Literature / Kasia

Yes, this is the actual cover.

Kasia is a 2020 Amazon-published novella by George Coryell, known on TV Tropes as Icy Crow. As the book's preface explains, it's essentially Disney's 2007 film Enchanted if it were a John Hughes movie.

The story is as follows: Kasia, the princess of the fictional Eastern European kingdom of Sedovia, is betrothed to war hero Jaroslaw Jakubczyk by her father, King Marek. Neither side is interested in marrying one another (Jaroslaw promised to marry his childhood sweetheart, a mage named Zoja), and Kasia runs away to find a more suitable husband, presumably a nobleman rather than the uncultured commoner Jaroslaw is. Kasia gets more than she bargained for, though; an accidental lightning strike sends her 500 years into the future to Chicago in the year 2016, where she now has to learn an entirely new lifestyle. But when resident high-school student Connor Pytleski takes her in after almost hitting her with his car, he just might be the solution to her problem...

If you are interested in reading this book, the first portion of it is available for free on Coryell's website, and the page in the link contains a link to the book's Amazon page.

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This book contains examples of:

• Accidental Misnaming: When King Marek meets Jaroslaw for the first time, he calls him "Jaromir Jagr". Emily also calls him "Jaromir Jagr" later on, which pushes his Berserk Button.
  • Kasia, when asking Connor what prom is (having heard his friend Masami mention it), refers to Masami as "Salami". Fortunately, Masami wasn't around to hear it.
• Agony of the Feet: When Jaroslaw and Kasia are forced to dance with each other the night before their wedding, Kasia continuously steps on Jaroslaw's feet on purpose to not-so-subtly express her displeasure towards him.
• All Guys Want Cheerleaders: Averted - Connor and his best friend Neil clearly have no interest in Janine or any of her fellow cheerleaders, as evidenced by the following exchange:
  Janine: Well, if it isn't the heroic Sir Radzewicz coming to the aid of his lady. Admit it, you only love [Sarah] because you will never get a girl like me.
  Connor: Well, maybe "Sir Radzewicz" doesn't want a girl like you. Have you ever thought about that?
  Janine thought about Connor's remark for a moment.
  Janine: Shut up, Pytleski. You don't even have a girl to call your own.

• Babies Ever After: In the year 2034, Kasia has had two children with Connor, a son and a daughter, and is pregnant with a third.

• Been There, Shaped History: We learn that Connor's great-grandfather Charles Pytleski was responsible for the Curse of the Billy Goat, by telling Billy Sianis to remove his pet goat from Wrigley Field because the odor was bothering his son George (Connor's grandfather).
• Bittersweet Ending: King Marek is dead and Kasia's family will never see her again, but Kasia has finally gotten used to life in the 21st century and Jaroslaw and Zoja are married at long last.
• Bland-Name Product: Emily mentions some when she's going through her Halloween candy - in order, Herschel's (Hershey's), Tit Tat (Kit Kat), 7 Samurai (most likely 3 Musketeers), Andromeda (most likely Milky Way), Freyholtan Fish (Swedish Fish), Supernova (most likely Starburst), Munch (Crunch), Betwixt (Twix), and Nadafinga (Butterfinger).
• Brainwashed and Crazy: Jaroslaw.
• Brand X: Almond Joy is known as Coco-Nutty in the book's universe.
• Casual Sports Jersey: Janine, being from Quebec, has a Montreal Canadiens jersey. However, the back says "LEMIEUX" and the number 87; no real-life Canadiens player has ever worn #87.

• Conscription: Happens to Jaroslaw on his 18th birthday, preventing him from proposing to Zoja until the end of the war.
• Cool Big Sis: We learn that Emily has seen Kasia as this, which influences Connor's parents' decision to let her stay.
• Creepy Basement: The basement in the Pytleski residence appears to be this at first glance, since there's a creepy floor tile with a clown on it at the foot of the basement stairs. (This is a real floor tile in some houses in the Chicago area.)
• Curse Cut Short: Early in the story, after learning he was drafted for a war against Lithuania, Jaroslaw says "Those Lithuanians can go-"^note Based on his mother's reaction, it's likely that the next words out of his mouth were going to be "fuck themselves" and his mother says "Jaroslaw!"
• Dangerous 16th Birthday: It was on her sixteenth birthday that Kasia had that freak accident.
• Deadpan Snarker: Connor lends himself a bit to this. Even Kasia has a few moments.
• Disneyfication: An in-universe example: Connor's mother told the story of Kasia to him when he was a toddler, and when he asked his mother about the fate of Kasia, she simply said "I'm sure she found her true love" and she also left out Jaroslaw's fate, saying that he simply went back to Zoja and they lived happily ever after. That last one gives a clue to Zoja as to how to fix Jaroslaw.
• Distant Prologue: The story opens in the Renaissance, 500 years before the main story, to establish the initial conflict.
• Faint in Shock: Kasia faints after almost getting run over by Connor's car. The main story starts because he takes her home to get her out of traffic.
• Fantasy Counterpart Culture: Sedovia is the book universe's equivalent of Poland.
• Female Feline, Male Mutt: Inverted - Connor's cat Chaplin is male, and Masami's dog Yoko is female.
• Fish out of Temporal Water: Kasia becomes this. Jaroslaw and Zoja also briefly become this.
• French-Canadian Jerk: Janine, at least towards Connor and his friends. It wasn't always like that, though.
• Full-Name Ultimatum: Connor's father does this to him after discovering Kasia in the basement - we learn that Connor's real first name is James.
• Game of Nerds: Connor seems to have an interest in baseball - he's a passionate Chicago Cubs fan, he knows off the top of his head the number of home runs that Babe Ruth hit in his career (714), and he recounts to Kasia how his great-grandfather Charles was a bench player for the Cubs who witnessed Ruth call his shot in the 1932 World Series.
• Germanic Depressives: Mostly averted with Connor's German aunt Heidi - while she implies that she's very conscious of her homeland's less-than-savory history, we see that she has a sense of humor, as evidenced by her laughing at a jocular remark made by her son regarding her position at work - she even tells Kasia a translated version of a German joke. (For the record, the joke in question is the very first one listed under "East Germany jokes" on the German Humour page.)
• Gift-Giving Gaffe: Connor got Kasia a Cubs cap for Christmas to help her fit in better in her new life, but she was a little disappointed in him for giving her a gift that didn't suit her very well. She gracefully accepts it, however.
• God Save Us from the Queen!: Gender-Inverted - in one way that the story differentiates itself from Enchanted (and by extension, a fair number of Disney films), the king is the evil one.
• The Good King: King Marek is a subversion.
• Gratuitous Foreign Language: Kasia confesses her love for Connor in her native language of Polish...
  Kasia: Connor, I... I have a confession to make.
  Connor: Yes, Kasia?
  Kasia: I... I... I... Hmm... Kocham cię^Translation I love you. That means-
  Connor: I love you too, Kasia.
  Kasia: How do you know Polish?
  Connor: My babcia^Translation grandmother taught me.
• Grave-Marking Scene: Connor's family heads up to Wisconsin to leave a copy of the Tribune on Connor's great-grandparents' grave, since they never got to see the Cubs win the World Series.
  George: They've done it, Mom and Dad. (sheds a tear) They've finally done it.
• Gretzky Has the Ball: Kasia, seeing American football for the first time on Thanksgiving, is bewildered by why Connor's great-aunt, great-uncle, and their son, daughter-in-law, grandson, and granddaughter cheered when a Minnesota Vikings running back crossed the goal line, and is also perplexed as to why the sport is called "football" when the players don't use their feet with the ball.
• A Hero Is Born: The prologue is set just after Kasia's birth, in which King Marek and Queen Jozefina give her her name.
• Hold the Unsolicited Ingredient: When Connor called Giordano's to order pizza, he gave them the order (large pepperoni and sausage pizza), his name, then said "No, I don't want pineapple on it." This is actually because that particular Giordano's knows who Connor is and that he usually orders pineapple on his pizzas - he did this because Kasia had never had pizza before.
• Hormone-Addled Teenager: Connor's younger brother Peter already qualifies at the age of 13, as when he first sees Kasia, he refers to her as "the hot girl in the fancy dress and tiara".
• I Choose to Stay: At the end, Zoja offers Kasia to return to her old time - she refuses, making the rationale that Connor would find life in the 16th century incredibly boring.
• I Got a Rock: To Emily, a fun size Brand X Almond Joy might as well be a rock. Kasia, on the other hand...
• Immigrant Parents: Partial example. Connor's father and his two brothers are Americans, but all three of them have European wives; Connor's mother is British, his aunt Linda is Freyholtan (Freyholt being their universe's equivalent of Sweden, based on the fact that Freyholtan Fish is their equivalent of Swedish Fish), and his aunt Heidi is German.
• Inspiration Nod: On Halloween, Sarah dressed as Giselle - Enchanted served as one of the inspirations for this story.
• In the Style of: The preface says the story is essentially Enchanted, but as a John Hughes movie.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Michael and Janine, despite having had a less-than-stellar relationship towards Connor as evidenced by them stuffing the prom royalty ballot in his favor as part of a prank to humiliate him, turn lemons into lemonade for him by allowing him and Kasia to enjoy the moment.
• Last-Name Basis: Janine refers to Connor, Neil, and Sarah exclusively by their last names (Pytleski, Radzewicz, and Weitzel) in her debut scene.
• Line in the Sand: Crown Prince Karol asks for volunteers for what is effectively a suicide mission, asking anyone willing to step forward; literally everyone takes a step backwards instead. Karol, not amused, essentially decides "screw this" and picks someone at "random" (read: Jaroslaw).
• Look Both Ways: After arriving in the 21st century in a park in Chicago, Kasia is scared out of her wits by a group of children in the park who wanted to play with her, runs into the street to flee from them, and almost gets run over by Connor's car.
• Make Way for the Princess: No, not Kasia. Students make way in the hallway as Janine approaches Sarah to harass her, even though Janine's friend Stacy is trying to discourage her from doing so.
• Married in the Future: Connor and Kasia; it's implied that Emily and Henry are this as well.
• Meaningful Name: Janine's surname is Lemieux, which is French for "the best"; this may very well be what she thinks of herself as.
• Middle Name Basis: Connor's real first name is James, as evidenced by his father's Full-Name Ultimatum.

• Modest Royalty: Kasia, by Connor's suggestion, switches from her gown and tiara to some of Olivia's old clothes:
  Connor: You would look silly going out in that dress and tiara. Why don't you wear some of my mother's old clothes?
• The New '10s: When most of the story is set (and was originally written); Kasia arrives in the 21st century on October 6, 2016, 500 years to the day after her 16th birthday when the switch from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar is factored in.
• Not a Morning Person: Connor is mentioned to be a heavy sleeper, and sleeps through Kasia's scream.
• Personal Arcade: A variation. The Pytleski residence has a custom multi-game arcade machine (presumably a computer running MAME housed inside an arcade cabinet) in the den.
• Pinky Swear: Connor's younger siblings, Peter and Emily, hold out their pinky fingers after Connor tells them to never tell their parents or anyone else about Kasia.
• Poster-Gallery Bedroom: Connor's bedroom has a few anime posters in it (as well as a poster of Trogdor), as we learn when Kasia first wakes up in there.
  • Also, Michael's bedroom has posters of Chicago sports icons such as Walter Payton and Michael Jordan.
• Precocious Crush: Emily's female friends all seem to have crushes on Connor, much to his displeasure.
• Princess in Rags: Kasia, after running away, ends up in an unfamiliar land and time period long after her home country ceased being a kingdom, and has to learn to adapt to a new life.
• Princess Phase: Emily, despite being ten years old, seems to still be in this phase, as evidenced by Connor telling Kasia, "For whatever reason, [Emily's] obsessed with princesses".
• Prom Wrecker: Michael and Janine rigged the prom royalty ballot in favor of Connor as an (admittedly) mean-spirited prank, hoping for a Morton's Fork where either Connor would not show up to prom at all or would show up without a date and be humiliated either way. They did not anticipate the possibility of Connor showing up with a date (completely unaware of Kasia, who by that point had become his girlfriend), and before Connor can be humiliated, they have a change of heart, realizing that Connor, who had spent the last several months teaching Kasia, a Fish out of Temporal Water princess from the Renaissance, the ways of 21st-century life, is not actually the loser they thought he was - Janine gives the title of prom queen to Kasia so that she and Connor can enjoy the moment.
• Random Events Plot: The story becomes this starting in the second chapter, being done as a series of vignettes showing Kasia's transition from her old life into her new one.
• Rebellious Princess: Downplayed; Kasia runs away from home to avoid marrying Jaroslaw, but intends to return home after finding a more acceptable suitor in Warsaw. Things don't go quite as intended, though...
• Recycled In Space: Enchanted AS A JOHN HUGHES MOVIE!
• Runaway Fiancée: Kasia.
• Ruritania: Sedovia, which is implied to be Poland.
• Shout-Out: Several:
  • Peter asks Connor, "Am I wrong? Tell me, am I wrong?"
  • Olivia formed the number 50 in bacon for Richard on his birthday. Connor even lampshades the reference when Kasia doesn't get it.
  • A reference is made to the Tear Jerker ending of The Snowman.
  • "The white zone is for loading and unloading only. If you have to load or unload, go to the white zone. You'll love it. It's a way of life." Worth noting that this scene is in San Diego, which is where Frank Zappa started his musical career.
  • William refers to Heidi's job as "assistant TO the web developer".
  • Peter tries telling Heidi the "German" version of The Funniest Joke in the World. Needless to say, it doesn't work.
• "Shut Up" Kiss: As Connor is going off on what he thinks of when he looks at the sea, Kasia does this to him.
• Standard Hero Reward: Deconstructed - neither Jaroslaw nor Kasia are interested in marrying one another, despite King Marek's wishes. When Jaroslaw refuses to look for Kasia after the latter runs away, King Marek instructs his guards to drag Jaroslaw off to be brainwashed into looking for her.
• Stock "Yuck!": Coconut seems to be this for Emily; she expresses disgust at finding a Brand X Almond Joy in her Halloween candy, gives it to Kasia when she offers to take it, and shudders at Kasia enjoying it.
• Suicide Mission: Jaroslaw is volunteered for one during the war, with the promise of a grand reward if he survives - the reward turns out to be Kasia's hand in marriage.
• Take a Third Option: Brainwashed!Jaroslaw gives Connor a choice: either hand Kasia over to him, or watch him kill Emily with his knife. Connor, Kasia, and Zoja confer with one another, and tell him "We choose to take the knife!" to catch him off-guard long enough that Zoja can use her magic to remove the knife from his hand.
• Teachers Out of School: This one is from the teacher's perspective; Olivia is an elementary school teacher, and one of her students, Henry, encounters her at the supermarket. Henry even flirts with Emily, since they're in the same grade (though separate classrooms).

• Tomboy Princess: Kasia seems to have at least a hint of this, as evidenced by the fact that she spent most of her second day in the 21st century playing retro video games on the arcade machine in the den. (Then again, she also does a Girly Skirt Twirl on the day of prom, perhaps out of sheer excitement for a huge event in her life...)
• Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: Henry expresses delight at finding Connor's M-rated video games.
• Two Words: I Can't Count:
  Kasia: Why can't we go to the game?
  Connor: Two words, Kasia, sellout. All the tickets for the game have already been sold.
• Vanity License Plate: Michael's BMW has the license plate "BEMYFAN", which Kasia misreads:
  Kasia: "Bemmee-fon"?
  Connor: "Be my fan". I can tell already we're at the right house.
• Vote Early, Vote Often: Michael and Janine stuffed the prom royalty ballot with votes made in the name of students who had already graduated so Connor would win prom king to humiliate him, not expecting him to show up with a date (or at all; in that case, Michael would have accepted the award instead). This backfires in Kasia's presence.
• Waking Up Elsewhere: Kasia wakes up in Connor's bedroom about 20 minutes after fainting in the street, and the first thing she asks is "Where am I?"
• Warrior Prince: Crown Prince Karol, Kasia's brother, is a commanding officer in the Sedovian military.
• We Used to Be Friends:
  Connor: You weren't always like this to us, Janine! Remember when you were our friend?
  • And later on, after Connor's friends find that Michael has taken a liking to him, they fear he's going to do the same thing to them. He doesn't.
• Won't Take "Yes" for an Answer: Kasia adamantly refuses to believe Jaroslaw's claim that he reciprocates her disinterest for him...
  Jaroslaw: Look, I get the message. I feel the same way about you.
  Kasia: Quit saying that. Didn't your mother ever teach you it's not nice to lie?
  Kasia stormed off from the ballroom.
  Jaroslaw: But I'm not lying, Your Highness! Okay, fine. Walk away. See if I care.

• Your Princess Is in Another Castle!: Just when it looks like Jaroslaw has arrived back home to Zoja to tell her that he couldn't find Kasia, we learn that he's been brainwashed.

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