Fanfic / Blooper Mario Sunshine

Mario: Why can't I just get a gun and shoot the crap out of him?

FLUDD: Because that would be easier.

Mario: And easy is bad?

FLUDD: No. Easy is good. Which is why you can't have it.

Blooper Mario Sunshine is a fanfiction retelling of Super Mario Sunshine writen by Second Wolf (known as AllHailMario at the time this fanfiction was written).

It follows Mario, Peach, Toadsworth, and a few other Toads, who are on Isle Delfino for a vacation. Unfortunately, after meeting a mean-spirited water pump named FLUDD (Fake Lying Unuseful Dumb Dud) and defeating a Polluted Piranha Plant with a four-month-old raisin, Mario is arrested and held responsible for the pollution covering the island, which drove away all of the Shine Sprites. Now he, with the unreliable help of FLUDD, is forced to clean the island and find all of the Shine Sprites. Hilarity Ensues.

You can read it here (Safe for work).

This Fanfiction contains examples of:

• Author Avatar: The "Writer" whom Mario occasionally argues with is obviously AllHailMario.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall: FLUDD does this frequently.
  • Inverted with Mario. He is unaware that he's in a video game in the first few chapters and when FLUDD breaks the fourth wall, he has no idea what he's talking about. He becomes aware later.
    • He's also aware that he's in a fanfic because he talks with the writer occasionally.
• Briar Patching: Mario manages to goad a horde of angry Piantas into throwing him into Noki Bay to face Eely-Mouth (his next objective) instead of some other grisly fate.
• Buffy Speak: The large Cataquack-like minibosses faced on the mirrors are referred to as "apple-things" by both Mario and the narrative.
• The Chew Toy: The whole universe is out to get Mario. Often, however, he brings it upon himself by being stupid, a jerk, or both.
• Critical Existence Failure: Much to Mario's immense confusion and frustration, running out of time while playing a minigame or losing a race to Il Piantissimo causes him to drop dead for no reason other than it being a video game.
• Cyborg: Il Piantissimo is rebuilt as Cyber Piantissimo after being ripped apart by fish in Noki Bay.
• Divide by Zero: The boat in Corona Mountain breaking physics (A disliked aspect of the original game) is treated as this, with Bowser even stating he intends to divide by zero later as well.
• Griefer: FLUDD often has no reason to lie to Mario or otherwise get him in trouble.
• I Ate WHAT?!: The "Surprise Smoothie" Mario buys at Gelato Beach. We don't know what's in it, but it supposedly tastes vaguely like crab meat, seaweed, and coconuts. Mario later gets revenge on the barista by force-feeding him his own Surprise Smoothie.
• Instant-Win Condition: It doesn't matter if Mario is about to suffocate, drown, be clobbered to death by someone a thousand times his size, or otherwise meet a grisly end, if he touches the Shine Sprite he wins the level. In one case he even dies right after grabbing the Shine Sprite, and is perfectly fine after warping out of the level.
• Kangaroo Court: Mario is found guilty immediately after he's put on trial, twice.
• Only Sane Man: Anyone from the Mushroom Kingdom.
• Pain-Powered Leap: One of Mario's numerous attempts to get up onto a ledge he left FLUDD on is to try and exploit this trope, goading a nearby beehive into stinging him so he can jump high enough to reach the ledge. The narrative doesn't even describe what happens, simply leaving it at "It doesn't work".
• Piantas Are Useless: All of the citizens of Isle Delfino are either stupid, lazy, or both.
• Running Gag: Several. The water striders in Bianco Hills assaulting Mario, FLUDD dousing Mario with its Idiot Stopper whenever he won't proceed, and the Chucksters who throw anyone who speaks to them.
• Schmuck Bait: There is a section of Noki Bay with a warning sign reading "Do not swim here unless you have a fetish where fish eat the flesh off your bones." Surprisingly, Mario does not fall in at any point or get tricked into swimming there, but he does trip Il Piantissimo into it, with gruesome results.
• Script Fic: The story is in this format. References are even made to "the camera" or "background music", albeit less often as the fic goes on.
• Snarky Inanimate Object: FLUDD always has some remark to make about everything Mario does (or neglects to do). FLUDD insists that as a machine it does not derive amusement from Mario's mishaps, but this is demonstratably untrue.
• Split Personality: The mayor of Pianta Village claims to have thirty-five separate personalities; this apparently is the result of being left stranded on a dry wooden house surrounded by molten-hot goop for an unfathomable amount of time.
• You Are Fat: FLUDD pokes at Mario's weight plenty of times. Additionally, the news reports often do this unintentionally, such as suspecting a massive impact into Pinna Park to have been from an 800 pound meteorite, or mistaking Mario for a sumo wrestler. There seems to be some truth to it, as Mario is able to tip the giant mirrors just by hanging from their edge, and defeat the Wiggler with just one ground-pound instead of three like in the source material.