother is dead.
  • While Scootaloo was arguing with Miss Cheerilee about the potential that she might become a bully like she did in middle school, she tries to say that it won't happen because she'll have her best friends by her side, only to find out that it won't be the case.
  Scootaloo: If you're afraid I'm going to be like you when I'm in middle school, you're mistaken! I'm—!
  Cheerilee: Going to be all alone when you head to middle school!
  • After Applebloom confesses to Filthy Rich about the wish she made, he tells her that Diamond Tiara died at a time when there were no stars in the sky, in surgery, and the time was 5:13 pm. Applebloom made her wish at 6:00 pm, by that time, Diamond Tiara was already gone.
  Filthy Rich: Diamond Tiara was hurt by an accident. She died in surgery just as the sun was setting, long before any stars could be seen. My daughter died in surgery at 5:13 PM. It's a time that will stay with me forever.
• "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: The last chapter takes place years later when the Crusaders are teenagers, and we learn the fates of major players in the story:
  • Scootaloo has been told by an expert what she had feared, that her wings would never grow to be like that of a normal pegasus, and her father had moved to Las Pegasus to become a card dealer so he can pay off his gambling debts. But she was adopted by Miss Cheerilee so she wouldn't be put in a foster home, got her cutie mark, and is now the captain of her school's soccer team. Plus, she finally finds it in her heart to forgive Diamond Tiara.
  • Silver Spoon had to put up with a lot of shit as a filly, and is seeing a therapist to help her deal with the trauma of her best friend dying before her eyes. In the future, she appears to be moving on from her experiences; she is no longer a bully and is friends with Scootaloo, she appears to be moving on from her trauma since she's visiting Diamond's grave only once a month now, is the student body president of her high school, and has received a promising scholarship to a college in Baltimare.
  • Filthy Rich retired and sold his various assets to relatives, and donated his wealth to charities and his friends the Apples to help with their farm. He later died of a stroke, but he's now in the great beyond, reunited with his beloved family.
  • Shoestring Catch died of cancer three months after he first spoke to Sweetie Belle, but she got to fulfill his dying wish to have a girlfriend before he passed on.
• Workaholic: Filthy Rich always insisted on working because he was, in his own words, afraid of his daughter due to her looking so much like his dead wife, which ultimately strained their relationship.
• You Are Not Alone: Apple Bloom shows Filthy Rich that he's not the only one who misses Diamond Tiara and that he has ponies by his side to help him get through his sorrows.
  Filthy Rich: Thank you. You're right. I'm not alone. If anything, seeing you and everypony else mourning my daughter makes me realize that.
• You Did Every Thing You Could: At Diamond's funeral, Big Macintosh comforts Filthy Rich while he's fretting about pushing his daughter away, saying that he tried his best for his family, just as his own parents did.

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