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Fanfic / Harry's New Home

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Harry's New Home is a completed AU Harry Potter Fan Fiction written by kbinnz. Includes the oneshot prequel Harry's First Detention and the multichapter titular fic, found here.

The story details the events set into motion when one Severus Snape is given care of Harry Potter after the abusive and neglectful treatment by the Dursleys is uncovered. Hilarity Ensues, with many heartwarming moments mixed in.


Harry's New Home provides examples of:

  • The Dursleys were horrible guardians to Harry, regularly beating him and depriving him of food for accidentally performing magic, as well as not bothering to meet his basic needs while spoiling his cousin dreadfully.
  • Accidental Misnaming: Harry calls Voldemort "Vol-au-Vent" (a kind of pastry) and "Voldesnort". Snape decides to stop trying to correct him after a while.
    If the Dark Lord did come back, finding out He was being called a flaky pastry might so infuriate Him that He would miss with His first few Unforgivables.
  • Accomplice by Inaction: Snape and Harry come to fear Dumbledore when they both realize he didn't check up on Harry, enabling the Dursleys' abuse or when Dumbledore didn't insist that Sirius get a trial.
  • Action Dad: Snape puts a lot of work into seeing that Harry is safe.
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  • Action Girl: Amelia Bones.
  • Action Mom: Molly, a former Wizarding Duel champion, really gets to show her stuff.
  • Action Survivor: Harry is essentially this with Snape planning and executing most of the adventures.
  • Adaptational Dumbass: Downplayed. Professor McGonagall's competence is toned down a little, as she doesn't notice Harry's atrocious handwriting (which comes from wearing cheap glasses) and forgets to teach him how to stretch properly to avoid Quidditch injuries, problems that Snape has to step in and take care of. But when she has her shit together, she's more than a match for Snape when it comes to protecting her students.
  • Adult Fear: The entire fic can basically be described as such for Snape. Once he becomes Harry's guardian, he quickly becomes aware of just how much danger the kid gets himself into, and thats not even counting the overarching threat of Harry having to eventually face Voldemort.
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  • Affectionate Nickname: Harry eventually christens Snape 'Da.' Before that he accepts being called 'Pronglet' by Sirius.
  • Age-Appropriate Angst: Lampshaded by Hermione and Ron when Harry is moping about not spending time with Snape. To avoid embarrassing him, they say it's only because he's not used to Snape the way they are used to their parents.
  • A Lesson Learned Too Well: Snape tells Harry he should be careful and not trust Dumbledore because whether good intentions or not Dumbledore is responsible for Harry getting placed in an abusive home. Harry takes his advice and starts to fear Dumbledore more than he does Voldemort to Snape's horror.
  • All Amazons Want Hercules: Jones is mightily impressed that Percy jumped in to save her and Harry from Umbridge.
  • All the Other Reindeer: Peter Pettigrew is convinced that everyone at Hogwarts hated him and thought he was a loser, and the other Marauders only took him on out of pity, a sentiment Voldemort exploited. In reality, Pettigrew was just a whiny narcissist who betrayed his best friends for the false flattery of a genocidal racist.
  • Anti-Hero: Harry fears becoming this after he crushes Quirrel with a stone pumpkin. In-story, there is Snape, Draco and Jones.
  • Apologizes a Lot: Harry at first much to Snape's annoyance.
  • Armor-Piercing Response: When Harry guesses correctly that his father was one of Snape's former bullies, Snape relishes in getting one over James Potter by telling his son not to think too badly of his father as "boys do foolish things." Harry responds: "You didn't." This unsettles Snape as he privately acknowledges that, as a former Death Eater, he's actually done worse things than either James or Sirius did to him at school.
  • Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: The only one who seems oblivious to this is Snape. Everybody can see how much he cares for and protects Harry all the time.
  • Bad Boss: Snape shows signs of this in regards to Lucius Malfoy. A simple assignment from the former? Overthrow the government in the next few months. Backfires when the latter tries to gain some recognition.
  • Battle Couple: Percy and Jones.
  • The Beast Master: Harry and snakes.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Blood Quills. This literally sent the entire faculty of Hogwarts out for blood. Dumbledore nearly hunted down Dolores when he was informed of this.
    • Percy literally lost it when he learned one of the bullies nearly Crucio'ed Ron.
    • Insulting Harry, even from miles away, is a bad way to get on Dobby's bad side as shown in chapter 58 where he appeared out of nowhere to beat up Kreacher.
    • A more mild example; Molly is offended when Snape says he will provide them with a financial stipend to help care for Harry, as she doesn't like the implication that she and her husband have to be bribed to look after Harry (because they would do it regardless).
      Snape sighed. Gryffindors were so predictable.
    • Played for laughs; neither Professor McGonagall nor Madame Hooch appreciate Quidditch being called a "stupid game".
  • Big Brother Instinct: Percy did not like it when one of Harry's bullies almost Crucio'ed Ron.
  • Big Damn Heroes: When Harry was Ambushed by Ravenclaw students, he was rescued by Hermione (who breaks a student's ankle) Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, the Twins, Marcus Flint and Jones.
    • An Epic one during the Rescue mission against Death Eaters. From champion Duelist Molly to Remus ripping apart Death Eaters left and right.
  • Blind Without 'Em: And with them, when your glasses don't work. Harry's terrible childhood first comes to Snape's notice when he checks the boy's handwriting in detention and finds that he can't see the blackboard, because the only pair of glasses the Dursleys bothered to get him was a cheap, non-prescription one from the charity bin.
  • Body Horror: As in canon, Quirrel's fusion with Voldemort's soul, which is quite literally causing his body to rot.
  • Break the Haughty: Draco Malfoy. Dumbledore in a more benign soft kind of way, specially so during the Horcrux hunting (advice: don't put the soul sucking ring on your finger).
  • Bully Hunter: Snape inadvertently encourages Harry to become this when he tells him that defending yourself from an attack is completely justified and even encouraged (Harry had previously been conditioned to just accept abuse and beatings). When Harry pledges to defend others from the same, Snape realizes that he just fed right into Harry's underlying Gryffindor nature.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Played for laughs. At first, Snape wants nothing more than to be known as the self-proclaimed Evil Bat of the Slytherin Dungeons and a sadistic Potions teacher who regularly reduces NEWT students to tears. So naturally, he is not pleased when his Pet the Dog moments with Harry start to give him a more positive reputation in the halls of Hogwarts.
  • Cheerful Child: Harry, so long as he's around Ron, Hermione or Snape. Otherwise, he's very shy and somewhat submissive due to his treatment by the Dursleys.
  • The Chess Master: Snape becomes this after rescuing Black from Azkaban, to the point that he is even able to successfully fool Dumbledore at times. And he only becomes more and more deadly during the fic.
  • Children Raise You: When Dumbledore appoints Snape as Harry's guardian, he is confident that looking after Harry will be able to help Snape become more emotionally open and caring. He's right.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Sirius. Justified as he's been in Azkaban for 10 years.
  • Cover Innocent Eyes and Ears: Snape does this to Harry when he notices that the Daily Prophet had published a photo of Sirius greeting his many female admirers in Switzerland - and is twirling a thong one of them threw to him on his finger.
  • Combat Pragmatist: Slytherins believe in strength in numbers and airing enemies' dirty laundry.
    • Hermione, having been taught some basic self defence by her father, tends to go for vulnerable spots like the knee or the crotch when she's forced to become physical.
  • Cool Big Sis: Davidella Jones and Katie Bell are very protective of younger students.
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: McGonagall's more... atypical detentions.
    "Did I say you were forbidden to use magic to complete the task?"
  • Cuddle Bug: Harry LOVES hugging Snape.
  • Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Again, McGonagall. She deliberately makes Blood Quills look mild. (See I'm a Humanitarian for details.)
  • Dark Action Girl: Davidella Jones, of the Anti-Hero variety.
  • Dark Humor: Mad-eye, as seen when he dubs the partially liquefied Pettigrew "Pettigoo".
  • Dark Is Not Evil/Light Is Not Good: Being from Slytherin doesn't automatically make you a Death Eater and being from any of the other three Houses doesn't mean you can't be one as we find out from several Ravenclaws.
  • Depraved Dentist: Parodied. Hermione spins a yarn that makes mundane dentistry sound like brutal torture. When her parents visit Hogwarts, everyone is remarkably polite...
  • Deconstruction Fic: As far as Slytherin House is concerned. Fanfiction tends to portray the house as either irredeemably evil or a group of cool outsiders for the author's Self-Insert to join up with. This fic specifically portrays them as an entirely valid and functional school house like the other three. The only reason why so many Death Eaters come from Slytherin is because Voldemort likes to prey on the insecurities and flaws of certain personality types.
  • Dirty Coward: Deconstructed. Slytherins encourage pragmatism and bringing back-up to a fight but anyone who totally abandons one's House and those protected by said House is considered the lowest of the low, Slytherin or not.
    • Pettigrew is a straight example, being portrayed as a sniveling, pathetic coward who scurries away like the rat he turns into when threatened.
  • Dirty Old Woman: Madame Hooch is very vocal about her enjoyment of Snape's new look. She's also about 30 years his elder.
  • Distracted by the Sexy: A Hufflepuff girl in Snape's Potions class gets distracted by an attractive Ravenclaw boy and puts the wrong ingredients in her Blood-Replenishing Potion, producing a cloud of poisonous gas and sending three students to Madam Pomfrey.
  • Ditzy Genius: Snape's opinion of Ravenclaw House. In his words, "...they might be able to recite every known permutation of the 18th century Ignatio Compelare spell, but they needed their house elves to tell them their robes were on fire."
  • Don't Make Me Take My Belt Off: In harsh contrast to Vernon Durstley's "parenting," Snape's discipline is a single swat against clothed backside for each rule broken.
  • Doorstopper: Complete at 64 chapters and over 300,000 words.
  • The Dreaded: Hermione becomes this after Harry's ambush. While breaking the wand of a fallen foe was considered "hardcore", her explanation of Muggle dentistry gave her the top spot for the "not mess with" list in the entire school. When Umbridge "mysteriously vanishes" from Hogwarts after being transfigured and eaten by McGonagall, she is the one who gets the credit because of her anti-Umbridge "Splat The Toad" campaign even though her actual impact on Umbridge's final downfall is minimal and she has no clue what is going on.
    • Dumbledore became this for Harry for more than half of the fic.
    • McGonagall of all people becomes this for Snape (although the man makes sure not to show it publicly), as a result of her transfiguring Umbridge into food and eating her. When McGonagall suggests accompanying Dumbledore to find Voldemort's Horcruxes, Snape immediately backs her to the shock of the other professors.
  • Evil Smells Bad: While Quirrel making Harry's scar hurt is a serious red flag, it's the horrible odor coming from under his turban that tipped the teachers off that something was wrong with him. While he tried to mask it with garlic, it really didn't work all that well.
  • Everybody Lives: The fic has a significantly lower bodycount than the novels, partially because it's much shorter and the final battle occurs in Harry's second year. The only significant casuality on the Light side is Mad-Eye Moody, sparing most of the others like Fred, Lupin and Sirius.
  • Everyone Has Standards:
    • Despite hating Sirius for bullying him during their Hogwarts years, even Snape is horrified when he discovers via Legilimency that he was actually framed for Pettigrew's crimes of betraying the Potters to Voldemort, realizing that he suffered 11 years in Azkaban for a crime he had nothing to do with.
    • In Harry's First Detention, McGonagall, despite being a Stern Teacher herself, objects to Snape giving Harry detention in the first class of the first year.
    • Slytherins encourage pragmatism and bringing backup to a fight, but completely abandoning one's House is considered low even by their standards.
  • Fantastic Racism: Played straight with the Death Eaters obviously and with Umbridge who calls Jones an island person who practices hoo doo despite the fact the girl was born in Brighton.
    • Downplayed otherwise; the usual "anti-Muggle" sentiment is much less omnipresent than it usually is in HP fan stories, as fan writers have a tendency to exaggerate how racist the Slytherins actually are in the books.
  • Fearless Fool: Deconstructed with Harry who lacks a sense of self-defense (and of self-preservation) thanks to his upbringing, allowing him to put himself in danger without a thought, much to Snape's annoyance and horror.
  • Fights Like a Normal: Hermione, who kicks people in the knees, ankles and nuts and will slam your head into the floor. Justified since she's the child of two muggles, and her father decided to teach her how to defend herself long before they knew she had magic. Turns out to be useful since few wizards or witches bother with fighting skills.
  • Fix Fic: One of the best written in the entire Potter Fandom. It avoids Mary Sues, superpowered versions, wangst and bashing and is so cutesy and epic that it would give you both diabetes and testosterone poison just by reading it.
  • Four-Temperament Ensemble: Ron is sanguine, Hermione is choleric, Harry is melancholic and Draco is phlegmatic.
  • For Want of a Nail: Because of Snape adopting Harry, his status as a spy is exposed to the disembodied spirit of Voldemort, and thus, the events of the story heavily deviate from canon. For one thing, Voldemort is never resurrected in body, instead he resorts to fusing himself with Bellatrix Lestrange and rallies his remaining Death Eaters to attack Snape and Harry in secret.
  • Friendly Enemy: Thanks to Harry being under Snape's protection, the Gryffindors and Slytherins are a lot less antagonistic to each other than they are in canon. Jones is dating Percy and Hermione considers her a role model, while Wood, Flint, Ron, and Draco are get along a lot better (particularly with regards to Quidditch, where they find the most common ground apart from Harry himself).
  • From Bad to Worse: He had to ask.
    Albus: Oh, Severus? (pokes head around the corner) Did Minerva mention your appointment to the Inter-House Friendship and Holiday Decoration Committee?
  • The Gadfly: Dumbledore just loves teasing Snape about his parenting Harry.
  • The Glomp: Harry has a tendency to hug Snape as much as possible. Snape, having had virtually no positive physical contact in his entire life, is both mortified and appreciative.
  • Groin Attack: Castrato Explosivo. And HOLY CRAP.
    • Hermione helps take down Qurriel by kicking him in the crotch when he's kneeling on the ground.
  • Guile Hero: Snape and McGonagall.
  • Happily Adopted: Harry.
  • Harmful to Minors: Splatting someone's head with a stone pumpkin even if they deserve it, is not something eleven-year-olds should do or see.
  • The Heart: Harry becomes some form of this, thanks to being Snape's ward. Because of it, the Gryffindors and Slytherins are more willing to cooperate.
  • He Cleans Up Nicely: Just something as simple as practicing basic hair care makes Snape a good deal more attractive as his hair doesnt look like he's been dunking it in a deep fryer anymore.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Thanks to Snape's past misdeeds, it allow Umbridge to act Scott free against the students of Howgarts, especially against Harry. Needless to say, McGonagall was grimly amused by Snape's cries of unfairness and abuse.
  • Honorary Uncle: Ron and Percy called Snape "Uncle Sev", much to his mortification. And Harry calls McGonagall "Auntie Min" later on.
  • Hot Teacher: Snape, after his make-over.
  • Humiliation Conga: Fudge gets one of these, starting with his most trusted adviser unfurling a banner that reads, "FUDGE IS AN IDIOT."
  • Hypocritical Heartwarming: It doesn't matter what Snape may call Harry or how he acts with him; if you dare to insult, abuse or bully him in any way he will rip out your own intestine and beat you with them.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Voldemort calls Hermione an ABOMINATION.
  • If You Kill Him, You Will Be Just Like Him: Snape specifically rejects this line of reasoning in Chapter 30, when Harry expresses fear that his own desire to kill Voldemort makes him as evil as the Dark Lord.
    Snape: Voldemort used to go to Muggle villages just to kill people. He sought to hurt as many people as possible. He targeted men, women, and children indiscriminately. He made no distinction between Auror and civilian. He wanted a high body count and when attacked, would use Muggles as shields. It is never acceptable to deliberately kill people who have done you no harm and who are just going about their daily business.
    Aurors, by contrast, may kill in the line of duty, but they do it to protect civilians. In the war, they did not deliberately target the children of Death Eaters, while the Dark Lord and his followers attacked many families just as he did yours. It is ridiculous to say that any death is a tragedy or that all deaths are morally equivalent. There are people who, by their own actions, deserve to die, and killing someone in order to protect yourself or the innocent, is not murder.
  • Imagine Spot: When things get too absurd, Snape mentally pens, "Dear (magazine's advice column/Voldemort), I am currently (dealing with playing daddy to the Boy Who Lived). Would (snarky/overkill reaction) be within the norm? Is it considered poor form to cut my own throat rather than suffer through such an excruciating evening?"
  • I'm a Humanitarian: McGonagall. If you use a Blood Quill on her students, anyway.
  • Implied Death Threat: Dumbledore and McGonagall both give Snape one when they find out he hit Harry. Needless to say, Snape never hits him again.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Non-alcoholic version, but the prospect of Harry calling him his guardian for the first time is enough for Snape to need two Calming Draughts and a cold cloth on his forehead.
  • Insane Troll Logic: Snape can literally count how far the IQ of his fellow teachers drops any time somebody says "Quidditch".
    • As far as Snape is concerned, this is how that brat's mind works all the time.
  • Intergenerational Friendship: Between Harry, Sirius and Remus.
  • Iron Lady: McGonagall, natch. Also Madame Bones, especially after she becomes Minister of Magic. Jones is a teenage version, to the point that Fred and George fear angering her.
  • I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Familial variation. Upon seeing how happy Harry is with Snape, Sirius chooses not to fight for custody.
  • Kick the Son of a Bitch: What both Snape and McGonagall do to Dolores and Fudge after they try to attack Harry. While Snape managed to personally destroy Fudge's career, McGonagall takes the cake by Transfiguring and devouring Dolores alive.
    • What Snape does to the Dursleys. While Dumbledore forbids him from simply killing or outright mutilating them, he approves Snape's request of enacting a magic campaign of harassment against them, which Snape later enlists Sirius to enact, since Sirius is good-aligned, an experienced prankster, and has a massive grudge against them for hurting Harry. Snape also enlists the aid of an old acquaintance of his criminal father to help him enact non-magical revenge that Dumbledore won't pick up on. While he can't permanently injure the Dursleys, he CAN make life a living hell for them.
  • Killed Off for Real: Quirrel, Umbridge and Voldemort definitely ain't comin' back.
  • Licked by the Dog: Harry's near-Hero Worship of Snape defrosts most other people's concerns about him. Snape isn't sure whether or not he dislikes losing his fearsome reputation, or enjoy that others treat him like a human being rather than as something that crawled out from under a rock just to terrorize children.
  • Little Miss Badass: Hermione.
  • Ma'am Shock: Sirius is horrified when Harry call him "sir" and Mr. Black to be polite. Snape snarks that screaming at Harry and freaking out won't make him stop.
  • Malaproper: Harry mixes up Wizarding terms to the point of Running Gag.
  • Mama Bear: At difference to her canon counterpart, McGonagall is extremely protective of her lions and she will devour you alive if you mess with them.
  • Mass "Oh, Crap!": Pretty much sums up the reaction of male upper years when they realize what spell Jones is about to use (see Groin Attack).
  • The Medic: Raising seven accident-prone children has made Molly Weasley very good at medical spells. She comments that she's practically a certified Healer.
  • Mistaken for Pedophile: While he probably doesn't seriously suspect it, when Arthur Weasley first gets to talk to Harry alone (Snape and Molly being busy fighting in the other room) he asks Harry if Snape ever does or says anything that makes him uncomfortable, or makes him take part in any "secret games" that no one else can know about. When Harry just gets confused and says no, Arthur drops the issue.
  • Mood Whiplash: "The Case of the Mysterious Turban" quickly devolves into "Don't Get Killed by Quirrel or Voldemort."
  • My Greatest Failure: It nearly broke Dumbledore when he realized Harry was afraid of him. He also regrets having overlooked so much of Sirius Black's misbehavior in school (due to being overly lenient because Sirius was the only Black in centuries to not be a dark wizard), which is part of what drove Snape to Voldemort.
    • Snape feels enormous guilt once he realizes that he had allowed his resentment of James Potter to influence his treatment of Harry, who had never done anyone harm in his life.
  • Muggles Do It Hardcore: After Hermione's explanation, nobody ever doubted that Muggles are 1) Psychopaths, 2) Unyielding, 3) More Metal than the blackest black, times INFINITY.
    • Just to specify, said explanation is about Hermione's parents jobs as dentists. Due to the Wizarding World's complete lack of contact with the Muggle world, mundane tasks like dentistry sounds like torture sessions since Muggles can't just magic away all their ailments. She does also get a more conventional Badass moment explaining how Muggles practice basic self defence with no magic.
  • Mr. Fanservice: After being broken out of Azkaban and recuperating from 10 years of imprisonment, Sirius Black quickly regains his status as a sex icon in the Wizarding World. His new "suffering the wounds of wrongful torment" story just makes him even more irresistible.
    • Snape turns out to be this once he starts practicing hair care and stops skulking around Hogwarts like a human vulture, allowing his attractive features like his height and jawline to become prominent (like many a Real Life fangirl/boy already knew). Becomes even more so when it turns out he's a great parental figure for Harry.
  • Never Mess with Granny: McGonagall, of course. Also, Sprout.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: As much as Lucius Malfoy counts as a hero, anyway.
  • Not So Above It All: Snape. Often.
  • Not So Different: Once he finds out about Harry's home life, Snape gradually comes to realize that he and Harry are not that different, both being raised in abusive households and bullied relentlessly in school.
  • No People Skills: Harry is partially this due to his abusive upbringing, but his natural people skills lets him quickly bond with others. Snape on the other hand, due to a lifetime of rejection and abuse, some of it self-inflicted, has little to no idea how to handle positive interactions with others, especially once Harry's affection makes others more tolerant of him.
  • Odd Friendship: Snape strikes one up with McGonagall, Sirius, Lupin and Molly Weasley. Also Hermione with Jones and Ron with Draco.
  • Oh, Crap!: The two Death Eaters holding down Snape consider changing career paths when they see Harry arise from being Avada-ed.
  • Papa Wolf: No matter how much Snape denies it, he would go to any length, break any rule, face the Dark Lord and Dumbledore himself without hesitation if it mean Harry's protection. Soon enough most of the Wizarding World learned not to mess with Harry.
    • Lucius Malfoy is a more chilly, stern type.
    • Likewise with Dumbledore. He nearly hunted down Umbridge when he found out she used a Blood Quill on Harry. Also in the prequel, his casual warning to Snape if he should ever harm a student again.
  • Parental Substitute: Snape to Harry, as well as Molly and Arthur Weasley.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Flitwick is considered the best duelist of the entire faculty and he demonstrated why during the last battle against the Death Eaters.
  • Power of Trust: Snape finds himself simultaneously frightened and heartened by the nearly blind trust Harry has in him and annoyed by his continued attempts to live up to it.
  • Psychic Nosebleed: Hermione experiences this trying to save Harry from falling to his death in chapter 26. Even still, she keeps trying.
  • Reality Ensues:
    • Dumbledore and Snape consider letting the Weasleys adopt Harry, but Snape shoots down the idea on the grounds that Harry needs a full-time guardian. Although they would certainly love Harry, Molly and Arthur already have seven children and will be unable to give him the one-on-one attention and care he needs after 11 years of being abused by the Dursleys. He is, however, fine with Harry visiting the Weasleys and staying at their home for summer holidays.
    • Snape also rejects the idea of either a younger or older married couple (even a childless one) adopting Harry, because any other children or grandchildren they have will distract them and Harry needs all of his guardians' attention.
    • Despite his cheery, carefree demeanour, Sirius admits that he's still recovering from his ordeal in Azkaban and cites this as one of the reasons Snape would be a better guardian for Harry than him.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Death Eater Black Granted Asylum in Switzerland! Really, Snape?
  • Running Gag: Snape's imaginary letters to various publications and people.
  • Sadist Teacher: Snape tries to be this. See Stern Teacher below.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Wizards do love their big words.
  • Serious Business: Quidditch, to Snape's detriment. From forgetting that a student nearly killed himself in a broom to nearly starting a brawl in the great hall by the teachers, Quidditch certainly brings out the best and the worst of wizards.
  • Servile Snarker: Snape is this to Dumbledore.
  • Shout-Out: One of the books Harry picks out is titled "There and Back Again".
  • Small Name, Big Ego: Lucius Malfoy.
  • Snark Knight: Snape.
  • Spared by the Adaptation: Dumbledore, Snape, Sirius, Lupin, Fred Weasley, Hedwig and Tonks.
  • Spit Take: Snape, of all people, in response to McGonagall's "Something I ate."
  • Spoiled Brat: Draco starts out this way. His housemates quickly disabuses him of the notion that being a Malfoy actually makes him better by default. Slytherins respect the Pureblood families, but that doesn't mean you can act like an entitled little bastard just because you came out of Lucius Malfoy's balls. Draco finds himself ostracized for his douchebag behavior, but eventually redeems himself by maturing as a person.
  • Stern Teacher: Snape ends up being this, while trying to be a Sadist Teacher. Most of his punishments are actually helpful, as Harry frequently points out. Snape constantly blames Harry and his friends for ruining his reputation.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: When you get to know the point of view of Snape for all the decisions around Hogwarts, especially Potter, you can't not only sympathize but wonder how Snape hasn't just snapped already.
  • Tantrum Throwing: Harry in Chapter 25, when Snape forbids him from playing in the Quidditch match as part of his punishment for going out and facing a full-grown troll in the previous chapter.
  • Tall, Dark, and Snarky: Snape again.
  • They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!: After the Ma'am Shock above, Sirius tells Harry to address him by his name as opposed to Mr. Black.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Umbridge's utter lack of self preservation when dealing with an enraged Snape and McGonagall during her "Potter Should Be Silenced" spiel ends poorly. Even Jones admits to being frightened of an angry McGonagall.
  • True Companions: Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco plus others.
  • Tsundere: Take a wild guess who.
  • Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: While Percy is not ugly, he is defined as plain while Jones is often described as a very beautiful, willowy... and absolutely scary witch. Like a "saner, controlled version of Bellatrix Lestrange".
  • Undying Loyalty: This is shown as being the Hufflepuffs' biggest strength and weakness. During the war, Voldemort had quite a few Hufflepuff followers, who refused to abandon him after he showed his true colors, specifically because their personal creed didn't allow it. It goes even further than the Gryffindors, who will eventually abandon a traitorous or evil companion.
  • Unstoppable Rage: Snape has to be pried off of Umbridge after the Blood Quill incident.
  • Villains Act, Heroes React: Inverted. Dumbledore may be content to react but Snape acts and acts fast.
  • Villainous Rescue: Slytherin, as far as Hogwarts is concerned. But say what you will about the house, when one of their "Firsties" was in trouble, literally the entire House was moved to battle in seconds. As Harry's attackers learned the hard way.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Ron and Draco enjoy arguing.
  • Water Wake Up: When Snape visits Lupin at his home when the other man is asleep, he wakes him up with a Aquamenti to the face.
  • What Could Possibly Go Wrong?: With knocking off a few Death Eater relatives, Lucius? What, indeed.
  • Witch with a Capital "B": This story features Umbridge in all her horribleness.
  • You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: Arthur's and Molly's reaction when Snape announces that he will be Harry's new guardian.
    Molly: That's it. Dumbledore is senile. We'll have to alert the Ministry in the morning.


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