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Deadpan Snarker / Live-Action Film

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  • Schrader in Accepted, whenever he is exasperated by Bartleby's actions.
    Schrader: Yeah, cool guys. Let's start this fake college, and then we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. Come on, it's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.
  • Wednesday Addams is a snarker par excellence in both The Addams Family and Addams Family Values
  • Margo in All About Eve. "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!" Addison perhaps even more so. Come on, he has "wit" in his last name!
    • Pretty much every character has a claim to the throne but the crown just by sheer ratio goes to Birdie.
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  • In A Man For All Seasons, title character Sir Thomas More gets in some zingers:
    WOLSEY: The King wants a son- what are you going to do about it?
    MORE: (dry) I'm very sure the King needs no advice from me on what to do about it.
  • Alan has several lines in American Dreamer, until he gets shot at. Then he has Large Ham moments in frustration.
  • Arsenic and Old Lace: The evil brother and his sidekick have a wonderfully snarky discussion after the brother learns his aunts have killed more people than he has.
  • Hobson, Arthur's nanny, from the remake of Arthur. The original Hobson (played by John Gielgud) as well, more so (about every second line that comes out of his mouth is snark).
    Hobson: Thrilling to meet you, Gloria.
    Gloria: Hi.
    Hobson: Yes . . . You obviously have a wonderful economy with words, Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness.
    • Arthur himself in the original has his moments:
    Perry's wife: (screaming) MY HUSBAND HAS A GUN!
    Arthur: I'm sure he does, madam. For all I know, he shot it while you screamed.
  • Dr. Evil's son, Scott, in the Austin Powers series. Unlike his father, he is competent and intelligent in the area of actually being a successful evil ruler, but he is sadly always shot down by his father whenever he attempts to introduce some good ideas to the table. He often mocks his father's dumb and humorous plan names (i.e. The Alan Parson's Project and Preparation H), and constantly asks, whenever Austin is successfully captured, why he isn't simply just killed on-spot.
    • He does eventually start getting respect from his father when he actually makes a legitimate attempt to be evil in the third film (so much so that he even begins losing his hair), only for his father to pull a Heel–Face Turn when it is revealed that he and Austin are brothers.
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  • Intrepid Reporter Alexander Knox in Batman (1989), who snarks at the local government's constant denials of Batman's existence, even as it becomes more and more obvious. He's even not afraid to snark at a mob boss.
  • Morris in Big Game.
    Morris: He was accompanied by a set of small footprints.
    Hazar: What does that mean?'
    Morris: Usually, small feet.
    • Not that Hazar doesn't snark.
      Tour guide: Are you people terrorists?!
      Hazar: Well, I guess you could call us so.
  • Blonde Crazy: Anne snarks against Bert like a reflex.
  • Harold from The Boys in the Band.
  • James Donovan in Bridge of Spies snarks frequently and constantly, probably to cope with the stress of the situations he gets into.
  • Narnia has enough to be a World of Snark. As Jadis' wolves drag a Good Narnian fox and throw him in front of her and Edmund:
    Jadis: Nice of you to drop in. You were so helpful to my wolves last night, perhaps you can help me now.
    Fox: Forgive me, Your Majesty.
    Jadis: Oh, don't waste my time with flattery.
    Fox: Not to seem rude, but I wasn't actually talking to you.
    • In Prince Caspian, Peter Dinklage as Trumpkin fulfills this role beautifully, pointing out just how ridiculously most of the other characters are behaving, and generally saying what audience members are thinking.
      • Lucy angrily tells her siblings to 'Stop talking like grown-ups!' in the same film.
      Trumpkin: "I am a grown-up."
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    • High King Peter has a moment of his own when Caspian expresses shock at the ancient kings' and queens' youth.
      "We could go away and come back again in a few years."
    • Skandar Keynes as Edmund has traits of this, as well.
    • Edmund is actually the biggest snarker in the series. His line of snarky replies is quite long and some of them have practically become popular on the internet:
      Susan: Besides, we could all use the fresh air.
      Edmund: It's not like there isn't air inside.
    • And:
      Peter: Is it Latin?
      Edmund: Is it Latin for worst game ever invented?
    • Also:
      Lucy: Weren't you wondering where I was?
      Edmund: That's the point. That was why he was seeking you.
    • In the second part:
      Susan: Pretend you're talking to me.
      Edmund: We are talking to you.
    • After Susan and Caspian's kiss:
      Lucy: I'm sure when I'm older, I'll understand.
      Edmund: I'm older and I don't think I want to understand.
    • To Peter:
      Edmund: I had it sorted.
    • When talking to Miraz:
      Miraz: This is not a question of bravery.
      Edmund: So you're bravely refusing to fight a swordsman half your age.
    • And in the third part, he's actually in his full Deadpan Snarker mode.
      Reepicheep: (about Eustace) He's quite the complainer, isn't he?
      Edmund: He's just warming up.
    • To Eustace:
      Edmund: I have the right to tell your father it was you who stole aunt Alberta's sweets.
      Eustace: Liar!
      Edmund: Oh, really? I found them under your bed. And you know what? I licked every one of them.
    • When rolling in:
      Soldier: Are you sure you're 18?
      Edmund: Why, do I look older?
    • Reepicheep has one awesome moment of snark.
    Pattertwig: We can collect nuts!
    Reepicheep: Yes! And throw them at the Telmarines! glares at Pattertwig Shut up!
    • Reepicheep also has this:
    Reepicheep: You people are so unoriginal.
    • He follows it up with "Yes, I know. I am a mouse" to someone else.
    • Susan has her moments herself.
    Peter: But the Beaver says he knows Lucy's faun.
    Susan: He's a Beaver. He shouldn't be saying anything!
  • In Hot Tub Time Machine, Lou is the king of this trope.
  • Clerks - Randal Graves is this mixed with a generous helping of Jerkass. His cousin, Brodie in Mallrats is the same way.
  • The entire cast of Convoy has its moments, but the two main snarks are the protagonist, Rubber Duck, and its main antagonist, Lyle Wallace.
  • The Dark Knight has Lucius Fox, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Lau, and The Joker.
    Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit.
    Lucius Fox: Yeah, three buttons is a little '90's, Mr. Wayne.
    Bruce Wayne: I'm not talking fashion, Mr. Fox, so much as function.
    Lucius Fox: [Looks at diagram] You want to be able to turn your head.
    Bruce Wayne: Sure would make backing out of the driveway easier.
    • An example for Alfred...
    Bruce: You look tired, Alfred. You'll be all right without me?
    Alfred: [Glances back at the sunbathing Russian women.] You could tell me the Russian for, "apply your own bloody suntan lotion."
    • An example for Joker...
    Gambol: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?
    The Joker: Yeah.
    • An example for Lau...
    Lucius Fox: ... I've come to explain to you why we're going to have to put our deal on hold. We can't afford to be seen to do business with, well, whatever it is you're accused of being. A businessman of your stature will understand.
    Lau: I think, Mr. Fox, that a simple phone call might have sufficed.
    Lucius Fox: Well, I do love Chinese food. And Mr. Wayne didn't want you to think we'd been deliberately wasting your time.
    Lau: Just accidentally wasting it.
  • The Dark Knight Rises gives this to a lot of the main characters, especially Selina Kyle and Bane.
    • When Bane attacks the stock exchange:
    Trader: This a stock exchange! There's no money you can steal!
    Bane: Really? Then why are you people here?
    • Some of Bane's lines during both of his fights with Batman fall into this.
    Batman: [to Selina] You've made a serious mistake.
    Bane: Not as serious as yours, I'm afraid. [Batman turns to face Bane]
    Batman: Bane.
    Bane: Let's not stand on ceremony here.... Mr. Wayne.
    • When Selina meets Stryver at the bar:
    Philip Stryver: [examining the print slide] Very nice.
    Selina Kyle: Mmm-hmmm. Not so fast, handsome. You got something for me?
    Philip Stryver: Oh, yes. [He signals to one of his guys, who locks the front doors. Selina smiles, nervously]
    Selina Kyle: I don't know what you're planning to do with Mr. Wayne's prints, but, I'm guessing you'll need his thumb. You don't count so good, huh?
    Philip Stryver: I count fine. [A thug cocks and puts his pistol to Selina's head] In fact, I'm counting to ten, right now.
    • When Bruce is dancing with Selina:
    Bruce Wayne: You wouldn't want any of these folks realizing you're a crook, not a social climber.
    Selina Kyle: You think I care what anyone in this room thinks of me?
    Bruce Wayne: I doubt you care what anyone in any room thinks of you.
    Selina Kyle: Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me.
    Bruce Wayne: Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town, a modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means that either you're saving for retirement, or you're in deep with the wrong people. [beat]
    Selina Kyle: You don't get to judge me just because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor.
    Bruce Wayne: Actually, I was born in the Regency Room.
    • Selina's confrontation with Daggett, where she is coolly offended by Daggett calling her a "dumb bitch".
  • In the DC Extended Universe, we have Alfred Pennyworth, as usual, but also Batman himself. In Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, there's this exchange -
    Batman: Still working, Alfred? You're getting slow in your old age.
    Alfred: It comes to us all, Master Wayne. Even you've grown too old to die young... though not for lack of trying.
    Bruce: Arthur Curry... I hear you can talk to fish.
    Lois: Is the US providing experimental military arms to rebels in Africa?
    Stanwick: You know, with balls like yours, you belong in here.
    • Several examples from Superman himself, from both Man of Steel and Batman v Superman.
    Dr. Hamilton: Hello, sir, my name is—
    Superman: Dr. Emil Hamilton. I know. I can see your ID tag in your breast pocket. Along with a half-eaten roll of wintergreen Life Savers.
    Lois: You let them handcuff you?
    Superman: Wouldn't be much of a surrender if I resisted.
    Lex: I don't know how to lose.
    Superman: You'll learn.
  • In The Duff, Bianca's wit is as sharp as a razor. One memorable example occurs when she invades the boy's locker room, and one of them (wearing nothing but briefs) asks "Whoa, Bianca, what the hell is this?" she replies, "Oh, well, it kinda looks like a penis, only smaller."
  • Olive in Easy A is definitely this. She seems to get it from her mother. As is Woodchuck Todd (her crush). And Mr. Griffith takes this trope Up to Eleven.
    Brandon: "Do you wanna go out with me?"
    Olive: "Brandon. You're a nice guy and all but... you're... not... "muh type"."
    Brandon: "Yeah, you're not my type either."
    Olive: "I know! I have a V where you'd rather see a P."
    Brandon: "Olive please..."
    Olive: "Brandon, just a couple of hours ago you told me you were kinsey 6 gay."
    Brandon: "You said I should pretend to be straight."
    Olive: "Yeah but not with me."
    Brandon: "I am tormented every day at school. Just one good, imaginary fling."
    Olive: "You are on crack! And not the good kind."
  • Almost all the characters in the 1966 John Wayne film El Dorado.
    • Both main characters, on learning Mississippi's real name ( "Alan. Bedillion. Trehearne.")
    Cole Thornton (John Wayne): "Lord Almighty."
    And later, Sheriff J.P. Harah (Robert Mitchum): "Well, no wonder he carries a knife."
    • Deputy Bull (Arthur Hunnicutt), when Thornton and Mississippi come into town
    Bull: "...might have (recognized you) anyhow if I wasn't tryin' to figure out what that fella's got on his head."
    Mississippi: "It called a hat."
    Bull: "Well, I'll have to take your word for it."
  • Elvira in Elvira, Mistress of the Dark is quite the deadpan snarker.
    Cop: "Do you know you were doing fifty in a twenty five miles per hour zone?"
    Elvira: "No, but if you hum a few bars I'll fake it."
  • Elysium: Max to an extent. Considering what he's dealt with over his life and what comes next, anyone would be. Mouthing off to robots isn't too smart, though.
  • The cast of Fifty/Fifty, but especially Sam French and especially Jake Wyer.
  • In Finding Neverland, Charles Frohman (the producer and financier of James M. Barrie's plays) spends most of his limited time on-screen being the deadpan, snarking, sensible Foil to the more animated, optimistic, and erratic Barrie.
  • Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump. Well, look at who plays him.
  • Samuel Gerard in The Fugitive, from his very first scene to his last.
    Gerard: Oh, wow, gee whiz, look here!...You know, we're always fascinated when we find leg irons with no legs in 'em.
  • Deconstructed in Funny People; George and the other comedians are certainly very quick-witted, snarky and quick with a cutting comment, but it's made fairly clear that they use wit as a substitute for actually forging meaningful connections with other people, and the often hurtful nature of their comments doesn't help either.
  • Enid in Ghost World.
  • General Joseph Colton from G.I. Joe: Retaliation.
  • In Godzilla (2014), before Ford leaves for Japan to bail out his father, Elle is trying to tell him that Joe is a good man who just needs some help after he lost everything the day Janjira turned into a nuclear hotspot. Ford responds he lost everything too but got over it, leading Elle to respond, "Well I can see that."
  • Sinbad in The Golden Voyage of Sinbad. For example, when Haroun's father says Allah will smile upon Sinbad for taking on lazy Haroun, Sinbad quips, "More likely he will laugh in my face."
  • Phil Conners from Groundhog Day starts out as one (considering his actor, this isn't really a surprise), but Character Development leaves him more empathic as the film goes on.
  • In the movie-musical Hairspray, Penny Pingleton gets in a good one. When Motormouth Maybelle recognizes that her son has fallen in love with a white girl, she warns the two lovers, "You're gonna have to deal with a whole lotta ugly from a never-ending parade of stupid." Penny answers, "Oh, so you met my mom."
  • Mullins and Ashburn from The Heat.
    • Also Tatiana and most of the drug traffickers.
    • And the albino guy, but with more snark and less deadpan.
  • Hedwig from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
  • Hellboy's father, Trevor Bruttenholm, seemed this way at times. Searching for Nazis on a "deserted" island, he's told, "There's nothing on this island but rocks and sheep." When they find the Nazis, he looks at the officer in charge: "They must be here for the sheep." That must be where HB himself got his snark from.
  • Help!: Each of The Beatles.
  • Marvin from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. If not for his programmed personality, he would be pretty badass.
  • The Hunger Games: Katniss Everdeen has her moments. Especially when bantering with Finnick.
    Finnick: You can swim, too. Where did you learn that in District Twelve?
    Katniss: We have a big bathtub.
  • Eames in Inception is fond of this trope. As for that matter is Arthur. Usually at each other. A good bit of the fandom sees this as a sign of something else between the men.
  • Quite a few characters from Indiana Jones, most notable among them being Jones himself and his father. It helps that in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Jones Sr. is played by Sean Connery.
    [secret door spins 360 degrees, leaving the Joneses back in the burning room where they started]
    Henry Jones Sr.: Our situation has not improved.
  • Elmont from Jack the Giant Slayer. He is played by Ewan McGregor.
  • Most versions of M from James Bond are this. Considering the titular agent is a borderline sociopathic cavalier who cares about his principles, himself and nothing else, it's almost essential to keep him in check. Other characters have tendencies towards this - notably Tanner and Q - but M is the most prominent.
  • Juno is the quintessential example, though the whole movie is rife with it.
  • Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park.
    Ian: Now eventually you might have dinosaurs on your, on your dinosaur tour, right? Hello? Yes?
    Hammond: (watching on camera feed) I really hate that man.
    • Later:
    Ian: (After surviving being knocked down by a T-rex) Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend...

    Ian: (after being chased by a T. rex) Do you think they'll have that on the tour?
    • And:
    Hammond: All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!
    Malcolm: Yeah, but, John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
    • Ellie Sattler can be pretty snarky as well.
    Hammond: Our attractions will drive kids out of their minds!
    Dr. Grant: What are those?
    Dr. Sattler: Small versions of adults, honey.
  • Most of the characters in The Kid (2000) have their moments, but Russ' Sassy Secretary Janet takes the cake.
  • Almost everyone in Kingsman: The Secret Service, notable instances are:
    • Merlin telling the recruits that he'll be very impressed if the person that didn't have a parachute during the skydiving test managed to crash into the target.
    • Charlie and Eggsy's first meeting is almost entirely Snark-to-Snark Combat.
    • Harry's farewell to the woman trying to prevent him from leaving the Corrupt Church:
      I'm a Catholic whore currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at the military abortion clinic. So hail Satan and have a lovely afternoon, madam.
  • Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which was also written by Shane Black.
  • Waldo Lydecker from the classic murder mystery Laura. "You fail to understand that you're interrupting something far more important than your career. My lunch."
  • Everyone in Lake Placid. Especially Betty White.
  • Shane Black's The Last Boy Scout:
    Mike: It just happened, Joe.
    Hallenbeck: Sure, sure, I know, it just happened, it could happen to anybody... It was an accident right? You tripped, slipped on the floor and accidentally stuck your dick in my wife : "Oops I'm so sorry Mrs H, I guess this just isn't my week".
  • Hawkeye from The Last of the Mohicans.
    Heyward: There is a war going on! How is it that you are heading west?!
    Hawkeye: Well we kinda face north and then, real sudden like, turn left.
  • Darly in Leaving Normal. On walking into Marienne's nephew's room: "Oh my god. This room has "Please, God, don't make my son a fag" written all over it."
  • Snow, in Lockout exists pretty much purely to deliver deadpan oneliners. The first scene in the movie:
    Langral: Again, what happened in that hotel room?
    Snow: Oh, it was coupon night and I was trampolining your wife.
    [Snow is punched in the face]
    Langral: You're a real comedian aren't you, Snow?
    Snow: Well I guess that's why they call it the punch line.
    [Snow is punched again]
    Langral: You don't like me, do you?
    Snow: Don't flatter yourself. I don't like anybody.
    Langral: With that attitude, I can see why nobody likes you.
    Snow: Oh, come on. People love me. Just ask your wife.
    [Snow is punched again]
    • Guy Pearce's role, the badass Snake Plisskin Expy seems to be a formidable master of Snark-Fu.
      Interrogator: Who was the man?
      Snow: His name was Fuk-Yoo. [smirk] He was Asian.
  • Most of the cast of The Lower Depths (1957), but Yoshisaburo is the biggest example.
    Rokubei: Sutekichi, can I open the door?
    Yoshisaburo: Might as well open Pandora's box...
  • The Mad Miss Manton: Two Examples:
    Edward Norris: Don't speak to anyone. I don't want to kill an innocent bystander.
    Peter Ames: Ya know, that's what I like about crazy men; that fine sense of distinction.
    • And another:
      Lt. Mike Brent: She's probably the kind of dame who would come back to haunt me. Otherwise, I'd shoot to kill.
  • Fanny Price in the movie version of Mansfield Park, quite unlike her original in the novel.
    Henry Crawford: You dance like an angel, Fanny Price.
    Fanny Price: One does not dance like an angel alone, Mr Crawford.
    Henry Crawford: What, a compliment? Let the heavens rejoice, she complimented me.
    Fanny Price: I complimented your dancing, Mr Crawford. Keep your wig on.
  • Marvel Cinematic Universe: Everyone gets their moment at some point, though some characters stand out more than others:
    • Captain America is kind of a snarky bastard—which is fitting for a guy who spent the first twenty-odd years of his life as a pipsqueak whose only real weapon was his mouth.
    • Naturally, Iron Man has its titular armored hero Tony Stark, which then gets taken to the next level in The Avengers, and even moreso in Iron Man 3. Said film is even directed by the already-mentioned Shane Black.
      • Some of his better ones are as follows:
      Brandt: Really? That's all you've got? A cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner?
      Tony: Sweetheart, that could be the name of my autobiography.

      Christine Everheart: Mr. Stark, you've been called the Da Vinci of our time. What do you say to that?
      Tony: Ridiculous, I don't paint.

      Captain America: Wait, Stark! We need a plan of attack!
      Tony: I do have a plan. Attack.
      • And so on.
    • It doesn't stop there. He programmed JARVIS to be this for Snark-to-Snark Combat.
    • Thor:
      • Clint Barton, when a group of S.H.I.E.L.D agents unsuccessfully tries to stop Thor from entering the facility:
        Clint: Do you want me to take him down or would you rather send in more guys for him to beat up?
        Clint: You better call it Coulson, cause I'm starting to root for this guy.
      • Then, in The Avengers, "Clint" turns out to be Hawkeye and joins a whole Team of Snarkers.
      • Loki, who seems to become snarkier with each film.
        Loki: [in a casual tone of voice] It's good to have you back. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotunheim.
      • Sif, who mostly snarks good-naturedly at her friends.
    • Thor gets his own good-natured snark moment at Sif in Thor: The Dark World:
      Sif: I've got this completely under control.
      Thor: [looks around at the destruction] Is that why everything's on fire?
    He ramps up the snark considerably in Thor: Ragnarok.
    Loki: I can't see into the future, I'm not a witch!
    Thor: [looks at Loki's all black suit] No? Then why do your dress like one?
  • The Matrix Reloaded Neo has a moment when he's just burst through a door that suddenly leads into the mountains.
    Link: [on the phone with Neo] You'll never believe this, but you're all the way up in the mountains.
    Neo: Really ?
  • Eve Arden in Mildred Pierce. And pretty much any other role she had.
  • Joel Mc Crea as Joe Carter in The More the Merrier. Such hilariously deadpan answers.
  • Mortal Kombat has its fair share of snark.
    Johnny Cage
    "Liu, I hate this place. I'm telling you, I hate it. I'm in a hostile environment, I'm completely unprepared, and I'm surrounded by people who probably want to kick my ass. It's like being back in high school!"
    • Raiden:
    "The fate of billions will depend upon you. Heh heh heh heh! ...sorry."
    Walking away after telling Johnny and Sonya which of their fears will trip them up
    Liu: Wait! What about me?
    Raiden: Oh, you.
  • Mystery of the Wax Museum has Florence, who can't seem to have a conversation without snarking at her interlocutor, generally in rapid-fire 1930s slang.
  • Mythica: Dagen. Practically everything he says is some kind of witty, cutting remark.
  • Now You See It...:
    • Danny, responding to much of Allison's enthusiasm with dry annoyance.
      Allison: The contestants who get the most screentime are the ones who are wildly charismatic, extremely competitive, and have usually overcome some sort of heartbreaking obstacle to get here.
      Danny: Well, right now the only heartbreaking obstacle in my life is you.
    • Max has his moments as well, such as this exchange.
      Madame Suzette: Danny, do you have a family history of paranormal abilities? Your mother? Your father?
      Danny: No...
      Madame Suzette: An aunt, possibly?
      Danny: Not that I know of...
      Max: Maybe a long lost cousin, twice removed, on your father's side?
  • James Norrington in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl:
    Norrington: Mr. Sparrow, you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with the bearing to Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the remainder of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase 'silent as the grave.' Do I make myself clear?
    Jack: Inescapably.
  • Both Nick and Roy in R.I.P.D. , and given their line of work, it comes to no surprise.
  • Grave-Robber has some moments of this in Repo! The Genetic Opera.
  • Alan Arkin as Peevy in The Rocketeer, who speaks with understated dryness.
  • Riff-Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, especially in the takeover scene:
    Dr. Frank: I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!
    Magenta: How sentimental.
    Riff-Raff: Yes... and also presumptuous of you. You see... when I said 'we' were to return to Transylvania... I referred only to Magenta and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see... you are to remain here... in spirit anyway.
  • Ed in Rubin and Ed. This is partly just his natural personality and partly a defense mechanism he created to cope with his various insecurities and his Dark and Troubled Past
  • Both Wallace Wells and Kim Pine from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. To a lesser extent, Ramona.
  • Scrooge (1970): The Spirit of Christmas Present, of all people. Not in the book and not in most adaptations, but in the 1970 musical Scrooge he has a ton of deadpan gems. For instance, when Scrooge says he would like to look into the window of the Cratchitt house the Spirit, inviting him by indicating with his hand, says, "It will cost you nothing—which I feel sure will be good news for you." Scrooge asks if the Cratchitts will be able to see him. The Spirit replies, "No...which I feel sure will be good news for them."
    • Scrooge himself in the 1984 film.
  • Mr. Palmer from the 1995 Sense and Sensibility. He's a minor character, but he makes the most of it by Deadpan Snarking up a storm.
    Mrs. Palmer: (talking to someone else) If only he'd gone to Combe Magna. We live but half a mile away.
    Mr. Palmer: Five and a half.
    Mrs. Palmer: I cannot believe it is that far. I can't believe it.
    Mr. Palmer: Try.
  • Various characters in Serenity, notably Mal and Jayne.
    The Operative: Are you willing to die for your beliefs?
    Mal: I am.... [draws and fires, forcing the Operative to take cover] 'Course, that ain't exactly plan A.
  • Klaus has this role in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
    • Sunny too, on occasion, made all the funnier in that she speaks all in baby talk, with the meaning given in subtitles.
  • Mark O'Brien of The Sessions manages some real zingers, some dependent on his condition due to polio. When all you can move consciously is your mouth...
  • Almost all of the main characters of Sin City.
  • Magenta from Sky High (2005). She even dryly sings the aforementioned "Rudolph the Red Noise Reindeer" line to tease Zack. And Warren Peace.
  • Most of the characters in Smiles of a Summer Night, but especially Fredrik and Mrs. Armfeldt.
  • Alex Hughes from Snow Cake. Vivienne even calls him out on it, calling him 'Mr. Sarcastic'. Alex is played by Alan Rickman.
  • In Star Trek (2009), Captain Kirk fills this role with a side of ham. Bones McCoy also gets in a few, but Bones was always a Deadpan Snarker. It's one reason for his fanbase.
  • Star Wars:
    • Obi-Wan Kenobi: Jedi Knight and Master of Snark
      • From Episode I, after the Trade Delegation try to kill the Jedi before even meeting them, he quips on the run. "You were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were short."
      • In Episode II, he muses in a dogfight, "This is why I hate flying." And when Anakin sarcastically says "Excuse me" and jumps out of a moving speeder, Obi-Wan calmly says, "I hate it when he does that."
      • Also, in the arena:
      Anakin: We relayed your message just like you requested, Master. Then we decided to come and rescue you.
      Obi-Wan: (glancing at his handcuffs and chain) Good job.
      • And later (also in the arena) when Anakin is worried about Padmé, Obi-Wan draws his attention to the fact that she's freed herself and has climbed to the top of her pillar: "She seems to be on top of things."
      • In Episode III, when the Invisible Hand begins to fragment: "Not to worry, we are still flying half a ship." And when they finally crash-land, "Another happy landing."
      • Later, after he takes out General Grievous with precision blaster-fire Obi-Wan discards the blaster simply saying "So uncivilized." (This is a reference to his earlier (later?) line in Episode IV about the lightsaber being "elegant weapon, of a more civilized age" and being "not as clumsy or random as a blaster" and it is made even funnier in the book. He spends a moment thinking of the absolute worst word in his vocabulary, a real crusher. "Uncivilized" is what he came up with.
      • Earlier in the fight with Grievous (in the novelization):
      Grievous: I was trained by Count Dooku himself.
      Obi-Wan: Funny. I trained the man who killed him.
      • Age does not wither his snark nor the years condemn. In Episode IV, when Luke tells "Ben" Kenobi that his uncle says that Obi-Wan is dead, the Cool Old Guy assures him, "Oh, he's not dead." Then he takes a quick look at his desolate surroundings and adds, "Not yet."
      • In the novelizations, even his internal narration is snarky:
      (while clinging to a flying assassin robot hundreds of miles above Coruscant) This is not the best idea I ever had.
    • Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of the Sith. When Obi-Wan points out the inadvisability of trying to clear pesky droids off his fighter's wing by shooting at them: "I agree, bad idea." (And then he does it. Although he does blow half of the fighter wing off in the process.) When asked if he can fly the Invisible Hand as it's falling toward Coruscant's surface: "Under the circumstances I'd say the ability to fly this thing is irrelevant." (And then he does it.)
      • His snark is even worse in the novelization of Revenge of the Sith, especially when as Vader he's killing the Separatist leaders:
      Rune Haako: We surrender! Please - you're a Jedi!.
      Vader: You fought a war to destroy the Jedi. Congratulations on your success.
      Nute Gunray: You can't! Lord Sidious promised we'd be left in peace.
      Vader: The transmission was garbled. He promised you'd be left in pieces.
      Shu Mai: We were promised a reward, a handsome reward...
      Vader: I am your reward; you don't find me handsome?
      • And, like Obi-Wan, the version of Anakin in the Clone Wars animated series is even snarkier.
      • Anakin may have "Taken a Level in Snark" after he became Darth Vader with a healthy dose of menace thrown in. Highlights include his classic "I find your lack of faith disturbing" to the idiot he was force-choking Episode IV and his line from the sequel: "We would be honored if you would join us", given to Han and Leia, who he'd just caught in his trap.
    • Failing hyperdrive + Princess Leia = instant snark. Actually, a lot more situations than that. Apparently, she gets it from her father.
    • Han Solo, whose snarkiness is most present in The Empire Strikes Back:
      (the ground of the asteroid they just landed on shakes violently)
      C-3PO: Sir, its quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable.
      Han: Not entirely stable? Well I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie, take the professor in the back and plug him into the hyperdrive.
      (the ground shakes again; Leia falls and Han catches her)
      Leia: Let go please.
      Han: Don't get excited!
      Leia: Captain being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited.
      Han: Sorry sweetheart... We don't got time for anything else.
      • In A New Hope
      [Luke gets shot by the remote.]
      Han Solo: [laughs] Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
      Luke Skywalker: You don't believe in the Force, do you?
      Han Solo: Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. There's no mystical energy field that controls MY destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.
      Ben Kenobi: [gets up and takes a blast helmet] I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. [puts the helmet on Luke, which covers his eyes]
      Luke Skywalker: [confused laugh] But with the blast shield down, I can't even see! How am I supposed to fight?
      Ben Kenobi: Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them. [Watches Luke succeed in blocking the lasers]
      Han Solo: I call it luck.
      Ben Kenobi: In my experience, there is no such thing as luck.
      • In Episode IV (after he shoots Greedo), "Sorry about the mess," and (after he shoots out an intercom) "Boring conversation anyway." Another gem from Han Solo in Episode VI, on the way to the Sarlacc's Pit while he was half-blind:
      Luke Skywalker: There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know.
      Han Solo: You're gonna die here, you know. Convenient.
      Luke: Just stick close to Chewie and Lando. I've taken care of everything.
      Han: Oh. Great.
      • A little earlier, when first reunited with "the kid":
      Han: How are we doin'?
      Luke: Same as always.
      Han: That bad, huh?
    • C-3PO is something of a snarker in A New Hope.
      C-3PO: Just you reconsider playing that message for him!
      (R2 beeps a question)
      C-3PO: No, I don't think he likes you at all.
      (R2 beeps again)
      C-3PO: No, I don't like you either.
      C-3PO: I would much rather have gone with Master Luke than stay here with you. I don't know what all this trouble is about, but I'm sure it must be your fault.
    • You could probably even include R2D2 on this list. While C-3PO is the only one who knows exactly what he's saying in that odd binary language of his, the viewers can get a pretty clear idea (through his partner's translations and reactions) and he can seem somewhat sarcastic at times.
      • In the Enemy Lines 2-parter, we finally get an insight into Artoo's dialogue (albeit an insight done by Aaron Allston, who tends to create a World of Snark in whatever story he writes). The part where Artoo is programmed to insult anyone who queries him may or may not count (depending on whether the programming was responsible for the quality of the insults, or Artoo himself), but after that part of it, Artoo does get one dig in when Threepio asks him how he'd be able to tell direction:
        Artoo: If you get there within the next eight standard hours, east will be where the sun is.
    • The Snark Awakens Poe Dameron seems to be the snarker-in-chief of the sequel trilogy, especially when he's in extremely dangerous situations. Rey, Finn, and even Kylo Ren get in on the fun occasionally too.
      Poe: So who talks first? You talk first? It's just very hard to understand you with all the... Apparatus.
  • Thirteen Days: Margaret, the White House operator.
    Commander Ecker: Commander Ecker
    Margaret: Commander Ecker , this is the White House Operator. Please hold...
    Commander Ecker: Shit.
    Margaret: Honey, you don't know what shit is.
  • Top Gun: Goose. "The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid."
  • True Believer: Eddie Dodd, like a lot of characters portrayed by James Woods.
  • Bobby Boucher in The Waterboy, though it isn't immediately apparent behind his squeaky voice and speech impediment.
    (Bobby reads a note from the Suggestion Box that says "Eat sh** and die!")
    Bobby: ...Not exactly what I'd call constructive criticism...

    (Bobby's mother is deliberately embarrassing him in front of his new girlfriend at dinner)
    Bobby: Excuse me ladies, while I go kill myself.

    (Meaney, a huge defensive end, is called in as a running back in an attempt to neutralize Bobby)
    Bobby: You sound like a big choo-choo train.
  • Applies to David, Rose, and Casey in We're the Millers.
  • Boris Yellnikoff from Whatever Works.
  • Willy Wonka, as portrayed by Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, has elements of this character. The most notable is whenever someone demands he "do something"; his response is a monotone: "Help. Police. Murder."
    • During his heroic efforts to save Mike Teavee from his fate: "No. Stop. Don't. Please."
    • Johnny Depp's version in the newer Charlie and the Chocolate Factory also has a few moments like that, as well as Veruca Salt.
    • Grandpa Joe delivers much of this, along with bits of Gallows Humor and Pungeon Master, all through the 1971 movie version, at least by the time he and Charlie enter the Wonka factory. Much of this is addressed to Charlie about the other young visitors and/or their accompanying parents.
    • When the remaining guests [minus the Gloops] are getting on board Wonka's boat:
    Willy Wonka: All aboard, everybody.
    Mr. Salt: Ladies first, and that means Veruca.
    Grandpa Joe [to Charlie]: If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.
  • Barrister Sir Wilfred in Witness for the Prosecution.
  • Andy Knightley and Sam Chamberlain from The World's End.
  • Bromhead in Zulu, very much so.
    Chard: Don't worry, Miss Witt. The Army doesn't like more than one disaster in a day.
    Bromhead: Looks bad in the newspapers and upsets civilians at their breakfasts.
  • In The Whole Town's Talking, Jean Arthur's character is hilariously snarky for most of the movie.


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