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Fan Fic / Hell Is a Martial Artist

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A crossover fanfic between Ranma ½ and Ah! My Goddess (with brief cameos from Sailor Moon and Mahou Sensei Negima!) where the back-stage of the Ranma Universe is explored mostly through the eyes of Hild, the Daimakaicho, and Queen of Hell. Fair warning, what she ultimately finds is... not pretty, and manages to completely piss her off, and this is a woman who doesn't bat an eyelash at sentencing mass murderers, child rapists, and war criminals (or some people who are all three at once), to eternal punishment.


Can be found here.

Hell Is a Martial Artist provides examples of:

  • Above Good and Evil: Ranma manages to do this, sympathetically. (S)he does not care about who's in the right or how "justice will prevail." All that truly matters is that fights are fair, and that the strong do not bully the weak though Ranma is not above a bit of tactical deception. To drive the point home, one chapter has Ranma confront a demon (accidentally summoned by Gosubinki). Once the demon's surrendered, Ranma asks what the game plan was, and rather than chew out the demon on its goal, simply states why the goal (world domination) is unachievable, in simple, practical terms, without caring for the demon's motives one way or another, and even secured the demon's services on a later date with a genuine offer of mutual benefit.
  • Abusive Dad: Both Genma and Soun qualify.
    • Soun sees nothing wrong with hitting his daughter, Akane, on the head with a wooden mallet and dragging her unconscious form to an altar to force her and Ranma into a Shotgun Wedding, and does it twice.
    • Genma is even more so than in official canon. While most parents suffer Anger Born of Worry when their children fail to return home on time, their anger shifts to whomever brutalized their children when said children come home clearly battered. Not so with Genma. When Genma, waiting on the roof of the Tendo Dojo for Ranma's return, a day late sees Ranma approach, clothes in tatters, and clearly distraught due to being smacked around like a ragdoll during Evangeline's "magic lesson". Genma sees Ranma's battered condition as proof that "he got beat" which Genma immediately considers a second offense that he needs to beat out of the boy, and outright tries to beat Ranma down with physical force. It takes Ranma using magic on Genma to defend himself, and the threat of never getting a cure for the Jusenkyo curse to make Genma stop.
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  • Abusive Mom: Nodoka is painted in a far worse light in the fanfic than in official canon. In fact, all her in-canon, official positive points are interpreted as purely being a facade she displays to the general public. She doesn't see Ranma as her child, but as a template on which she can force her ideal of a "real man" and constantly threatens Ranma with decapitation if he doesn't comply, never once trying to connect with him in any kind of parental or motherly manner, or getting to know Ranma's actual personality. Nodoka also borders on being a Female Misogynist because she thinks a "real man" is a sex-crazed Harem Seeker and demands that not only Ranma should marry Akane, for the sake of producing an heir for the dojo, but treat all the other Arranged Marriage fiances that Genma rounded up through his in-canon despicable acts as concubines and mistresses to crank out children like they're going out of style. Or else. Completely ignoring how none of the girls are keen on the idea.
  • Adaptational Villainy: While he's more helpful to Ranma, Happosai isn't merely a Dirty Old Man but an agent of hell who tempts women towards corruption via perversion. He notes that he's stolen one woman's underwear so many times that not only is she getting used to going without, but is starting to get turned on by it.
  • Arbitrary Skepticism: Although the story begins before Ranma encounters Saffron, Nabiki has already witnessed, first hand, numerous supernatural entities and hi-jinks, many of them with loud, dramatic, sarcastic confessions, that turned out to be true. She has also heard credible reports, and seen the aftermath of numerous battles between the Tendo Dojo martial artists and the supernatural, or other martial artists so gifted that it doesn't matter, some of whom are Ranma's "fiances" or relatives of said "fiances." Yet, when Hild claims to be the Daimakaicho, it doesn't raise any red flags for her, of any kind.
  • Attempted Rape: Not only does Nabiki have a history of selling Ranma, naked, female, and in chains, to sex-slavers in Hong Kong, to cover her own debts, but when Hild takes Ranma on a tour to a swanky night-club that's really a front for organized crime, Ranma forces her way into a back-door where she saw a woman clearly taken against her will, only to find said woman bound to a table, naked, and in clear distress, with one of the club's large, strong, and male, bodyguards, also naked, bearing down on her. Ranma teaches the club owner, and the bouncers who set it up the error of their ways. Then Hild shows up to collect on the owner's "debt."
  • Because You Were Nice to Me: Throughout the entire story, Ranma latches onto Hild like a lamprey to a Great White because she's the first person ever who stopped to consider how (s)he felt about anything, and actually gives Ranma a choice in every situation and gets Ranma's informed consent for each and every thing she does, even when Hild admits that she's using Ranma as a toy, Ranma still insists that Hild's the best mother figure he's ever had, because she gave Ranma a choice as opposed to "this is the way it is and you'll not only do it, but like it" like everyone else in Ranma's life has treated him.
    • Hild had been toying with Ranma for her own amusement with the intention of one day breaking him and remolding her into a succubus. But all of that changed and she started genuinely caring for Ranma after he made her a mother's day card.
    • Another key point in Ranma deciding to follow Hild is that she, unlike literally everyone else he knows, shows him how to relate to his female half and begin loving all of himself, encouraging to stop thinking of the curse as a drawback and more of the vast possibilities it offers. This culminates in Ranma deciding not to divest himself of the curse when he has the chance, recognizing it as part of himself, putting him at odds with his parents, who treat it mostly as a hindrance at best and a deformity at worst.
  • Big Brother Instinct: There is but one thing that will make Ranma truly murderous, threatening a child and letting him find out about it. When Hild introduced Ranma to the damned soul of a mass-murderer, war-criminal and child-rapist, whose victims would consider themselves lucky if he merely killed them off when he got bored, Ranma exuded enough killing intent to terrify Hild. The only reason Ranma doesn't do anything is because the guy is already dead. Though he does tell the spirit that he's lucky Hild got to him first before letting the guy suffer his "just punishment." This is also used as a partial justification for Ranma's official canon decision to kill Saffron, as the arrogant phoenix was attacking the very young daughter of the Jusenkyo guide.
  • Big Damn Heroes: When Ranma-chan sees a woman being dragged off to the "Red Room" at a club, knowing that it's a room for patrons to have sex, she bursts in and beats the hell out of everyone involved, saving the woman from being raped by the yakuza boss that arranged her father's death..
  • Boxing Lessons for Superman: Ranma becomes a martial arts instructor for the Sailor Senshi.
  • Bully Hunter: As in the original canon, Ranma loathes bullies with a passion. When he stumbles upon Beldandy, Urd, and Skuld confronting Hild, he voices his displeasure, because it's a fight of three on one, despite not intending to intervene, until Urd, offended, decides to "teach him some manners." She gets blasted over the horizon for her troubles, and punished by Heaven afterwards.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: As per official canon, all the girls in Ranma's Unwanted Harem firmly refuse to share. This makes Nodoka's "solution" completely unworkable, though she adamantly refuses to accept it, as refusing to utterly dominate women is "unmanly" as far as she's concerned.
  • Contrived Coincidence: The plot's kicked off when Akane's Megaton Punch causes Ranma to crash land near Hild and the Norns about to square off.
  • Cosmic Retcon: Hild doesn't just adopt Ranma, she rewrites reality so he's biologically her child.
  • The Corrupter: Hild, naturally. Happosai is also revealed to be an intern of Hild, and all his canon panty-theft is for the purpose of corrupting women into shameless fanservice girls, and that's when the fun 'truly'' begins.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Akane grabs Hild, intending to fight her while trying to defend Nabiki, Akane immediately drops like a rock, and is left completely helpless from a single glare. Akane got off easy, though completely fails to realize it. Before that, all of Ramna's arranged fiances, swarmed Urd, confusing her with Hild to whom Nabiki sold Ranma's virginity and then went back on the deal by calling them. All of them were rendered unconscious with but a word.
  • Deal with the Devil: Hild and her people make a lot of those. However, the petitioner's soul is never the price for the deal - that's just the penalty they pay if they ever break any of the terms of the deal (which is often quite easy,though Nabiki didn't even try to honor her side of the agreement).
  • Demonic Possession: Gos is possessed when he takes up summoning demons.
  • Despair Event Horizon: Invoked, twice. First Ranma is launched via catapult through one when Ranma dismantles his Unwanted Harem at great risk, only for Akane to loudly proclaim that she will never trust him no matter what he does, the moment one of the jilted girls decides to inform her, incorrectly, that Ranma picked up a new fiance outside Akane's sight, which then gets compounded when Genma corners Ranma, with Nodoka in tow, to force him to reveal, and demonstrate, the cure to Jusenkyo, or else, at which point, Ranma would have to Marry Them All, consent be damned. When Hild finds out, she retaliates against Nabiki, who foolishly risked her soul for money, although she really wanted to get at Akane.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Ramna manages to blast Urd over the horizon with the Hiryu Shoten Ha. Granted, Ranma was using Urd's own power against her because she attacked him first, but everyone on the scene, including Hild was duly impressed.
  • Didn't Think This Through: Urd attacking Ranma Saotome for being rude is shown to be a colossal mistake on her part. Not only is attacking a mortal (with deadly force no less) for any reason but self-defense a very serious crime in Heaven, but interfering with a mortal for reasons other than wish granting means said mortal is now fair game for both sides. And unfortunately for Urd, Hild is rather interested in the young martial artist.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: You do not want to find yourself on Hild's "shit list." She will make time to see that your punishment utterly breaks you beyond any hope of recovery.
  • Dramatically Missing the Point: After Hild rewrites reality to make Ranma her child, Urd, unable to see any good in her mother, drives herself up the wall trying to figure out her mother's angle and notes that even if she sent the request from Nidhogg, it'd still require Yggdrasil's approval and comes to the conclusion that Yggdrasil's been hacked, rather than realizing that God agreed with Hild.
  • Entitled Bitch: All of Ranma's arranged fiances, Nodoka, and Nabiki clearly count with Cologne getting an honorable mention. Despite putting Ranma through an incredible amount of crap, they're all utterly convinced that Ranma will serve and care for them, without hesitation, and he's effectively their property. Hild, of all people, puts a stop to that. HARD.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Though Urd refuses to believe it, Hild does genuinely love her. After getting to know Ranma, she genuinely comes to love the child like a mother should, and boy, does Ranma appreciate it.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Hild finds Ranma's life amusing, and toys with him, until she gets to see it up close, and then it drives her into such a rage that she intervenes, personally. The Tendo Dojo will never be the same.
    • Even Urd had to grudgingly side with Hild when she learned Nabiki didn't even go ten whole minutes before breaking her Deal with the Devil with Hild.
  • Exact Words: Hild claims a yakuza boss's soul because he (accidentally) broke his deal with her when he interfered with Hell's business by killing a rival who'd also sold his soul.
  • Fatal Flaw: Numerous characters get theirs lampshaded.
    • Nabiki's completely unbridled greed is literally a fatal flaw for her. Costing the girl her soul, and putting her through a very traumatic experience as Hild's chew toy in hell.
    • Genma's impatience is lampshaded as the primary reason why his schemes to get Akane and Ranma married never work, and why karma keeps catching up with him, which he then invariably tries to dump on Ranma. Unlike in canon, Ranma does eventually get completely fed up with it, and disowns the Fat Bastard.
    • Akane's Hair-Trigger Temper and penchant for Misplaced Retribution in treating Ranma like a whipping boy, utterly doom Nabiki and drive Ranma into such a corner that he not only agrees to irreversibly reset reality, and officially become Hild's child, but actually pushes the button to make it happen.
    • Ranma's pride and inability to refuse a challenge do get several mentions, but unlike with the others, Ranma is well aware of the problem and actually attempts to address it.
  • God's Hands Are Tied: Belldandy, Skuld and Urd don't really do much, despite making numerous appearances, because the rules of reality greatly hinder the use of their powers. As in her canon universe, Hild's powers are also greatly limited, at least when she's in Midgard.
  • Graceful Loser: When Ranma and Hild hit up a high end nightclub, several men buy Ranma-chan drinks. When she actually drinks one and dances with the man who bought it, the man's boss, who'd also bought Ranma a drink, isn't upset but impressed with the man's apparent people skills and vows to have him promoted the following week.
  • Happily Adopted: Hild not only adopts Ranma but rewrites reality to make him biologically her child.
  • Ignored Epiphany: Ranma makes a point of dismantling his Unwanted Harem right in front of Akane at horrific personal risk, even after hiring Happosai as a bodyguard against Cologne, and her threats. How does Akane respond to this? She takes Shampoo's word over Ranma's when Shampoo accuses Ranma of having a new fiance, despite Ranma himself saying that said "fiance" already has a fiance of her own, and Ranma was only teaching her martial arts.
  • Implausible Hair Color: Ranma wonders how both Usagi and Minako are natural blondes despite clearly being Japanese; though he does admit he doesn't have room to talk given he's a redhead as a girl.
  • In-Series Nickname: After Hild takes him under her wing, the denizens of hell start referring to him/her as "Daimakaichoko" (Child of Satan basically).
  • Know When to Fold 'Em: When Ranma tells Ukyo "Get Out!," and Hild then goes on to tell Ukyo, in Tranquil Fury, to consider her words and actions very, very carefully, Ukyo gives up her claims on Ranma and leaves, permanently.
  • Loophole Abuse: Nabiki tries to use this to justify defaulting on her side of the contract with Hild wherein she sold Hild enough time to take Ranma's virginity, but then went and auctioned the privilege to Ranma's Unwanted Harem, with the prize going to the highest bidder by claiming she tried to keep her end of the deal but was simply overpowered. While that might have worked with a human court, the universe didn't see it that way. Nabiki's end of the contract was considered broken, in both spirit and letter, the moment Nabiki picked up the phone and started dialing.
    • One of the rules for Hild forming a contract with a mortal is that she has to work through agents unless approached first and even then must declare both her identity and intentions for the contract to be valid. Nabiki, thinking Hild to be another fiance, offers to keep the other fiances off her back for a fee. After they agree on price, Hild says that she's the Daimakaicho and that Nabiki's soul is forfeit should she fail to uphold her bargain but does so in an overly dramatic way so she won't be believed.
  • Made a Slave: Nabiki. After getting a dose of hell, Hild makes Nabiki Ranma's eternal slave, and that only because Ranma found Nabiki's original punishment "excessive." Even going so far as to demand that if Ranma wants to use Nabiki as a sex toy, Nabiki will completely comply, without resistance, or face "demotion."
  • Mama Bear: Hild, to Urd's shock, is one to Ranma even before reality is reset to make Ranma her child. Anyone stupid or ignorant enough to make Ranma cry or hurt him will find Hild looking to make their lives miserable for centuries in ways they can't possibly imagine.
  • Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal: Even as dense as he is, Genma fully comprehends the concept that Ranma willingly disowning him and abandoning the Tendo Dojo is a major act of betrayal, so he deludes himself into thinking that Ranma has been spirited away against his will. As per official canon, he utterly fails to comprehend how he can be at fault, not only considering the official canon lifetime's worth of parental abuse that he already heaped on Ranma, but the fact that their very last meeting, which even Soun Tendo witnessed, involved Genma and Nodoka forcing a Morton's Fork on Ranma. Either reveal the cure to Jusenkyo, and then be forced into an Exotic Extended Marriage with many Abhorrent Admirer Clingy Jealous Girl fiances who are all murderously violent, abusive and toxic, with some clearly not being good for his continued sanity..., or refuse to reveal the cure to protect his chastity, at the cost of being forced to commit Seppuku and being beheaded by his Abusive Mom. Heck, Genma even refuses to comprehend that driving Ranma running out of the house crying and while in boy form, no less, was clearly not a good thing.
  • Moral Myopia: Bar Ranma, all the characters in the Tendo Dojo do some truly reprehensible things, especially both Genma and Soun, and see nothing wrong with their actions, yet respond with maximum force if even the slightest grievance is waged against them. The most jarring aspect is that this all fits their official canon characterization. Even Kasumi is noted to not actually be the saintly girl she appears, but is actually just turning a blind eye to her family's nefarious acts, and then gets shocked when the victims retaliate, especially where it concerns Nabiki. Hild notes that Akane is the worst offender, by far, even without referring to canon.
  • Mugging the Monster: In addition to Nabiki scamming Hild, and paying the price, Urd attacks Ranma in a rage "for being lectured by an impudent mortal" who then sends her flying over the horizon, and all of Ramna's Unwanted Harem, bar Akane, attack Urd, thinking she's "another fiance" (because Nabiki called them to try and cheat Hild), only to get rendered unconscious with a sleeping spell. Urd would have done worse to them, but was already being punished for attacking Ranma earlier.
  • Obliviously Evil: Most of the characters are portrayed in a truly despicable light, yet utterly fail to comprehend how their actions are destructive. The worst offender, by far, is Genma Saotome, who, after driving Ranma into such a corner that he fled the Tendo Dojo in the middle of the night, right into Hild's arms, is thoroughly convinced that Ranma would never leave willingly, and Hild must have used some kind of brainwashing. Note that this is after Genma attacked Ranma with physical force for coming home in tatters a day late, and arranged to have Nodoka threaten Ranma with beheading if he didn't reveal the cure to Jusenkyo.
  • Oh, Crap!: The demon possessing Gos isn't worried about facing the Sailor Senshi but panics when he meets their martial arts instructor: Ranma Saotome aka Daimakaichoko.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: When Nabiki sees Ranma suddenly develop a poker-face, and a very good one, and leave breakfast half-finished, she knew something was up, and whatever it was clearly is not good.
    • Hild realizes Ranma's reached the Despair Event Horizon when she finds him openly sobbing in her office.
  • Rage Breaking Point: Unlike in official canon, Ranma does finally find his with Akane. He was perfectly willing to marry her, and do everything in his power to make her happy, even going so far as to dismantle his harem at horrific personal risk, which she witnessed. Akane goes to spit on all that, both by revealing that she deliberately hid the barrel of Jusenkyo cure from him to guarantee his attendance at the ill-fated canon wedding, ultimately costing him the cure on purpose, and then after Ranma lists all the canon things he's done for her and her side of the family, asking what it's going to take for her to finally accept him, as he is, without constantly projecting her own paranoid delusions, and beating him up for it, she states that she will never stop, no matter what he does... Then Genma brings out Nodoka who finds Ranma's outburst "unmanly."
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Hild lays down on Nabiki the long, sordid laundry list of abuses Nabiki delivered unto Ranma, in official canon, to explain why Ranma isn't coming to her rescue. Note that in that list, Nabiki once sold Ranma to sex-slavers in Hong Kong, bound, naked, and female.
  • Ret Gone: By chapter 14, the entirety of Midgard (ie Earth), bar eight mortals (not including Ranma who made it happen, and wasn't on Earth at the time), believes "Ranma Saotome" never existed.
  • Ripple Effect-Proof Memory: The only ones to remember Ranma after the Cosmic Retcon are those who were especially close to him.
  • Sarcastic Confession: Hild tells Nabiki she's the Daimakaicho in an overly dramatic way that she knows won't be believed.
  • Saying Too Much: Ranma is highly sympathetic towards the plight he unwittingly placed Ukyo in when reality was rewritten to make Ranma Hild's biological child. The sympathy evaporates, only to be replaced by rage and Berserker Tears, the moment Ukyo cries out "what about my feelings?!" indicating that she only saw Ranma as a possession, not a person.
  • Selective Obliviousness: Akane intentionally invokes this when she bluntly tells Ranma that no matter what he does, how strong his defence is, how weak the accusation leveled against him is, or how obvious it is that he's not a cheating honorless pervert, she will 'always' think the worst of him and 'never' take his side no matter what.
  • Shameless Fanservice Girl: Ranma and Hild actually compete over this to see who is the sexiest by counting who can trigger the most "head exploding nosebleeds" with women counting for double points.
  • Shout-Out: Hild's mount when she tours Hell is Deathwing.
  • Shut Up, Kirk!: The Norns, Urd in particular, try to convince Ranma that Hild is merely using him and she tricked him by rewriting reality to make him her son/daughter. Ranma shoots back that he's the one who pressed the button to do so; so far as he's concerned Hild is his mother, even before they made it reality.
    • Likewise, whenever someone brings up that Hild is Satan and tortures souls for a living, Ranma responds that she tortures the damned. He met some of those souls and learned what they did in life and every last one of them deserves their torment.
  • So Proud of You: When Hild learns that Ranma is out to eliminate all traces of the Saotome history, Hild's chest swells with pride over Ranma's actions, because Ranma is dealing with her problems and irritations "properly," hoisting every last one of her "loose ends" by his or her own petard, starting with ensnaring Happosai in a pact, and quite expertly too, especially for someone new to the whole demon business.
    She's cunning, creative, proactive, and by the time she's done, Hild is certain nothing will remain of Ranma-chan's old life.
  • That Man Is Dead: Ranma breaks off all contact with Ukyo by telling her that if she has problems with the Saotomes, she should speak to Genma, as Ranma Testarosa doesn't have any relation to them.
  • Time Dissonance: Despite having been brought to hell just the day before, Nabiki has experienced several years of torture (implied to be decades) by the time Hild makes her Ranma's slave.
  • Unperson: After he's adopted by Hild, reality is rewritten so only those closest to Ranma remember him. Anything that involved him is changed, such as Cologne thinking she and Shampoo came to Nerima simply to open their restaurant and send money back to their village. It says volumes about his relationship with her, that Nodoka is one of the ones to forget Ranma.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Both Akane and Genma, accidentally working together, launch a chain of events that doom Nabiki and bring Hild's entire wrath on the Tendo Dojo, permanently.
  • Verbal Backspace: Upon realizing Nodoka has somehow forgotten Ranma's existence, Genma changes Ranma's description from "our son" to "like a son to me".
  • Weirdness Magnet: The first thing about Ranma to catch Hild's interest, aside from blasting Urd over the horizion, is that raw chaos follows Ranma around like a tightly coiled spring.
  • The Woobie: In-universe. When Urd looks into Ranma's life to find out just why Hild is so interested in him, (to the point of being willing to rewrite reality to make him "hers"), Urd is absolutely horrified, and calls it not just a train wreck, but a train strapped with rocket engines, slammed into congested traffic.
  • Wrong Assumption: Ranma assumes Belldandy, Urd, and Skuld are bullying Hild when he stumbles upon them because they're confronting her three on one. Urd attacking him, doesn't help their case. Everybody assumes Urd is hanging around Ranma because she's another "fiance" despite her protests, and react accordingly. Many confuse Urd and Hild, thinking both women are actually the same person. Lastly, Soun and Genma think Hild is "some witch" that has murdered Nabiki and stolen Ranma away through brainwashing, and refuse to accept Cologne's assertion that she's a power they don't want to mess with. It remains to be seen if they're going to remain equally dismissive when they finish comparing notes with Happosai.
  • Your Soul Is Mine: Hild takes Ranma on a tour showing how her role as the Daimakaicho merits her, and her agents, collect the souls of the damned. Ranma even gets to touch one. Then there's the fate Nabiki brings upon herself with her boundless, unbridled greed (It wasn't even for that much money - all she got out of the contract before she defaulted on a clause was 27,000 yen, which is about $250).

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