- Dog fight (no, real kennel fight dogs). Everybody is laughing about the butt-ugly dog of the maverick. Well, when the fight starts, his dog wipes the floor with its competition. "Good grief!" the other owners say. "What race is that cur?" "Bugs me, got it in Africa, I just shaved his mane."
- Three guys have just gotten out of a fight, all bruised and beaten."Man, what a fight!"
"I know, right? 3 to 100; that was crazy!"
"Yeah...toughest three guys we've ever met!"
- Country 1 was about to invade Country 2. A full division was sitting on the border, with hundreds of tanks and cannons, thousands of soldiers and all the paraphernalia of war, waiting for the starting signal.
From behind a nearby rock, they heard, "One 2'vian can beat ten 1'vians!"
"Get that man!" shouted the general. A heavily armed infantry squad went behind the rock, and shooting and screams were heard. Then:
"One 2'vian can beat a hundred 1'vians!"
The general snarled, "I said, get that man!" A mechanized company drove past the rock, and tremendous explosions and a plume of smoke were the result. Another shout:
"One 2'vian can beat the whole lot of you!"
The general was furious at this point, and ordered the entire division forward even though it wasn't H-Hour yet.
A wounded 1'vian soldier appeared from behind the rock, waving his arms. "Go back! It's an ambush! There's two of them!"
Curb Stomp Battle / Jokes