Celestia: One more thing, and this isn't an order, just a suggestion, the same one I’ve given to everyone who’s appeared in Equestria over the years. Make some friends!
Soldier: Daleks have no concept of friendship!
Soldier: Daleks have no concept of friendship!
Deep beneath Salt Lake City, Utah, Rose Tyler orders a Dalek to die. Despite its compliance, it wakes in Equestria and is given a choice by Princess Celestia: Die as a Dalek or live as a pony. It picks the latter, beginning a strange tale involving friendship, personal discovery, redemption, and a very familiar Earth Pony...
"Daleks Have No Concept of Friendship!"
is a complete Doctor Who / My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Crossover, Slice of Life fanfiction sitting at 37,797 words and written by RainbowDoubleDash
.
Daleks Have No Concept of Troping:
- 10-Minute Retirement: Zig-Zagged; Following their adventure with Soldier, the Doctor and Minuette intend to return to the wider, more peaceful Whoniverse and continue their travels together, but also split their time between that universe and Equestria.
- Arbitrary Skepticism: Even after being exposed to a world of magic and talking ponies, Soldier still can't buy that Minuette is the physical manifestation of the TARDIS's Matrix, given the Type 40's specifications, as well as the fact that the TARDIS's matrix extends across time and space.
- Arc Words: "I am a/your soldier." and "I require orders."
- Badass Boast: Per Nu-Who tradition, the Doctor delivers a lengthy one to Soldier as he holds her captive in the TARDIS:The Doctor: I first met your kind when the Thals were still on Skaro. I went to your city. You were planning to irradiate the planet, wipe out the Thals. Back then you still depended on energy coming up from the floor to move around. I broke that energy, I took it away. You begged me to restore it. I didn’t. I couldn’t, but even if I could have, I wouldn’t. I’d known you for a day and I knew you were filth.
There was another time I was looking to help a poisoned friend. The universe, the whole universe, hadn’t known war for twenty-five years, and then five thousand Daleks got it into their casings to try and wipe out everything. You used a Time Destructor. I turned it on you, set it in reverse. Disassembled your casings, aged you all back to embryos and watched you die.
During the Dalek Civil War – do you remember that, Dalek? Were you there for that one? – I booby-trapped an ancient Gallifreyan artifact. I goaded Davros into using it. I set off a supernova that destroyed Skaro and then I talked the Supreme Dalek, the last Dalek, into killing itself.
What am I gonna do to you, Dalek? Something like all that. Or maybe something new. I'm still deciding. - Call-Back: A few to "Dalek", the episode this story serves as an Immediate Sequel to:
- While stuck in the Golden Oak Library with Spike and lamenting her newly-stunted intellectual capabilities, Soldier muses that "This is not life. This is sickness."
- While reflecting on her experiences in the Time War, Soldier repeats the phrase "The coward survived", re-contextualized to make it clear that she's referring to herself.
- While reflecting on the fear that the Doctor inspires in her, Soldier's inner monologue repeats some of the episode's most iconic phrases:The Doctor was cruelty. Malice. He hated the Dalek so much that he might have made a good Dalek himself. Soldier had told him as much. Any momentary mercy was always, always, swept aside. They meant nothing. And what he had done during the Time War…wiped them out, every Dalek, ten million ships on fire…
- Done subtly with the Doctor twisting the Ninth Doctor's cry of triumph at the Dalek that would become Soldier, as seen in Badass Boast.
- The Cameo: By virtue of re-telling of the closing moments of "Dalek", Rose Tyler briefly appears and unknowingly kicks off the events of the story by ordering Soldier to kill herself.
- Change the Uncomfortable Subject: When the Doctor prompts Spike into asking what the Daleks' primary order is, Soldier explains that it was something passed down by Davros that gives the Daleks purpose and chooses not to elaborate. Of course, the Doctor calls her on this:"Very tautological!" The Doctor called up. "So many words to avoid giving out any information at all. Classic misdirection, I do it myself all the time."
- Character Development: Soldier begins the story by holding on to the slim hope that she can intellectually remain a Dalek and a soldier even though her form has changed and ends it by begging the Doctor not to return her to what she was and eventually becoming a TARDIS-approved companion.
- Continuity Nod:
- The fic's title is cribbed from Thay's verbal slap-fight with a Cyberman at Canary Wharf:Dalek Thay: Daleks have no concept of elegance!
Cyberman: This is obvious. - Consistent to the backstory presented in Dalek, Soldier crashed to Earth in the midst of running from the Time War, crashing on the Ascension Islands and burning in its casing for three days straight.
- Once again, the Doctor is referred to as "The Oncoming Storm".
- While painting the Doctor as an antagonist so that the Mane Six may be set against him, Soldier reveals that the Doctor was sent to avert the Daleks' creation, but privately reflects that he defied the Time Lords' orders to ensure the Daleks' survival, even though he'd later go on to kill scores more of them.
- With Soldier being a Shell-Shocked Veteran of the Time War, it's only natural that the Could-Have-Been-King with his armies of Meanwhiles and Never-Weres get a name-check, as well as the Nightmare Child. It's the latter that Soldier has a particularly personal connection to...
- It only took a few thousand years, but the Sonic Screwdriver finally does wood.
- When confronting Soldier, the Doctor throws the Dalek War Chant heard in "The Chase" right in her face.:The Doctor: You used to have a little song and everything. How did it go…align and advance! Advance and attack! Attack and destroy! Destroy and rejoice!
- See Badass Boast above.
- Minuette's "diploma" is constructed of psychic paper.
- Minuette is described returning to the TARDIS's Matrix in a manner similar to how Idris dissolved near the end of "The Doctor's Wife".
- Soldier notes that the TARDIS is constructed to be piloted by six individuals working in tandem, the Doctor has left the parking brakes on, and that's not even getting into the Chameleon Circuit (with Soldier's analysis mirroring the Eleventh Doctor's explanation from "Meanwhile in the TARDIS"):Soldier: In its current state it will scan where it is about to land within a fifty-mile radius, identify the most innocuous and fitting appearance for the time period and location, and then appear as a wooden police box with windows that are too small and a door that opens the wrong way.
- When taking Soldier to a Skaro that's "thousands of years" removed from the Neutronic / Thousand Year War, the Doctor notes that he and the TARDIS had to construct a miniature time loop for the both of them to reside in, so as not to catch the Dalek Time Controller's attention.
- After the Doctor objects to making Soldier a companion, Minuette/The TARDIS retorts that it's about time she started bringing home strays.
- The fic's title is cribbed from Thay's verbal slap-fight with a Cyberman at Canary Wharf:
- Dramatic Irony: While Soldier makes no real attempt to hide her former nature from Spike, Twilight completely misinterprets Soldier's confession, likening her to pest control.
- The Dreaded: Best exemplified in Chapter 5, after Soldier arrives back in the Golden Oaks library following a brief encounter with the Doctor:“Emergency!” Soldier called as she picked herself up. “Emergency! EMERGENCY! THE DOCTOR IS HERE! THE DOCTOR IS HERE!”
- Drives Like Crazy: The Doctor, per tradition:Minuette: [You] dissolved half the wall of my office. Nearly destroyed my diploma, scared poor Strawberry Sunrise half to death, and you know how impossible it is to get her to sit in that chair...
- Foreshadowing:
- Soldier's pony form is that of a unicorn mare, something which surprises even Celestia. As the story goes on, it's implied that Soldier's prior-existing genetic impurities, coupled with its recent experience of absorbing Rose Tyler's DNA, influenced the decision.
- As part of her "orders" to Soldier, Celestia advises Soldier to flee from danger instead of attempt to fight it. When Soldier finally encounters the Doctor in person, she takes Celestia's advice and runs for the hills.
- As detailed in Arc Words, Soldier's intermittent repitions of "I am your soldier" bring the "Ironside" Daleks to mind. It's later revealed that she's just about as pure as them, and that was before she absorbed Rose's DNA.
- The Doctor isn't one to indulge in romantic relationships (as Rose, Martha, and Yaz can attest), so it seems odd that he has finally settled down with Minuette, an ordinary unicorn. As it turns out, Minuette is a good deal older and more familiar with the Doctor than appearances would suggest.
- Minuette's chosen profession ultimately serves as this when one remembers Idris's comment about biting being like kissing, only with a winner involved.
- Given that the Doctor's been ponified, one would think he'd be hard at work on getting home, but he seems content in the life he's built for himself. As it turns out, he's not even trapped there to begin with; he and the TARDIS chose to settle down and retire in Equestria.
- While the TARDIS is in flight, Soldier briefly notes that the TARDIS's central rotor — identified as its Matrix here — doesn't move, signifying that the ship is only moving through space and not time. In addition, as he's talking with Soldier, the Doctor impatiently notes that "she" should be here by now. When Minuette enters, he's notably pointing at the central console while saying that they can go.
- As revealed in the author's notes, Minuette's omnipotence only pertains to events taking place within the TARDIS interior, meaning that when Minuette fortells Soldier's breakdown in a year's time, Soldier will most likely be inside the TARDIS when it occurs. In the following chapter, Minutette invites Soldier aboard as a full-time companion.
- Forgot About His Powers: After the main action has settled, the Doctor briefly wonders when he should break the news that Soldier isn't the last Dalek in existence. It turns out, due to ponies' enhanced hearing, Soldier receives the revelation much earlier than intended.
- Gender Bender: Downplayed; While Daleks are voiced by Nicholas Briggs, Soldier's new body is that of an androgynous mare. Soldier rolls with it, stating that Daleks have no concept of gender.
- "Groundhog Day" Loop: Prior to meeting Celestia, the Dalek that will become Soldier briefly entertains that they are trapped in this as a form of personal hell:Was this its Hell, then? To suffer pain, to be damaged to the point of uselessness, to be corrupted by human genetic material so that it was not even pure Dalek, then to be discovered and tortured? Again and again?
- How Do I Shot Web?: Despite being in the body of a fully-grown unicorn, Soldier has no idea how to perform magic. She eventually figures it out in a heat-of-the-moment decision to save Spike from a bit of unintentional collateral damage caused by her and the Doctor's battle, and then gains a more solid grasp on her magic after Spike suggests that she allow her emotions to guide her as opposed to her intellect.
- Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Every chapter, which shares the format of "Daleks Have No Concept of [X]". The formula is broken in the final chapter, entitled "Ponies Have No Concept of Endings".
- In Medias Res: The story opens, as indicated by the above, during the tail-end of "Dalek", with the Lone Dalek using its self-destruct function on Rose Tyler's orders.
- Incorruptible Pure Pureness: The Doctor lampshades this to get under Soldier's skin, stating that, as bad as the villains Equestria are, the pony universe as a whole could never produce something like a Dalek no matter how hard it tried. Minuette later turns this line of logic back on the Doctor stating that, by virtue of simply being in Equestria, Soldier shows the capacity for growth and change.
- Jumping Off the Slippery Slope: Subverted: The Doctor appears to consider doing this by implying that he'll subject Soldier to a Fate Worse than Death, but Minuette later reveals that he only intended to wipe Soldier's memories and lock her away in their original universe.
- Let's You and Him Fight:
- "Daleks Have No Concept of Apologies" pits the Doctor against Soldier in the battleground of the Golden Oaks Library, with Spike being Soldier's assist in the battle. The Doctor wins, but only by planting just enough doubt in Spike to allow him to turn her over to the Doctor.
- "Daleks Have No Concept of Change" has the Mane Six break into the TARDIS and threaten to go to war with the Doctor, should he continue his vendetta against Soldier, but the Doctor's long since snapped out of his bloodlust and ends up broadly agreeing with every point that the Mane Six make.Twilight: Oh. Well, um…good! Good. Glad to help…
- Moral Myopia: As the Doctor notes, Soldier doesn't regret her years of bloodshed serving under the Dalek Empire, but is wracked with guilt over betraying Spike's trust and making him cry. Minuette counters that Soldier doesn't have the full range of emotional experiences necessary to comprehend what she's done, but that she will in a year's time and nearly "go to pieces" because of it.
- "Not So Different" Remark: In her confrontation with the Doctor, Twilight explicitly compares Soldier's transformation to regeneration, asking that if regeneration could make the Doctor a whole new pony, why couldn't it do the same for Soldier? As noted by Minuette, the question is impressive but unnecessary, as the Doctor's already come around to their way of thinking.
- Oh, Crap!: When Soldier is confronted with a ponified Doctor, the former Dalek high-tails it back to the Golden Oak Library and has a full-blown panic attack in front of Twilight.
- Retcon: Soldier's inner monologue reveals that she was never a pure Dalek, with the Empire needing to turn out Dalek soldiers at so quickly a rate that they couldn't ensure genetic purity, explaining why she was so easily corrupted by Rose Tyler's DNA.
- Sadistic Choice: What Celestia offers Soldier: Either Soldier can remain a Dalek and die in a slow, agonizing fashion as Equestria attempts to mold her into its image, or Celestia can ensure her survival via Emergency Transformation at the expense of her genetic purity. As Celestia notes, there is also the option of a Mercy Kill, which she notes that several others had taken.
- Sarcasm-Blind: Soldier, in parts:Soldier: I am your soldier. You may call me whatever you wish.
Celestia: Even Montone Mare?
Soldier: Yes. - Shell-Shocked Veteran: As it turns out, Soldier was present when Davros's command ship flew into the jaws of the Nightmare Child, and the incident inspired so much fear in her that she fled the battle and wound up on Earth thanks to "the rigors of the Time War and the miasma of the Nightmare Child" disrupting her spatial shift. With time to think on it, the incident winds up affecting her so greatly that Soldier has trouble thinking of herself as a Dalek afterwards.
- Shout-Out: While explaining the natural wonders of Skaro to Soldier, the Doctor obliquely references J. R. R. Tolkien and The Lord of the Rings, with him cribbing Elrond's quote regarding Sauron in The Fellowship of the Ring:The Doctor: [In] his greatest work he said that ‘nothing is evil in the beginning.’
- Shown Their Work: The description of a pre-Thousand Year War Skaro is a veritable goldmine of research on the Whoniverse side of things, with Soldier noting Flidor
and Omega Mysterium
(Skaro's twin moons) and deducing that they've landed on one of the mountains near Drammankin Lake
, pointing out the exact location of Kaalann, the Dalek City first glimpsed in The Daleks. The Doctor further reveals that they've landed on the piece of land that will eventually become Dalazar
prior to the Ocean of Ooze
separating it from Davius
. All this information was revealed in Dalek: The Astounding Untold History of the Greatest Enemies of the Universe, a short story and later chapter book first published in 2017. - Timey-Wimey Ball: Although "Dalek" only took place a day ago from Soldier's perspective, it's easily been millennia since the events of that episode for the Doctor.
- Troll: Though Soldier is often The Comically Serious, she has her moments:Soldier: Daleks do not believe in magic!
Celestia: Every time somepony says they don’t believe in magic, somewhere, a flutter pony dies.
Soldier: There is a species on this planet that can be exterminated if one vocalizes disbelief in magic?
Celestia: ...Yes?
Soldier: Daleks do not believe in magic. Daleks do not believe in magic. Daleks do not believe in magic. Daleks – - The Un-Reveal: As Celestia reveals, even she doesn't know why so many beings are sent to Equestria from other worlds. The closest thing the audience has to an explanation is Celestia's hypothesis that her universe is "downhill" from others and beings in need of help tend to "roll" into her world. Seeing as any explanation is ultimately irrelevant to the main story, this isn't explored any further.
- Wham Line:
- The Doctor drops two bombshells (one obvious, one subtle) when he's confronted by Minuette near the emotional climax of the story:The Doctor: [Without] you, Minuette—
Minuette: Ooh, we’re being formal then? I suppose we do have someone over…
The Doctor: —without you, I don’t really have a TARDIS. I have an RDIS. I can do space but not time and we’ll need both to get back home. - And as Minuette later clarifies:Minuette: Let’s re-introduce ourselves. Soldier, I’m the TARDIS.
- The Doctor drops two bombshells (one obvious, one subtle) when he's confronted by Minuette near the emotional climax of the story:
- What the Hell, Hero?: Minuette and the Mane Six separately read the Doctor the riot act, with Minuette pointing out that the Doctor failed to consider the implications of a world as peace-loving as Equestria allowing a Dalek into it, Applejack pointing out that both sides of the Time War had "bad ponies doing bad stuff", as Rainbow Dash puts it, and Twilight asserting that Soldier, as the first Dalek in their universe, has the right and privilege to define what "Dalek" means there — not the Doctor. Naturally, with a clearer head, the Doctor ends up agreeing with all of these points.
