Jaiden Spencer has never had it so good. She's the new Head Girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she's dating Ron (who we're helpfully informed is very nice) and everything is peachy. Well, apart from Voldemort being on the loose. While sneaking around the Hogwarts grounds at night to spy on Voldemort, who has apparently set up camp right outside the school, she discovers an unwelcome secret about her wonderful boyfriend. Who immediately becomes a whole lot less wonderful. But at least she has the Head Boy Draco Malfoy to go running to in their oh-so-handy and non-canonical private quarters.
Welcome to Dark Secrets by Jaiden (ahem) Lee Malfoy. The story can be found here
and a forum thread sporking it here (both links NSFW). The sequel Betrayed Revenge, featuring less wangst but just as much Canon Defilement and Ron coming back from the dead, is here and sporked here.
See also The Last War, which has a similar Lifetime Movie of the Week-style plot.
Dark Secrets contains examples of:
- Agony of the Feet: When Draco gets kidnapped, Jaiden breaks her foot kicking his trunk. This is forgotten in the next scene and doesn't make her any less effective in the Final Battle, not that she was to start with.
- Arbitrary Skepticism: In the sequel, Jaiden is convinced that nobody will believe that she's seeing Ron's ghost, despite the existence of ghosts being a known fact in the Potterverse.
- Beige Prose: Descriptions are very sparse (with a notable exception) in Dark Secrets, and Betrayed Revenge takes this up to eleven.
- Chekhov's Classroom: Subverted: The healing potion Jaiden makes in Snape's Potions class could have been useful at many points in the story, but is never mentioned again.
- Clever Crows: Ron uses a pet raven to spy on Draco and Jaiden, although where he got it from or how it talks to him (of course) isn't explained by the author.
- Clueless Aesop: The fic tries to tackle weighty issues like rape, abuse and suicide, but the writing is nowhere near up to it.
- Creepy Crows: Ron uses a pet raven to spy on Draco and Jaiden, although where he got it from or how it talks to him (of course) isn't explained by the author.
- Dark Secret: Ron's is that he's
a Death Eater. - Domestic Abuser: At one point, Ron beats Jaiden because he apparently saw her and Malfoy kissing.
- Driven to Suicide: Jaiden leaves Draco a note and attempts suicide - it's heavily hinted that in true
Purity Sue tradition, she's Too Good for This Sinful Earth - but he finds her and averts it just in time. - Duct Tape for Everything: A particularly bizarre example in which Ron uses it as a substitute for a restraining spell.
- Failed a Spot Check: Ron is a Death Eater, complete with the Dark Mark on his arm, but somehow none of the boys he shares a dormitory with, including Harry, notice.
- Faux Action Girl: Jaiden in the sequel is allegedly an Auror. However, she's just as incompetent as she is in the first installment.
- For the Evulz: The only thing that could remotely explain Ron's behavior in the fic.
- Freudian Slip: The bowdlerised version removes the sex scene, replacing it with a summary in which a typo declares Jaiden and Draco to have "a night of not, steamy, intoxicating passion".
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Considering the general grimdark tone of the fic, the author is very reluctant to swear, writing "f-cking" when she has to. Jaiden herself swears like Yosemite Sam in one scene.
- Gratuitous Rape: The AdultFanFiction version adds a second, considerably more graphic rape sequence to the scene in which Ron first breaks into Jaiden's quarters.
- IKEA Erotica: Though not as bad as some examples, the sex scene does still tend towards the mechanical.
- Informed Ability: Jaiden advises Draco not to take on Ron because he's too powerful. We've barely seen him cast a single spell in the entire fic. Then again, neither has Draco.
- Knife Fight: Instead of magic, Draco defeats Ron by stabbing him with what appears to be a perfectly mundane pocketknife.
- Meaningful Echo: Ron menaces (or tries to menace) Jaiden with the line "my precious". Draco echoes the line next chapter pre-IKEA Erotica, which is presumably supposed to be really sweet, but manages to top the first occurrence for Narm.
- Mood Whiplash: Draco and Jaiden start shagging straight after she tries killing herself. Made even better by Fridge Logic - even if she went across the street, wouldn't she need some kind of medical help more involved than wrapping a towel around her wrist?
- Narrating the Obvious: "Are you sure?" He asked, making sure this is what she wanted.
- Pinball Protagonist: Jaiden, who never actually does anything.
- Sadly Mythtaken: Voldemort invokes the Greek god Hades to bring Ron back from the dead, despite the complete non-appearance of gods Greek or otherwise in Harry Potter."Hades... father of the underworld, greatest of the Greek Gods, I call upon you to release a young spirit taken from this earth so violently... I... offer you this blood sacrifice..." He paused, in his right hand a dagger appeared, turning slightly he shoved the dagger into Wormtail’s abdomen, releasing the dagger, he threw Wormtail into the fire, his shrieks of pain followed echoing off the stone walls, they quickly diminished "In return for the spirit of Ronald Weasley..."
- Shaped Like Itself:"Are you sure?" He asked, making sure this is what she wanted.
- A lot of the dialogue tags fall under this.
- Show, Don't Tell: Frequently averted - one chapter closes with the line "They had begun to fall in love with each other."
- So Much for Stealth: Jaiden's attempt to spy on Voldemort and the Death Eaters is foiled by her stepping on a twig.
- Soft Glass: Zig-zagged in the shower scene, as Ron is able to punch right through the glass with no apparent harm but Jaiden cuts herself on the fragments.
- Too Dumb to Live:
- Ron's master plan when his dark secret is discovered is to... antagonize and alienate the one person who he's relying on not to make that secret public.
- After being beaten, Jaiden decides to conceal her injuries with magic rather than telling a professor.
- Ron's master plan when his
- Throwing Your Sword Always Works: Draco kills Ron in a knife fight by throwing the knife at Ron.
- Transplanted Character Fic:
- The author only occasionally remembers that Harry Potter characters can use magic, having Draco mend Jaiden's injured foot with Muggle first aid when healing potions were mentioned two chapters ago, Ron attacking her several times without using so much as a single curse, and the central conflict resolved with a Knife Fight.
- One time she does recall that it's a story about, you know, wizards, she has Ron Apparate within Hogwarts.
- Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma: The writer appears to be under the impression that a comma is used at the end of all dialogue, even when it doesn't lead onto a dialogue tag.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: As well as Ron the Death Eater, we have Dean the Death Eater who's killed in the first chapter and nobody back at the castle ever notices.
