I am the master at armored core i am so freaking awsome
William James Forte, otherwise known as
"ultamite nineball"
, officially spelled with
all lowercase letters, was a
Fan Fic writer in the
Redwall fandom known for his
interesting writing style. To this date, he has written only three fics, respectively titled "
Blood omen", "
soulless shell", and "
Enough", but those were enough to cement his notoriety.
ultamite nineball's works provide examples of:
- Aerith and Bob: Characters' names include Leif, Maoimi, Aveena, Karas, Thrnos, Monroe and Arnold.
- Artistic Licence: "Blood omen" features a character making a bow in a forge. The bow is described as being "made of a very rare metal called ebony". Stealth reference?
- Cardboard Prison: Arnold talks his guards into letting him out and joining him in revenge against Leif.
- Department of Redundancy Department: At one point, Thrnos bows twice in a single run-on sentence, and after tearing off his victim's shirt Arnold "also reached for her skirt and also ripped that off too".
- Dual Wielding: Leif dual-wields knives in his demon form, and Jacob has prophetic dreams of Blain growing up to dual-wield claymores.
- Gratuitous Rape: Arnold stops in the middle of escaping from jail and plotting revenge on Leif to rape a random girl, convieniently chasing her past the restaurant Leif is in and pushing his Berserk Button.
- How Do I Shot Web?: Averted; the New Powers as the Plot Demands always work perfectly first time with no explanation as to how they work or how the characters know how to use them.
- Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Leif isn't actually all that big in his mortal form, but Maoimi apparently can't reach above his waist.
- IKEA Erotica:
A young mouse maid was running away from Arnold then he caught up to her and backhanded her into the wall.
Ahh she screamed as he hit her to the floor.
Now then pretty one he said soothingly I wont hurt you lets have some fun he told her as he grabbed for her shirt and ripped it off and also grabbed her skirt and also ripped that off too
Ara: Thorough sort of chap. Commendable, really.
then as he ravaged her the sick bastard was moaning
- In Name Only: This thing bears no relation to the canon except for the fact that it's briefly mentioned that the characters are rats/mice/foxes/ferrets/whatever, and are the "evil" species of the world. Except Leif is half-rat half-mouse and is a good guy, yet is the leader of the bad guys ...
Try not to think about it too hard. - Informed Attribute: Arnold is described as having great powers of persuasion, yet his attempts to defend himself when accused of rape are pathetic, and his talking his guards into freeing and joining him is entirely offscreen.
- Interspecies Romance: The title of "crimson king" can be held only by a half-rat half-mouse, so Leif's and Zain's parents fall under this heading.
- Invincible Hero: There are no opponents who could present any sort of challenge to Zain or Leif.
- La Résistance: Maria and her mother are the leaders of the "rebel group zaridos".
- Major Injury Underreaction: "Ahh" is Arnold's response to being stabbed.
- Most Fanfic Writers Are Girls: Averted - the author claimed to be a 15-year-old boy. The evidence suggests he is indeed male, but is probably overstating his age, if he's not trolling.
- Narm: "Leif walked into the alley SO ARNOLD HE YELLLED TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MORE POOR YOUNG GIRLS EH I GUESS I WAS TOO LATE TO STOP YOU FROM TAKING THIS YOUNG GIRLS INNOCENCE BUT IT IS NOT TO LATE FOR ME TO KILL YOU."
- New Powers as the Plot Demands: Particularly Zain, who literally develops a new power with every fight scene.
- No Indoor Voice: Characters SHOUT A LOT. Described by someone on LiveJournal thus: "It's like Bruce Banner and the Hulk, except when Leif gets pissed off, he turns into Captain Capslock."
- Odd Name Out: Arnold. See the MST:
"It's really just the 'Arnold' bit that's bugging me, because the first thing I thought of was the governor of California. You can tell the author's just out of ideas."
- One-Winged Angel: Leif's bizarre winged transformation, which comes completely out of left field.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Especially "Councilmen Rajh, Councilmen Arnold" etc. How many of each of them are there?
“Common im defiantly a match for you”
- Shout-Out: The "crimson king" routine is a reference to the Demons & Wizards song "Crimson King". The song itself was based on The Dark Tower, though it's unclear if the writer knows this. Also, during "Blood omen", Zain sings the Helloween song "Keeper of the Seven Keys" for reasons having apparently nothing to do with the story.
- Sinister Scythe: Zain wields a scythe, which he keeps in Hammerspace.
- Spell My Name With An S: Raynold/Reynold and Akira/Akria.
- Talking Is a Free Action: Leif spends a long time yelling at Arnold before actually attacking, and it doesn't occur to Arnold to run while he does this.
- Teleporters and Transporters: Leif as well as at least one other person.
- Too Dumb to Live: Arnold falls for Leif's not very clever bluff, inadvertently confessing to his crimes while begging for mercy as Leif sentences him to death. It's suggested that had he not done that, Leif might not have had enough evidence to actually sentence him to death.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Nobody reacts in the slightest to Leif or Zain's monster forms and beam-shooting.
- Waif-Fu: The first fight scene in "soulless shell" with Leif learning to shoot beams from his paw takes place when Leif is only three or four (we think, it's quite hard to tell with the clumsy pacing).
- Wham Line: "then he shot a beam from his paw which the rat teleported away from" comes after three chapters of absolutely no indication of magic at all, and nobody involved responds like this is weird.
- Verbal Tic: Leif often inserts "eh" into his sentences, despite not apparently being Canadian.
