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Fanfic / Nine Men and a Little Lady

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Nine Men and a Little Lady, by Kielle, with help from Kerrie Smith, is the classic short story about a Parody Sue in the The Lord of the Rings fandom. Kielle wrote this in 2002, after the first movie spawned a flood of awful fan stories about an extra girl. Kielle's parody supposes that they are all the same girl.

She changes her name, appearance, and origin story whenever she wants. She lusts for several men, but mostly wants Legolas. Somehow, Mary Sue joins the Fellowship. Among her powers, she can momentarily force others Out of Character, forcing them to adore her. When they escape her influence, they reveal what they really think about her.


Nine Men and a Little Lady provides examples of:

  • Accidental Hero: Gollum inadvertently saves the day by eating Mary Sue. Gollum had mistaken her references to her "precious" as meaning the Ring.
  • Bait-and-Switch Comparison: In her journal, Galadriel compares Mary Sue with the One Ring.
    Today, the Fellowship moves on. A great evil passes from my domain, and a vast dank shadow lifts from the hearts of my people.
    Oh, and the One Ring is leaving, too.
  • Deliberately Distressed Damsel: Mary Sue likes to get hurt, so her love interest can heal her. "Ooo! I could get injured again, that would be great!" She would want orcs to kidnap her, but not if it takes her away from the plot.
  • Fix Fic: Parodied when Mary Sue tries to save characters from death. She does save Gandalf, in Moria. To restore canon, Gandalf kills himself by falling on his sword. Later, Boromir dies on schedule, and Gimli sits on Mary Sue so she can't resurrect Boromir.
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  • Heinz Hybrid: If all her claims are true, Mary Sue is an elf, a Dúnadan, a "Part Unicorn", a human from Earth, and also a hobbit.
  • Holy Hand Grenade: When the Company encounters orcs and troll in Moria, Mary Sue summons "holy light" and defeats the whole group. This annoys Gimli, who would like to kill a few, but now has no one to attack.
  • Humanoid Abomination: Mary Sue looks human, but her appearance, name, and backstory keep changing, and being around her entrances others so they all focus on her. Only being away from her for a long time (like Merry and Pippin) or having other protection (like Vilya for Elrond) allows people to see how unnatural and illogical she really is.
  • I Have Many Names: Mary Sue keeps changing her name: Kaszia, Kirthia, Aragwen, Tanja, Jeriah, Selina, Tathalia, Rilliana, Berel, Ravyne, Myrishna, Aelithea. This confuses the other characters. Her part of the story is "Mary Sue's Journal".
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  • Inconsistent Coloring: Mary Sue's appearance is inconsistent between appearances, being combined with Kaleidoscope Hair. Her eyes have been reported as "violet", "crystal-blue", "emerald-green", or some other color. This baffles Sam when he tries to write a love poem.
    Myrishna (or was it Aelithea?) had eyes like stars,
    Or maybe emeralds...or were they pale?
    But her hair was like mithril!
    Or night...or sunshine...or maybe ale.
  • "It" Is Dehumanizing: Elrond's section refers to Mary Sue as 'it' to emphasize that Elrond sees her as a Humanoid Abomination.
  • Just Eat Gilligan: The whole problem in this fan fiction is Mary Sue, so the other characters should just get rid of her. Legolas is smart enough to want to murder Mary Sue; he doesn't, only because he can't Make It Look Like an Accident. Gollum ends the story by literally eating Mary Sue.
  • Kaleidoscope Hair: Mary Sue's hair is "flame-red", but later it is "silver". Boromir states that her hair changes color.
  • Love Triangle: Mary Sue loves Legolas, Aragorn, and the hobbits, but mostly Legolas. (If she's not a Harem Seeker, she's annoyingly inconsistent about whom she wants.) This is all one way; the men never love her except when she uses her powers to take them Out of Character.
  • Medium Awareness: The characters know that they are in a story from a book. Legolas writes, "Gimli doesn't even LIKE me until sometime past the middle of this book." Sam knows that they skipped Tom Bombadil and some of Galadriel's presents. Gandalf and Gimli try to keep the plot on the rails.
  • Multiple-Choice Past: Mary Sue has multiple, and entirely contradictory, backstories.
  • Parody Sue
  • Random Encounters: Legolas complains about a "random orc" that attacks Mary Sue. "They tend to pop up around her."
  • Sailor Earth: Mary Sue is the Tenth Walker of the Fellowship.
  • Shapeshifting: This explains how Mary Sue changes not only her eye color and hair color, but her whole race. Mary Sue mentions shapeshifting when she compares herself to Éowyn. "Can she shapeshift? Huh! I thought not."
  • Speaks Fluent Animal: Mary Sue can talk to horses, but the horse in question doesn't like her attention. Bill the Pony left at Moria because he wanted to "bite her fingers off" if she kept at it.
  • Take That!: Kielle uses Sam to attack the movie. First, Sam knows that they skipped Tom Bombadil. Second, Sam insists that Galadriel still gives presents to Sam and the others, even though "that scene got cut out to make Frodo look more special."
  • Trapped in Another World: Mary Sue also claims to be a "teenager from Earth".
  • A True Story in My Universe: Kielle has found the journals of several characters, and presents them as evidence of a Tenth Walker in the Fellowship. This is partly implausible: Merry wrote while tied up by orcs, and Bill the Pony wrote a journal despite being a speechless and illiterate horse. A past storyteller removed Mary Sue from the story, leaving only nine men in the Fellowship.


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