Jaiden Spencer has never had it so good. She's the new Head Girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she's dating Ron (who we're helpfully informed is very nice) and everything is peachy. Well, apart from Voldemort being on the loose. While sneaking around the Hogwarts grounds at night to spy on Voldemort, who has apparently set up camp right outside the school, she discovers an unwelcome secret about her wonderful boyfriend. Who immediately becomes a whole lot less wonderful. But at least she has the Head Boy Draco Malfoy to go running to in their oh-so-handy and non-canonical private quarters.
Welcome to Dark Secrets by Jaiden (ahem) Lee Malfoy. The story can be found here and a forum thread sporking it here (both links NSFW). The sequel Betrayed Revenge, featuring less wangst but just as much Canon Defilement and evil!Ron coming back from the dead, is here and sporked here.
Dark Secrets contains examples of:
- Agony of the Feet: When Draco gets kidnapped, Jaiden breaks her foot kicking his trunk. This is forgotten in the next scene and doesn't make her any less effective in the Final Battle, not that she was to start with.
- Arbitrary Skepticism: In the sequel, Jaiden is convinced that nobody will believe that she's seeing evil!Ron's ghost, despite the existence of ghosts being a known fact in the Potterverse.
- Author Avatar: Guess who.
- Back from the Dead: Ron in the sequel.
- Bastard Boyfriend: Definitely Ron and arguably Malfoy. At one point, Ron beats Jaiden because he apparently saw her and Malfoy kissing. The next morning, not only does Malfoy not do anything sensible like telling a teacher or even healing the cuts with magic, he just reminds her that she should conceal her new injuries.
- And at times, Malfoy is just as possessive as Ron, and their first kiss happens after he gropes her in the bathroom.
- Beige Prose: Descriptions are very sparse (with a notable exception) in Dark Secrets and Betrayed Revenge takes this Up to Eleven.
- Chekhov's Classroom: Subverted: The healing potion Jaiden makes in Snape's Potions class could have been useful at many points in the story, but is never mentioned again.
- Clever Crows: Ron uses a pet raven to spy on Draco and Jaiden, although where he got it from or how it talks to him (of course) isn't explained by the author.
- Clueless Aesop: The fic tries to tackle weighty issues like rape, abuse and suicide, but the writing is nowhere near up to it.
- Coitus Ensues: See Big-Lipped Alligator Moment.
- Conflict Ball: Gets passed around a lot in the sequel.
- Creepy Crows: Ron uses a pet raven to spy on Draco and Jaiden, although where he got it from or how it talks to him (of course) isn't explained by the author.
- Damsel in Distress: Jaiden. This is basically her only role in the story.
- Darker and Edgier
- Dark Secret: Naturally: Ron's is that he's a Death Eater.
- Dead Fic: The sequel.
- Deus Angst Machina: The entire point of the fic.
- Driven to Suicide: Jaiden leaves Draco a note and attempts suicide - it's heavily hinted that in true Purity Sue tradition, she's Too Good for This Sinful Earth - but he finds her and averts it just in time.
- Duct Tape for Everything: A particularly bizarre example in which Ron uses it as a substitute for a restraining spell.
- Everybody Hates Hades: See Sadly Mythtaken.
- FaceHeel Turn: Hermione in the sequel.
- Failed a Spot Check: Ron is a Death Eater, complete with the Dark Mark on his arm, but somehow none of the boys he shares a dormitory with, including Harry, notice.
- Faux Action Girl: Jaiden in the sequel is allegedly an Auror. However, she's just as incompetent as she is in the first installment.
- Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue: A review of this fic was the Trope Namer.
- Forgot About His Powers: See Transplanted Character Fic.
- For the Evulz: The only thing that could remotely explain Ron's behavior in the fic.
- Freudian Slip: The bowdlerised version removes the sex scene, replacing it with a summary in which a typo declares Jaiden and Draco to have "a night of not, steamy, intoxicating passion".
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Considering the general grimdark tone of the fic, the author is very reluctant to swear, writing "f-cking" when she has to. Jaiden herself swears like Yosemite Sam in one scene.
- Gratuitous Rape: The AdultFanFiction version adds a second, considerably more graphic rape sequence to the scene in which Ron first breaks into Jaiden's quarters.
- Hurt/Comfort Fic
- IKEA Erotica: Though not as bad as some examples, the sex scene does still tend towards the mechanical.
- Informed Ability: Jaiden advises Draco not to take on Ron because he's too powerful. We've barely seen him cast a single spell in the entire fic. Then again, neither has Draco.
- Knife Fight: Instead of magic, Draco defeats Ron by stabbing him with what appears to be a perfectly mundane pocketknife. Although one reviewer suggested that it was actually the Dagger of Vashna in disguise.He was cut short as Ron growled and threw himself at Draco; Jaiden watched as the two boys fought, the sight was horrible. The wind blew just then, making her shiver, her back throbbed even more. Her shirt and pants were soaked in blood.
Draco threw a punch catching Ron in the jaw. Getting angrier by the second Ron swung the knife barely missing him.
Slowing down? Draco mocked.
Not on your life, Ron growled, lunging again, this time his aim was true, catching him in the side.
That wont happen again, Draco said, grabbing his side.
Next time youll be dead, Ron said, punching him in the nose.
You son-of-a-bit Draco started. As his nose began to bleed.
Whatever, Draco said, grabbing the hand with the knife in it,
The two fought for a moment until Draco got the knife away from Ron. Backing up Draco panted for air, just as Ron was about to come. Draco threw it at him
A shocked look fell on Rons face, bringing his hand up he felt for the knife and found it in his neck. The next second he fell backwards Dead.
- Lifetime Movie of the Week: Dark Secrets reads like this in fanfic form.
- Lighter and Softer: The sequel, relative to the original.
- Meaningful Echo: Ron menaces (or tries to menace) Jaiden with the line "my precious". Draco echoes the line next chapter pre-IKEA Erotica, which is presumably supposed to be really sweet, but manages to top the first occurrence for Narm.
- Mood Whiplash: Draco and Jaiden start shagging straight after she tries killing herself. Made even better by Fridge Logic - even if she went across the street, wouldn't she need some kind of medical help more involved than wrapping a towel around her wrist?
- Murder the Hypotenuse: Literally happens at the end.
- Narrating the Obvious: "Are you sure?" He asked, making sure this is what she wanted.
- Obvious Beta: The fic is clearly unedited, and some parts give the impression of being more outline than story.
- Pinball Protagonist: Jaiden, who never actually does anything.
- Rape as Drama: Of course it happens to Jaiden.
- Sadly Mythtaken: Voldemort invokes the Greek god Hades to bring Ron back from the dead, despite the complete non-appearance of gods Greek or otherwise in Harry Potter."Hades... father of the underworld, greatest of the Greek Gods, I call upon you to release a young spirit taken from this earth so violently... I... offer you this blood sacrifice..." He paused, in his right hand a dagger appeared, turning slightly he shoved the dagger into Wormtails abdomen, releasing the dagger, he threw Wormtail into the fire, his shrieks of pain followed echoing off the stone walls, they quickly diminished "In return for the spirit of Ronald Weasley..."
- Shaped Like Itself:
- A lot of the dialogue tags fall under this.
- Show, Don't Tell: Frequently averted - one chapter closes with the line "They had begun to fall in love with each other."
- Shower of Angst: Chapter 7, possibly.
- So Much for Stealth: Jaiden's attempt to spy on Voldemort and the Death Eaters is foiled by her stepping on a twig.
- Soft Glass: Zig-zagged in the shower scene, as Ron is able to punch right through the glass with no apparent harm but Jaiden cuts herself on the fragments.
- Straw Misogynist: Guess.
- Too Dumb to Live:
- Throwing Your Sword Always Works: Draco kills Ron in a knife fight by throwing the knife at Ron.
- Transplanted Character Fic:
- The author only occasionally remembers that Harry Potter characters can use magic, having Draco mend Jaiden's injured foot with Muggle first aid when healing potions were mentioned two chapters ago, Ron attacking her several times without using so much as a single curse, and the central conflict resolved with a Knife Fight.
- One time she does recall that it's a story about, you know, wizards, she has Ron Apparate within Hogwarts.
- The sequel isn't quite so bad about this.
- Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma: The writer appears to be under the impression that a comma is used at the end of all dialogue, even when it doesn't lead onto a dialogue tag.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: As well as Ron the Death Eater, we have Dean the Death Eater who's killed in the first chapter and nobody back at the castle ever notices.