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CSI: Death by Chocolate

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CSI: Death By Chocolate is a Crossover fanfiction between CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and the 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film. Yes, seriously.

Ten years after the events of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, tragedy strikes just before the first Willy Wonka Candy Emporium in twenty years is about to open in Las Vegas. Someone has murdered 22-year old Charlie Bucket and dumped his body out in the desert, and it is up to the Las Vegas CSI team to figure out who could have killed him and why. Naturally, things aren't so cut and dried, especially as the team explores further into Mr. Wonka's magical world.

Can be found here.

A live reading is in progress on Youtube starting here.


This fanwork contains examples of:

  • Ascended Fanboy: Greg Sanders, in-universe fan of Willie Wonka, by the end, becomes the new heir to Wonka's chocolate factory.
  • Bound and Gagged: The magic candy plants in the Wonka Factory Chocolate Room do this to Mrs. Beauregard after she tries to shoot Willy. Though not enough to keep her from getting off one last shot.
  • Celebrity Paradox: Fangirls keep mistaking Mr. Wonka for Johnny Depp.
  • Continuity Nod: Turns out that the side effects of being "punished" by the weird stuff at the factory stayed with the children even after all of these years.
  • Crack Fic: ...yeah. It's a CSI / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory crossover fic. How could it not be?
  • Crazy-Prepared: Turns out Mr. Wonka had some plant defenses installed in the factory ever since Mrs. B tried to flirt with him during the tour.
  • Crowd Song: The Oompa Loompas break into song twice, once while giving their witness statement.
  • Cursed with Awesome: Violet Beauregard will remain a blueberry-colored Rubber Woman for the rest of her life, so she decided to exploit it by becoming a Cirque du Soleil contortionist. The story shows she made quite the name for herself because of this.
  • Demographic-Dissonant Crossover: The 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film, although an Adaptation Expansion in its own right, is still based on a kid's story and has all the whimsy that comes with it. The other half of this crossover is CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, which deals with blood and murder on the regular.
  • Dodge the Bullet: Wonka is able to do this to a bullet fired from Brenda Lee Beauregard's revolver, using magical purple fire to slow the bullet down long enough for him to dodge it.
  • Double Take: After a bulletin is put out to all police precincts to look out for Mike Teavee, wanted for questioning on the Wonka Emporium firebombing, the LVPD switchboard gets a lot of requests for clarification that the suspect is 12 feet tall and 80 lbs.
  • Distant Finale: The story serves as this to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, though it's a Deadly Distant Finale for Charlie.
  • Edible Ammunition: Nick and Warrick end up getting pelted by candy (including taffy and jawbreakers) by the Oompa-Loompas when they try to investigate the newly Wonka Emporium.
  • Feeling Their Age: Played for tragedy with Wonka discovering that Charlie is dead. The narration mentions that at that precise time (and for a very painful moment) all of the psychological aging that Willy Wonka had tried to stave off by acting like a Manchild caught up with him as he tried to process this fact, causing him to collapse into tears. Catherine compares the light dying in his eyes to the implosion of a high-rise building being demolished.
  • Forcibly Formed Physique: After the Rubber Man Mike Teavee was finally captured after causing a ruckus in the police precinct, the staff have to resort to novel ways of restraining him, and when Brass finally interrogates him, his elasticized arms have been tied into a square knot under the table.
  • Fur and Loathing: Played with. Charlie was found with strands of mink fur on his body, which causes the team to finger the mink-coat-wearing Veruca Salt as a suspect. Turns out she isn't responsible; they were Secretly Dating.
  • Genius Ditz: Willy Wonka. Charlie was the Cloudcuckoolander's Minder in his latter days. While his personality swings are practically manic-depressive, he has enough insight to know that Charlie's murderer would eventually come after him, and plan accordingly.
  • The Ghost: Augustus Gloop suffers being Demoted to Extra as compared to the other Golden Ticket winners; while they all show up in person in this story (Charlie posthumously), Augustus never appears and his current whereabouts are only mentioned as a bit of gossip from Violet. Probably justified in that the story takes place in the U.S. and the German Augustus has no reason to go overseas (Violet and Mike are American, and while Veruca and Charlie are British, Charlie was in town on Wonka business and Veruca had moved the family business to New York).
  • Gold Digger: It was mentioned that after the Wonka tour, Mr. Teavee bought stock in Wonka Chocolates, and the Teavees divorced soon after, and after that Mrs. Beauregard married him for that Wonka money (and also to potentially get close to Wonka for her revenge).
  • Grissom One-Liner: Natch. Provides the Title Drop at the very beginning.
  • Head-Tiltingly Kinky: Greg Sanders meets Violet Beauregard, now a contortionist with Cirque du Soleil. She is combing her hair. With her feet. From behind. While doing an elbow-stand on her chair. And her blue hair and skin are not make-up.
  • Improvised Bandage: After Willy Wonka gets shot in the middle of the Chocolate Room, Catherine looks around for something to pack the wound with, and one of the Oompa-Loompas drops a fruit filled with taffy for her to use. It even magically seals the wound long enough for the victim to get to the hospital.
  • Insufferable Genius: Mike Teavee, especially when Brass interrogates him. He eagerly confesses to the firebombing of the Wonka Emporium, gloating at how easy it was to do so and insulted at the idea that he needed help. He's also smug when he claims that the cops wouldn't be able to hold him after what they did to restrain him.
    Teavee: Once I file a lawsuit against this precinct for police brutality, you won't be able to make any charges stick. I know my rights. Throwing a man across the room and then tying him to a table cannot be construed as 'minimum necessary force' by any definition.
    Brass: I think once the judge sees the surveillance tape of you stretching to three times your body length, he might disagree.
    Teavee: Whatever.
  • It's Personal: Willy admits this is how he knew Mrs. Beauregard was the culprit and would be coming after him later, and not Veruca Salt. For all of Veruca's Rich Bitch attitude and temper, she knew how to keep business and personal issues separate. But for Mrs. Beauregard, everything was personal, and she never got over what happened to her daughter, despite Violet herself not holding a grudge.
  • I've Never Seen Anything Like This Before: British Inspector Pierce comments that now he's finally seen everything after witnessing Grissom talk his way past Willy Wonka's secretary Doris and into an interview with the candy-making recluse himself.
    Pierce: Just how the hell did you manage to do what my entire department, five factory inspection departments, 300 representatives from various religious groups, and two Scout troops failed to do?
    Grissom: I play chess.
  • The Lab Rat: Greg, though he is given the opportunity to do some investigation on his own when Gil and Catherine are off trying to interview Wonka.
  • Last Breath Bullet: Non-lethal variant for all parties; Brenda Beauregard's murder attempt on Wonka has been averted, she's been subdued, Bound and Gagged by magic plants, and Wonka is explaining himself to Grissom and Catherine... and then he gets shot in the shoulder because no-one disarmed Mrs. Beauregard of her revolver. Fortunately, he lives too.
  • Level Ate: The chocolate room in Wonka's factory, as per the story. Just walking through it takes Catherine's breath away.
  • Logic Bomb: Grissom, trying desperately to make the fanciful stuff he encounters jibe with how he knows the world works.
  • Magic Versus Science: Trying to analyze a piece of Wonka candy in the mass spectrometer has spectacular results. Walkie-talkies don't work within the Wonka Emporium. Cell phones don't work inside the Chocolate Factory.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Willy Wonka doesn't panic after he gets shot in the shoulder, only acting loopier and calmly chatting about the circumstances.
  • Mathematician's Answer: When Greg goes to interview Violet Beauregard, who is performing as an acrobat, the bouncer warns him to not try any funny business, since she's a black belt who will break his neck herself.
    Greg: Karate? Judo, Jujitsu?
    Bouncer: Yes.
  • Manchild: Willy Wonka. The only time he acts his age is when he gets news of Charlie's death, and Catherine has to comfort him like a mother.
  • Mood Whiplash: Greg is just doing a Happy Dance in his car after interviewing the contortionist Violet Beauregard and getting her number, when suddenly he feels the shockwave of the Wonka Emporium being blown up.
  • My Card: Gil gives one to Wonka after asking him some questions.
  • Passing the Torch: Willie Wonka makes Sanders the new heir to the chocolate factory after Charlie's death.
  • Plastic Bitch: Brenda Lee Teavee, formerly Beauregard is described as having to be dragged kicking and screaming into middle-age, with her army of Botox, hair dye and implants fighting all the way. She also turns out to be Charlie's murderer, who wanted to hurt Wonka for her daughter getting turned blue.
  • Readings Blew Up the Scale: When the CSI team tries to analyze a piece of Wonka candy in the mass spectrometer, it literally starts spitting fireworks and sugar in confusion.
  • Revenge by Proxy: The true culprit for Charlie's murderer is Violet Beauregard's mother, Brenda Lee Beauregard, now Brenda Teavee, who wanted Wonka to suffer after what happened to her daughter.
  • Rich Bitch: Veruca Salt, who got pissed off when Charlie decided not to make a business alliance between her company and Wonka's. It ends up deconstructed. Even if still enough of a bitch that she looked like a sure-fire culprit, she still cares about the fact Charlie got killed and blowing up about the business alliance aside, she wasn't that much of a bitch to him — they were even Secretly Dating.
  • Rubber Man: Mike Teavee, whose body was stretched and elasticized to the point that he can fold himself into a mail package or stretch his body across a room. When he tries to get away from the police, several LVPD policemen get a grip on his ankles... and he stretches like a rubber band (including bouncing back hard) as he tries to drag himself away.
  • Same Character, But Different: Violet Beauregard during the Wonka tour was a competitive and arrogant 12-year-old, while Violet as an adult is milder and more relaxed, even looking back and thinking Charlie was rather nice. She attributes her personality change to being "juiced", as when they squeezed all the sour stuff out of her to change her back from a giant blueberry, that included her sour personality.
  • Smash Cut: As Mike Teavee is trying to escape from Greg and Nick by stretching his elasticized body across the precinct and clawing at everything within reach, the cops hanging onto his ankles finally yank him hard enough to dislodge his grip. There is a snap, and the chapter abruptly ends on the below yell of alarm.
    "HOLY SHIT HE'S SNAPPING BA—!"
  • Speak in Unison: Gil and Catherine end up doing this despite being on separate conversations in the same hotel room in London. Gil is receiving an update about a potential suspect in the Bucket murder, and Catherine is talking to Willy's secretary about a follow-up interview, with someone else currently there.
    Gil & Catherine: Violet Beauregard's mom?
  • Spit Take: Catherine tells Gil about the Chocolate Room. Gil is eating tomato soup at the time.
  • Squee: Greg Sanders' reaction to finally meeting Willy Wonka is to run around the lab screaming "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!"
  • Stuff Blowing Up: The Las Vegas Wonka Emporium is firebombed two thirds of the way through.
  • Title Drop: The fact that Charlie was drowned in melted chocolate leads to the obvious remark.

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