The following selections are direct quotes taken from the steaming pile of shit known as The Embodiment of Fear an Anti-Horror Story.
You are not prepared for what you are about to read. This book is beyond your comprehension. If you were to read this novel your liver would turn to gelatinous goo and your appendix would become a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. This would give you the urge to eat your own appendix, however your liver doesn’t work so eating the sandwich would give you some kind of cancer. That is unless you are one of those perfect attendance snobs with a perfect immune system. In that case reading this book will make yuo dylsexic. In less extreme cases you will then have to get glasses. Glasses will cause the fat third grader down the street named Johnny to call you four-eyes. Having four eyes is one of the side-effects of reading this book. Do you want four eyes? Then put this book back where you found it so some other poor shmuck can find it and need some kind of surgery. I mean if you’re going down then take them down with you, right?
I see you are still reading this book. Did I not warn you seven and a half seconds ago about the horrible things that could happen? If you are still persistent on reading this book then I can train you for reading cursed B.O.O.K.S. (Baleful Ominous Omniscient Killer Sandwiches). It should be common knowledge that books are really assassin sandwiches. Has anyone thrown a book at you? It hurts. Has anyone thrown a book at you while standing in a mine field? You could die.
In the year 2040 four high school students go on a hike in a forest that borders a town in New Hampshire called Staleton. They call it that because everything is stale, and I can’t come up with good names for towns. To their misfortune they find themselves in THE FOREST WHERE BIZZARE AND FUCKED UP SHIT HAPPENS™. It sits within the place where Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine meet. Three of the four slowly discover that such a place does not exist.
The Embodiment of Fear: an Anti-Horror Story (title in progress) is a Satire/Parody/Pastiche of notably bad contemporary fiction that gets over hyped too easily. The Book itself disguises itself as a horror novel so when something scary is supposed to happen, something funny happens instead. It does basic Bizarro Fiction gags such as make you feel like an idiot, gleefully abuse taboo, and be strange while still having a general plot. I plan for it to be finished in spring of 2015.
See my Troper page Iakwbos.
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