Love's Heartstrings is one of infamous Fan Fic writer Sue Mary's stories. Stating that she didn't have enough "romanse" in her fanfiction, she wrote what is certainly the romantic drama of the ages... and chose Hannah Montana and Po of Kung Fu Panda as the star-crossed lovers.
The "story" begins with both Hannah and Po both feeling that they "lack the happy tru relashunships", but a chance encounter at "Tarbucks" over a cup of "Coughy" changes everything. Impressed by Po's ability to save John McClane from terrorists, Hannah agrees to go on a date with him. After a dinner at "Red Loster" and an inexplicable cameo by
MC King Kong Mushi "Da Ocopose Guy from Prappa Rappa", they are firmly in love. But Hannah's abusive and alcoholic father Billy Ray Cyrus Rubray Cryust interferes and causes a horrible tragedy.
As one can imagine from that summary, Love's Heartstrings is chock-full of Narm, Rouge Angles of Satin, and features the most bizarre examples of Ron the Death Eater and Draco in Leather Pants ever seen in fanfiction.
This fanfic provides examples Of:
- Bestiality Is Depraved: Billy Ray Cyrus rapes Po.
- Big "NO!": Though it's actually spelled as a "Big Moo".
- Black Comedy Rape: Unintentional, but the idea of Billy Ray Cyrus raping Po is just too narmy to be taken seriously.
- Cameo: "The Guy from Dye Hard", "Da Ocapose Guy from Prappa Rappa", and even Nurse Ratched appear in the story for no reason other than perceived Author Appeal.
- Crack Pairing / Crossover Couple: Hannah and Po.
- Disappeared Dad: After raping Po, Billy Ray Cyrus "went gone". He returns for a final showdown at the story's conclusion.
- Funetik Aksent: A staple of Sue Mary's stories.
- I Am Not Shazam: Po is only called by his actual name once in the whole story. Every other time he's referred to as some misspelled variant of Kung Fu Panda (and one other time as Poo).
- Non-Indicative Name: About halfway through the story, the words "Chapter 3: The Kung-Fu King of Kackistan" appear. There is never a Kung Fu King or a place called Kackistan mentioned again.
- Rape as Drama: Attempted, see Black Comedy Rape.
- Double Standard: Rape, Male on Male: Double-subverted, in effect?
- The Power of Love: Hannah and Po use this to defeat
- Unusual Euphemism: During the final battle, Billy Ray Cyrus "aws naked and they could see his huge 'kelp bunny'."
- It gives "the mancarrot" a run for its money.
- Word Salad Title: Both Love's Heartstrings and Chapter 3: The Kung-Fu King of Kackistan.