- Buddha, reportedly, but it's all in good fun for Buddha.
- It tends to get lost in translation, but the gospels often portray Jesus as quite the Deadpan Snarker.Jesus: Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?"
Paul looked straight at the Sanhedrin and said, "My brothers, I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day." At this the high priest Ananias ordered those standing near Paul to strike him on the mouth. Then Paul said to him, "God will strike you, you white-washed wall! You sit there to judge me according to the law, yet you yourself violate the law by commanding that I be struck!" Those who were standing near Paul said, "You dare to insult God's high priest?" Paul replied, "Brothers, I did not know that he was the high priest, for it is written: 'Do not speak evil about the ruler of your people.' "
- There's also his interaction with the Samaritan woman at the well:Jesus said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come back." The woman answered him, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You are right in saying, 'I have no husband'; for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. What you have said is true!"
- There's also the first meeting between Jesus and soon-to-be-Apostle Nathaniel, which involves some snarking all around. Philip runs to get Nathaniel and tells him Jesus of Nazareth is the Messiah, which contains such gems as these:Nathaniel: Can anything good come from Nazareth?Philip: Come and see.Jesus, upon seeing Nathaniel: Behold, an Israelite in whom there is no deceit!Nathaniel, to Jesus: How do you know me?Jesus: Before Philip called you, I saw you under the fig tree.Nathaniel: Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel.Jesus: Do you believe because I told you that I saw you under the fig tree? You will see greater things than this.
- He often used the expression "as a sinner or a tax collector." Implication being, even on a list of lowlifes, tax collectors are the lowest. Guess what Matthew did for a living.
- When Pilate asks if he's The King of The Jews, he basically answers "you said it, not me."
- In chapter 10 of The Gospel of John, when Jews listening to Jesus's preaching pick up stones intending to stone him, his response is, "I've shown you many great works from my Father; for which of these are you stoning me?"
- Other than him, Paul of Tarsus loved to deal some snark in his epistles. In one instance, mediating an argument amongst the Galatians about circumcision, he helpfully recommends to the conservative Jewish converts agitating against the pagan converts that they "go the whole way and cut the entire thing off!" Another translation is, "I wish those [agitating for the circumcision of the Gentiles] would castrate themselves," which is arguably even snarkier.
- Another example: (Acts 22:26) As a Roman guard ties Paul up to flog him, Paul casually asks if it is legal to flog a uncondemned Roman citizen (it's not). The guard captain, upon hearing that Paul is a citizen says, "With a large sum I obtained this citizenship" to which Paul simply replies, "But I was born a citizen."
- In Acts 23:1-5 (N.I.V.), when Paul is brought before the Sanhedrin:
Elijah: Call at the top of your voice, for he is a god; for he must be concerned with a matter, and he has excrement and has to go to the privy. Or maybe he is asleep and ought to wake up.
- In I Samuel 21, David is brought before King Achish, and fearing for his life he feigns insanity. When Achish sees him, he sarcastically asks his servants if he has a shortage of madmen, that they need to bring him another.
- In 1 Kings 18, Elijah challenges the prophets of Baal to a showdown, to see whose god could ignite a sacrifice. After what must be hours of calling for Baal:
- In the Hebrew, Elijah uses a euphemism for the bathroom part (i.e. "busy with something", or the way an English speaker might say it, "on high"). Ultimately, one wonders if he was given any prophetic foresight that the ultimate fate of the temple of Baal would be as a public toilet (2 Kings 10:27).
- What do you expect? The Bible was written by Jews wasn't it? A people famed for snarkiness and black humor — and getting into situations that required it.
- Plus, when you think about it, God is the ultimate Knight In Sour Armor.
- When Jonah (post-fish) sits on a hillside overlooking the Nineveh he hates and is angy that his preaching has led to the citizens' repenting and the city not being destroyed, God causes a vine with a gourd on it to grow over Jonah to shade him from the sun. God then causes the vine to die, and when Jonah is angry over the gourd's absence, He replies 'Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow, which came up in a night, and perished in a night; and should not I have pity on Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand, and also much cattle?'
- The entire nation of Israel would seem to qualify. When they found themselves trapped between Pharaoh's army and the Red Sea, the people cried out to Moses, "Whatthere were no graves in Egypt, so we had to die here instead?"
- Jeremiah's sidekick Baruch, a scribe. To quote Jeremiah 36:17-18:They asked Baruch, saying, "How did you write all these words at [Jeremiah's] instruction?
- There's also his interaction with the Samaritan woman at the well:
- From the Mahabharata, The Dragon Karna.
- Momos, the Greek god of snark. Gee, Zeus, the Trojan War is such a great idea. There are too many people on Earth anyway.
Deadpan Snarker /
Myths & Religion
aka: Religion And Mythology