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Susie: Do you really expect me to belive such outrageous backstories?
Calvin: Says the girl in the suit of armor holding the plasma rifle.

"Calvin" is a imaginary webcomic centering around a 10-year old boy named Calvin (Yes, THAT Calvin)and his ragtag bunch of friends allies other guys. Genereally pokes fun at Fandom in general, and regularly features Mega Crossovers on a daily basis.

Characters:

Calvin

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Calvin: So, I'm up against a god, and all I have is my sword, a few tricks I learned in movies, and my razor-sharp wits...
Hobbes: We're doomed.

Hobbes

Hobbes: If I really wanted to, I could have summoned a 40-foot tall chimera to, you know, eat him or something. I just didn't feel like it.
  • Role: Officaly, The Lancer. In practiace, he's more like The Big Guy.
  • His backstory is reconned in a number of ways, all of them involving him being a Ninja:
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    • The reason everyone thought he was just a stuffed doll was that he was using advanced Ninjutsu to fool everyone into thinking he was inanimate.
    • He sticks along with Calvin in the first place beacuse he broke the ninja code of stealth by falling for a really, really stupid trap, therefore, he has to swear absolute fealty to the person who set up the trap in the first place.
  • In combat, he can do thousands of cool ninja tricks. Unfortunatly, he rarely feels like doing any of them.
  • Rival: Haruhi Suzumiya. Cerberus claims to be this, anyhow...

Susie Dirkins

Calvin: Wait, if you're a gunslinger... then why do you wear that heavy armor?
Susie: I figured I might as well have a backup plan.
  • Role: The Chick The Smart Guy.
  • Susie is a literal Knight Templar (trainee)... though she subverts the trope as much as possible, being the Only Sane Girl.
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  • Badass Normal
  • Unknown to the common man,Pretty much guessed by everyone, really, the Templar Order managed to survive after its supposed disbandment. The reason that the real order doesn't turn up in the public eye is that most of the order is too busy fighting the Leigons Of Hell, not to mention the countless Ancient Conspiracies claiming to be descended from the order.
  • In combat, her style tends to focus on support, using guns, crossbows, and occasionally seige weapons (Never mind where she gets them). Of course, since Guns Are Worthless, she wears armor anyway in case she gets into a fight with someone more powerful than a Mook.

Ash Ketchum

Ash: What a clever trap!
Calvin: Idiot! Pitfalls are the oldest one in the book. You'd have to be a moron not to walk straight into it!
Hobbes: Normally I'd be surprised that your arch-nemeses think you're stupid enough to fall for something like that, but then I remembered you've been fooled by a guy in a cardbord mask on a regular basis.
Ash: Hey! You can't just go around saying things like- *Hobbes puts on a mask* - Oh wow! Professor Oak! What are you doing here?

Shinji Ikari

Shinji:I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away.
*Looks behind to see that his allies have deserted him*
Shinji: Not again...
  • Role: The Sixth Ranger
  • Replaces Ash during the Evangelion Arc, then joins the team on an on-and-off basis afterwards when he's not seeing his Psychologist.
  • Being the oldest member of the team by quite a margin, Shinji tries to adjust to his new homeworld and dealing with his own psycological trauma while being dragged around by Calvin and company.
  • In combat, Shiji dual-wields a pair of Knives because piloting EVA-01 would be too unwieldy in most cases. Not to mention the Unfortunate Implications once he learns [[spoiler:it contains the soul
of his own mother]]. His psychic abilities are much more powerful, but have the drawback of triggering an Unstoppable Rage.

Cerebus Cerberus, (who not to be confused with [[Cerebus a certain aardvark]].)

Cerebus Cerberus: It's "Cerberus", not "Cerebus"! If you're going to ignore me, at least get my name right!
Calvin: Hey, we were planning on going out to the movies this weekend. Wanna come?
Cerberus: Are you joking? ARE YOU JOKING!? I am your ENEMY! I have sworn VENGENCE on you! Even if you do not accept me as your rival, enemies do NOT socialize with each other! Why on earth would you ask such a ridiculous question!?
Calvin:...
Cerberus:...
Calvin:...
Cerberus: Is Sunday good?

Story Arcs
  • Chapter 1: START
    • The chapter opens with Susie and Charade locked in mortal combat, whereupon Calvin and Hobbes arrive as the Big Damn Heroes... even though she didn't need rescuing. This fact, combined with the shock of seeing Susie for the first time in four years, causes them to lose their focus and let Charade get the upper hand. While in combat, they spend some time explaining their respective backstories, only to have Ash and Pikachu inexplicibly burst in during the middle of Calvin's completely ficticous tale. Even though he isn't any more effective, it distracts Charade long enough for the rest of the group to take him by surprise and defeat him. After a few minutes of arguing, Susie decides to stick with Calvin to keep him out of trouble, and Calvin (under protest) lets Ash tag along as well...
  • Chapter 3: The Fall Of Haruhi Suzumiya
    • A Tournament Arc ensues, with Suzumiya "Recruiting" the rest of the SOS brigade as her minions, with the following results:
      • Round 1: Hobbes Vs. Yuki Nagato (Fighting Game): While Hobbes ought not to be a match for someone of Yuki's strength, he manages to tie the round by altering her perception of reality. Yuki still wins, however, beacuse she wins a popularity contest held as a tiebreaker.
      • Round 2: Susie Vs. Itsuki Koizumi (Real Strategy Game): Itsuki manages to screw with Susie's head for a while trying to put doubt in her mind about God and all that, but Susie refuses to give up, and Koizumi concedes even though he was winning.
      • Round 3: Ash Ketchum Vs. Mikuru Asahina (Puzzle Game): Ash foolhardingly treats the match as a pokemon battle, and somehow wins by frying Mikuru to a crisp.
      • Round 4: Kyon Vs. Cerberus (MMORPG): Their goal is to lead their raid party to more treasure from the dungeon as possible. Unfortunatly, Cerberus decides to go all Leeroy Jenkens, and they both end up with a Total Party Kill. Tsuruya wins from another popularity contest for the SOS Brigade, despite the fact that she wasn't even in the round.
      • Round 5: Calvin Vs. Haruhi (J-RPG): While the battle is suitably epic, Calvin gains the advantage by shouting cheezier dialog, thus gaining the role of the Hero, and allowing him access to the Sword of Plot Advancement he uses to defeat Haruhi.
    • After winning, L.O.G., as promised, whipes Haruhi's memories, and sets everything back to normal.
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