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Fanfic / Stupid Devil Dog

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Stupid Devil Dog by The Real Lee is here is a The Familiar of Zero fic with a very different Saito. Saito Hiraga is the third son of a Japanese-American military family, who raised in a very regimented lifestyle, always pushing him to do his best. Saito has been training to join the military for years, when one day he goes to bed and wakes up in front of a pink-haired girl.

Saito is not pleased as he tries dealing being Trapped in Another World with a spoiled noble and trying to maintain his identity.


Comes recommended on The Familiar of Zero fanfic rec page

After a hiatus of two years it was finally recently updated.


  • Bullying a Dragon: Malicorne tries to make Saito get out of his seat even though Saito has already defeated two students (and three accredited mages but he doesn't know that).
  • Comically Missing the Point:
    Saito: I'm from a different world. In a country called the United States. It's a Republic.
    Derflinger: A Republic? Is that a joke?
    Saito: I just said I'm from a different world, and the thing that's shocking is that it's a Republic? Really?
  • Contrived Coincidence: Saito attacks Mott at roughly the same time Siesta is arriving to be his new maid/slave.
  • Cool Plane: The "Dragon's Raiment", which in this fic is a Vietnam-era F-4E Phantom II fighter jet.
  • Corrupt Church: The Church of Brimir wiped out villages for worshiping their God differently.
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  • Cultural Posturing: Saito brags in to nobles that in his world they bathe once a day
  • Combat Pragmatist: Saito, constantly using superior firepower and tricks to win his fights.
    "Dishonorable means using a human shield, it would be me using these people as a wall between you and me. Throwing paprika (into your eyes), that was just being pragmatic."
  • Deliberate Values Dissonance: Saito is appalled by how nobles treat anyone that works under them.
    • Headmaster Oswald and Louise were horrified to learn that Saito and the dead soldier who brought the Staff of Destruction are Protestant.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: For stealing a student's wand, the students family orders Saito's death.
  • Entertainingly Wrong: Louise figures Saito must have come from a wealthy family. How else could he possibly afford to bathe everyday?
  • Extreme Omnisexual: While under the effects of a love potion, Saito in love with whoever he's looking at shortly after Louise dispels it, regardless of gender or species.
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  • Fix Fic: Said by the author himself.
  • Foreshadowing: Colbert mentions a dragon whose blood is a clear orange and oddly flammable. Said "dragon" is later shown to be a fighter jet and the blood is jet fuel.
  • Genre Savvy: Saito.
  • Give Me Back My Knife: Conrad tried pickpocketing Saito. Not a smart idea
  • Happiness in Slavery: Averted. Saito does not put up with Louise's antics, and even calls her out on it.
    • Saito notes his runes might hasten the effect.
  • Insistent Terminology: Saito is not a Familiar, thank you very much. He eventually settles on being Louise's Ally; even Louise ends up thinking of him as such.
  • "It" Is Dehumanizing: In Louise's narration, she consistently calls Saito "the familiar" or "it." Which Saito calls her out on, since she doesn't even see him as human.
  • Jerkass: Saito. It's still unclear (specially considering the disonance between his actions during flashbacks and the present) if he is a Jerk with a Heart of Gold.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: Saito again. Many times he looks like the Only Sane Man.
  • Know When to Fold 'Em: Saito flees from Andre rather than fight since (as Saito put it), the man uses fire magic and they were in a large flammable building.
  • Military Brat: Saito, along with his brother and sister, Ben and Megumi.
  • Muggles Do It Better: At one point Louise compares Saito's bed (with a memory foam mattress) to sleeping on a cloud.
  • No Sympathy: Louise has none for Saito, especially since she ripped him from his home.
    • In canon, Kirche used her familiar to drag Saito to her bedroom, where she was awaiting to try and ravish him. When she does this in this timeline, Saito dodges and throws Flame out a several-story window. He then drags it back up to her room, kicks down the door, and tells her that if she tries that again, he will kill her and the familiar, not even noticing her charms. Granted, it's because he thinks she was trying to assassinate him after having already survived several attempts... but still!
    • Subverted when Louise actually takes Saito's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to heart and thinks of the implications of dragging him into her world.
  • Not So Different: Saito and Louise have a number of things in common that define their characters: both are the youngest of three children, though Saito gets along with his siblings while Louise's eldest sister is a heartless bully and the middle sister is kindly, but also sickly; they both have strict, domineering mothers whom they both fear and admire; both have a somewhat bratty demeanor—Saito being a Military Brat and Louise behaving like a Spoiled Brat; and they both have quite nasty tempers.
  • Nothing Personal: Gerald attempts to kill Saito because he was ordered too. Personally he thought whipping him would be sufficient.
  • Omniglot: Saito can speak English, Japanese and French.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: It shows how furious Saito is at Montmorency and Guiche for stealing his money that he temporarily breaks out of his potion induced love of Tabitha to verbally rip them a new one. Previously, he'd only managed it to keep himself from killing someone.
  • Ordered Apology: Louise ineffectively orders Saito to apologize to Guiche in the middle of their deal. He refuses.
  • O.C. Stand-in: Tropes Are Not Bad, as Saito is much more sympathetic and developed than canon Saito as he realizes something is seriously wrong with the situation and tries to rectify it.
  • Pet the Dog: Louise takes Saito to the infirmary and pays for a healer.
    • Gerald, after outright saying he's there to assassinate him, asks Saito why he isn't attacking. Saito notes the inn behind him (Gerald) saying he doesn't want the fight to go in there. Gerald promptly moves away from it.
  • Reality Ensues: When Gerald's familiar grab's Saito's pistol by the barrel and bounds off, the shaking causes the gun to go off, shooting said familiar in the head.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Saito tears Louise a new one, when she tries to stop him from leaving Tristain Academy. She's only stopping him because her reputation would go in the tubes if he leaves:
    Saito: "I'm leaving because you ripped me out of my home, my family, my friends, my future, my life. I'm leaving because your terrible magic is twisting my mind, and wiping memories out of my head. Hell, you probably didn't even consider that I had a life before I got here. You are insensitive and self-centered. I'm leaving and nothing you do can stop me."
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Days in after being summoned, Saito decides to leave, rather than deal with Louise's treatment.
  • Technical Pacifist: Saito. He does walk around carrying a lot of guns (even a missile launcher!), but tries to avoid killing people.
  • Tempting Fate: Saito after his duel with Guiche:
    Saito: Relax, I seriously doubt that I can piss someone off enough to start another fight.
    6 hours later
    "I, Roger Armagnac de Fézensaguet challenge you to a duel!"
  • Translator Microbes: Averted. Saito never needs the translation spell, since he already speaks French.
  • Tomato in the Mirror: Some time after Saito returns to Tristain Academy, Louise, Guiche and Kirche discuss on how his behavior is questionable, something that, given the arguments on the table, even the reader might agree on. He starts wondering to himself how he became that much of an asshole.
  • Took a Level in Kindness: Saito eventually evolves from a Jerkass to a Jerk with a Heart of Gold.
  • The Ugly Guy's Hot Daughter: People are very surprised that Jessica's father is Scarron.
  • Weirdness Magnet: Saito for Let's You and Him Fight situations.
  • Yandere: Saito turns into one when he drinks a love potion, but subverted since every time Louise uses Dispel, he falls in love with someone different (Louise, Tabitha and Guiche, in that order).

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